Whisper tries something else.

Whisper · January 29, 2020

7 minutes ago, Rookie said:

Just reading that I was like 'Oh jeez' when you said it started while you were working on it because that sounds dangerous. What an odd situation. Perhaps you came off differently than you realized? but still given the situation... it should be a non-issue.

More loud, messy and preventing me from finishing what I was doing than actually dangerous. I was manually activating the pneumatics to test the pin feed and was keeping myself well clear of any pinch points. Not something I would want an operator trying to do, but something I know how to do safely.

And it isn't really an issue, I just thought I had a good rapport with this operator and am surprised that she was scared by me. I mean, I get that I'm a big scary guy, towering a good foot over most of the ladies that work here, and I have been told by HR before that I scared someone, but not someone that I've worked with for over a year and joke around with every day. Plus, I was sitting on the ground over 6 feet away from here; how is that being scary?

This seems to be really bugging me.

Whisper · January 30, 2020

Looks like I'm spending this evening writing a letter for M's disability Judge. Hearing is a week from tomorrow. I asked her if she wanted one a while back but never got a clear answer if she wanted one and if so what. Today as I'm getting ready to leave work, got a text telling me to bring my laptop. She's given me a long list of stuff to mention and I'm looking at some recommendations online.

I'm really disappointed in the complete lack of prep that seems to be coming from the disability lawyer. Worried that we're going to show up next week and he's just going to blow the whole thing. She is of course tying herself in knots. Not looking forward to the next week and really have no idea what to do if she is denied.

fleaball · January 30, 2020

Uhhhhh is your coworker not getting spoken to about turning on a machine that someone was working on? Because that sounds like a fun way to get people killed. Part of me is hoping she’s upset with herself for doing it and is transferring those feelings to being scared of you instead.

NicTheRugger · January 30, 2020

14 hours ago, Whisper said:

So, I've still been debating between using my 20 seconds of courage to start the book, and pushing it to the back for now. Got a notice from Discord this morning: Parable of the Sower does contain some heavy topics, and we remind you to please keep discussion of sensitive, upsetting, and/or graphic content to the #heavy_topics channel so that everyone can keep themselves and others safe during discussion. Please be forewarned that this novel includes depictions of: (white text, highlight to read) death, body horror, sexual assault, suicide, child neglect, cannibalism, slavery. Chapter 14, in particular, is a very heavy chapter. Please take care of yourselves!

And it is now NOPE o'clock.

Their last book was Howl's Moving Castle. That did have an entry in Does the Dog Die that didn't look like it would be too bad. I might give that a try instead. For now, going to try and focus on spending more time reading Intuitive Eating

1, that is my one of my favorite gifs ever. 2, I think you've made a good choice here! I know I said 20 second of courage, but it's also important to make sure you're staying safe. Howl's Moving Castle is a lovely book and if you think you're up for it, I think that would be a great alternative to the other book.

Best of luck with writing the letter! I hope things go well.

Whisper · January 30, 2020

Can't keep working on this. About two typed pages of "why the hell am I friends with this person?" Honestly, I've known that my relationship with M had crossed over into toxic co-dependence years ago, but I wasn't willing to drop her unless I knew she would be caught. I've been working to help her find other sources of support for years now, and I really do care for and about her, but damn is this hard often.

I need to get myself into the shower and then into bed. I'll re-read what I wrote in the morning, then send it over to her lawyer.

Whisper · January 30, 2020

Shower done. Thought of lots more I could put in letter, but stuff I read said shorter was better and more likely to actually get looked at.

Debating kicking the can on the elliptical plan. I had an unspoken plan for after work today that got short circuited. Decided to go ahead and put headphones and clothes together to keep my options open.

Waanie · January 30, 2020

Good luck with figuring out things with M, and writing that letter!

11 hours ago, Whisper said:

Debating kicking the can on the elliptical plan. I had an unspoken plan for after work today that got short circuited. Decided to go ahead and put headphones and clothes together to keep my options open.

Is there any way that you can go just, say, 5 minutes? I'm not sure if it works for you, but light exercise like walking, biking or the elliptical on a low setting always helps me to focus my attention on things that are bothering me. You don't have to exercise hard, just take a mental break from everything going on. Otherwise, a walk around the block is also a good way to start an exercise routine, and has the same effect for me without having to put in the effort of changing clothes and feeling self-conscious.

A bit late, but I also really liked the video of the year of the [THEME]. I'm not sure what a good theme for me would be though. "Year of getting settled in a regular job and keeping doing fun things once in a while" doesn't sound really catchy .

Rookie · January 30, 2020

19 hours ago, Whisper said:

More loud, messy and preventing me from finishing what I was doing than actually dangerous. I was manually activating the pneumatics to test the pin feed and was keeping myself well clear of any pinch points. Not something I would want an operator trying to do, but something I know how to do safely.

Still though. I feel that is rule #1 of an operator.

19 hours ago, Whisper said:

And it isn't really an issue, I just thought I had a good rapport with this operator and am surprised that she was scared by me. I mean, I get that I'm a big scary guy, towering a good foot over most of the ladies that work here, and I have been told by HR before that I scared someone, but not someone that I've worked with for over a year and joke around with every day. Plus, I was sitting on the ground over 6 feet away from here; how is that being scary?

This seems to be really bugging me.

Hopefully its exactly as Flea said. It would be great if you could simply ask her why she felt threatened given the circumstances.... loud and you were far away. But she might take that as confrontation. Hopefully you can continue on with a good relationship and maybe she will realize that is just not you and she will feel silly.

I would be bothered by it too.. Its like "I thought we were friends / friendly coworkers... why the quick switch?". My only thought is maybe she has a husband or partner / someone in her life who "blows up" when she makes mistakes and so she felt threatened because that is what it reminded her of?

Waanie · January 30, 2020

42 minutes ago, Rookie said:

Hopefully its exactly as Flea said. It would be great if you could simply ask her why she felt threatened given the circumstances.... loud and you were far away. But she might take that as confrontation. Hopefully you can continue on with a good relationship and maybe she will realize that is just not you and she will feel silly.

I would be bothered by it too.. Its like "I thought we were friends / friendly coworkers... why the quick switch?". My only thought is maybe she has a husband or partner / someone in her life who "blows up" when she makes mistakes and so she felt threatened because that is what it reminded her of?

Could this also be a cultural issue? I don't know where she's coming from, and whether shouting would only happen in the most extreme of circumstances?

At first I would also feel anxious if I'd be in the situation you described, but I'd quickly rationalise that you did it due to the circumstances (noise, and something unexpected happens). I don't understand why she would complain about it, unless she missed out on the rationalisation step, but I'm glad it's cleared up with HR now.

Also, I hadn't realised that people get scared by tall guys more than short guys... But then, the average guy my age is about a foot taller than I am.

Whisper · January 31, 2020

22 hours ago, Waanie said:

Is there any way that you can go just, say, 5 minutes? I'm not sure if it works for you, but light exercise like walking, biking or the elliptical on a low setting always helps me to focus my attention on things that are bothering me. You don't have to exercise hard, just take a mental break from everything going on. Otherwise, a walk around the block is also a good way to start an exercise routine, and has the same effect for me without having to put in the effort of changing clothes and feeling self-conscious.

Decided to give it a try after work. Changed shirts, loaded up a video and climbed on board. I tried to set a pace that felt good, and think I had it at lowest resistance. Even so, I didn't think I was going to last 5 minutes on it! Pushed through to 10 minutes, checked my Fitbit and it said my heart rate was clear up 169.

I am actually really happy with it. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be, and I didn't last as long as I thought I could, but mission accomplished for getting my heart pumping good without doing something that feels like it'll damage my feet and knees. The concept is proven, I've got a starting point, I can keep working at it and get better. I know that there was only a small boost to calories burned, but that isn't the main goal, moving to feel better is.

Whisper · January 31, 2020

21 hours ago, Waanie said:

Also, I hadn't realised that people get scared by tall guys more than short guys... But then, the average guy my age is about a foot taller than I am.

6 foot 3 or 4 inches at 360 pounds. I have been told on a number of occasions that I have an intimidating presence. If I stand close to just about anyone, I am towering over them. I try and remember to smile at people, but, yeah.

Waanie · January 31, 2020

1 hour ago, Whisper said:

Decided to give it a try after work. Changed shirts, loaded up a video and climbed on board. I tried to set a pace that felt good, and think I had it at lowest resistance. Even so, I didn't think I was going to last 5 minutes on it! Pushed through to 10 minutes, checked my Fitbit and it said my heart rate was clear up 169.

I am actually really happy with it. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be, and I didn't last as long as I thought I could, but mission accomplished for getting my heart pumping good without doing something that feels like it'll damage my feet and knees. The concept is proven, I've got a starting point, I can keep working at it and get better. I know that there was only a small boost to calories burned, but that isn't the main goal, moving to feel better is.

You started . It doesn't matter where you start at, or even where you are next week or next month. As long as you show up, you're doing great!

1 hour ago, Whisper said:

6 foot 3 or 4 inches at 360 pounds. I have been told on a number of occasions that I have an intimidating presence. If I stand close to just about anyone, I am towering over them. I try and remember to smile at people, but, yeah.

The secret of being a foot shorter than everybody is to use more personal space, so that the angle at which you look someone in the eye is not so bad. Maybe it's the same if you're a foot taller? I had to adjust my posture when I moved away from the province of giants (plenty of friends who're taller than you) to a province with more normal-sized people (on average 6'1" or so for guys, and half a foot shorter for women), since I was leaning back a lot all the time. Now I can still hinge at the middle back, but I don't have to use it so often anymore .

Whisper · February 1, 2020

I'm feeling really fat, ugly, stupid and frustrated right now. I was kind of expecting to feel that way, and I've been putting off the cause of it for a few days now, but after work today, I went and tried on some clothes.

Spoiler

There are shirts in my closet that are too snug and not long enough, and there are shirts in my closet that fit me like a circus tent, and there are a blessed few shirts that fit me really well, not too tight, not too loose, not to short, but long enough that I can move without feeling like I'm going to flash my gut at everyone. All of these shirts have one thing in common, the tag on them says 3XLT. Most of the shirts that actually fit me well are torn and stained now, but I don't want to get rid of them because they fit. I would love nothing more than to buy more of them, but they came from K-mart, and well, they're all gone now. Even their website is down to only 1 shirt that fits my exacting standard (short sleeve, button down)

I've gotten a couple shirts online from Carhart before. They were nice, seemed like good quality, and had a decent price, but weren't long enough and were too snug, especially when I sat down. I decided to go into their store today and try on a 4XL. It really bugged me to go up a number in size, it feels like failing. I've also been thinking about getting pants that I can wear higher, so grabbed a pair to try on in a larger size there too. The shirt fit better, but was still too short, and they don't have tall shirts in 4x. The pants, I couldn't even close them and they were the biggest I saw in the store. I had to double check that the listed size was bigger than the onces I was wearing.

A Duluth 42 x 30 fits where I have always worn my pants, but reading some into dressing better, apparently I wear my pants too low. Was trying to see if things would look and fit better if worn in a larger size higher up. I've been putting off the idea until I got thinner and could try it with the pants I have, but they're wearing out too, and if I have to buy more pants while I'm fat, I might as well try going bigger there too.

When nothing at Carhart worked, I tried stopping at WalMart. Nothing bigger than 3XL, not even Tall and way too tight. Tried some pants but nothing that fit even as well as what I had on. It looks like Duluth has a physical location nearby, I might give that a try tomorrow.

I hate trying to buy clothes.

fleaball · February 1, 2020

Clothes shopping is The Worst(TM). The fact that sizes aren’t consistent between brands is so obnoxious. Is there a Target near you? Idk what their deal is with men’s clothing, but they carry very little in my size in store and have much more available online. So I just buy a ton of things that wind up shipping free and I’ll just return anything that doesn’t fit to the store. Zero hassle beyond the extra steps and waiting period.

Whisper · February 1, 2020

3 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Clothes shopping is The Worst(TM). The fact that sizes aren’t consistent between brands is so obnoxious. Is there a Target near you? Idk what their deal is with men’s clothing, but they carry very little in my size in store and have much more available online. So I just buy a ton of things that wind up shipping free and I’ll just return anything that doesn’t fit to the store. Zero hassle beyond the extra steps and waiting period.

Target has nothing in store anywhere near fitting me, so I've never tried looking at them online; please stand by...

Whisper · February 1, 2020

7 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Clothes shopping is The Worst(TM). The fact that sizes aren’t consistent between brands is so obnoxious. Is there a Target near you? Idk what their deal is with men’s clothing, but they carry very little in my size in store and have much more available online. So I just buy a ton of things that wind up shipping free and I’ll just return anything that doesn’t fit to the store. Zero hassle beyond the extra steps and waiting period.

Thank you for the suggestion. It looks like they have at least a few things that I would consider. Probably worth getting a couple sizes of their brand and seeing how they fit. Good point about being able to return what doesn't. Still would rather just try on pants in a store, but this might fix the shirt problem.

They get bonus points for actually having Big and Tall models in the clothes.

fleaball · February 1, 2020

16 minutes ago, Whisper said:

Thank you for the suggestion. It looks like they have at least a few things that I would consider. Probably worth getting a couple sizes of their brand and seeing how they fit. Good point about being able to return what doesn't. Still would rather just try on pants in a store, but this might fix the shirt problem.

They get bonus points for actually having Big and Tall models in the clothes.

Woo, I’m glad it was worth something. Hope the things you try actually work out.

Tanktimus the Encourager · February 1, 2020

Beware Target Online stuff, their sizes tend to run small for big guys. I am currently a 44x30 or 46x30 in pants, and a 2xl in shirts. The problem I have with shirts is that despite only having a 30" inseam I'm six feet tall, which means my torso is long. If shirts fit me circumferentially they tend to be too short. I'm lucky enough to live in a town with a Big and Tall shop that actually has stuff that fits. I hope you find a place that works for you.

It is hard going up a size. Hugs man.

Sloth the Enduring · February 1, 2020

It’s a bit pricier than KMart, but I think you’ll like the Duluth store. Their shirts are long and all their stuff is high quality.

Rookie · February 1, 2020

The only place I've been able to find my BF stuff (3xl, 48x30) is Marks (Marks work warehouse), Mr.Big and tall and the odd time I'll spot something at Walmart. If you can, don't be afraid to check a different Walmart. Different stores sometimes carry different things based on the population around them. Honestly shopping for him is so annoying. As a female more places seem to have dedicated plus size areas or plus sized stores. It really frustrates me how hard it is to find guy clothes.

I also hate buying clothes but if you have to buy clothes then buy clothes for the body you have now. You can always get clothes adjusted later if they are still in good condition.

Whisper · February 1, 2020

I think I'll be able to finish it next week.

Whisper · February 1, 2020

Currently hiding in the dressing room at Duluth. Not a bad experience, I now know that their 3XLT fits me perfectly, and what pants size to get from them that fits at waist, rather than under the gut. Just too many people around and feeling exposed. Thinking I'll end up doing the actual purchasing online where I don't have to dig around trying to select size, color, style and price. Good to know what will fit.

Jupiter · February 1, 2020

Love the painting! And glad that you were able to find some good clothes that fit!

Tanktimus the Encourager · February 2, 2020

Good job figuring out what will fit. Ordering online armed with that info seems like the best plan given how you feel.

Rookie · February 2, 2020

Woohoo! Success great job. I also hate digging for sizes so I support online shopping now that you know

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