mitch_dee Posted January 10, 2020 Report Share Posted January 10, 2020 Good evening all, It's been a while, some of you may remember me, some may not know me.....it does not really matter at this point since I'm not even sure I know myself. A lot of stuff has gone down since the last time I was here, new jobs, bad jobs, loss of weight (though not much), the gain of weight (quite a bit), kid growing, and all the other fun of life. Truth be told I find myself lost any more, but there have been two things constant for the last year or two, I hate who ever I am, and can't find anything that really brings me any joy. Time for the standard disclaimer: this post/thread is not for attention or to be dramatic or a cry for help....I have returned to NF because it was one of the few places I always felt I could say anything and not be judged or have to make justifications, it's the only place I think I can say some of the things that go through my head. That being said, this thread might address some issues that some find uncomfortable (even myself) might get to personal at times, if anything I say offends anyone I apologize now, if anything is against the rules of the forums and I didn't catch it please tell me so I can correct it. I wish not to cause harm, just vent things I have nowhere else in my life to say them. Lets get to the point, this is a challenge thread, so my challenge is simple: Survive. No, I am not a direct danger to myself, but I have realized I stopped caring, stopped doing what needs to be done and at times revolted against all things that would make me a little better. I would not actively harm myself, but not sure if I would actively prevent it...so it's time to start just surviving it. I will focus on a simple goals in three categories, mind, body and spirit/soul/whatever-the-hell-you-want-to-call-it... Mind: (2 goals here) Take my meds every day....I was put on head meds about 6 months ago, I don't tell much difference but others said they have, problem is I forget to take it a few days at a time along with my blood pressure meds; so I need to make sure I take my pills everyday! learn to voice/vent my issues - this will be done on here when the moods hit. I have a ton of stuff that sits in my head and I never say or even let out and I think part of that is what weighs on me at times. I feel here I can type them and not feel judged (I have felt it easier to talk to friends made online that I have never met irl) Body: Stop eating food I should not: no this does not mean junk food and sweets, it means the foods I literally should not eat. A year ago I took a food intolerance test and tested issues with most foods I was eating. I eliminated 90% of them and for months I felt good - most my headaches stop happening, my body stopped aching, I lost weight and felt better all around. Problem is I stopped one day in a downward spiral and never got back at it. Now I'm back to daily headaches, my joints and muscles ache so bad I fight of tears some days while popping 5 Advil every 4 hours....and to top it all of I now weigh 403 lbs. So it's time to eliminate all the bad foods again. Spirit-thingy: Find one thing I enjoy; I don't care what it is. I lost BJJ a few years ago due to my abdominal hernia (that they won't work on till I'm below 300 lbs) and I really don't find joy in video games or books (can't find any that hold my interest) so time to find something. If I find something I'm hoping it will help me start to find some good points in my self to focus on. I used to enjoy drawing (but too super critical to even practice to get good) and writing (same issue), but maybe I will try again.....who knows. Bonus: complete challenge - I don't think even back in the day I even finished a challenge and the last ones I tried I abandoned and recoiled away from in a week It might get rocky, it might get incoherent or scattered at times, but again, trying to find away to vent some issues out in a place I used to enjoy and feel safe. 2 Quote “It’s the sensible, logical thing to do, of course, which is why we don’t do it.” -Tanis, Dragons of Autumn Twilight "Hope is the denial of reality. It is the carrot dangled before the draft horse to keep him plodding along in a vain attempt to reach it." - Raistlin - Dragons of Autumn Twilight Current Challenge Link to comment
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.