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RedStone Revisits Her Spawn Coordinates


RedStone

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Looking back on my NF history recently was really interesting. My very first challenges were always Minecraft themed, so I'm going to pay homage to them this round in honor of the 10 year anniversary!

 

pWo5ybB.jpg

 

I chose the name RedStone because of how useful it is in the game, but how difficult it is to obtain. This seems like a solid metaphor for my relationship to health and fitness - particularly my believing that I am deserving of such things.

 

Looking back to my challenges, it's easy now to see the patterns of when I relapsed with my eating disorders, when I made some real break throughs, and of course the connections I've made along the way. Even writing out this challenge right now, I feel like I'm helping myself to understand where I'm at and where I want to go. I'm happy that I took a break from challenging (smaller than I realized), because I'm coming back to it with fresh intent and perspective. #grateful

 

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So. Back to the present! 

 

Last challenge I had some real trouble surrounding my writing project, and the whole thing devolved into some massive anxiety and eventually depression. I made some really good strides talking it out with Mr Red over the past few days, and I'm ready to attack with new perspective on my emotions and how it relates to my productivity and how I spend my time. 

 

The long and short of it is that I've had some crippling anxiety surrounding imposter syndrome, and surprise surprise, after talking it out I realize it has happened every time I've tried to level up my work. It hapenned when I first moved into fitness as a PT (I'm now calling this Level 1), it hapenned again when I decided to go off on my own (Level 2), and it's been hapenning again surrounding this book and thinking about what the next move will be. 

 

Now that I have identified Level 3 and the fear I have surrounding it, I have a clear goal that has nothing to do with I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH, and everything to do with HOW WILL I GET THERE. I feel relieved, but there's work to be done.

 

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FIGHT THE IMPOSTER - STUDY AND WORK!

 

I often feel that I'm not educated enough to do what I do, but there is an easy fix for that - STUDY! In order to stay certified I have to do continuing education, and I have a live class open now that I need to finish. I've also been in the application process for a new certification. The process of studying keeps me focused on work, especially between actual clients, and gives me confidence that I'm doing my best for everyone. 

 

 

4Kh2eC0.png

 

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ESCAPE THE ZOMBIES - RUN!

 

Running has been the most consistent activity and physical stress release I've had since spraining my wrist. The light and slight strength experiments I did recently were a no go - if I wear my splint for a good portion of the day and don't push too hard my wrist feels better. I'm not going to try weights again until I've had a solid full week pain free, and when I do, it starts with gentle wrist rehab before anything else. So, running it is. As difficult as the timing is, I'd like to get to a 3x a week habit, which I will attempt to build up to this challenge. I've been using the Zombies, Run! app for a long time, it's fun and narrative and I enjoy it. I will continue doing the body weight work that I can manage.

 

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FUEL FOR SURVIVAL

 

I'll be continuing with the same nutrition oriented challenges, as it seems to be going well and coalescing. Mindful eating and holding back on drinking. The alcohol in particular has been extremely beneficial and I can feel the difference it makes in my life. Its really quite easy once I get into the swing of things. I will continue to observe my eating cravings and mindful practices surrounding food.

 

 

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So here's the breakdown

 

FITNESS

Run 2X a week for 2 weeks

Run 3X a week on the third week, see how this goes

BW strength 2X per week

 

NUTRITION

No drinking a minimum 2X per week

Continue mindful practices

 

LIFE

Study 2X per week for 1 hour

Work on book minimum of 2X per week

Finish work with editor (we have one more session before this period ends, after that I will be going on my own)

 

And as a bonus I'll be participating in the Zero Week Special Thing and try a screenless block the first week, soft commitment to continue it throughout the challenge!

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OH and I'd really like to find my pomodoro cube timer! I haven't seen it since we moved last summer, but it has to be around here somewhere...

  • Like 4
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24 minutes ago, RedStone said:

OH and I'd really like to find my pomodoro cube timer! I haven't seen it since we moved last summer, but it has to be around here somewhere...

 

Well, I found my cube timer... but while I was looking for it I also found my Nintendo DS. Now I'm googling DS cartridges 😶

 

tenor.gif?itemid=4920627

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  • Haha 10
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8 hours ago, RedStone said:

Well, I found my cube timer... but while I was looking for it I also found my Nintendo DS. Now I'm googling DS cartridges 😶

 

Just remember to do your googling in 25-minute intervals.

  • Like 1
  • Haha 2

Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32

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21 hours ago, RedStone said:

FIGHT THE IMPOSTER - STUDY AND WORK!

 

I often feel that I'm not educated enough to do what I do, but there is an easy fix for that - STUDY! In order to stay certified I have to do continuing education, and I have a live class open now that I need to finish. I've also been in the application process for a new certification. The process of studying keeps me focused on work, especially between actual clients, and gives me confidence that I'm doing my best for everyone. 

 

Ugh I could of wrote that. Imposter syndrome is my greatest nemesis when it comes to my work. With programming there's always new tech coming out and I have trouble keeping up with all the changes. 

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{Chase the wind and touch the sky; I will fly}

 

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RS!!! Of course I'm here for this!

 

And it's really cool reading your reflections on your fitness journey - you were one of the first nerds I looked up to (and I still do look up to you) so it's awesome to watch you work through your tough patches and get to a place of killin' it!!

  • Like 1

 Ballroom dancer, data nerd, calisthenics dabbler

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18 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Have fun with your DS. 

 

You know it's going to be a good day when you crush that first game of Dr Mario

 

11 hours ago, Scalyfreak said:

 

Just remember to do your googling in 25-minute intervals.

 

It was short lived due to finding this early on

 

11 hours ago, Rookie said:

Ugh I could of wrote that. Imposter syndrome is my greatest nemesis when it comes to my work. With programming there's always new tech coming out and I have trouble keeping up with all the changes.  to improve

 

Yeah, it's so real. I don't remember who recommended it (maybe @Mike Wazowski?) But Brene Brown's Braving The Wilderness was a great book on the subject and I walked away with some strong coping tools. One of the best ones being that people who really excel in their fields are always working to improve since they never feel like they're good enough. It really helped me this round to identify what was triggering it so that I could have something I was working on and towards, rather than just being "less than." If I was ready for level 3 I would be there already, but at least I know that's where I want to go so I can work towards it!

 

22 minutes ago, Mike Wazowski said:

RS!!! Of course I'm here for this!

 

And it's really cool reading your reflections on your fitness journey - you were one of the first nerds I looked up to (and I still do look up to you) so it's awesome to watch you work through your tough patches and get to a place of killin' it!!

 

Hi friend! Sometimes I feel like a broken record TBH, but I don't believe there's such a thing as fixing life and then you're done. It's always a process, some things get easier, new things come up, all that. I'm just grateful to have the support of my people here! ❤️ 

 

_____

 

Strange schedule today, morning and evening sessions with a big block in between. Getting in a run first to get 'er done, studying, writing, and I have to get some designs uploaded for Kung Fu school apparel. Did some mobility/BW work this morning as well. Planning a stretch of knitting as an afternoon break and will use my cube timer because it's an awesome cube!

 

 

 

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9 minutes ago, RedStone said:

Brene Brown's Braving The Wilderness was a great book on the subject

Brene Brown's anything is going to come highly recommended by me.

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Current Challenge

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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23 hours ago, RedStone said:

Looking back on my NF history recently was really interesting. My very first challenges were always Minecraft themed, so I'm going to pay homage to them this round in honor of the 10 year anniversary!

 

You were one of the nerds who interrogated me about my desire to be thinner and nudged me towards body positivity and intuitive eating. Things are a lot better for me now because of that. Thank you.
 

23 hours ago, RedStone said:

I often feel that I'm not educated enough to do what I do, but there is an easy fix for that - STUDY! In order to stay certified I have to do continuing education, and I have a live class open now that I need to finish. I've also been in the application process for a new certification. The process of studying keeps me focused on work, especially between actual clients, and gives me confidence that I'm doing my best for everyone. 

 

I like this because it demonstrates a growth mindset, rather than a fixed mindset. I think a lot of fears about our performance come from the fixed mindset, in which we have a given amount of talent and have to prove and protect it--as opposed to a growth mindset, where we're always a work in progress and need/get to to challenge and increase our skills. I'm trying to make the switch, and it's helping reduce some of my fears about creative pursuits. I hope you smash your imposter syndrome into pixels.

  • Like 5

Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the artist

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11 minutes ago, Harriet said:

 

Things are a lot better for me now because of that. 
 

 

I'm very glad to hear that things are better for you, I know how hard that road is

 

11 minutes ago, Harriet said:

 

I hope you smash your imposter syndrome into pixels.

 

Haha, thank you (and I love the image of smashed pixels) but I don't believe it goes away per say, just that our relationship with it changes. It's a powerful thing to use when we can recognize it and harness it, and depending on perspective comes from a pretty cool place of acknowledging/respecting the skill of others and the journey it takes to get there. Best to you for your creative projects, I always thought your drawings were lovely!

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21 minutes ago, RedStone said:

Haha, thank you (and I love the image of smashed pixels) but I don't believe it goes away per say, just that our relationship with it changes. It's a powerful thing to use when we can recognize it and harness it, and depending on perspective comes from a pretty cool place of acknowledging/respecting the skill of others and the journey it takes to get there.

 

That sounds like... pyromancy! :D

 

 

Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32

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6 hours ago, RedStone said:

Yeah, it's so real. I don't remember who recommended it (maybe @Mike Wazowski?) But Brene Brown's Braving The Wilderness was a great book on the subject and I walked away with some strong coping tools. One of the best ones being that people who really excel in their fields are always working to improve since they never feel like they're good enough. It really helped me this round to identify what was triggering it so that I could have something I was working on and towards, rather than just being "less than." If I was ready for level 3 I would be there already, but at least I know that's where I want to go so I can work towards it!

That was me!!! I think! I'm definitely part of the BB-hive (if not necessarily the Bey-hive). She speaks to my soul with her examples of being an introvert perfectionist with mad impostor syndrome.

 

Quote

Hi friend! Sometimes I feel like a broken record TBH, but I don't believe there's such a thing as fixing life and then you're done. It's always a process, some things get easier, new things come up, all that. I'm just grateful to have the support of my people here! ❤️ 

❤️ I feel you there - I'm slowly starting to realize that even things I've "figured out" are always figured out for a season in my life - then when something shifts, the figuring out process restarts, albeit usually easier than 

 

Quote

 

Strange schedule today, morning and evening sessions with a big block in between. Getting in a run first to get 'er done, studying, writing, and I have to get some designs uploaded for Kung Fu school apparel. Did some mobility/BW work this morning as well. Planning a stretch of knitting as an afternoon break and will use my cube timer because it's an awesome cube!

Killin' it.

 

ETA: Also, thanks for the reminder about the pomodoro method (indirectly) - I tried it out again for the first time in a while today and it worked really well!

 

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 Ballroom dancer, data nerd, calisthenics dabbler

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11 hours ago, RedStone said:

 

I'm very glad to hear that things are better for you, I know how hard that road is

 

Best to you for your creative projects, I always thought your drawings were lovely!

 

Thank you twice! 

  • Like 1

Let cheese and oxen and mead crowd out our secret desires for power and domination - Harriet the viking

Just be bold, fluid and unapologetic, not small, hairy and indecisive - Harriet the artist

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11 hours ago, Waanie said:

Following :).

 

I never heard of this before, but now I want one :P.

 

They are adorable and useful ^_^ Mine is purple, and I love cubes sooooooo ❤️ 

 

1 hour ago, KB Girl said:

Great challenge! 

I am fully in support of kicking imposter syndrome butt! I'll be here to cheer you on and take notes. 

 

HI!!! I know it's a little exaggerated due to circling sharks, but man, time to give it a what for. OOFTA

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On 2/10/2020 at 11:56 AM, RedStone said:

The long and short of it is that I've had some crippling anxiety surrounding imposter syndrome, and surprise surprise, after talking it out I realize it has happened every time I've tried to level up my work.

 

I thought about this in someone's Facebook post about Jars of Fears. Besides spiders, of course, the last one was "others finding out your secret," and though I didn't think that was my greatest fear per se (it's spiders), it's the most pervasive in day-to-day life. It's why I sunk $50,000 in fitness education and still think I'm less than qualified to be instructing anybody most of the time. It's why I keep my head down at the VA among the real servicemembers. It's I stay in my lane, I follow the rules, and I avoid being seen as much as possible; because someday someone might just find out that I am correct--I don't deserve anything I have.

 

But then I always think about Neil Armstrong, the first person to walk on the moon (or the star of the greatest hoax ever pulled, depending on what one believes), suffering from the same thing, maybe I can... join the Space Force?

 

Image

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14 hours ago, NightWatcher13 said:

Impostor syndrome sucks, especially when it tells you you aren't good enough to do your job. Kick that jerk off a ledge with your studies ;) 

 

Thank you 🤗Working on it for sure. It helps that I love the material for sure! Starting digging back into the material this week and totally absorbed!

 

7 hours ago, Machete said:

 

I thought about this in someone's Facebook post about Jars of Fears. Besides spiders, of course, the last one was "others finding out your secret," and though I didn't think that was my greatest fear per se (it's spiders), it's the most pervasive in day-to-day life. It's why I sunk $50,000 in fitness education and still think I'm less than qualified to be instructing anybody most of the time. It's why I keep my head down at the VA among the real servicemembers. It's I stay in my lane, I follow the rules, and I avoid being seen as much as possible; because someday someone might just find out that I am correct--I don't deserve anything I have.

 

But then I always think about Neil Armstrong, the first person to walk on the moon (or the star of the greatest hoax ever pulled, depending on what one believes), suffering from the same thing, maybe I can... join the Space Force?

 

Same same 100X. I think coming from early childhood, my big secret is people finding out that I'm just not as smart as they told me I was. (If you just got your head out of the clouds and applied yourself Meredith!) My brother was never heralded for childhood gifts and he worked crazy hard and became a successful surgeon and I've been stuck in the - not as good as him - place for a very long time. I've worked through that in therapy, but being in something that resembles healthcare has drudged it up pretty badly.

 

I feel like no matter how much I work I'll never be as qualified as this guy with an MA or PHD and maybe I should go back to college and who the hell am I, living so hard for so long trying to help people be healthy now. But that's what I hold my hope to when I'm really struggling like the last few weeks - most folks that excel have some version of imposter syndrome, use it to get better, easy right? It is comforting to know that folks like you and @KB Girl experience this as well and I guess in our field we're always learning new things anyway so it's not like it ever stops. I guess it's just hard to turn the dark feelings off when I'm stuck in the self hate whirlwind. Maybe I'll add a meditation/reflection or kind of an affirmation exercise goal to this challenge to help get centered and off the spiral of negative thoughts.

 

Spoiler for TW: creepy crawlies

Spoiler

 

I'm afraid of heights and as I've gotten older, that I'll slice off the tip of my finger when I'm chopping veggies.

But I've always wanted a pet spider, a big hairy tarantula that I could name Fluffy. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

giphy.gif 

 

 

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This week marches along and I'm grateful it's Thursday. Got in a great run on Tuesday, started gentle rehab on my wrist, and just doing the body weight work I can, pretty much everyday, along with normal Kung fu practice. Studying is going great but I'm really deflated on writing with this editor. I think its safe to say we're not a good match. I do my homework for her and communicate in a way that I believe is simple and to the point, but I just don't think we're connecting well. 

 

No drinking is fine. Now that I'm regularly without, I notice the negative effects more strongly when I do have some. When I feel like reaching for it, a rumble in my stomach reminds me, or if it doesn't and I do have any, I need much less to feel the effects. I'm surprised that its taken less than a month to get to this point, and happy about it!

 

Next up, finishing out the week, getting a haircut, mahjonng with friends this weekend (have I mentioned that I am now obsessed with mahjonng??) and possibly dragging Mr Red kicking and screaming to shop for new phones and service providers since neither of our Galaxy's seem to do basic phone things anymore. I do meal prep on Sundays and recommended that Mr Red try a thing one of my clients is doing - she brings all her meal preps for the week into work on Monday to leave at the office to reduce stress in the mornings.

 

I'm always looking for cooking ideas and have a few days to gather groceries if anyone has some favorite recipes they'd like share!

 

giphy.gif

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All caught up and following along. These are great goals!. I've used Zombies, Run! before and really enjoyed it, good luck Runner 5! 

 

1 hour ago, RedStone said:

I'm always looking for cooking ideas and have a few days to gather groceries if anyone has some favorite recipes they'd like share!

 

What do you like to cook/ have time for?? I've been learning to cook Korean food since meeting my DH and have a range of things I keep on hand. Otherwise, you can't go wrong with a nice beef stew!

2lbs Beef stew meat

some garlic minced

chopped onion

28oz can diced tomatoes 

32oz beef broth (or veg)

frozen peas, corn, green beans or other veggies (whatever you have on hand really)

Spices (I use [marjoram, oregano, and thyme] or [Cayenne, chili powder,  a little ginger])

Salt and Pepper

 

You can chuck all this in a slow cooker for 6+ hours on low, 4 on high, or follow stove top directions:

1)Brown Meat, take out and set aside

2)Add a little oil and onions and garlic, cook til translucent

3)Add in Meat and Tomatoes to deglaze, scrap ALL the gunk off the bottom of the pan it's tasty!

4)Add Spices and broth

5)Turn heat to low and simmer for ~2hours

6)Add frozen veggies til not frozen and eat!

 

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NF Character

Current Challenge

 Intro PostBattle Log

"Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

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1 hour ago, RedStone said:

Studying is going great but I'm really deflated on writing with this editor. I think its safe to say we're not a good match. I do my homework for her and communicate in a way that I believe is simple and to the point, but I just don't think we're connecting well. 

 

It sounds as if this could be contributing to the negative thoughts and feelings you were describing as a part of your impostor syndrome. If you don't get a feeling that your editor supports and believes in your work, or that they understand what you are working towards, it stands to reason that you would start to doubt and question things that you would not doubt if you believed that your editor was fully supportive and a good match for your goals.

 

1 hour ago, RedStone said:

I'm always looking for cooking ideas and have a few days to gather groceries if anyone has some favorite recipes they'd like share!

 

Were you looking for anything in particular? I'm fond of this one:

 

1. Obtain a salmon filet

2. Set your oven to 375F (Use the convection feature if you have one)

3. Cover the salmon filet in lemon pepper and sprinkle salt over it. Top with little flakes of butter scattered all over the fish

4. Bake the seasoned salmon filet in the center of the oven for 20-30 minutes (depends on fish size and thickness)

5. Eat with your favorite side dish

 

 

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Book Riot Challenge 2021

“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

Personal Challenges, a.k.a.The Saga of Scaly Freak: Tutorial; Ch 1; Ch 2; Ch 3; Ch 4; Ch 5; Ch 6; Intermission; Intermission II; Ch 7; Ch 8; Ch 9; Ch 10; Ch 11; Ch 12 ; Ch 13; Ch 14Ch 15; Ch 16; Ch 17; Intermission IIICh 18; Ch 19; Ch 20; Ch 21; Ch 22; Ch 23; Ch 24; Ch 25; Intermission IV; Ch 26; Ch 27; Ch 28; Ch 29; Ch 30; Ch 31; Ch 32

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