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The prodigal returns, or starsapart is a hot (mess) mama


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Just now, mitch_dee said:

wait...what?!?! we start on Sunday for the week now?

 

I think so? Because this challenge runs Jan 5 (Sun) through Feb 8 (Sat)...

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1 hour ago, starsapart said:

 

I think so? Because this challenge runs Jan 5 (Sun) through Feb 8 (Sat)...

Confirmed. However, everyone's challenge starts the day they want it to, so there's that...

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49 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Confirmed. However, everyone's challenge starts the day they want it to, so there's that...

 

I feel like that will just lead to me being confused and wishy washy... 😂 I'll stick to the posted dates, though my tracking miss is definitely due to the fact that I didn't realize it started Sunday... whoops. I GOT IT THIS WEEK.

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I still start on Mondays just because that is how my life is organized! I'm just, uh, slightly jetlagged on the dates, let's say. 😝

 

You killed last week, dang. 

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3 minutes ago, raptron said:

I still start on Mondays just because that is how my life is organized! I'm just, uh, slightly jetlagged on the dates, let's say. 😝

 

You killed last week, dang. 

 

Jetlagged, love it 😂

 

To be fair, I ate a lot of garbage, still. But at least I tracked it?

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Heyo!! I'm pretty sure I missed your first round on the forums, but here for the solidarity as someone who's also doing artsy stuff after long workdays (ballroom dancer here).

 

And jumping in, as a fellow LGBT person, to:

  • Laugh heartily at you and your partner playing a straight couple (and save that gif for later use - I have no idea when I'll use it but I'm excited to have it available)
  • Scream into the void about how awful corporate America chooses to be towards LGBT parents

 

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14 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

Heyo!! I'm pretty sure I missed your first round on the forums, but here for the solidarity as someone who's also doing artsy stuff after long workdays (ballroom dancer here).

 

And jumping in, as a fellow LGBT person, to:

  • Laugh heartily at you and your partner playing a straight couple (and save that gif for later use - I have no idea when I'll use it but I'm excited to have it available)
  • Scream into the void about how awful corporate America chooses to be towards LGBT parents

 

 

Oooooh, ballroom! Once upon a time, I did competitive ballroom and I LOVE it. I am going to have to go check out your challenge! I think I recall seeing you around the forums back when I was on here regularly, but iirc we haven't really interacted, so it's nice to "meet" you!

 

The very heterosexual gif is a gift to humanity, to be honest. And our very heterosexual lyra duo is progressing nicely. 

 

I'm not going to defend my company's policy because it is legitimately shit, but to be fair, they would have treated a heterosexual couple who adopted a baby exactly the same as they treated me, so at least it's shit regardless of orientation. Then again, it's one of those things where adoptive parents in general get treated like we're not "really" parents (people have asked me, "but don't you want a real baby of your own?" and it's like... this is a real baby. An actual baby. Of my own. Whom I have been raising since she was 6 hours old. WTF are you talking about you moron...), and then LGBTQ couples who want to be parents have fewer options, which causes them to choose adoption more frequently, so it's a bit like being doubly screwed.

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OMG I did not realize you had a challenge up!!!!! Squee so excited! I am dying daily over all of your guys's baby pictures, such a freaking cutie ❤️

 

Also, wow girl you are KILLING it! I can't believe how much you are sticking it out through with all the parenting exhaustion.

 

39 minutes ago, starsapart said:

Then again, it's one of those things where adoptive parents in general get treated like we're not "really" parents (people have asked me, "but don't you want a real baby of your own?" and it's like... this is a real baby. An actual baby. Of my own. Whom I have been raising since she was 6 hours old. WTF are you talking about you moron...)

 

I feel this hard. I have ultimately (very happily) decided to be childless, but for a while I was flirting with the idea of adoption and the reactions of people (especially those in my family) were so utterly outrageous. People are dumb. :(

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29 minutes ago, Raxie said:

OMG I did not realize you had a challenge up!!!!! Squee so excited! I am dying daily over all of your guys's baby pictures, such a freaking cutie ❤️

 

 

THANK YOU. I swore I was not going to be "that mom" who flooded social media with baby photos but... here I am...

tenor.gif

 

I love seeing all your dance photos. I am living vicariously through you as I know I cannot return to ballroom!!!!

 

29 minutes ago, Raxie said:

Also, wow girl you are KILLING it! I can't believe how much you are sticking it out through with all the parenting exhaustion.

 

You should have seen how much I WASN'T the last few months. That's why I'm here.

 

29 minutes ago, Raxie said:

I feel this hard. I have ultimately (very happily) decided to be childless, but for a while I was flirting with the idea of adoption and the reactions of people (especially those in my family) were so utterly outrageous. People are dumb. :(

 

Adoption is a topic I can discuss endlessly, because it's so complicated and most people seem to have these bizarro wacko misconceptions about it. On the one hand,  you have these people who think adopted children aren't "real" children (uh... what are they, imaginary?). Then you've got the people whose response to anything having to do with difficulties or considerations about having children is, "Just adopt, there are so many kids who need a home!" and that "just" absolutely slays me because it's such a grueling, painful, lengthy, insanely expensive process. I absolutely lost it on this woman in a mom group on facebook whose response to someone's desire for a baby girl (already has two boys, wants a third baby but REALLY wants to be done after that) was "Oh, just adopt, then you can pick whatever you want!" I could write a novel about the ignorance inherent in that statement. Sigh. Why are people. SIGH.

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On 12/31/2019 at 8:13 PM, starsapart said:

Here are the facts:

  • Fitness is no longer my number two priority after work, and it is not likely to be so high on my priority list again for a couple of decades.
  • I don't have as much free time as I used to, and my schedule does not allow for five nights a week at the circus gym.
  • I don't have as much energy as I used to, and some nights I just need to fall into bed at 9:00pm in order to be a functional mother, wife, and employee.
  • I don't have as much money as I used to, so certain shortcuts (including meal kits, private aerial lessons, personal training, etc.) are off the table.

 

Afbeeldingsresultaat voor join us gif

 

On 1/2/2020 at 4:10 PM, starsapart said:

I can't always say "mama fatigue" for the next 17+ years....... can I??? 😅

 

Afbeeldingsresultaat voor why not gif

 

I do that, well not "mama", but still... and ours are 9 and 7... (you already know that it takes decades to get time for yourself...)

 

On 1/13/2020 at 9:12 PM, starsapart said:

I disappeared from the internet over the weekend, as usual.

 

Afbeeldingsresultaat voor been there done that gif

 

Hey Stars, i'm so glad to see you! Just a big trip down Assassin memory lane!!!

 

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... a little odd in the head ...

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3 hours ago, Mr_Willes said:

 

I do that, well not "mama", but still... and ours are 9 and 7... (you already know that it takes decades to get time for yourself...)

 

Our pastor told us "There is life after 5" meaning once the youngest one turns five you start to get your life back.

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20 hours ago, starsapart said:

 

THANK YOU. I swore I was not going to be "that mom" who flooded social media with baby photos but... here I am...

tenor.gif

 

Hahah well to your credit she is cute as heck and it would be rude not to share the adorableness with the world.

 

20 hours ago, starsapart said:

I love seeing all your dance photos. I am living vicariously through you as I know I cannot return to ballroom!!!!

 

Thank you!!! I've really just dived completely and entirely into it and loving every second.

 

20 hours ago, starsapart said:

Adoption is a topic I can discuss endlessly, because it's so complicated and most people seem to have these bizarro wacko misconceptions about it. On the one hand,  you have these people who think adopted children aren't "real" children (uh... what are they, imaginary?). Then you've got the people whose response to anything having to do with difficulties or considerations about having children is, "Just adopt, there are so many kids who need a home!" and that "just" absolutely slays me because it's such a grueling, painful, lengthy, insanely expensive process. I absolutely lost it on this woman in a mom group on facebook whose response to someone's desire for a baby girl (already has two boys, wants a third baby but REALLY wants to be done after that) was "Oh, just adopt, then you can pick whatever you want!" I could write a novel about the ignorance inherent in that statement. Sigh. Why are people. SIGH.

 

Ugh yes! One person in my family implied that it was rude of me not to pass on our family heritage by choosing to adopt - as if any of that has anything to do with blood and not with culture and raising them in a loving family with traditions and intent? Before ultimately deciding against it I was looking into adopting an older child which elicited even stranger reactions from people, ranging from the assumption that I could just pluck a kid from the air to telling me how difficult it would be to raise "someone elses" child (as if they weren't my child and also as if they had any experience in the matter anyway???). People are so ignorant and rude and nosey about stuff like this and it's frustrating as heck.

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7 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Wow I can't believe people are saying things like that. Except that I can, because people. But geez.

 

Something something, these things are limitless: the universe and human stupidity...

giphy.gif

 

5 hours ago, Mr_Willes said:

 

 

Afbeeldingsresultaat voor why not gif

 

I do that, well not "mama", but still... and ours are 9 and 7... (you already know that it takes decades to get time for yourself...)

 

Hey Stars, i'm so glad to see you! Just a big trip down Assassin memory lane!!!

 

Yay! Good to see you! I am (tentatively) prepared for decades of deprioritizing myself but... I just want to feel rested again..................... 😪

 

2 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Our pastor told us "There is life after 5" meaning once the youngest one turns five you start to get your life back.

 

Yeah, my cousin said she felt some of her life return after her youngest was four, so I'm hoping to feel more human around then... we're one and done, so this is the one time we will go through this stage.

 

12 minutes ago, Raxie said:

 

Hahah well to your credit she is cute as heck and it would be rude not to share the adorableness with the world.

 

Ugh yes! One person in my family implied that it was rude of me not to pass on our family heritage by choosing to adopt - as if any of that has anything to do with blood and not with culture and raising them in a loving family with traditions and intent? Before ultimately deciding against it I was looking into adopting an older child which elicited even stranger reactions from people, ranging from the assumption that I could just pluck a kid from the air to telling me how difficult it would be to raise "someone elses" child (as if they weren't my child and also as if they had any experience in the matter anyway???). People are so ignorant and rude and nosey about stuff like this and it's frustrating as heck.

 

Aw, thank you!!! I know I'm biased since she's my kid, but a lot of external parties keep telling me how adorable she is, so I suppose it's objectively true...

 

6eae947f77884ce48e923a71b90df06c.jpg

 

There are definitely issues inherent in adopting an older kid (not that there aren't issues in adopting a baby, too, but they're different), but it's still like... people need to butt out of things that aren't their business and stop trying to provide "insight" on stuff they have literally no idea about, please.

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Update time!

 

Did a quick but intense yoga class on Monday with my wife. Took an hour and a half to read my book after Izzy was in bed. Tracked food.

 

Lifted yesterday, then went to the aerial gym for the group meeting/rehearsal. The gym was crowded and we were mostly talking/discussing logistics, so I won't count it as a practice since I didn't even touch a lyra, plus my scene partner was unable to make it. Read half an hour before bed. Tracked food.

 

Planning more yoga today, then advanced fabric tonight.

 

In terrifying news, the small human is now pulling up to stand on her own...

 

So we had to lower her crib yesterday (and yes, I rescued the library book before it got eaten).

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44 minutes ago, starsapart said:

but it's still like... people need to butt out of things that aren't their business and stop trying to provide "insight" on stuff they have literally no idea about, please.

PREACH IT! I haven't encountered this specifically with adoption (I'm still way away from figuring out if I wanna be a parent), but it is interesting watching my parents try to still provide parental insight on some bits in my life where they're most decidedly out of their depth (HIV risk as a gay man and the financial risks involved in starting my own business in the future, specifically). It's well-meaning, buuuuuuut they'd probably be better off just admitting they didn't know much about either topic and asking if I felt comfortable with how I was handling them than trying to provide "insight."

 

Also, OMG YOUR TINY HUMAN IS ADORABLE!!! And this is coming from someone who normally doesn't like kids before they can understand a bit of sarcasm.

 

Also, killing it on the goals so far!

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15 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

PREACH IT! I haven't encountered this specifically with adoption (I'm still way away from figuring out if I wanna be a parent), but it is interesting watching my parents try to still provide parental insight on some bits in my life where they're most decidedly out of their depth (HIV risk as a gay man and the financial risks involved in starting my own business in the future, specifically). It's well-meaning, buuuuuuut they'd probably be better off just admitting they didn't know much about either topic and asking if I felt comfortable with how I was handling them than trying to provide "insight."

 

If you ever decide you want to talk about adoption with someone who won't sugarcoat it, bring it on. There is SO MUCH I wish I'd known before embarking on this wild ride.

 

Also, parents, man. Mine are very similar (especially my mom, holy moly), so I feel your pain.

 

16 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

Also, OMG YOUR TINY HUMAN IS ADORABLE!!! And this is coming from someone who normally doesn't like kids before they can understand a bit of sarcasm.

 

THANK YOU! She's not good at sarcasm yet, but she's absolutely fluent in blowing raspberries, if that matters.

 

17 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

Also, killing it on the goals so far!

 

Trying to! I know I'm going to have to enforce a deficit next challenge, which I'm already dreading, but at least this challenge has gotten me out of my sedentary slump... even if the incredible, painful difficulty of benching 75 yesterday (the 5x5 nearly killed me and I was thisclose to bailing the last rep) made me feel like the weakest weakling to ever weak.

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4 minutes ago, starsapart said:

If you ever decide you want to talk about adoption with someone who won't sugarcoat it, bring it on. There is SO MUCH I wish I'd known before embarking on this wild ride.

There's a very real possibility I take you up on this offer. I'm still pretty far away from seriously considering adoption, but it might not hurt to learn more to inform any long into the future thinking.

 

4 minutes ago, starsapart said:

Also, parents, man. Mine are very similar (especially my mom, holy moly), so I feel your pain.

❤️ at least we've got other people to commiserate with - I know it's coming from a good place, but it's definitely also my parents projecting their own anxieties onto my life.

 

4 minutes ago, starsapart said:

THANK YOU! She's not good at sarcasm yet, but she's absolutely fluent in blowing raspberries, if that matters.

Sold, still sounds adorable!

 

4 minutes ago, starsapart said:

Trying to! I know I'm going to have to enforce a deficit next challenge, which I'm already dreading, but at least this challenge has gotten me out of my sedentary slump... even if the incredible, painful difficulty of benching 75 yesterday (the 5x5 nearly killed me and I was thisclose to bailing the last rep) made me feel like the weakest weakling to ever weak.

Deficits are dreadful, I feel you there. But that's awesome that you still *did* the 5x5 on bench - it's your first step towards getting swole-ariffic (not a real word, don't care).

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11 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

There's a very real possibility I take you up on this offer. I'm still pretty far away from seriously considering adoption, but it might not hurt to learn more to inform any long into the future thinking.

 

Absolutely. Unless you're independently wealthy and have loads of free time, it takes multiple years of consideration and planning before you ever call an agency (or lawyer, or facilitator... depends entirely on a bunch of factors), so it's good to have info in advance!

 

12 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

Deficits are dreadful, I feel you there. But that's awesome that you still *did* the 5x5 on bench - it's your first step towards getting swole-ariffic (not a real word, don't care).

 

They really, really are. It's been years since my last long-term deficit and I am DREADING it. But I know both the deficit and the uncomfortably hard lifts are good for me. Ugh.

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1 hour ago, starsapart said:

There are definitely issues inherent in adopting an older kid (not that there aren't issues in adopting a baby, too, but they're different), but it's still like... people need to butt out of things that aren't their business and stop trying to provide "insight" on stuff they have literally no idea about, please.


Oh yeah adopting an older kid is definitely it's own beast with different difficulties unique to it (vs adopting a baby), but it's also less common that unsolicited advice on it made me even more irritated since the "I know someone who did this" line of reasoning is less and less likely.  The entire experience of very seriously exploring this and discussing it with people has conditioned me to start adding "not looking for advice, just venting/sharing/etc" or something akin to that before starting almost any sentence about anything to do with my life XD I have found it actually helps though.
 

1 hour ago, starsapart said:

Did a quick but intense yoga class on Monday with my wife. Took an hour and a half to read my book after Izzy was in bed. Tracked food.

 

What kind of yoga are you doing?

 

Quote

In terrifying news, the small human is now pulling up to stand on her own...

 

Omg that is so exciting and scary! Cute little nugget just wants to run around all crazy like her parents :)

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1 minute ago, Raxie said:

The entire experience of very seriously exploring this and discussing it with people has conditioned me to start adding "not looking for advice, just venting/sharing/etc" or something akin to that before starting almost any sentence about anything to do with my life XD I have found it actually helps though.

 

I should try this. Probably won't work with my mom, but maybe other people...

 

1 minute ago, Raxie said:

What kind of yoga are you doing?

 

Whatever strikes us any given day from the free Do Yoga With Me archive. This particular one was a vinyasa class. Mostly, we do it together because my wife won't do it alone and her lower back and hips are not in good shape. She's had multiple medical professionals tell her she needs to stretch more and advise doing yoga regularly, so this is my way of ensuring she takes care of herself. For me, it's just an excuse to move a bit.

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Did not yoga yesterday because of fussy child and insane workday. Did go to advanced fabric, which kicked my ass completely and thoroughly and left me feeling a little bit down on myself... but I did it, and that's what counts here. Did squats and deadlifts this morning during baby's first nap, though I had to stop after three heavy deadlift sets because something wonky was happening with my vastus medialis (I think? Somewhere thereabouts? Possibly thanks to fabric yesterday??) and I wanted to be cautious seeing as I have to maintain my splits at all costs right now. Still, it felt like a decent workout, so I'm not that mad about it. I also managed to finish my second book for the month yesterday! So now I'm ahead on that goal.

 

Lifting: 2/2 this week (going for 3)

Aerial: 1/2 this week

Tracking: 5/7 this week

Reading: 2/2 books for the month - complete!

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Hold. Up. It’s Thursday morning and you are almost complete with ALL your goals for the week? Teach me your ways!

 

So I’d love to pick your brain on adoption but respect we’re both hella busy - what’s the best medium for you? Are there any things I should pre-read before badgering you with questions?

 

Also, as a dude who doesn’t need splits for his genre (my coach is a pro finalist in the world but legit can’t touch his toes) but would love to have them as a trick (/ to browbeat my kiddos), how’d you go about getting yours? Any favorite resources on how to get splits as an adult?

 

Also, way to be smart and play the long game with your lifts - there’s always time to lift another day.

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13 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

Hold. Up. It’s Thursday morning and you are almost complete with ALL your goals for the week? Teach me your ways!

 

I'm frontloading because I usually just slack off on weekends...  🙃

 

13 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

So I’d love to pick your brain on adoption but respect we’re both hella busy - what’s the best medium for you? Are there any things I should pre-read before badgering you with questions?


It's hard to point you to any one given resource that's comprehensive, so go ahead and badger me! Once we both can tell what areas specifically interest you more, I think I might do better at offering specific resources. I'll message you with the core topics I think matter most! We can chat that way for a bit.

 

That said, an audio or video call might actually serve us well to discuss things in real time, if you have availability say, in the evening after 7:30 mountain time (once kiddo's in bed). But I'm happy to chat via DMs, email, or some sort of live chat software (Google hangouts? Facebook messenger if I must?). I think text messaging is the worst medium because there's lots to say and autocorrect is a massive jerk.

 

13 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

Also, as a dude who doesn’t need splits for his genre (my coach is a pro finalist in the world but legit can’t touch his toes) but would love to have them as a trick (/ to browbeat my kiddos), how’d you go about getting yours? Any favorite resources on how to get splits as an adult?

 

I will admit I've had my splits off and on since childhood, so starting as an adult is a more difficult topic for me. That said, there are some good stretching progressions online. I like the Finding Flexibility group on Facebook (though sometimes it's pretty daunting to see these contortionists doing insane rubber gumby things!). The image below includes the sequence of most of the stretches I do when warming up splits:

 

Image result for splits stretches

 

It's also not a bad thing to work with a flexibility coach once or twice to see where your sticking points are and find ways to work through them!

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1 hour ago, Mike Wazowski said:

So I’d love to pick your brain on adoption but respect we’re both hella busy - what’s the best medium for you? Are there any things I should pre-read before badgering you with questions?

 

JK, the forums won't let me DM you. They claim my (empty) inbox is full. Toss me an email.

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