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The prodigal returns, or starsapart is a hot (mess) mama


starsapart

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I sent you a PM about your issue. Let me know if you can open it.

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5 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I sent you a PM about your issue. Let me know if you can open it.

 

Weirdly, I think viewing your message helped me get past the initial block and (maybe?) clean out the old messages that I couldn't see before. Let me know if you got my reply!

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On 1/15/2020 at 7:49 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Our pastor told us "There is life after 5" meaning once the youngest one turns five you start to get your life back.

not to besmirch  a Padre, but: LIES!!!!!!

 

On 1/15/2020 at 10:37 AM, starsapart said:

In terrifying news, the small human is now pulling up to stand on her own...

And so it begins!!!!  ALL THE THINGS WILL BE IN REACH, MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

 

3 hours ago, starsapart said:

Did go to advanced fabric

Is it bad my mind was like 'how does she do that stuff on sequenced material...Chiffon must be hard to hold'...the influence of a DIY wife and crafty Midget....

 

2 hours ago, starsapart said:

I'm frontloading because I usually just slack off on weekends...  🙃

LOL, complete almost everything in two days some how seems overkill for "slacking" for 2.  plus you "slacking" is probably a normally busy day for any one else!

 

You are my hero!

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Just now, mitch_dee said:

And so it begins!!!!  ALL THE THINGS WILL BE IN REACH, MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

 

I've been moving everything up for several days now.... 😅

 

1 minute ago, mitch_dee said:

LOL, complete almost everything in two days some how seems overkill for "slacking" for 2.  plus you "slacking" is probably a normally busy day for any one else!

 

You are my hero!

 

You are too nice!

 

"Slacking" for me looks like eating a surplus of junk food and doing no exercise so... I think that's the common definition of it, actually. 😂

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Yes, I saw your reply, I hope PMs work for you again.

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Had a completely garbage evening yesterday which included a sudden restructuring of the scene for the show after two weeks of work had already gone into it - but as the change was pushed by my (former) scene partner, it's obvious that work was either not good enough or just flat out didn't matter to anyone but me. Between the crappy class on Wednesday, my continuing leg pain, and then this whole mess which sort of made me feel like an extraneous dead weight, I'm seriously considering just dropping and walking away, so there's that. The good (?) news is that I've been so depressed and nauseous since about dinnertime yesterday that I've had zero junk food cravings. So I guess there's that.

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It seems like I missed the adoption discussion, but we looked into adopting but had to give up because it was way too complicated.  It is hard enough when both adopting parents are the same nationality, but for international couples the jurisdiction issues make it almost impossible

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On 1/17/2020 at 9:24 AM, Mad Hatter said:

Aah that’s so frustrating!  But yay for no junk cravings, I guess. At least way to go in making lemonade. :) 

 

They did come back and I did decimate a bag of chips over the weekend ultimately, but I still think I ate less crap than usual, which doesn't make the black mood any better but does at least give me a shred of positivity to focus on.

 

4 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

It seems like I missed the adoption discussion, but we looked into adopting but had to give up because it was way too complicated.  It is hard enough when both adopting parents are the same nationality, but for international couples the jurisdiction issues make it almost impossible

 

Oh man, yet another challenge that I haven't properly considered/explored. ☹️ Why is it so hard for loving, willing humans to become parents, when other people accidentally pop out a baby they don't even want and barely provide for its needs? It's WILD.

 

 

 

 

 

 

End of week roundup:

  • Lifting: 2/2 (was going to go for 3, but due to the leg issue decided to be prudent and rest it over the weekend)
  • Aerial: 2/2 (terrible-no-good-very-bad class Wednesday, pretty decent open gym Saturday)
  • Tracking: 7/7 (had to go and do an entire day's worth of food before bed one day but whatever, I did it)
  • Reading: 2/2 for the month (working on number 3!)

On the bright side, my leg is feeling normal again! No more pain upon putting pressure on it bent (which was the big issue) and aerial on Saturday was fine with some slight modifications - I worked this weird inverted split sequence which requires more  arm strength and coordination than anything else. I made progress and felt better about myself than I had in days, and it was nice to just tune out the world (bless wireless headphones). Should probably have lifted on Saturday after aerial and stuck to upper body to protect the healing leg, but baby was needy, wife was feeling under the weather, and housework was calling. I say good enough - I hit the required minimums across the board, even if I wish I'd done more.

 

The scene drama for the show continued and came to a head when we had to have YET ANOTHER group meeting yesterday. I'm getting real sick of driving halfway across town just to sit on a mat and argue. We've recast the roles... again... and made a bunch of other changes. I'm tired of all of this, but I can understand (now that I have all of the relevant information - I didn't before, because people weren't telling everyone everything, sigh) why some of the changes were needed and I do feel better enough to stick it out. First rehearsal for the new configuration is on Tuesday. We'll see how it goes.

 

Mental health is loads better than it was going into the weekend, yay.

 

In parenting news, baby is now climbing stairs independently??? This is very scary as she doesn't know how to come down safely. Thank goodness for gates. 😅 Also, our monitor broke and stopped transmitting sound, so Saturday we slept in an extra hour until baby got insistent enough for us to hear her through two sets of doors and a fan, poor thing. We then had to go buy a new one (because waiting a couple days for a delivery wasn't an option - we don't want to leave her wailing alone like that again), and had to spend much more than I wanted to or was comfortable with, honestly, but at least we've got eyes in the nursery again. Sigh, I don't like extra, unexpected expenses right as we went from two incomes down to one and we're still trying to dig out of some debt that we accrued over the course of the money hemorrhage that was last year. SIGH. Tax refund (and adoption deduction) can't come soon enough. Finally, got a call from the daycare where she was SUPPOSED to start going come September to tell us that they're closing one of their three centers this summer and consolidating existing kids down to two centers, meaning they won't be taking new enrollments in the fall, meaning they can't take her. This is rotten luck as this is literally the only Russian-language daycare/preschool anywhere within reasonable driving distance of our house, and now we will have to send her to an English-language center until/unless the Russian center ends up having an unexpected opening. Bah.

 

Plans for this week:

  • Lift: Mon, Wed, Fri (take Fri off if it makes sense)
  • Aerial: Tue (rehearsal), Thu (class, possibly x2), Fri (rehearsal)
  • Yoga: Tue, Thu, Sat (?)
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5 minutes ago, starsapart said:

End of week roundup:

  • Lifting: 2/2 (was going to go for 3, but due to the leg issue decided to be prudent and rest it over the weekend)
  • Aerial: 2/2 (terrible-no-good-very-bad class Wednesday, pretty decent open gym Saturday)
  • Tracking: 7/7 (had to go and do an entire day's worth of food before bed one day but whatever, I did it)
  • Reading: 2/2 for the month (working on number 3!)

Image result for standing ovation gif

 

6 minutes ago, starsapart said:

I hit the required minimums across the board

"hit the desired target of my challenge goals"......there, fixed it for you.  Watch how you phrase things in your mind; it's simple but, the way you word things can have a large effect on how you then see yourself.  When you wrote up this challenge you set goals, you thought them out and determined a target to hit for success, not a minimum to reach just to pass.  It's something small, but from someone who is unraveling years of self hatre, I can say it started with small changes in words I used to describe myself or achievements.  

 

15 minutes ago, starsapart said:

Mental health is loads better than it was going into the weekend, yay.

Image result for winning gif

 

I saw the video of the little one at the stairs on IG and started laughing at the thought/memory of this time frame for kids.  Sending positive parenting vibes your way and hoping for a little calm to come soon.

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22 hours ago, mitch_dee said:

Watch how you phrase things in your mind; it's simple but, the way you word things can have a large effect on how you then see yourself.

 

You're right, of course. I've been really down on myself recently, and it shows. I should try harder!!!

 

 

 

 

 

That said, yesterday was an unequivocal whoopsie. I was supposed to lift, but there was no chance to take a break from work with too much going on, after work I had the baby solo as my wife was working an evening shift at her part time job, and come bedtime, my darling child screamed for an hour and a half to show her desire to never sleep ever ever ever again, and by the time she actually settled, I was so frustrated and exhausted, I ate a giant chocolate cupcake and zoned out on the couch, which is the polar opposite of exercise. Ah well, I'll try again today.

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21 minutes ago, starsapart said:

my darling child screamed for an hour and a half to show her desire to never sleep ever ever ever again, and by the time she actually settled, I was so frustrated and exhausted, I ate a giant chocolate cupcake and zoned out on the couch, which is the polar opposite of exercise. Ah well, I'll try again today.

You'll get no judgment from me. A child who won't stop screaming is an awful situation.

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"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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Just now, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

You'll get no judgment from me. A child who won't stop screaming is an awful situation.

 

It's truly one of the most frustrating and depressing experiences, especially when you know there's nothing wrong but simultaneously they don't understand that THEY ARE JUST TIRED AND THAT IS WHY THEY ARE UPSET, and you know that rocking them to sleep is only going to ensure that tomorrow this whole situation repeats itself but worse, etc... ugh. It's so. Exhausting.

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1 minute ago, starsapart said:

 

It's truly one of the most frustrating and depressing experiences, especially when you know there's nothing wrong but simultaneously they don't understand that THEY ARE JUST TIRED AND THAT IS WHY THEY ARE UPSET, and you know that rocking them to sleep is only going to ensure that tomorrow this whole situation repeats itself but worse, etc... ugh. It's so. Exhausting.

Hugs friend. 

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On 1/15/2020 at 11:42 AM, starsapart said:

THANK YOU! She's not good at sarcasm yet, but she's absolutely fluent in blowing raspberries, if that matters.

Very important.

 

Ugh, so sucky to hear about all of the restructuring of the show. Are you still doing a lyra duet? or something else?

But also... you hit all your goals for the week, and your leg is feeling better so YAY!

 

*HUG* hoping she gets to sleep easier tonight. I can imagine that is so difficult and frustrating. PARENTING IS HARD YO!

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1 hour ago, miss_marissa said:

Ugh, so sucky to hear about all of the restructuring of the show. Are you still doing a lyra duet? or something else?

But also... you hit all your goals for the week, and your leg is feeling better so YAY!

 

*HUG* hoping she gets to sleep easier tonight. I can imagine that is so difficult and frustrating. PARENTING IS HARD YO!

 

Still doing lyra, there's a duo and also a mirrored solo bit, plus I have a small piece of dance on the ground which is a little scary due to my broken toes but hopefully I can work around it or take painkillers and suck it up. My role actually got bigger, not smaller, but I do have a different scene partner now and I will have to be the base for all duo moves as she's maybe 110 pounds soaking wet. We'll see how things go after the first rehearsal tonight. Will report back.

 

PARENTING IS SO HARD. I don't have to put her to bed tonight since I have rehearsal and it is therefore my wife's turn, but I too hope she has a better evening than I had.

 

1 hour ago, mitch_dee said:

Image result for hug gif

 

❤️

 

 

 

 

 

Back on track. Did bench presses and overhead presses this morning during some down time at work, then gave my shoulders a nice stretch so that they can hopefully still function for rehearsal tonight.

 

Parenting paragraph time! Skip if not interested. 😊 We have decided it is time for formal nap training, because the last couple of weeks have been very frustrating. Lil boo now will have to go to sleep on her own for her naps, where previously I would rock and soothe and sing her to sleep during the day (though she usually goes down on her own at night; I'm not going to get into why and how we ended up here, but let's just say that at one point this was a necessity, but I think she's outgrown that particular point). We've got a theory that she's starting to act up at night because she wants what she's getting during the day all the time, so it's time for some consistency, and honestly it's a bit overdue. This morning I spent 10 minutes singing to her and stroking her little head, then set her in her crib awake with her lovey and walked out. She spent 40 minutes intermittently whining and crying and rolling around, then cuddled up with her unicorn and finally went the heck to sleep. Afternoon naps are always harder for us, so we'll see how it goes, but I am FREAKING DETERMINED to stop rocking her to sleep at any time of day or night, except in extreme circumstances like illness. This has on occasion taken me over an hour of coaxing, and she won't go to sleep for my wife during the day for some reason, which means I am taking time that I SHOULD be working to try and convince her to nap, and this has to stop.

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Hugs friend! I wouldn't call yesterday an oopsie, I'd call it life circumstances conspiring hard against you!

 

But glad you're back on track today, and glad you and your wife have a plan of attack - parenting is harder than I imagined, I appreciate you sharing your stories from the trenches.

 

And question cause I may have missed an important detail and I'm curious / nosy depending how you frame it - is your daughter Russian? Or is there another reason for Russian center daycare?

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 Ballroom dancer, data nerd, calisthenics dabbler

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Just now, Mike Wazowski said:

Hugs friend! I wouldn't call yesterday an oopsie, I'd call it life circumstances conspiring hard against you!

 

But glad you're back on track today, and glad you and your wife have a plan of attack - parenting is harder than I imagined, I appreciate you sharing your stories from the trenches.

 

And question cause I may have missed an important detail and I'm curious / nosy depending how you frame it - is your daughter Russian? Or is there another reason for Russian center daycare?

 

I'm glad my whimpering posts are at least educational for someone! Oh, parenting. I can simultaneously love my kid and think wistfully of a time in my life when I was my own mistress. 😋

 

I'm actually the one who's Russian! I was born in Russia and spent my childhood there, plus frequent visits throughout my adolescence. I can't go back there anymore for lots of reasons (I bet you can guess!) but I love my native language and culture despite the current political disaster, so we're doing our best to raise our daughter bilingual! We're doing a form of OPOL (one parent, one language), where I speak almost exclusively Russian to the baby while my wife speaks English. She's getting Russian from her grandparents, too, and she definitely understands it (now that it's becoming clear that she understands some of what we're saying at all), but as she gets older and especially as she goes off to preschool, her Russian exposure is going to be quite low unless we can find a place where she's hearing it most of the day. I want to cement Russian in her head before she starts kindergarten, since at that point her schooling will for sure be in English.

 

(As far as our daughter's ancestry, she was born to American birth parents, but I know birthmom has Polish and possibly Czech roots, so actually, she could be part Russian, but we won't know until she's old enough to do a DNA test.)

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29 minutes ago, starsapart said:

I'm glad my whimpering posts are at least educational for someone! Oh, parenting. I can simultaneously love my kid and think wistfully of a time in my life when I was my own mistress. 😋

Hehe yes - please keep sharing, and I'll keep sending support via the internet. :D

 

Quote

I'm actually the one who's Russian! I was born in Russia and spent my childhood there, plus frequent visits throughout my adolescence. I can't go back there anymore for lots of reasons (I bet you can guess!) but I love my native language and culture despite the current political disaster, so we're doing our best to raise our daughter bilingual! We're doing a form of OPOL (one parent, one language), where I speak almost exclusively Russian to the baby while my wife speaks English. She's getting Russian from her grandparents, too, and she definitely understands it (now that it's becoming clear that she understands some of what we're saying at all), but as she gets older and especially as she goes off to preschool, her Russian exposure is going to be quite low unless we can find a place where she's hearing it most of the day. I want to cement Russian in her head before she starts kindergarten, since at that point her schooling will for sure be in English.

Ah, that's excellent - minus not being able to return for the foreseeable future. That's really interesting and exciting for your daughter - it'll be great for her to grow up bilingual! Does your wife speak any Russian?

 

Regardless, as a ballroom dancer, I meet a LOT of Russians, and I have nothing but respect for Russian culture and the people I've gotten to meet from there, even as I hope the current political disaster *somehow* resolves to a much better place for Russia as a country.

 

Quote

(As far as our daughter's ancestry, she was born to American birth parents, but I know birthmom has Polish and possibly Czech roots, so actually, she could be part Russian, but we won't know until she's old enough to do a DNA test.)

Ahh gotcha - I guess that actually means I could be part Russian, too (I'm Polish, Irish, and maybe also German and/or Austrian) - might have to spring for a DNA test sometime just to see (especially since Poland didn't exist while my ancestors were emigrating).

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5 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

Hehe yes - please keep sharing, and I'll keep sending support via the internet. :D

 

Deal.

 

5 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

Ah, that's excellent - minus not being able to return for the foreseeable future. That's really interesting and exciting for your daughter - it'll be great for her to grow up bilingual! Does your wife speak any Russian?

 

Only a little. She has pretty good comprehension after all this time, actually, but she gets self-conscious speaking, unfortunately. She's been speaking more since the baby came home, though, since I'm always speaking it at home!

 

6 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

Regardless, as a ballroom dancer, I meet a LOT of Russians, and I have nothing but respect for Russian culture and the people I've gotten to meet from there, even as I hope the current political disaster *somehow* resolves to a much better place for Russia as a country.

 

Same. 🙁 This isn't really the forum for me to go on a full-blown rant on this topic, but honestly, I feel like the culture of my childhood has been completely co-opted and corrupted and it makes me so damn sad to see people who I thought were sane swallowing the propaganda. It's a damn shame.

 

7 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

Ahh gotcha - I guess that actually means I could be part Russian, too (I'm Polish, Irish, and maybe also German and/or Austrian) - might have to spring for a DNA test sometime just to see (especially since Poland didn't exist while my ancestors were emigrating).

 

They're lots of fun! We did them a year or so back, mostly because my wife was interested in her background (there's lots she doesn't know) and I wanted to check for health risks seeing as I'm pretty significantly Jewish. I turned out to be mostly Russian and Jewish as anticipated, but also a little Polish, Ukranian, broadly Northwest European (aka Viking!!??), and even a bit Middle Eastern (Arab, Egyptian, Levantine, etc.). And thankfully, I don't have the genetic mutations for any of the serious diseases that often come with being Ashkenazi Jewish, so A+ to that!

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