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Bean Sidhe vs Chaos – Trying again, only with routines


Bean Sidhe

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Let me start this challenge with the following. I am not right in the head. I am grieving/stressed out/burned out and am having a hard time. My situation is complicated due to family dynamic and the fact that not all families are healthy ones. And in the end, I am just trying to get all of us through to when stuff isn’t blowing up EVERY DAY.

For those new here:

 

Spoiler

I am a mom to 2 Agents of Chaos (Eldest and Youngest), and 4 fur agents (Agent Black (kitten 2 year old), Agent White (kitten 1 year), Agent Twilight (Kitten 6 mo old) and Agent K9 (dog age 4)). I am married and I work part time at my new job which is in my new career field. I also go to college while being that mom that tries to help at the school all the time. Both Agents are basically at new schools and I haven’t been able to be myself there yet.

This year has been rough, as was the one before. We have had so many curve balls thrown at us that have us all off balance for the last 2 years or so. Emotions are high, and that does not help my anxiety or depression. I do better when I feel I have some control somewhere. Which is what most of my challenges are. They are about getting control where I can, my eating, my exercise/flexibility, fighting the chaos in the house and in our lives, and trying to make sure I am spending time with all of those who I care for.

Things are not easy sometimes (most of the time). I am trying to balance everything while still maybe finding some time for me in the process. I am learning to try and juggle all the things while still helping here at home. There is no "go to the gym" time with kids in activities 4 nights a week and my work and schoolwork.

Long term goals: Return to a more balanced feeling, Get healthy, Have more energy, Have quality time with my family, get control of the chaos so It’s less chaos, and either avoid or learn to handle the rocks being thrown at me better.

 

Okay, so the last few weeks were a mess. On top of having had 8 Christmases since Dec 20th (2 were planned with less than 2 days’ notice), Youngest Agent having gotten sick with a scary high fever (104) and now I am fighting the same thing. I am done. People keep telling me how “HARD” this Christmas was, like that would help. It didn’t, it made it worse because now you’re forcing me to deal with it instead of just enjoying what was in front of me.  Honestly, I found myself wishing I could go back to work last night. It meant that my routines would be used and this “wait, what do we need to do today?” would go away.

 

I did really well the challenge before the holiday challenge. I was doing well. Time to return to that. I still have the estate to settle since I am at the mercy of others to do there. I graduate in May and would prefer to not look like a killer whale at graduation (Note, the scale read over 300 again, alas the weight lost from my nose adventure).

 

I also feel like over the holidays I just hid. I came and read the forum, but I didn’t post or even log in because I had nothing good to say. I have new issues to deal with, and people that were trying to be helpful/sweet just made things worse.  In general, if we didn’t have a Holiday with you, I tried to avoid talking to people. The problem is, it allowed me to avoid the things I NEED to do. I need to get my life straightened out, I need to get my thought processes straightened out.

So here’s a repeat of basically my holiday challenge. I took out a couple things (Christmas prep, work on estate), but added a few things (Check dad’s email, prepare seed starting stuff). It is really time to move forward, and while I can’t force anyone to let me finish the estate, I can focus on my stuff.

Would love to have people here to cheer me on and remind me to post. But I also know there will be family grumping and grieving and very little “Hey I got to the gym for an hour” but maybe a “Hey, I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes”

Goal

Value

Description

Strength

1

Balance ball crunches

 

1

Squats

10

1

Wall Sit (sec)

 

1

Side kicks

Do 2

1

Leg lifts

2

1

 Reverse sit ups

 

1

sit ups

 

1

Knee to Elbows

 

1

Push ups

 

1

Balance Ball push ups

Flexibility

1

Wrist Extension Stretch

12

1

Upward dog/Child pose

 

1

Meditating Groot

 

1

Lord of the dance Yoga (ankle above head)

 

1

Butterfly

 

1

Bridge

Do 4

1

Ballet/toe Touch

                                                4.00

1

Sitting Fix/Shoulder stretch

 

1

Warrior 1

 

1

Warrior 3 (Eagle bird thing)

 

1

Side stretch

 

1

Forward bend

Life and Family

1

Play with Cats

 

1

NF time

 

1

Look at seed starting

 

1

Use lotion on legs daily

15

1

Spend time with Agents

 

1

Water a plant

 

1

Do something for me (Stardew, read a book, date night, ect)

 

1

Plan

 

1

Be in bed by 11:30

 

1

Floss in morning

Do 7

1

Floss before bed

 

1

Check Dad's email

7

1

One good thing

 

1

Give Agent K9 5 minutes of training

 

1

Homework time daily/Prep new semester

Fight Chaos

1

Pennisula/Island

Clean all these daily

1

Table / Half wall

9

1

Desk

 

1

Bathroom up

 

1

Clean off file cabinet

Do 3

1

Bathroom down

3

1

Clean off door to basement

 

1

Clean off Dresser

 

1

Counter over dishwasher

At least 5 minutes per room (at least one)

1

Kitchen

 

1

Family room

 

1

Computer room

9

1

Basement

 

1

Clean 1 thing in file cabinet

Do 3

1

Clean off nightstands

3

1

Clean 2 papers out of paper organizer

 

1

File 1 thing a day

 

1

Purge 1 thing a day

Walking

1

Walk 7000 steps

4

1

Walk 15 minutes a day

2

1

7 hours with 250 steps

do 2

1

Walk to Mordor

Fuel

1

No eating after dinner

13

1

No stupid sugar

 

1

Track breakfast

 

1

Track Second breakfast

do 6

1

Track Elevensies

 

1

Track lunch

 

1

Take Probiotic

6

1

< 3 bottles of tea

 

1

Eat Bananas Daily

 

1

Eat dried Apricots

 

1

Eat Breakfast

 

1

Eat Lunch

 

1

120 oz of water

 

  • Like 7

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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21 hours ago, Countess D'If said:

Yeah, I hear you. 2019 was a year. I hope your head stops spinning soon. Following along to learn from the master chaos wrangler. 

 

Who knows when my head will stop spinning. I am kinda getting use to it.

 

Wait, master chaos wrangler??? When did that happen. It doesn't feel like master, it feels like noob most days.

  • Like 2

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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17 hours ago, Lateral Planet said:

Totally here to cheer you on!

 

Good to see you

 

 

17 hours ago, Lateral Planet said:

Good gracious, eight Christmases is pretty extreme, I'm in awe of you getting through that. And for not snapping at people who made a hard Christmas harder by demanding so much of you, that takes serious strength.

 

Snapping won't do any good. Most of them were either thinking they were being understanding, kind or they were just being them and well, I am the whipping child. Been that way all my life. But I think we only have one real Christmas left and that is in Feb (this is what happens when choosen family works retail).  But that will be the relaxing christmas

  • Like 2

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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15 hours ago, J3NN said:

Here to cheer and nudge as appropriate, and I will say Happy New Year so you can enjoy what's in front of you. ❤️

 

Thanks. I am hoping what is ahead is not as hard as what is behind.  I can't go backwards at this point anyway.

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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So day one went okay. I got a good amount of cleaning done (we had another Christmas thing I forgot about, Upside to all the boxes it was faster to do a pick up).  We had a good time and the Agents had fun.

The downside is that my cough/cold/virus thing is getting worse. I have a sore throat and I will sound like I am losing a lung. which only makes me more paranoid for my nose to not bleed. Oh and I am very crampy from other things which makes everything so much more fun to do (NOT).

 

I did really well on all cleaning/life and family/Chaos controlling and eating boxes. But by the time I was going to work on the moving and exercise and stretches boxes, these didn't happen because i was just done. I went to bed at 830 and even with cough meds I couldn't sleep because if I laid down, I would start coughing and hacking. So not all the boxes were done, but I am going to try and fix that today.

 

I just want to feel normal (aka not sick) again, but who knows when that happens. Honestly, I am just really tired of everything being on godmode. Can't I play on hard let alone easy for a bit? (Like typing this and having Agent Black decide my hands and desk are his)

 

Strength 0 pts out of 2 (Max 10)

Flexibility  0 pts out of 4 (Max 12)

Life and Family 12 pts out of 7  (Max 15)

Fight Chaos - Clean 7 pts out of 3 (Max 9)

Fight Chaos - Purge 4 pts out of 3 (Max 9)

Walking 1 pt out of 2 (Max 4)

Fuel 12 pts out of 6 (Max 13)

Total 36 pts out of 27 

Number of boxes - 4 out of 7

  • Like 3

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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3 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Wait, master chaos wrangler??? When did that happen. It doesn't feel like master, it feels like noob most days.


Dude! You are the chaos wrangler supreme! It comes for you all like, “AAAAAA!” And you’re always all like “HaHA! Sidestepped! Karate chop to the throat! Take that, chaos!” And chaos keeps coming and you’re still standing.
 

CWS: Chaos Wrangler Supreme

  • Like 2
  • Haha 1
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5 hours ago, Countess D'If said:


Dude! You are the chaos wrangler supreme! It comes for you all like, “AAAAAA!” And you’re always all like “HaHA! Sidestepped! Karate chop to the throat! Take that, chaos!” And chaos keeps coming and you’re still standing.
 

CWS: Chaos Wrangler Supreme

 

OMG, I love this so much and I laughed out loud so much Youngest Agent came in and had to know what was going on. Now I have sign for my desk declaring me the CWS.

I love how you think I make it look easy. I think it may be more like this however:

 

f2e33ce2860ff178e361a59f43f48976.gif

 

Battered, bruised and beat up, I keep trying.  And its been forever and a day for me as well.

 

 

Although, change pain to chaos and this is more how I feel about it anymore.

tenor.gif?itemid=15773548

 

 

I almost did a Dr strange challenge, but decided I didn't have the energy to figure out how to make it, so I didn't.  However, I will say there are moments in the MCU that remind us that not all battles are easy to win, and not everything is happy, even in comic books.

  • Like 4
  • That's Metal 1

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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13 hours ago, Tateman said:

Hopefully, you feel better soon. Cough/cold/flu stuff sucks so back. Youngest here has been battling a cough for like two months

 

I was hoping to go back to work without the cough, no luck. Its better than it was, but still not gone. I am totally over cold and flu season.

  • Like 2

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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So my last 3 days in nutshell

 

Friday I did great even with going to help my mom. I went over to make 2 phone calls, I left there being told to go to the bank and deposit stuff, then go to the store for her, then bring back Dairy queen. So anything else I wanted to do that day went poof besides take youngest to get her free birthday cupcake from the bookstore. I did get some other stuff done, but not what I wanted. Challenge wise, all the boxes are done (62 pts) and I felt like I had this under control.

 

Saturday, I kinda melted. I felt horrible and ended up laying on the couch for most of the day watching Animal planet. I got 5 of 7 boxes (not walking and not stretching) but 28 pts. The tree did come down, so that was good

 

Sunday we went over to my mom's to take down her Christmas decorations. She was in full form of blaming me for everything or saying shes a mess and she is allowed to be. I ended up bring 2 boxes of paper home to sort for her because she can't deal right now. After that, I came home and got some stuff done, but ended up hiding on the couch in the evening because well, as much as I try to not take what she says to heart, I do. No stretches or exercises done. 29pts, 5 boxes.

 

 

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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Oh part of Sat night was one of my choosen family called. She then proceeded to tell me how hard her life has been and how she had a great diet and exercise plan then got sick and it went poof (she complains before about being so depressed that shes 20 lbs overweight), and how they were going to be so strapped for cash because they are going to gencon and won't have a single weekend free until May, her life is so hard because her dad had shingles and they couldn't go down for Christmas. but she was so tired because she went to sleep at 1030 because they went to see rise of skywalker and got up at 530.  I

 

While I love this girl and know these are all things that really affect her, and I am supportive talking to her and but part of me gets into a mood about it. She has never had it... hard. Her parents were those "great parents" your friends had, and she never struggled for money, and I really felt more beat up because all I could think is that her kids are 4 and 2,  she's lucky she has a dad to go see, I would love to go to a movie or gencon, but I doubt either will happen anytime soon, and exercise and diet are a dream. It made me feel like I was doing everything wrong and at the same time going "Honey, what I deal with would melt you". and no, she doesn't know what you all know about my mom and my childhood (I tried explaining it once, she did the "oh it can't be that bad" because she has never seen something like that). But it made things harder on Sat night as well, and less likely to get up and do stuff.

 

I really jut wonder why I can't even see a movie or have a day off. Even over break I was suppose to get a break, then Youngest Agent spiked the fever and what few days we had as down days were spent dealing with a sick kid.

  • Sad 2

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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So quick update on today.

I got an email this afternoon from my internship instructor welcoming me to the internship course this semester.

WHAT???????
 

Turns out he sent it to former not current students, and I got it worked out, but I about went postal on them. I guess the upside it wasn't that dumb "Be an Activist class" from the same semester. I would probably quit school if they made me retake it. Oh, and I am only like 17 weeks from graduation.

 

And yes, I did check that I have credit on my transcript. I wanted to make sure it wasn't a "You forgot to fill out a form" or something that would keep me from graduating. The instructor even said I should have full credit, so I am good. (because my luck, it would happen).

  • Like 1
  • Wow 2

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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11 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

So quick update on today.

I got an email this afternoon from my internship instructor welcoming me to the internship course this semester.

WHAT???????
 

Turns out he sent it to former not current students, and I got it worked out, but I about went postal on them. I guess the upside it wasn't that dumb "Be an Activist class" from the same semester. I would probably quit school if they made me retake it. Oh, and I am only like 17 weeks from graduation.

 

And yes, I did check that I have credit on my transcript. I wanted to make sure it wasn't a "You forgot to fill out a form" or something that would keep me from graduating. The instructor even said I should have full credit, so I am good. (because my luck, it would happen).

Yeah, that would have freaking me the hell out.

  • Like 1
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3 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

So quick update on today.

I got an email this afternoon from my internship instructor welcoming me to the internship course this semester.

WHAT???????
 

Turns out he sent it to former not current students, and I got it worked out, but I about went postal on them. I guess the upside it wasn't that dumb "Be an Activist class" from the same semester. I would probably quit school if they made me retake it. Oh, and I am only like 17 weeks from graduation.

Cue full blown crying melt down. I'm glad it was just an error. My heart dropped just thinking about it!

 

 

3 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

And yes, I did check that I have credit on my transcript. I wanted to make sure it wasn't a "You forgot to fill out a form" or something that would keep me from graduating. The instructor even said I should have full credit, so I am good. (because my luck, it would happen).

I think i checked my transcript, grad requirements, and graduation forms every day my last semester of law school

  • Like 2
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7 hours ago, Countess D'If said:

Cue full blown crying melt down. I'm glad it was just an error. My heart dropped just thinking about it!

 

Yep, I had a moment of "What in the ever loving 9 hells..." at least the professor got back to me quick.

 

 

7 hours ago, Countess D'If said:

 

I think i checked my transcript, grad requirements, and graduation forms every day my last semester of law school

I did that before I talked to the advisor, before I applied for graduation, and again last night. I keep worrying that last minute I am going to find something I missed and not make it.

  • Like 1

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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Okay, so yesterday I felt really good. I went back to work, which was okay (I could use that break everyone promised me) but it was good to get back to routine. There was some random stuff at work that I can't talk about, but might actually be a good thing so cross your fingers.  But it was also good to get back and talk to people and see the people I am getting close with there.

 

Then I came home and I just was kinda moving. I got some laundry done, did dishes, cleaned a ton of spots up, and I got 70 out of a MAX 72 boxes done. I actually felt like all this is possible. I was in a good mood. I started moving and the 2 points I didn't get were for exercises. Dinner did break, and Hubby ordered in chilis which went over my calories limit (by like 1000), but I kinda feel a bit of "maybe I can do this." However, part of me is so use to failing, I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

Here is to hoping I can keep going and maybe make some progress. I would love to start seeing progress somewhere.

 

Strength 8 pts out of 2 (Max 10)

Flexibility  12 pts out of 4 (Max 12)

Life and Family 15 pts out of 7  (Max 15)

Fight Chaos - Clean 9 pts out of 3 (Max 9)

Fight Chaos - Purge 9 pts out of 3 (Max 9)

Walking 4 pt out of 2 (Max 4)

Fuel 13 pts out of 6 (Max 13)

Total 70 pts out of 27 

Number of boxes - 7 out of 7

  • Like 4

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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We could really use a "hug" reaction button. Sorry your mother and chosen family were hard on Saturday. 

 

ghost hug GIF

  • Like 2

We are not sinners trespassing in the garden of an angry God.

We are prodigals come home; fully seen and deeply loved.

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time,

and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Spoiler

 

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Oh man, I kinda want to strangle that girl. I understand everyone has their own struggles and she's allowed to complain about things that are hard for her, but maybe read the room and realize maybe there are certain people not to vent to about certain things? i'm sorry Bean. ❤️

  • Like 2

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

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Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

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21 hours ago, Whisper said:

We could really use a "hug" reaction button. Sorry your mother and chosen family were hard on Saturday. 

 

ghost hug GIF

 

Thanks. I needed this. I know they are dealing with their stuff their way, but some days I just want to scream at them "Hey, I got my own stuff, so deal with yours." but I don't know if that would be worth the hassle. Plus I am use to being the one everyone else leans on.

  • Like 1

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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9 hours ago, fleaball said:

Oh man, I kinda want to strangle that girl. I understand everyone has their own struggles and she's allowed to complain about things that are hard for her, but maybe read the room and realize maybe there are certain people not to vent to about certain things? i'm sorry Bean. ❤️

 

That was kinda my moment. I know its hard for her, and she has her own stuff and needs support since she doesn't have much, but I really wanted to just say "not today." But I was a good friend and she felt better so I guess its a win.

  • Like 1

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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