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Starpuck Rerolls a Hard Six (Nostalgia Challenge!)


Starpuck

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On 2/10/2020 at 7:38 PM, Starpuck said:

Go on a date.  [Even if it's a practice date with a friend.]

 

Oo, hope this went/goes well!

 

Following along, obviously - can't believe it's taken me all week to get here!

  • Like 1

Level 15 Wood Elf Ranger

IAgreeWithTank™

"Shit is going down, but I am not." - iatetheyeti

Don't say "I don't have enough time", say instead "that's not a priority right now" and see how that makes you feel.

Forum Posts: Current Challenge - The 80/20 Rule2021 Road Map - Make a House a Home

External: Epic Quest - Instagram - Strava

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Old Stuff: Battle Log - My Introduction - 2017 Road Map - 2018 Road Map - 2019 Road Map

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On 2/13/2020 at 11:28 PM, Red1263 said:

I had NO IDEA you were in your 40's. I

I don't believe her.......

  • Haha 1

“It’s the sensible, logical thing to do, of course, which is why we don’t do it.” -Tanis, Dragons of Autumn Twilight

"Hope is the denial of reality. It is the carrot dangled before the draft horse to keep him plodding along in a vain attempt to reach it." - Raistlin - Dragons of Autumn Twilight

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It’s good to be back! I’ve missed my challenges. :) 

I’ve found therapy to be super helpful. And as one of my favorite singer/songwriters, Dar Williams, says “how I loved everybody else
When I finally got to talk so much about myself.” Truer words have never been spoken!

  • Like 2

Level 11 Unicorn Ranger

Current Challenge

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“Decorum is highly overrated and probably causes cancer.”  ~ Jenny Lawson

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It's Day 1 Proper!  (For me.  Because I still roll Monday=Sunday on me weeks.  We're called rebels for a reason!)

 

Goals reminder and tracker behind spoiler.

Spoiler

 

Fitness Goals

  1. Strength Train:  3X / WEEK  
  2. Move / Sweat / Stuff:  3X / WEEK 
  3. Eating Healthy   - Track on MFP; 7X / WEEK  

Life Goals

  • Keep track of all expenses in "Spending Tracker"; stay within Budget.
  • Do 1 Art Lesson a week.  Practice 2-3x beyond lesson.
  • Dabble with some streams/videos. Maybe.

5 WEEKS / 5 GOALS

(for copying and pasting)

  1. Make plans to hit Pollyanna Brewing with table-mate from Church Group. 
  2. tbd 
  3. Try a new activity.
  4.  Schedule and go to therapy session.   ☐☐
  5.  tbd 

 

 

A little bit on how zero week went for me.    Stressful.    Really stressful.   

HilariousScratchyBangeltiger-max-1mb.gif

I didn't do well with food, or exercise, or art, or anything.   What I did do, was survive.    Sometimes that has to be enough.   I'm still not fully over the stress - it has to do with some feelings, some big decisions, some uncovering of my past, and a whole lot of fears and what-ifs of the future.    In a bit of an odd blessing in disguise, it really solidified my need to talk to someone and get some help on a few of these things.    Part of what this all involves, means I am taking off one of the goals for my 5 in 5.   I need to get me more sorted out (at all sorted out) before I consider adding another number to the formula.    That also means I need to find another thing to add to that list.

 

But today is today, and there are some things I can focus on right now. 

 

  • Like ... it's a lift day.  I sure don't feel like it.  (The ongoing anxiety makes me want to curl up with comfy sweats and video games.)   But I am a person who works out, and so out there to work I will go.   If it's just 15m so be it - but I am changing into my gear and heading to the box.    
  • I have to get my tracking on in MFP.    Shouldn't be hard, just a lot of dusting off old favorites and remembering to log the foods.
  • Some art should be on tap for tonight and I really ought to draw my one player's half-orc barbarian.    Trouble is, he referenced a very brute orcy- looking half orc and it's super unappealing to me.   All the other characters are super soft-anime in style, and this orc just ... feels out of place in my usual style.   Time to hit Deviant Art for some reference inspiration.

Been doing okay making the rounds on Zero week with you guys.    So that's feeling good!   You all continue to inspire and encourage me in a variety of ways, so I'm really thankful for you all!   Keep it up guys!    VIVA LA REBELLION!  Or something.

 

 

  • Like 10

Level 72 ~*~ Ranger

Deviant Art Gallery   ||  YouTube Channel

Current Challenge

"It is difficult.  All things worth keeping are."  Thane Krios - Mass Effect 2

"Maybe it's not as simple as you imagined, Seeker."  Varric Tethras Dragon Age 2

"Staying within your limits is no fun, Ryder."  Vetra Nyx - ME: Andromeda

Spoiler

 

::PAST CHALLENGES::

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 20 | 21 | 22

23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42

43 | 44 | NEIN | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48| 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61

62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67 | 68 | 69 | 70 | 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 | 76 | 77 | 78 | 79 | 80 | 81

 

 

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Feels can be tough. Good job surviving.

  • Like 1

Current Challenge Original 1,2,3, R 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51

52,53,54

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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2 hours ago, Starpuck said:

If it's just 15m so be it - but I am changing into my gear and heading to the box.

Image result for and there was much rejoicing gif

Push through, and know we're all here if you need us!

  • Like 2

“It’s the sensible, logical thing to do, of course, which is why we don’t do it.” -Tanis, Dragons of Autumn Twilight

"Hope is the denial of reality. It is the carrot dangled before the draft horse to keep him plodding along in a vain attempt to reach it." - Raistlin - Dragons of Autumn Twilight

Current Challenge

 

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We're here for you, Puck! Whatever you need, we're here for you

  • Like 2

Level 25 Final Fantasy Rebel

My Epic Quest | My Journey | Currently on the Trial of Orthos
Str: 60 | Dex: 23 | Sta: 66 | Con: 28 | Wis: 55 | Cha: 14

Goals for 2021:

Spoiler
  • Build my brother a Destiny 2 Lamp
  • Learn how to do a Handstand
  • Play 1 song on the acoustic guitar
  • Clean up the Christmas Decorations and finish setting up my apartment (hang things up, plus some other few things that need to be organized)
  • Re-introduce Pull-ups into my routine
  • Build a shelving unit next to my Desk

"No matter what, if you can hold your head up high, you've done the right thing."

"When you stand with your family, your family stands with you."

"Write what needs to be written."

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Tank is right, feels can be tough, especially feels that have been stewing for a long time. But you're facing them head on and seeking out the help you need to find your way through. It takes a lot of strength to even take that first step, and I think you know we're all here for you supporting you, wherever your journey takes you.

 

In the shorter term, great job pushing past the rough stuff and making it out for a workout. Curl up with a blanket and video games after, call it your cool-down  :)

  • Like 7

Dare mighty things

Current Challenge

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Thanks all.  I really really appreciate you.   Sincerely and from the bottom of my heart.

 

On to today's results.

 

I got my lift in.  Kept the weights lower because I am trying to rehab this damn hip still.  (That should really be another 'bullet point' to do's for this challenge.  But so much already going on.)

Ate well and tracked my calories.

Worked on some of the homework for Wed night's church group.

Finished up an art that I've been meh on.   I wanted to try some curled / wavy hair - and that, at least, I am happy with.

Also reached out to a second option for the therapy goal, because first one didn't leave a good feeling with me.

 

prince_elazar_of_rastania_by_lilwolfe006

  • Like 11

Level 72 ~*~ Ranger

Deviant Art Gallery   ||  YouTube Channel

Current Challenge

"It is difficult.  All things worth keeping are."  Thane Krios - Mass Effect 2

"Maybe it's not as simple as you imagined, Seeker."  Varric Tethras Dragon Age 2

"Staying within your limits is no fun, Ryder."  Vetra Nyx - ME: Andromeda

Spoiler

 

::PAST CHALLENGES::

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 20 | 21 | 22

23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42

43 | 44 | NEIN | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48| 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61

62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67 | 68 | 69 | 70 | 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 | 76 | 77 | 78 | 79 | 80 | 81

 

 

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Awesome job getting the workout in. Gonna second @obax‘s blanket nest cool down idea 

 

Wishing you the best on your search for therapy options. 

 

  • Like 1

2021 Reading Challenge | Walk to Mordor

 

 

"Always remember, your focus determines your reality." - Qui-Gon Jinn, The Phantom Menace

"I Find That Answer Vague And Unconvincing." - K-2SO, Rogue One

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Well done on getting your lift on. Keep that momentum going, don't rush, and take care of yourself. I think I said it before but I'm proud of you for looking for recognising your own issues and looking for help.

 

I like Prince Elazer! He's got a bit of a firbolg nose going on if you don't mind me saying. The texture in the hair's seriously good.

  • Like 2

Level 15 Wood Elf Ranger

IAgreeWithTank™

"Shit is going down, but I am not." - iatetheyeti

Don't say "I don't have enough time", say instead "that's not a priority right now" and see how that makes you feel.

Forum Posts: Current Challenge - The 80/20 Rule2021 Road Map - Make a House a Home

External: Epic Quest - Instagram - Strava

Spoiler

Previous Challenges: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47

Old Stuff: Battle Log - My Introduction - 2017 Road Map - 2018 Road Map - 2019 Road Map

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Part of the therapy journey is finding a therapist who's a good fit. I've met with some good therapists who weren't a good fit for me and had to move on.

  • Like 2

Current Challenge Original 1,2,3, R 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51

52,53,54

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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22 hours ago, Starpuck said:

What I did do, was survive.    Sometimes that has to be enough. 

giphy.webp

 

10 hours ago, Starpuck said:

I got my lift in.  Kept the weights lower because I am trying to rehab this damn hip still.  (That should really be another 'bullet point' to do's for this challenge.  But so much already going on.)

Ate well and tracked my calories.

Worked on some of the homework for Wed night's church group.

Finished up an art that I've been meh on.   I wanted to try some curled / wavy hair - and that, at least, I am happy with.

Also reached out to a second option for the therapy goal, because first one didn't leave a good feeling with me.

 
Looks to me like you kicked day 1 right in balls! 
giphy.webp

  • Like 2
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13 hours ago, Starpuck said:

I got my lift in.  Kept the weights lower because I am trying to rehab this damn hip still.  (That should really be another 'bullet point' to do's for this challenge.  But so much already going on.)

Ate well and tracked my calories.

Worked on some of the homework for Wed night's church group.

Finished up an art that I've been meh on.   I wanted to try some curled / wavy hair - and that, at least, I am happy with.

Also reached out to a second option for the therapy goal, because first one didn't leave a good feeling with me.

 

Nice job, looks like you got a lot done! I love the artwork, it looks awesome!

  • Like 1
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HI WONDERTWIN! thank you for telling me there was necromancy reminding me about this wonderful place.

  • Like 1

2014! #1 | #2 | #3 | #4 | #5 2015! #6 | #7 | #8 | #9 | #10 | #11 | #12 | 2016! #13 | #14 | #15 | #16 | #17 | #18 | #19 | #20 | #21 | #22 | #23 | 2017! #24 | #25 | #26 | #27 | #28 | #29 | #30 | #31 | #32 | #33 | 2018! #34 | #35 | #36 | #37v1 | #37v2 | 2019! #38 | #39 | #40reference materials | academy battle log

 

mermaid ninja assassin. on a motorcycle. with swords. and knitting needles. and kittens.

 

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So what I'm hearing is that even though you didn't feel like it, you went out and kicked ass anyway.

 

Good. Feelings are just information. What you do with it is up to you.

 

Also, I hope I look that good at 43, but since I've already gone bald, I doubt I'll be so lucky.

 

Anyway hi how are you~!

  • Like 4
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You're rocking it even when you're not feeling well, that's why you're my favorite Puck!

  • Like 1

Level 25 Final Fantasy Rebel

My Epic Quest | My Journey | Currently on the Trial of Orthos
Str: 60 | Dex: 23 | Sta: 66 | Con: 28 | Wis: 55 | Cha: 14

Goals for 2021:

Spoiler
  • Build my brother a Destiny 2 Lamp
  • Learn how to do a Handstand
  • Play 1 song on the acoustic guitar
  • Clean up the Christmas Decorations and finish setting up my apartment (hang things up, plus some other few things that need to be organized)
  • Re-introduce Pull-ups into my routine
  • Build a shelving unit next to my Desk

"No matter what, if you can hold your head up high, you've done the right thing."

"When you stand with your family, your family stands with you."

"Write what needs to be written."

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On 2/17/2020 at 12:53 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Feels can be tough. Good job surviving.

Why is it so hard to take surviving and be okay with just that?  Ugh.    Uncomfortable survival suuuucks.

 

On 2/17/2020 at 1:47 PM, mitch_dee said:

 

Push through, and know we're all here if you need us!

Thank you friend.   I appreciate having you at my back.

 

On 2/17/2020 at 2:11 PM, Red1263 said:

We're here for you, Puck! Whatever you need, we're here for you

Thanks Red!   You guys are the best.

 

On 2/17/2020 at 6:47 PM, obax said:

Tank is right, feels can be tough, especially feels that have been stewing for a long time. But you're facing them head on and seeking out the help you need to find your way through. It takes a lot of strength to even take that first step, and I think you know we're all here for you supporting you, wherever your journey takes you.

 

In the shorter term, great job pushing past the rough stuff and making it out for a workout. Curl up with a blanket and video games after, call it your cool-down  :)

You always have such a great way with words Obax.  Thank you.  I'm really glad you're sticking around. :)    I've been forcing myself to do even whilst not feeling like it. 

 

16 hours ago, Rebel Pilot Gar said:

Awesome job getting the workout in. Gonna second @obax‘s blanket nest cool down idea 

 

Wishing you the best on your search for therapy options. 

 

Thanks friend!

 

15 hours ago, Jarric said:

Well done on getting your lift on. Keep that momentum going, don't rush, and take care of yourself. I think I said it before but I'm proud of you for looking for recognising your own issues and looking for help.

 

I like Prince Elazer! He's got a bit of a firbolg nose going on if you don't mind me saying. The texture in the hair's seriously good.

Thanks for that Jarric.   As much as the good people of the world are fighting to normalize mental health as much as physical, it still seems way harder to seek it than say, some penicillin for a case of strep.    I know I need this.  Now just the first step through the door.

 

And thanks!  I hadn't considered it.  I was messing with different noses lol.  But I kind of like that.  Maybe some firbolg in his ancestry?   Can firbolg even doooo that?

15 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Part of the therapy journey is finding a therapist who's a good fit. I've met with some good therapists who weren't a good fit for me and had to move on.

I only judged this book by her ... profile on the site?    But turns out the Christian based one has a loooong waiting list, so I went back to the option that could get me in faster.   And... ended up with a different one anyway!  So I am doing it.

 

13 hours ago, PrincessMononoke said:

giphy.webp

 

 
Looks to me like you kicked day 1 right in balls! 
giphy.webp

Hah!  Thanks!  I needed that chuckle.   Boy she dropped him.

 

9 hours ago, Jupiter said:

 

Nice job, looks like you got a lot done! I love the artwork, it looks awesome!

Thank you!    I need to stop putting off the lessons I have downloaded.  >.>   

 

8 hours ago, karinajean said:

HI WONDERTWIN! thank you for telling me there was necromancy reminding me about this wonderful place.

Oh bear hug girl.  So so glad to see you around these parts again!!

 

6 hours ago, Kishi said:

So what I'm hearing is that even though you didn't feel like it, you went out and kicked ass anyway.

Good. Feelings are just information. What you do with it is up to you.

Also, I hope I look that good at 43, but since I've already gone bald, I doubt I'll be so lucky.

 

Anyway hi how are you~!

Heeey Kishi!!!   I am bad at doing anything with feelings, let alone knowing the right thing to do with them.   Mostly I let them show up, and then wreak havoc on my heart and brain.    Uncivilized guests that they are!

Glad to see you!

 

1 hour ago, Red1263 said:

You're rocking it even when you're not feeling well, that's why you're my favorite Puck!

More blushing here.  Thanks for the encouragement Red!

  • Like 5

Level 72 ~*~ Ranger

Deviant Art Gallery   ||  YouTube Channel

Current Challenge

"It is difficult.  All things worth keeping are."  Thane Krios - Mass Effect 2

"Maybe it's not as simple as you imagined, Seeker."  Varric Tethras Dragon Age 2

"Staying within your limits is no fun, Ryder."  Vetra Nyx - ME: Andromeda

Spoiler

 

::PAST CHALLENGES::

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 20 | 21 | 22

23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42

43 | 44 | NEIN | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48| 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61

62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67 | 68 | 69 | 70 | 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 | 76 | 77 | 78 | 79 | 80 | 81

 

 

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Onto today.    Today has not been easier.    Some brain dumps behind spoilers.  

[Nothing triggery, really.  I don't think.]

 

On what has me soooo messed up. 

Spoiler

I have a friend.  A good friend.   One I've gotten to talking over the past year with more often.   Friend inquired about maybe trying out the idea of being more than friends.  Initial quick response: No.   Don't know that it'd work.    Follow up to that response on my side was sadness, confusion and an inability to stop thinking about the idea.    We spoke again and decided to get together to speak in person about our brains still running despite the initial answer.   We agreed to try it.   Emphasis on slow.  Slow slow.  Like, toes barely in water slow.    Five days of absolute panic followed for me.   Too much change, too much worry about this or that, or how would that affect this other thing, and already my brain is twelve years down a potential relationship and freaking out about everything.   I toughed it out those five days thinking 'it's just uncomfortable because you said yes, instead of your usual no'.    But five days of anxiety is not healthy for anyone, and the act of making a decision didn't lessen the anxiety (it usually does for me) and so I felt like something was off.   I put the brakes on and backed it up to the original no, I don't think we should do this.   Except, friend's heart was already far more invested in this arrangement.   And now everything is tense, and weird and awkward and I feel like an absolutely horrible human for causing this to happen.   Like I should have stuck with the no.   Less hurt with no.    Even at the cost of me thinking that all these no's means I am doomed to live a life alone.   Which ... I used to think was okay.   But lately, not so much.    Me I can deal with though.  (Hello therapy.)   But the fact that right now, that beautiful friendship is on delay -with only a pre-discussed promise we both valued the friendship too much to let a failed 'more' attempt ruin it, has me in a real bad place.    Additionally, he's in two of our D&D groups, and now I feel all weird and awkward for the session I am supposed to run on Sat.

 

And that brings me to the growth class I signed up for at church digging up a bunch of stuff that I suddenly wonder about having some cause into my adulthood woes.   

Spoiler

I do not at all consider my childhood to have been bad.  I was raised in a family with an immense amount of love for each other.   I was nurtured, fed, sheltered, protected, loved and given wonderful experiences to fill my soul.     But, there were some big things that while I might have chalked up to 'I was a kid, these things affect kids less, they're naive' ... maybe I didn't make it out unscathed.    For example, I am the youngest of four siblings.   My eldest brother is 18 years my senior, and was moved out before I was old enough to remember having him in the house.   My sister?  17 years older.   And my best friend.   We shared a room, she was my babysitter, my pal, my big sis, my everything.   And my other brother.  12 years older than me.     Do you know what happens when your siblings are THAT much older than you?   They move out of the house when you are between 2-15.     My mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was 7 and through her treatment fell into a deep depression.  Between medical stays and mental stays at hospitals and care centers, I was without my mom off and on between 7-13.   She passed when I was 13.    By the time I was 18, my dad, then remarried, moved to Florida and I stayed up north with my sister.      

The pattern I think I'm starting to see?    I don't trust that I will get to keep my closest relationships close to me.   They always move on.    And that might be why I have such a problem with commitment.  Self defense panic sets in and I pull the plug, before the rug gets pulled out from under me.    And ... cue therapy.

 

  • Despite this, I went out and worked out on my lunch break.   (Boxed)
  • I finished my homework for church class.
  • I tracked my food and was within limit.
  • I did some more sketching of my friends half orc he plays in my game.
  • I reached out and made an appt with the local therapist office for Monday.  GULP!

Here's Nemek's pencil sketch.

VqGQGWZ.jpg?1

 

Also, for @redstone (if the darn tagger would work)... my bujo spread.  Simple but a little artsy.

NUjRmuO.jpg

 

 

 

  • Like 7

Level 72 ~*~ Ranger

Deviant Art Gallery   ||  YouTube Channel

Current Challenge

"It is difficult.  All things worth keeping are."  Thane Krios - Mass Effect 2

"Maybe it's not as simple as you imagined, Seeker."  Varric Tethras Dragon Age 2

"Staying within your limits is no fun, Ryder."  Vetra Nyx - ME: Andromeda

Spoiler

 

::PAST CHALLENGES::

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 20 | 21 | 22

23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42

43 | 44 | NEIN | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48| 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61

62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67 | 68 | 69 | 70 | 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 | 76 | 77 | 78 | 79 | 80 | 81

 

 

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Great job getting a lot done today!  I know how challenging it is when you don't feel up to it, but your discipline is showing and you're getting it done.  Keep up the good work!

  • Like 1

  Level 45 Quasi-Human Ranger     

"Forget failure.  Forget mistakes.  Forget everything except what you're going to do NOW, and DO IT." - Lou Ferrigno

"Foxes Never Quit!"  -  Leicester City FC

KBO. - Churchill

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1 hour ago, Starpuck said:

The pattern I think I'm starting to see?    I don't trust that I will get to keep my closest relationships close to me.   They always move on.    And that might be why I have such a problem with commitment.  Self defense panic sets in and I pull the plug, before the rug gets pulled out from under me.    And ... cue therapy.

Hopefully the therapy is working for you...as far as the relationship/friendship, what will happen will happen.  The hardest part is to not read too much into the little things in this time that you both are on whatever it is you want to call it.  The tenseness might pass quicker than you think, and stressing too much on any interaction might make things more awkward.  There is alot of if's and maybe's in a scenario like this ( I have done it a few times with friends, some successful, some not...but I look back and feel that when I/we let it just kind of iron itself out it).  All I can say is trust your feelings on how to proceed, consider you first, and try (though hard) to not stress over the mean time.

 

If you need to vent feel free to reach out, we might end up talking in circles, but I'm always willing to talk it out if needed.

 

1 hour ago, Starpuck said:
  • Despite this, I went out and worked out on my lunch break.   (Boxed)
  • I finished my homework for church class.
  • I tracked my food and was within limit.
  • I did some more sketching of my friends half orc he plays in my game.
  • I reached out and made an appt with the local therapist office for Monday.  GULP!

Great Job on still getting you stuff done!!

 

The picture looks good, wish I had half that talent.  

  • Like 2

“It’s the sensible, logical thing to do, of course, which is why we don’t do it.” -Tanis, Dragons of Autumn Twilight

"Hope is the denial of reality. It is the carrot dangled before the draft horse to keep him plodding along in a vain attempt to reach it." - Raistlin - Dragons of Autumn Twilight

Current Challenge

 

Link to post
7 hours ago, Starpuck said:

Maybe some firbolg in his ancestry?   Can firbolg even doooo that?

 

If it makes a good story, then I'm gonna say yes. Firbolg are giants/giant-kin, and you can get half-giants, so why not?

 

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I think things will be fine between you and your friend. You obviously care about each other and you both want your friendship to work, so you'll make it work. Try not to overthink it (tough advice I know).

 

I like Nemek, good job on making him look big and masculine within your anime style.

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If you feel comfortable, you may want to let the friend know what you are going through (probably not the whole thing, just a summary), that way maybe the friend will understand why you are not ready to explore anything more yet. 

 

Having said that, I think you are perfectly normal for developing the fears you do about close people not being able to stay close to you. The situation wasn't normal, but your feelings and fears that developed out of that situation are normal. Now you're in a place where you realize the survival and coping skills that helped you as a child no longer serve you as an adult. Between the class at church and some good quality therapy, you can do some healing and discover new survival and coping skills.

 

Much love and support friend.

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aw, darling! another twinning* thing: I have a pretty healthy abandonment complex because of my childhood (not sinister or anything, and maybe not the same exact outcome as yours, but sounds similar?) and.... I really truly HEAR you. it's hard to get past (or to get used to pushing back on), but I believe in you. (hello therapy!) and also, just to pile on with some awkward: you are so worthy of being loved, so so so worthy. it's super normal for your friend to have a sore heart with the starts and stops you've explored, but believe me: you are worth the slow starts (or no starts and staying as a friend!), and I'm sure that friend realizes this.

*even though this kind of thing might not feel like winning I'm still calling it twinning because we are doing the things in spite of or because of the feelings and that's really hard!

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