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» loire reaps what she sows [rebuild chronicles; omake anniversary special!~]


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20 hours ago, Salinger said:

Oh you are so amazing - cheered me up so much this did :)

 

Hope your gym session was fun xx

 

It was BRUTAL but necessary... ahaha, I struggled a lot, but got through it!

 

19 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Loved the VLOG! The Necklace is just the right amount of spoopy!

 

THANKLES it is my favorite skull!! (well aside from the one in my head you know )

 

10 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

kawaii cheering GIF

 

4 hours ago, Big_Show said:

Holy PUNCHBAGS Mother Fulkerson!

 

On 2/16/2020 at 9:12 AM, Cheetah said:

You can do it!  Ra Ra Ra!  😄

 

 

THANK YOU ALL 🙏

 

On 2/15/2020 at 4:16 PM, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

Showed up because I've heard and seen your awesomeness...

Plus I'm also decided to do myfitnesspal for the sake of tracking.

 

Aw shucks, well thanks and WELCOME~ *^_^*

 

Yes yes let us track and make every good food decision we can!!

 

3 hours ago, Urgan said:

Ready for Round two like

 

giphy.gif

 

Except the part where I land on my head GANBATTE NEEEEEEEE

  • Like 5

i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

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Loire had taken it upon herself to slip out of the back door of the cabin in a moment of everyone's distraction, footfalls soft through freshly fallen snow to the stone wall encircling the property, where she perched precariously on the edge, shielded by a heavy bough of snow-covered birch branches. It was cold out, but dry, the chill in the air thankfully not heavy enough to soak through to your bones, and so she sat on the wall; arms curled around bent legs, chin resting on her knees. She watched the cabin with a blank gaze, the smoke from the chimney gradually fading into nothingness, and Loire closed her eyes and took a deep breath through her nose, savoring the poignant scent of a woodstove on a grey day.

 

She wasn't happy with herself. To some point she understood why, but to some she still did not.

 

She kept her eyes shut, brows furrowing, and arms tightened around bent legs as Loire leaned her weight into the massive tree at her side. After everything she'd done, and everywhere she'd gone, still she felt like this? It made her angry, bitter, rueful at the world. She ignored the stinging warmth at the corners of tightly shut eyes and just... sat, in her grey and wintry silence, for quite some time.  But she knew he was coming.

 

The Fury didn't say anything for as long as Loire sat there in her shell. But she finally opened her eyes, blurry gaze lifting to him slowly, and... waited. Waited for him to say what needed to be said. He didn't; dressed in a crisp black peacoat, a thermos cradled in both hands, features were unreadable and impassive as he watched her. The blanket from the back of the couch was draped over one shoulder, and they both remained motionless, watching each other as if predators preparing to square off, sizing each other up... it was only when Loire sat up just a bit, relaxing her tense posture, that he wordlessly took a step forward, holding the thermos before him as if it were a peace offering.

 

"... 'S your favorite.  Anise and cinnamon."

 

His words were soft and humble and Loire unexpectedly felt her eyes well up, unbidden. She took the thermos in one quick motion and clutched it to her chest, turning her face away from him so he couldn't see her cry. She heard the softly indignant exhale of air through his nose, the crunch of snow under his boots, and felt the blanket draped over her shoulders as he sat down next to her. 

 

"What's -wrong- with me?" Her question came out in a furtive sort of hiss, words tinged with a painful sort of lilt, and Loire suddenly felt very heavy as the air fell silent between them.

 

"You're human." His response was simple, matter of fact, and while it made sense it sure didn't make her feel any better.  Loire took a slow deep breath, doing her best to ground herself as she slowly sat up, focusing her attention on the thermos clutched like a life preserver in both hands.  She unscrewed the lid, and quietly reveled in the encroaching scent of spiced licorice as it mingled with the woodstove, inherently comforting. She continued to watch the steam rise from the hot tea within the thermos, unable to look at The Fury just yet. 

 

" 'M sorry I yelled at you," he continued, tone soft and metered - a very out of place characteristic for this man - yet it didn't last for very long as he continued in his predictable speech.  "But... shit. That shit's gonna do nothing but hold you back. It's not -good- for you, so why the hell--"

 

"You think I don't -know- that?!" Loire wheeled on him, interrupting with vicious words akin to a cornered animal.  It took The Fury off guard and he hesitated, eyes widening at the venom in Loire's gaze and tone alike. The silence fell between them both again like a heavy shroud, and he watched her curiously before speaking again, words soft and chosen quite carefully.

 

" ... It's making you bitter."

 

"I know."

 

Her reply was nearly instantaneous, because she -did- know, and Loire's chin declined in a semblance of defeat as she loosened her death grip on the thermos. She felt the warmth from the liquid within, the literal heat from the facet sitting aside her, from the blanket about her shoulders, but at the same time she also felt nothing, and it made her spiteful. Loire quietly wondered if she had carried those artifacts for too long. "I.. can't get rid of them.  I just can't."

 

"You have to." The Fury was still watching her, curious, ruddy brows furrowed over an intensely serious expression. "What they're doin' in there with 'em... for you, that's the only way you can take 'em." One hand gestured vaguely back towards the cabin, where The Light and The Revenent were doing who-knows-what with her baggage.  "You can't do it any other way. You're gonna get filled with the bad anger, okay, I can feel it. It's already starting. I..." The Fury's voice trailed off for a few moments, as if he were trying to comprehend the entirety of the situation, foreign feelings and emotions alike.  He turned his face away, gazing strongly at the forest filled with dark trees, and mirrored Loire's posture inherently, drawing his chin to bent knees. 

 

"I don't understand," he finally concluded, voice a mixture of petulance and uncertainty. "Why you can't just say, 'fuck it' to that stuff."

 

A small smile curved Loire's lips, finally, although it struggled to reach her eyes. "It's 'cause you're not human."

 

 

 

I'd like to thank the doldrums of winter, feeling cooped up because of the cold, and Alan Ellis' 2016 album Morning Dew for allowing me to sit down for a good hour today and get this narrative off my chest~

 

Interestingly enough I am finding myself bitter at certain aspects of my life that are out of my control. I'm working very hard to let these emotions manifest and do their thing while not turning into a contemptible shrew but man, some days? I just wanna be BITTER.  And I don't like that!  It's not who I am, and I know I'm being specifically vague here, but I'm just going to keep sitting with things and adapting the best I can and see what happens...

 

Anyways it's also a good boost to my narrative, which I've been planning to go in this direction anyway~

  • Like 6

i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

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2 hours ago, loire said:

Interestingly enough I am finding myself bitter at certain aspects of my life that are out of my control. I'm working very hard to let these emotions manifest and do their thing while not turning into a contemptible shrew but man, some days? I just wanna be BITTER.  And I don't like that!  It's not who I am, and I know I'm being specifically vague here, but I'm just going to keep sitting with things and adapting the best I can and see what happens...

 

I get this feeling sooooooooooooooooo much. If you ever want to talk about it, I am here.

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13 hours ago, loire said:

It's not who I am, and I know I'm being specifically vague here, but I'm just going to keep sitting with things and adapting the best I can and see what happens...

 

Echoing Tank and Stars, DM is always open! I can be quite the opposite of how i portray to be here ;) 

 

Hopefully your mood will swing soon. It's hard for us too, reading a whole post with only one word in CAPS!

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... a little odd in the head ...

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Hi!

 

You vlog was lovely as always.  🙂  Good job going to the gym!

 

Winter doldrums are the worst.  I hope you have a better week this week.

 

Keep up the good work!

  • Thanks 1

  Level 46 Quasi-Human Ranger     

"Forget failure.  Forget mistakes.  Forget everything except what you're going to do NOW, and DO IT." - Lou Ferrigno

"Foxes Never Quit!"  -  Leicester City FC

KBO. - Churchill

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Hi friends -

 

Thank you for all your sweet responses~ ❤️ I've had a challenging week so far and it's still kinda on 'yikes' mode so I'm just doing my best to take care of myself until it (hopefully) passes, or at least lessens.  I haven't been logging my food since Monday, but I also haven't had any alcohol since the weekend, and am sticking to my pre-made meals, so that's a win.  I'm planning on going to boxing tonight in hopes that'll help pull me out of the pit.

 

Longer update hopefully Friday, LOVE YOU ALL V MUCH OK <33333 (there are some caps!!)

  • Like 7

i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

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PUSH POPS

 

also BOXING

 

(yes I'm only just now watching your vlog and catching up on all this)

 

Sorry you've had a rough week. 😥

Bitterness is like...........I actually don't have a good metaphor but I've been thinking about bitterness recently too and it sucks.

 

I want to try boxing! I shall follow your journey and take notes. Mental notes. I did aikido for 5 years which means I can fall but I can't punch and also the only thing I got hit with was the floor...

 

One thing I have yet to figure out in my investigation of boxing is whether you wear hand wraps under the gloves? I feel like yes. Does anyone else thing hand wraps are cool? And do you wear boxing shoes or go barefoot? (the place was looking at said either and since I have a special love for shoes and gear I was like BOXING SHOES?? but just curious what you're doing.)

 

UPDATE: Two seconds after I hit send on this I Googled boxing shoes (because I didn't do that when I first learned they were a thing) and they are definitely a certain aesthetic...also Google said they aren't needed unless you're competing....so I'm amending my question to do you do boxing barefoot or with shoes of any kind? heh

  • Like 2
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On 2/19/2020 at 9:44 PM, foxinthenorth said:

One thing I have yet to figure out in my investigation of boxing is whether you wear hand wraps under the gloves? I feel like yes. Does anyone else thing hand wraps are cool?

Pretty sure on every sport that involves boxing gloves, you're not ever supposed to put them on without wraps underneath.

  • Like 3
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On 2/19/2020 at 2:44 PM, foxinthenorth said:

PUSH POPS

 

also BOXING

 

(yes I'm only just now watching your vlog and catching up on all this)

 

Sorry you've had a rough week. 😥

Bitterness is like...........I actually don't have a good metaphor but I've been thinking about bitterness recently too and it sucks.

 

I want to try boxing! I shall follow your journey and take notes. Mental notes. I did aikido for 5 years which means I can fall but I can't punch and also the only thing I got hit with was the floor...

 

One thing I have yet to figure out in my investigation of boxing is whether you wear hand wraps under the gloves? I feel like yes. Does anyone else thing hand wraps are cool? And do you wear boxing shoes or go barefoot? (the place was looking at said either and since I have a special love for shoes and gear I was like BOXING SHOES?? but just curious what you're doing.)

 

UPDATE: Two seconds after I hit send on this I Googled boxing shoes (because I didn't do that when I first learned they were a thing) and they are definitely a certain aesthetic...also Google said they aren't needed unless you're competing....so I'm amending my question to do you do boxing barefoot or with shoes of any kind? heh

 

On 2/21/2020 at 4:19 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

Pretty sure on every sport that involves boxing gloves, you're not ever supposed to put them on without wraps underneath.

 

DR is right!  Big big yes to handwraps!  They look hella fly but also good support for your hands and wrists.

 

I'm very used to punching without gloves, so that's taken some getting used to.  Gotta wash 'em this weekend too aaaa don't forget loire!!!

 

I'm also used to training barefoot, but I've been wearing shoes because this isn't like a traditional martial art... I have seen some people train in socks though so ??? I have trouble pivoting on the balls of my feet in shoes, the shoe soles make it difficult.  I have to ask my trainer's advice next week!

 

On 2/19/2020 at 2:51 PM, TGP said:

You've been a pillar of support for me

so like many other people I'm thinking of you.

 

one can't survive on ALL CAPS AT ALL MOMENTS

 

... and that's really ok.

 

let us know how we can help.

 

On 2/20/2020 at 12:17 AM, Cheetah said:

You're doing great!  Keep up the good work!

 

On 2/20/2020 at 1:51 AM, Mr_Willes said:

 

I can't handle MFP without a shitload of booze either...

 

Afbeeldingsresultaat voor drunk gif

 

On 2/20/2020 at 1:47 PM, Echoceanic said:

Sorry you feel like this loire, but we're here and you'll survive. :))

 

Big big big big B I G thanks everyone ~

 

❤️❤️ I did survive and I'm not my usual best but I am pretty darn close!!!  I appreciate all your support more than you know............

 

22 hours ago, Salinger said:

heyyyy how are you Loire??xx

 

I am

 

o k a y

 

Hi everyone I already fell off the tracking wagon, I was a little grumbly about it but it's.... just too much for me right now.  I have time on the weekends but the weekdays are SO jam packed that sitting down and remembering everything I ate and entering it and calculating, is just too overwhelming for me right now.  So I'm going to amend my challenge to try my best to do it intuitively.  I -know- I need more protein, and I have a good feeling that my calorie intake is where it should be, so I'm going to go with that. I'll focus more on protein and recovery and see where it goes...

 

Boxing was hard last week 'cause I was kinda in The Pit, the workout was a physical and mental struggle, but it lifted my spirits so much and I felt great at the end.  I'm heading to the gym tomorrow for workout #3 so at least I'm on track for exercise this week!!!

 

The weather is supposed to get up into the high 40's tomorrow so I'm hopeful to maybe get outside or at least open a window for fresh air... :3

  • Like 9

i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

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3 minutes ago, loire said:

I have trouble pivoting on the balls of my feet in shoes, the shoe soles make it difficult.

 

I have problems with pivoting in general. I either pivot too fast, my foot slides around, or I actually can't do it at all. 

  • Like 1

"... However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light." -  Stanley Kubrick

"Difficult for myself? Agent... I was born difficult for myself." - Clint Barton

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On 2/22/2020 at 8:01 AM, loire said:

Hi everyone I already fell off the tracking wagon, I was a little grumbly about it but it's.... just too much for me right now.  I have time on the weekends but the weekdays are SO jam packed that sitting down and remembering everything I ate and entering it and calculating, is just too overwhelming for me right now.  So I'm going to amend my challenge to try my best to do it intuitively.  I -know- I need more protein, and I have a good feeling that my calorie intake is where it should be, so I'm going to go with that. I'll focus more on protein and recovery and see where it goes...

 

This sounds like a super idea!!

 

Way to keep up with the workouts. ☺️

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1

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On 2/22/2020 at 8:05 AM, Echoceanic said:

 

I have problems with pivoting in general. I either pivot too fast, my foot slides around, or I actually can't do it at all. 


My kneecap wants to dislocate when I pivot (or at least it did before surgery, but I have a hard time trusting it even after 20-some years).

  • Like 2

 Level -20 Zombie Princess

"The only way to lose is to give up."

 -Tanktimus the Encourager

"You can't beat someone that refuses to give up."

-Björn Járnhamar

Spoiler

 

 

 

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On 2/22/2020 at 10:05 AM, Echoceanic said:

 

I have problems with pivoting in general. I either pivot too fast, my foot slides around, or I actually can't do it at all. 

 

2 hours ago, Rinna said:


My kneecap wants to dislocate when I pivot (or at least it did before surgery, but I have a hard time trusting it even after 20-some years).

 

Pivoting on the ball of my foot is fairly straightforward for me, but it's so hard to do it in shoes because it's not technically on the ball of my foot, but the corresponding area on the sole of my shoe, and the rubber on rubber-esque material friction is a NO BUENOOOOOO.  I'm glad the majority of my body complies otherwise.....

 

On 2/23/2020 at 10:56 AM, Salinger said:

Hey! Realy glad boxing helped, and hoping gym workout 3 goes/went well. I need to remember the buzz that it gives us...! 

 

Sending you masses of love and hoping next week can be better and more peaceful for you xx

 

On 2/24/2020 at 11:44 AM, starsapart said:

 

This sounds like a super idea!!

 

Way to keep up with the workouts. ☺️

 

5 hours ago, Cheetah said:

I hope you're having a great week!

 

THANKS FRIENDS!!!  This week is already going way way better, I think the unseasonably warm temperatures we're having are a big help, but I'm not complaining.  (It was almost 60 yesterday!!)  It's going to get back down into the 30's/40's later this week but I'm hopeful the doldrums are on their way out.

 

On the topic of warmer weather, the past few days I've been wearing lighter clothes than usual here in the tundra, and I'm REALLY HYPE with the results already from me eating better and fitnessing consistently; my clothes are fitting great and I'm looking (and feeling!) hella fly and it makes me real real happy. ❤️❤️ 

 

NEVER STOP

DOING THE THING

 

My personal training session is tonight at boxing and I'm SO HYPE.  Y'all I feel I'm on the cusp of maybe being able to go twice a week without dying, maybe every OTHER week to start so I can really focus on recovery, but we'll see.  That may just be my hype as hell brain talking because my cardio still sucks out loud and I need to keep pacing myself a little better but, but, BUT..... :3

 

also look at my angry son LOOK AT HIM he is PERFECT ~ ~ ~

 

 

  • Like 6
  • That's Metal 2

i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

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