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RhiaWolfe Respawns After Tragedy


RhiaWolfe

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Hello everyone. I'm back. It has been a long while since I've been here on these forums. I've been doing NF Coaching, and I feel like that alone is not enough. I need to find some way to do better and get my life back. I don't like where I am or what I have been doing. I am not taking care of myself and I need to do better. I would really appreciate ya'll's support. I miss my NF family. 

 

Trigger Warming - Death and Grieving in spoiler. I'll also be talking about this quite a bit during my challenge because it is my biggest hurdle right now.

Spoiler

So, they day after Thanksgiving I received a call that my mom was in the ICU. She was in the hospital in Tulsa, OK (which is about a two hour drive for me). I drove up there and spent the next few weeks with my family. My mother was an alcoholic and it finally caught up to her. She had severe scarring in her liver, and once her liver shut down, other organs in her body began to strain. After a while, we realized that she wasn't coming back from this and we changed her to comfort care. On December 12, 2019, she died. The funeral was held three days before Christmas. 

 

I had a very complicated relationship with my mother. Now I am not sure how I feel about her passing. I have cried, stressed, and been overall depressed. That was the worst month of my life so far. I have had a lot of negative thoughts and the day to day stuff (now that I'm trying to go back to a normal life)  just doesn't seem important. I'm going to counseling and my psychiatrist is upping some of my medications to help me deal with this, because I've all but shut down sometimes. Having a lot of anxiety issues. 

 

 

So, that's where I'm at. I'm having real trouble with depression and trying to find the ability to remember that I want to live a healthier life style and want to live a fulfilling life. So, I'm reaching out to you guys and I'm going to be here to stay for a while. So, I'm starting this challenge in the middle. Better late than never. 

 

Considering I'm feeling kinda dark, and I just finished watching The Witcher on Netflix, that's what I"m going to use for my theme. 

 

 

yennefer-netflix-the-witcher.jpg

 

Goal 1: Find a purpose (Big Why)

Every Day I'm going to either list or remind myself of my big whys. I need to find my purpose and focus/meditate on the reason I want to live a healthier lifestyle. I need to get in touch with that and make it a priority in my life. 

 

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Goal 1: Drink Water, not Soda 

I'm going to start drinking tea or water instead of soda. I'm going to start this by for the first two weeks not having soda for breakfast. I will get a bonus if I avoid soda for another meal of the day, but to say that I have completed the challenge, I'm going to do just substitute tea for my morning soda. 

 

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Goal 3: Eat at Home 

I have been too lazy to do much of anything, let alone cook. I'm going to try and have at least one home cooked meal a day for the next two weeks. Doesn't matter if it's just a sandwich and some chips. It just can't come from a restaurant. 

 

 

 

I really appreciate all support and check ins from you guys. I need to do this. Thank you!

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Heroine of Time

Height: 5'8  Weight: 315lbs

Current Challenge: RhiaWolfe Follows the Way of the Samurai

Previous Challenges: 1234567891011121314151617181920212223

"Reach for the stars! If you only make it to the moon, you've still done good!" - My Dad

"Hyaaaat! Jeeyat-Hiyaaaah Hiet! Hyaaaaaaa Hiyyyyet! Hiyaaaaat Hiyaaaa!" - Link

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Thursday, 1/16/2020 Update:

 

Good morning everyone! Time for an update. 

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Goal 1: Find a purpose (Big Why) 

I need to think and meditate on my big whys. I'm really losing sight of why I want to do this. It's been hard to keep that in my head. I think right now my big why is wanting to live life to the fullest and just being a  happier person. I am not happy just going home and sitting on the couch with no energy. I want to DO things. I want to feel better physically and mentally. I remember some of the greatest times of my life were when I was doing good on my health and fitness goals. It's time to focus on those goals again. 

 

 

Goal 1: Drink Water, not Soda 

Yesterday, I actually had soda with breakfast. I started this challenge after I had already had soda with breakfast. Today I'm already doing a lot better. 

 

 

Goal 3: Eat at Home 

Yesterday, I didn't eat well at home, but I did eat at home. I had a frozen pizza. Today I'm already doing a lot better since I cooked breakfast at home before coming to work. 

 

 

 

Today after work I'm going out with friends to a bad movie night. I got invited and my friend has been trying to get me to go for a long while. Should be a good time. Tomorrow I am going to game night for the World of Darkness campaign my friends and I are going to be playing. We're coming to the end of the current campaign and the next game it's my turn to DM. I have some ideas. I may share some of them here to get feedback from you all nerdy peeps!

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Heroine of Time

Height: 5'8  Weight: 315lbs

Current Challenge: RhiaWolfe Follows the Way of the Samurai

Previous Challenges: 1234567891011121314151617181920212223

"Reach for the stars! If you only make it to the moon, you've still done good!" - My Dad

"Hyaaaat! Jeeyat-Hiyaaaah Hiet! Hyaaaaaaa Hiyyyyet! Hiyaaaaat Hiyaaaa!" - Link

Fitbit Profile * Good Reads

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Hey, Heroine (or Rhia).

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. It's over ten years since my father died but I remember what it was like. The grieving process can't be rushed, and life is going to suck for a while, but it does get better.

 

I think it's great that you've come here and that you're setting goals. It's an effective way to keep a hold of hope, and that's important right now.

 

I'm following along and will watch your progress... and I know how difficult it is to say no to pizza. 😉

 

I hope the movie is bad enough to be laughable (there's a fine line), and that we get a review.

 

I love the Link quote in your sig. :smile-new:

 

Is Rhia a character from Twilight Princess? I haven't played that yet, but it's on the list.

Current Challenge: More treasure-hunting in Kakariko graveyard

Epic Quest: Kokiri Forest | Great Deku Tree | Great Deku Tree, part 2 - boss fight | Meeting Princess Zelda | In the royal tomb | Still in the royal tomb | Treasure-hunting in Kakariko graveyard

___

 

"A sword wields no strength unless the hand that holds it has courage." --- Hero's Shade, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.

 

___

 

I help research into the Coronavirus with Rosetta@home and World Community Grid. You can too.

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5 hours ago, The Hero of Time said:

Hey, Heroine (or Rhia).

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. It's over ten years since my father died but I remember what it was like. The grieving process can't be rushed, and life is going to suck for a while, but it does get better.

 

 

Thanks, it's the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life. I'm really struggling, but trying to make it through. 

 

5 hours ago, The Hero of Time said:

 

I think it's great that you've come here and that you're setting goals. It's an effective way to keep a hold of hope, and that's important right now.

 

I'm following along and will watch your progress... and I know how difficult it is to say no to pizza. 😉

 

 

Definitely trying to hold on to hope. I think right now what I'm lacking most is my "Big Why" and my confidence that this is something I can do. I've made progress and slid back so many times it's hard to really hold my head up for my fitness and nutritional goals. However, I feel that giving up is really the worst thing I can do, so I'm here, trying this again. Hopefully with support from my NF family I'll find my way! 

 

5 hours ago, The Hero of Time said:

 

I hope the movie is bad enough to be laughable (there's a fine line), and that we get a review.

 

 

I'm excited about the movie night tonight! No idea what we're watching yet. I will definitely update you on how it goes. It's been a while since I've had a bad movie night with friends. :) 

 

5 hours ago, The Hero of Time said:

 

I love the Link quote in your sig. :smile-new:

 

Is Rhia a character from Twilight Princess? I haven't played that yet, but it's on the list.

 

I'm glad you like the quote. Hehe. The Legend of Zelda is my biggest fandom. I have a tattoo of navi on my right ankle and below it says "Courage" in Hylian script. It's the only tattoo I have right now. OOT is my favorite, but BOTW is a close second. I love exploration in games, and BOTW had that in spades!

 

Rhia isn't a Zelda character. My real name is Reanna. When I was in middle school I read a book series called the Lost Years of Merlin and the girl was named Rhiannon but she went by Rhia. I decided to start using that as my internet handle. Now it's actually my RL nickname. Even my husband calls me Rhia. 

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Heroine of Time

Height: 5'8  Weight: 315lbs

Current Challenge: RhiaWolfe Follows the Way of the Samurai

Previous Challenges: 1234567891011121314151617181920212223

"Reach for the stars! If you only make it to the moon, you've still done good!" - My Dad

"Hyaaaat! Jeeyat-Hiyaaaah Hiet! Hyaaaaaaa Hiyyyyet! Hiyaaaaat Hiyaaaa!" - Link

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Rhia-

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I can't imagine what you must be experiencing right now. We are here for you as you work through it. It won't be easy and I hope you'll give yourself credit for the hard battle you're fighting right now. 

 

I am so so so happy to have you back, though, my friend! I wish it were under better circumstances, but you are back home. 

 

All the love.

Race: Wood Elf

Level 20

Class: Ranger

Strength: 45 | Dexterity: 15 | Stamina: 44 | Constitution: 29 | Wisdom: 35 | Charisma: 28

BATTLE LOG   EPIC QUEST  CHALLENGE

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So sorry about your loss. Like Fonzico said though, so happy you are back here. Give yourself time to grieve, in your own way and own time.  We are here to support you

Wisdom 18   Dexterity 11   Charisma 12   Strength 16  Constitution-12

Elastigirl Endeavors, Experiments, , and Explains - Current Challenge: May 9 to June 12 - Nerd Fitness Rebellion

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song, above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world" J.R.R.Tolkien

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Friday, 1/17/2020 Update:

 

Goal 1: Find a purpose (Big Why) 

Right now I think my biggest why is to not get sick. I'm really worried that I'm starting to develop diabetes. It could also just be stress and malnutrition. I'm trying to find a new primary care doctor. I want to feel better.

 

Goal 1: Drink Water, not Soda 

Friday I didn't have soda for breakfast. I actually think I only had 2 sodas that day. 

 

Goal 3: Eat at Home 

Friday I ate a home cooked meal at a friend's house. It was a bunch of different salads. Honestly, I didn't really care for the meal, but it was healthy!

 

Saturday, 1/18/2020 Update:

 

Goal 1: Find a purpose (Big Why) 

I am right now kinda obsessing over the big why of potential diabetes. 

 

Goal 1: Drink Water, not Soda 

Saturday, I only had 1 can of soda, and that was with lunch! Doing good here. 

 

Goal 3: Eat at Home 

I ate a healthy breakfast at home and a somewhat healthy lunch. 

 

Sunday, 1/19/2020 Update:

 

Goal 1: Find a purpose (Big Why) 

Still obsessing.

 

Goal 1: Drink Water, not Soda 

I had two sodas yesterday, but neither of them were with breakfast. I started my day off right with a healthy breakfast. I even went to the grocery store yesterday. 

 

Goal 3: Eat at Home 

I didn't eat out at all yesterday. Breakfast I made eggs, toast, and fruit. Lunch was a ham sandwich with ramen and an apple. I tried a new recipe for dinner, but didn't love it, sadly. It was a marinara chicken with zucchini, but the zucchini was really mushy and the chicken was pretty bland. 

 

Today:

 

I'm so tired. I did start off the day right though. I had a healthy breakfast and am drinking tea for my caffeine instead of soda. However, I am so sleepy and don't feel like doing anything. Not much motivation today. 

 

I do have therapy today. I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to that or not. I'm just tired. I want to go home and sleep... maybe knit or read a good book. I'm a little obsessed with my current knitting project. A friend of mine is having a baby. I'm knitting her a babay yoda hat and a blanket so she can dress her baby up as baby yoda. 

 

 

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Heroine of Time

Height: 5'8  Weight: 315lbs

Current Challenge: RhiaWolfe Follows the Way of the Samurai

Previous Challenges: 1234567891011121314151617181920212223

"Reach for the stars! If you only make it to the moon, you've still done good!" - My Dad

"Hyaaaat! Jeeyat-Hiyaaaah Hiet! Hyaaaaaaa Hiyyyyet! Hiyaaaaat Hiyaaaa!" - Link

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On 1/17/2020 at 5:39 PM, Fonzico said:

Rhia-

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I can't imagine what you must be experiencing right now. We are here for you as you work through it. It won't be easy and I hope you'll give yourself credit for the hard battle you're fighting right now. 

 

I am so so so happy to have you back, though, my friend! I wish it were under better circumstances, but you are back home. 

 

All the love.

 

Heya Fonz. It's good to be back. I hope that you guys can help keep me encouraged. 

 

I'm having trouble cutting myself some slack following my mom dying. I'm bad at cutting myself slack for anything really. I just know that I'm the heaviest I've ever been and I"m not ok with it. 

 

On 1/17/2020 at 7:57 PM, Elastigirl said:

So sorry about your loss. Like Fonzico said though, so happy you are back here. Give yourself time to grieve, in your own way and own time.  We are here to support you

 

Thanks, Elastigirl. It's been hard... 

 

On 1/18/2020 at 9:06 PM, Maigs said:

Rhia, I'm glad to see you back! I'm very sorry for your loss, and I'm sure the complicated relationship you had with her is making for a complicated grieving process. We are definitely here to support you

 

It is definitely a complicated grieving process. I'm not really sure how to process all of it. I am going to therapy today. Been trying to have regular therapy appointments to try and work through all of this. 

Heroine of Time

Height: 5'8  Weight: 315lbs

Current Challenge: RhiaWolfe Follows the Way of the Samurai

Previous Challenges: 1234567891011121314151617181920212223

"Reach for the stars! If you only make it to the moon, you've still done good!" - My Dad

"Hyaaaat! Jeeyat-Hiyaaaah Hiet! Hyaaaaaaa Hiyyyyet! Hiyaaaaat Hiyaaaa!" - Link

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Therapy is an excellent place to be right now. 

 

I hear your frustrations with your weight, but try to remember that you can't change your body from a place of hate - you have to love yourself right as you are now and treat yourself like you do.

(This is a huge thing that I'm trying so hard to work on right now, and it is so bloody difficult, but I really really feel like we all need to embrace it! So come, join me in this mindset shift, I need the company!)

Race: Wood Elf

Level 20

Class: Ranger

Strength: 45 | Dexterity: 15 | Stamina: 44 | Constitution: 29 | Wisdom: 35 | Charisma: 28

BATTLE LOG   EPIC QUEST  CHALLENGE

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2 hours ago, Fonzico said:

Therapy is an excellent place to be right now. 

 

I hear your frustrations with your weight, but try to remember that you can't change your body from a place of hate - you have to love yourself right as you are now and treat yourself like you do.

(This is a huge thing that I'm trying so hard to work on right now, and it is so bloody difficult, but I really really feel like we all need to embrace it! So come, join me in this mindset shift, I need the company!)

 

Well... I don't exactly hate myself right now. I'm not sure I'm in a good position to "love" myself right now... that is definitely a hard mindshift. 

 

I went to therapy and I talked to my therapist about how much anxiety I've had lately, how I feel overwhelmed, how I've frustrated with my weight, how I"m worried about diabetes, and how I just don't really feel like doing anything and feel lazy. She says that she thinks I"m still grieving and that this is part of the process. I got frustrated. I really don't see how I can still be in that big of a part of the grieving process. I'm not really thinking about my mom all the time anymore. I tend to have more good days than bad days. Right now I just don't feel like I'm doing "enough" ya know? 

 

I want to think happy thoughts and get into a better mindset on the whole, but I'm really not sure how to do that at the moment. Anyone have any suggestions/ideas? 

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Heroine of Time

Height: 5'8  Weight: 315lbs

Current Challenge: RhiaWolfe Follows the Way of the Samurai

Previous Challenges: 1234567891011121314151617181920212223

"Reach for the stars! If you only make it to the moon, you've still done good!" - My Dad

"Hyaaaat! Jeeyat-Hiyaaaah Hiet! Hyaaaaaaa Hiyyyyet! Hiyaaaaat Hiyaaaa!" - Link

Fitbit Profile * Good Reads

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Do you journal at all? 

I find being deliberately grateful can be really helpful with mindset. 

Write down every day something you're grateful for, something good that happened and something you're proud of yourself for doing. They don't have to be big things, in fact, tiny little things are almost better, because if you can be happy about the littlest things, it'll help. 

 

And move. Don't workout because of some sense of obligation, but find something you legitimately enjoy. 

I've recently started working out regularly again after several months hiatus and I cannot believe how much it had improved my mood. 

 

I know these aren't anything earth shattering. But it's worth a try, right? 

Race: Wood Elf

Level 20

Class: Ranger

Strength: 45 | Dexterity: 15 | Stamina: 44 | Constitution: 29 | Wisdom: 35 | Charisma: 28

BATTLE LOG   EPIC QUEST  CHALLENGE

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On 1/17/2020 at 10:52 PM, RhiaWolfe said:

Thanks, it's the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life. I'm really struggling, but trying to make it through.

 

This, too, shall pass.

 

It does take time, but it gets easier.

 

On 1/17/2020 at 10:52 PM, RhiaWolfe said:

I've made progress and slid back so many times it's hard to really hold my head up for my fitness and nutritional goals.

 

I learned something profound when I studied Game Theory. That is, wherever we are now, it's the start of a brand new game. The moves that were made before this moment don't matter. The only thing we can do is play the best game we can from this position.

 

Start from here. The past has gone.

 

On 1/20/2020 at 2:23 PM, RhiaWolfe said:

Right now I think my biggest why is to not get sick. I'm really worried that I'm starting to develop diabetes.

 

I wonder whether a good Why may be to become healthier in general. Reduced insulin sensitivity would be a good thing for a lot (most?) people. Cutting down on soda is an excellent first step (I've found sparkling spring water to be a good replacement). What other things do you think might work for you?

 

How was movie night?

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Current Challenge: More treasure-hunting in Kakariko graveyard

Epic Quest: Kokiri Forest | Great Deku Tree | Great Deku Tree, part 2 - boss fight | Meeting Princess Zelda | In the royal tomb | Still in the royal tomb | Treasure-hunting in Kakariko graveyard

___

 

"A sword wields no strength unless the hand that holds it has courage." --- Hero's Shade, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.

 

___

 

I help research into the Coronavirus with Rosetta@home and World Community Grid. You can too.

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21 hours ago, The Hero of Time said:

Reduced insulin sensitivity would be a good thing for a lot (most?) people.

 

That should have been "reduced insulin resistance", sorry.

Current Challenge: More treasure-hunting in Kakariko graveyard

Epic Quest: Kokiri Forest | Great Deku Tree | Great Deku Tree, part 2 - boss fight | Meeting Princess Zelda | In the royal tomb | Still in the royal tomb | Treasure-hunting in Kakariko graveyard

___

 

"A sword wields no strength unless the hand that holds it has courage." --- Hero's Shade, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.

 

___

 

I help research into the Coronavirus with Rosetta@home and World Community Grid. You can too.

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Besides the fact we are sharing a Witcher theme, I'm here for this, my friend. So sorry for your lost and the aftereffects of what's going on. Vent, rant, breakdown and build back up during this challenge: we'll be here to support you and lift you out of the muck.

 

Image result for geralt and jaskier gif

 

Wolf

Wild Wolf- LEVEL 2 (but probably more like lvl 50 if I didn't respawn so much)

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Know, O prince, that once the sun burns out and the earth's core becomes solid and cold, there will come a man to provide the endless energy needed to sustain life and for the planets to keep moving. He is the source of light and the warmth of hope back into the hearts of humanity...." - Dark_Raider

 

A wolf rises in my heart; against my darkness; against my demons; against my despair. I DECLARE WAR!

 

Romans 8:28 (CSB) We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to His purpose.

 

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How are you doing, Rhia?

Current Challenge: More treasure-hunting in Kakariko graveyard

Epic Quest: Kokiri Forest | Great Deku Tree | Great Deku Tree, part 2 - boss fight | Meeting Princess Zelda | In the royal tomb | Still in the royal tomb | Treasure-hunting in Kakariko graveyard

___

 

"A sword wields no strength unless the hand that holds it has courage." --- Hero's Shade, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.

 

___

 

I help research into the Coronavirus with Rosetta@home and World Community Grid. You can too.

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On 1/21/2020 at 9:17 AM, Fonzico said:

 

And move. Don't workout because of some sense of obligation, but find something you legitimately enjoy. 

 

 

I've actually started doing something regarding this sort of idea. I'll explain in my update below. 

 

On 1/21/2020 at 9:42 AM, The Hero of Time said:

 

This, too, shall pass.

 

It does take time, but it gets easier.

 

 

I've just been impatient with myself. I'm trying to fix something that can't be "fixed". I'm doing a lot better and I'll explain in my update. 

 

On 1/21/2020 at 9:42 AM, The Hero of Time said:

 

I learned something profound when I studied Game Theory. That is, wherever we are now, it's the start of a brand new game. The moves that were made before this moment don't matter. The only thing we can do is play the best game we can from this position.

 

Start from here. The past has gone.

 

 

It's one of those things that I try to keep in mind, but it's easier said that done. Recently I've been consumed with the past I think. I haven't had faith in myself or my ability to heal with time. I'm starting to have a little more confidence and hope. 

 

On 1/21/2020 at 9:42 AM, The Hero of Time said:

 

How was movie night?

 

Movie night was fun! We watched the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. It was called, The Quest for Egg Salad. It was so bad... I wish I had been more drunk. lol. I had to drive home though, so I couldn't drink too much. Man, it was fun though hanging out with everyone. 

 

On 1/22/2020 at 7:37 AM, Wild Wolf said:

Besides the fact we are sharing a Witcher theme, I'm here for this, my friend. So sorry for your lost and the aftereffects of what's going on. Vent, rant, breakdown and build back up during this challenge: we'll be here to support you and lift you out of the muck.

 

Image result for geralt and jaskier gif

 

Wolf

 

Hey Wolf! I appreciate all of the support. It's been a rough time for me. I'm really trying to get back on track with my life. I"m kinda using this as a reset point. I'm looking at my life and what it looks like now and trying to decide what I want it to look like. Then look at the steps it will take to get there. 

 

 

 

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Heroine of Time

Height: 5'8  Weight: 315lbs

Current Challenge: RhiaWolfe Follows the Way of the Samurai

Previous Challenges: 1234567891011121314151617181920212223

"Reach for the stars! If you only make it to the moon, you've still done good!" - My Dad

"Hyaaaat! Jeeyat-Hiyaaaah Hiet! Hyaaaaaaa Hiyyyyet! Hiyaaaaat Hiyaaaa!" - Link

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Hey everyone! Update! 

 

So, I delved into a deeper depression. I didn't feel like doing anything. I continued to talk with my therapist, and she insists that this is just part of my grieving. It's weird because I don't feel like I'm actively grieving. I don't really think of my mom all that much anymore. It's more that I feel depressed and lethargic and can't pinpoint why. I've also been really antisocial. I'm a pretty social person, so I'm always hanging out with friends or doing something. Recently, I've been staying home and doing nothing but reading or knitting. 

 

I've felt that I have been lazy. Not just fatigued, but lazy. I feel like saying I'm grieving for my mom is just a convenient excuse for me not to do anything. Or at least that's how I've been feeling. 

 

Now, I'm feeling a lot better. I think for me, it's more that I had such a close brush with death and actually saw what that looks like. I think I've been a bit of a hypochondriac lately too because I've been paranoid that any "symptom" I show is the start of some serious illness. I think my therapist has been right (whodathunkit?) and while it may not be grieving directly, I'm recovering from a real traumatic experience. My mom died only a month and a half ago. I can't expect myself to be all right after just a month and a half. 

 

Starting the beginning of this week, I started eating a healthier breakfast. Not because of a challenge. Not because I told myself I need to do it. It was because I genuinely wanted to eat something healthier rather than going out to McDonald's every morning. I've also stopped drinking soda before noon. Again, not because of a challenge, but because I want to. I made dinner last night instead of going out for fast food because I wanted to. 

 

I feel that this is a big step in the right direction. I'm hoping to keep up the trend. I'm trying to decide whether to update my challenge, or rather for the next week or two, see where this takes me. I think I might do that and see what happens. I'll keep everyone up to date here, but I'm not going to be trying to achieve a specific goal right now. As I said before, right now I'm just kinda taking a look at what my life looks like now and what I want it to look like. Then I'm going to break it down and see what I need to do to make that happen. 

 

I really appreciate all the follow up and support. Thanks guys! 

 

giphy.gif

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Heroine of Time

Height: 5'8  Weight: 315lbs

Current Challenge: RhiaWolfe Follows the Way of the Samurai

Previous Challenges: 1234567891011121314151617181920212223

"Reach for the stars! If you only make it to the moon, you've still done good!" - My Dad

"Hyaaaat! Jeeyat-Hiyaaaah Hiet! Hyaaaaaaa Hiyyyyet! Hiyaaaaat Hiyaaaa!" - Link

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22 hours ago, RhiaWolfe said:

I think I've been a bit of a hypochondriac lately too because I've been paranoid that any "symptom" I show is the start of some serious illness

 

I remember that, after my father died from lung cancer, I became hyper-sensitive to sensations in that area of my body, and became convinced that I was developing symptoms. I'm not prone to hypochondria. I just think that losing a loved one is a shocking reminder of life's fragility.

 

22 hours ago, RhiaWolfe said:

My mom died only a month and a half ago. I can't expect myself to be all right after just a month and a half. 

 

Wise words.

 

22 hours ago, RhiaWolfe said:

Starting the beginning of this week, I started eating a healthier breakfast. Not because of a challenge. Not because I told myself I need to do it. It was because I genuinely wanted to eat something healthier rather than going out to McDonald's every morning. I've also stopped drinking soda before noon. Again, not because of a challenge, but because I want to. I made dinner last night instead of going out for fast food because I wanted to.

 

That is the best sign of progress you could possibly have. All the right ingredients are there (no pun intended).

 

22 hours ago, RhiaWolfe said:

As I said before, right now I'm just kinda taking a look at what my life looks like now and what I want it to look like. Then I'm going to break it down and see what I need to do to make that happen.

 

That is absolutely the right approach and the best response to the current situation.

 

Update as you see fit but we're all keen to hear about your progress.

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I totally get how you'd still be grieving even if it doesn't feel like grieving. About a year ago I pretty suddenly lost a great-aunt to liver cancer (diagnosed in September, died in November). I was not close to her at all but there was still a week or two of grieving/processing. And this was for someone I don't remember meeting until my 20's and still barely knew. Some of it was just that a person had died, and some was that I shared genetics with had cancer and died very quickly of it, can/will that happen to me?

 

The second half of your post was beautiful. You're doing stuff for you

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1 hour ago, The Hero of Time said:

 

I remember that, after my father died from lung cancer, I became hyper-sensitive to sensations in that area of my body, and became convinced that I was developing symptoms. I'm not prone to hypochondria. I just think that losing a loved one is a shocking reminder of life's fragility.

 

 

Yeah, I started noticing some things that made me think that maybe I'm developing diabetes... however, the symptoms I was feeling could also be caused by malnutrition and/or stress.

 

Then I started having pains in my side and wondered if something was wrong with my organs... Then I realized I had knots in my muscles from leaning too hard on the couch arms while reading. 

 

That sort of thing. 

 

1 hour ago, The Hero of Time said:

 

That is the best sign of progress you could possibly have. All the right ingredients are there (no pun intended).

 

 

That's disappointing. Always intend your puns! :P

 

1 hour ago, The Hero of Time said:

 

That is absolutely the right approach and the best response to the current situation.

 

Update as you see fit but we're all keen to hear about your progress.

 

I'm just glad to be making some kind of progress. Just something going in the right direction. I've been feeling pretty discouraged. 

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3 minutes ago, Maigs said:

I totally get how you'd still be grieving even if it doesn't feel like grieving. About a year ago I pretty suddenly lost a great-aunt to liver cancer (diagnosed in September, died in November). I was not close to her at all but there was still a week or two of grieving/processing. And this was for someone I don't remember meeting until my 20's and still barely knew. Some of it was just that a person had died, and some was that I shared genetics with had cancer and died very quickly of it, can/will that happen to me?

 

 

This is the biggest loss of my life so far. I'm not sure how to deal with it. I kinda thought that after a couple of weeks I'd be ok. Apparently not. I'm still working through all of it. 

 

4 minutes ago, Maigs said:

 

The second half of your post was beautiful. You're doing stuff for you

 

I'm trying. I'm trying to think more about myself and what I want in my life. One thing that death did was make me really think about what I want  in my life and how to get it. Makes you realize how short and fragile life is. 

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Update 1/31/2020

 

Hey everyone. Yesterday was a good day. I ate a healthy breakfast. Then at lunch I went out to eat and had a soda. For dinner, I baked some chicken thighs and had that with mashed potatoes and corn. It's a lot better than what I have been eating. I've been eating a lot of fast food and heat and eat stuff. Then, before bed, I decided to do some stretching before bed and then listened to my favorite meditation while going to sleep. I slept pretty well. Overall an awesome day. 

 

This morning started off right. I made my healthy breakfast. On the way to work though, I kept thinking that I was still hungry. I decided to treat myself to a mcdonald's breakfast. I'm not going to beat myself up for it because it's really not a goal of mine just yet. While I am drinking a soda this morning, this is the first time I've done this all week. I used to get mcdonald's every morning. I'm still calling this a win. 

 

giphy.gif

 

Yesterday, my friend's wife had her baby. I'm excited for them. I'm working on knitting a blanket and a hat for their baby so they can dress their baby up like Baby Yoda. Tee hee. I worked on that last night while watching the second season of You on Netflix. I can't wait to finish and give them their gift. 

 

giphy.gif

 

My husband essentially quit his job the other day. This is both a good and bad thing. I think it's a good thing for him because he has been so depressed lately. Last night he smiled and spent some time with me. It was nice. I'm hoping tonight for date night he'll actually feel like doing something. The bad is, of course, money. However, we have some money saved up that we can live off of until he finds something else. I hope this works for him. 

 

However, I'm worried about my work. We recently had a lay off and I've been restricted to 40 hour work weeks (I usually work 45 hour work weeks). I'm worried that the company will soon be going to 36 hour work weeks. However, this also gives me more motivation not to eat out so much and cook meals at home instead. We'll see how this goes. 

 

I'm going to make today a good day though! Look to the hilt!

 

giphy.gif

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On 1/31/2020 at 2:14 PM, RhiaWolfe said:

Just something going in the right direction.

 

Going in the right direction should be celebrated.

 

On 1/31/2020 at 2:27 PM, RhiaWolfe said:

...so they can dress their baby up like Baby Yoda.

 

Two gifts in one! Clever thinking. 😉

 

On 1/31/2020 at 2:27 PM, RhiaWolfe said:

However, I'm worried about my work. We recently had a lay off and I've been restricted to 40 hour work weeks (I usually work 45 hour work weeks). I'm worried that the company will soon be going to 36 hour work weeks.

 

I hope the worry is staying under control. Are there other jobs advertised that look good?

Current Challenge: More treasure-hunting in Kakariko graveyard

Epic Quest: Kokiri Forest | Great Deku Tree | Great Deku Tree, part 2 - boss fight | Meeting Princess Zelda | In the royal tomb | Still in the royal tomb | Treasure-hunting in Kakariko graveyard

___

 

"A sword wields no strength unless the hand that holds it has courage." --- Hero's Shade, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.

 

___

 

I help research into the Coronavirus with Rosetta@home and World Community Grid. You can too.

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On 2/3/2020 at 6:43 AM, The Hero of Time said:

 

I hope the worry is staying under control. Are there other jobs advertised that look good?

 

I'm trying to stay with my current company. I'm supposed to get a promotion and pay raise since I've now got my degree. However, I'm going to wait to ask for that until business picks up again. We haven't gone to 36 hours yet... if we go to 36 hours and it stays that way for a long while, I'll start looking for something else. Right now, I'm mostly just hoping my husband finds something soon. He's been doing some stuff around the house, so that's been good. 

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"Reach for the stars! If you only make it to the moon, you've still done good!" - My Dad

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