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Gobnait gets ready.


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I hope to add more goals later, but for now I just need to remember to check in every day and record my activities if I do something.

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I have conditions that affect my social awareness.  If I am rude, tell me what I could do better.

5'8" & 220 260 pounds | Miles Walked: X

2019: | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Pre 2017: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | * | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

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What day is it, even?  I've been having wild dreams lately, and I can't remember if things actually happened or were part of a dream because they were mundane tasks.  This morning I had several false awakenings, and it was after a dream where I spent most of the time sliding around on my butt uncontrollably and people kept giving me weird looks for it.

 

Last night, I made curry, that part I know is real.  Today I'm making cream of broccoli soup, then roast chicken for dinner.

I have conditions that affect my social awareness.  If I am rude, tell me what I could do better.

5'8" & 220 260 pounds | Miles Walked: X

2019: | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Pre 2017: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | * | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

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I'm still having wild dreams.  I woke up at 2 because the sheriff came and told us the local tribe was coming to kill us.  I might have tried to go back to sleep, but there's an event going in my phone game and I needed to tend to it. :P  Then I had a dream where my headboard was a massive wall with pyroceram perched on ledges, and a few almost hit me when they fell on the bed and broke.  Falling off the ladder didn't hurt, at least, but I can't remember what woke me up.  Both dreams were in a house that was under major renovation, but there was also belongings everywhere.

 

Husband wanted to relax yesterday, so I couldn't have him help me declutter.  I found a stocking stuffer for youngest nephew when I was looking for a stamp kit, decided to buy myself a date stamper.  Then I looked through the box of cross-stitch kits my aunt gave me.  There was someone I met who used to do cross-stitch, but gave all hers away in a move, so I picked out a few to give her.  I even found an embroidery hoop in another box.

 

16 hours ago, Defining said:

Depends what part of the world you're in. :P It's Saturday here in the Western Hemisphere.

 

Thanks, it was Saturday for me, too.

 

If my husband isn't willing to help me today, I'm not sure what I want to do.  Right before I typed this, I figured that I should go somewhere, but I really don't have anyplace to go that isn't shopping.  I don't need anything.

 

I have conditions that affect my social awareness.  If I am rude, tell me what I could do better.

5'8" & 220 260 pounds | Miles Walked: X

2019: | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Pre 2017: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | * | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

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Last night, the middle of the dream was that I was invited to the most decadent relaxation spa possible.... experimental technology, but then it got weird.  I did get several hours of  really-good-quality sleep.

 

I had a wicked propanlol hangover from yesterday, got drunk on rum today and got a lot of stuff done without eating.  What do you call being non-functional but hey things done?  I decided that all the retro-systems could go in the end-table because of how I decided to wire them.  Finding the wires is sober-me problem, but it will work smoother than a normal person could come up with.  Retro systems have wires and the oldest ones have long cables to the TV.

 

Tuesday, I dug all boxes that could be possibly be not hubby's problem out of his closet.... I need to make room for his mattress again.  I threw a bunch of things into my closet.  I think I'm doing good when I recognize I'm messed-up.

I have conditions that affect my social awareness.  If I am rude, tell me what I could do better.

5'8" & 220 260 pounds | Miles Walked: X

2019: | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Pre 2017: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | * | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

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Well Thursday was mostly nursing a hangover.  I colored, I watched a show on Netflix.  I had an egg salad sandwich for breakfast and decided on stuffing for dinner.  I didn't eat much stuffing.  Oh, I had some roast chicken from last weekend left, so I finished that off.  I should have put salt in my egg salad because I usually don't get enough, much less the amount I need for a hangover.

 

The problem is that I'm angry at my husband for not only not helping with the mess, but not taking responsibility for the parts that are his part.  He's willing to say he'll help in front of the counselor, but it's my problem when we get home.

 

In other news, I'm not sure how I managed to lift that one end-table without hurting myself.  It probably involved using my ponderous butt as a counter-balance, leaving my muscles to just keep the scaffolding in-line to provide leverage. :P

 

I really wish that my husband would let me get a medical marijuana card.  I need to get drunk less, really not at all, and pharmacy drugs aren't working for me, except for the one that makes me want just one cigarette a day, I like that one.  Yes, I was probably too drunk that one day, but I managed to make progress.  

I have conditions that affect my social awareness.  If I am rude, tell me what I could do better.

5'8" & 220 260 pounds | Miles Walked: X

2019: | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Pre 2017: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | * | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

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15 hours ago, Gobnait said:

I really wish that my husband would let me get a medical marijuana card. 

A couple of things: your husband can't dictate what medical treatment you receive; if he is doing so, please reach out to local support, because that is potentially a controlling behaviour that is not healthy for either of you. That being said, marijuana isn't a miracle drug - it's only useful for specific conditions, in specific applications; you should chat with a doctor about that if you think it could help. If you are already struggling with substance use, then it's rarely a good option to add another drug to the equation.

 

15 hours ago, Gobnait said:

I need to get drunk less, really not at all, and pharmacy drugs aren't working for me

Not sure what you're treating/working on, but I would suggest that getting drunk isn't really ever healthy. Maybe one of your challenge goals could be to limit (or totally eliminate) alcohol consumption? Looking back at some of your older threads, it seems that this is something you've been struggling with for a while, and have already sought support for. That might be a good thing to focus on, if you can.

 

15 hours ago, Gobnait said:

He's willing to say he'll help in front of the counselor, but it's my problem when we get home.

Maybe bring that up during counseling?

 

Would adding something into your schedule to focus on help? Maybe some kind of structured or group exercise 2-3 times a week? Or even sometimes meal planning & prep can help act as a ballast when other things in life are being difficult. Keep on keeping on!

...but I'm adorable! Ask anyone who doesn't know me...

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15 minutes ago, Defining said:

A couple of things: your husband can't dictate what medical treatment you receive; if he is doing so, please reach out to local support, because that is potentially a controlling behaviour that is not healthy for either of you. Also, marijuana isn't a miracle drug - it's only useful for specific conditions, in specific applications; you should chat with a doctor about that if you think it could help. If you already struggling with substance use, then it's rarely a good option to add another drug to the equation.

 

My husband makes all of the money, so I kinda need permission to spend the amount we're talking about.  

My current drug doc is completely anti-pot. 

 

I was in treatment for alcohol abuse, and they actually did more damage to me while discovering that yes I do have other things going on that they're not equipped to deal with.  Most places are just for normal people with a bit of depression and anxiety.  I'm either autistic or schizotypal or something else.  I just had a panic attack from remembering, I can't explain what went on, but it was perfectly fine to put a normal person through that.  Biggest problem is that I don't know how to disengage from the mask and there was too much reliance on social activity, so I was constantly under more stress than I was used to.

 

Still upset, I don't want to be autistic anymore.  I also need to be sober enough to blame the slurred speech on my drugs when hubby comes home.

 

 

 

I have conditions that affect my social awareness.  If I am rude, tell me what I could do better.

5'8" & 220 260 pounds | Miles Walked: X

2019: | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Pre 2017: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | * | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

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Hi! Good for you that you are taking steps to figure out what you want and/or need.

Unfortunately, I cannot offer you any feedback but to keep trying different things as much as possible (within your ability and finances). 

 

Given all these factors; alcohol, different brain neurology, and also having a relationship (thus not only having to think about yourself) I do not think that many are armed with the right knowledge to give you proper feedback.

Search the internet, look for forum / get togethers with others that have a similar brain neurology to you. Especially ones that seem to have found their balance after having a tough time...

I once came across a Youtuber that is on the spectrum and talked extensively about substance abuse, although she does not have a partner.

 

The important thing is to just start somewhere. You have started now by recording your activities.Think about the next step. Good luck!

 

PS - I really do not know what I am talking about, so please do not take any of the above to heart. Just my thoughts on what I might do if I was in your shoes, which I can not know. Feel free to ignore what I wrote if it is not useful.

 

Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 2 | STA 3 | WIS 5 | CHA 5
Current challenge: Athena focuses on the physical | 
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Hey Gobnait. You wrote in another thread that you wanted feedback or support. Do you have any ideas about what you'd like to achieve, or ideas about what steps you feel currently able to take to make things better? Other people have mentioned cutting down on the alcohol, which would obviously be good. Do you feel like that's something you could try? Or would you be ready to add something in like meditation or CBT, or a search for a more suitable therapist? If you're planning to swap alcohol for marijuana as a coping mechanism, I can only say I think that's a bad idea. I think marijuana should be used in moderation by people who are not prone to addiction or mental illness. 

Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the artist

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Sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now, sorry to hear it. But the best people to help you right now will be professionals, not us strangers on the internet. If you don't like your doctor, chat with your husband about trying to find another one. If you wanted to set some behavioural goals here (eg. eating well, going outside for a walk, making your bed, etc.) that's a really good focus for a challenge thread. Anything related to addiction though should be addressed with expert support, with therapists/treatment that you can speak to face-to-face. Sending you good wishes!

...but I'm adorable! Ask anyone who doesn't know me...

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As others have said the help you need seems to be beyond the ability of the NF community to provide. I strongly recommend you mention these issues on your next counseling session and see what the therapist recommends. 

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