Starpuck Rerolls a Hard Six (Nostalgia Challenge!)

[Rebel Pilot Gar]

So many others have said wonderful supportive things. And I really don't have much to add other than to echo what they said? So here's a cute gif!

 

 

Fantastic job getting those workouts in and keeping on top of your stuff. Also I'm always excited to see new arts and how you grow/improve in the practice of arting

[chickie.monkey]

I have a love/hate relationship with therapy. I hate the way I feel while dealing with <insert issue here>, but I love getting to the other side and the complete difference in how I see/process/deal with things. Reaching out to find a therapist is always the hardest thing for me. Just remember, if you don't like/feel comfortable with them, look for another one. 

 

And, girlfriend!! You are getting your workouts done, going to church group, working on your art... You are doing better than you realize. One foot in front of the other, chin up!

 

[obax]

Another great job getting stuff done despite all the feels you've got going on. One thing I've found helps when going through a rough patch is to stick to the routines as much as possible, even if, and especially when, you don't feel like it. It can help you feel a sense of normalcy, and even calmness, when your emotions might be roiling around like a storm cloud.

 

I would echo what Tank said about talking with your friend about what you've got going on, when and as much as you feel comfortable talking about. It might help them to understand a bit, and thereby smooth things out.

[Sloth the Enduring]

I would say something stupid if I tried to say anything, so I’m just letting you know, I’m pulling for you.

[Red1263]

Echoing what others have said, Puck, your fears are a natural response when you were so impressionable and young. The first step to any problem is admitting it. Now that you realize what is the lying source of your fears of commitment, then you can start to take steps towards getting rid of your fears and hesitations. It'll be a process, but because you're awesome like that, I know you can do it!

[starpuck]

On 2/18/2020 at 11:24 PM, Cheetah said:

Great job getting a lot done today!  I know how challenging it is when you don't feel up to it, but your discipline is showing and you're getting it done.  Keep up the good work!

To be honest, I can't believe I am showcasing this much discipline.   Part of me is just like -- control what you can control.  You can control what you do for your food and workouts, right now.  So do that.    Thanks Cheetah.

 

22 hours ago, mitch_dee said:

Hopefully the therapy is working for you...as far as the relationship/friendship, what will happen will happen.  The hardest part is to not read too much into the little things in this time that you both are on whatever it is you want to call it.  The tenseness might pass quicker than you think, and stressing too much on any interaction might make things more awkward.  There is alot of if's and maybe's in a scenario like this ( I have done it a few times with friends, some successful, some not...but I look back and feel that when I/we let it just kind of iron itself out it).  All I can say is trust your feelings on how to proceed, consider you first, and try (though hard) to not stress over the mean time.

 

If you need to vent feel free to reach out, we might end up talking in circles, but I'm always willing to talk it out if needed.

 

Great Job on still getting you stuff done!!

 

The picture looks good, wish I had half that talent.  

Thanks my friend.   In all honesty, seeing the open honesty from you and others has encouraged me to do the same.   It's good to get it out there.   It's good to feel the support of this community.    And I know it's overall, just plain good for me.    Thanks for being an inspiration to me and for offer to vent on ya.  💙

 

17 hours ago, Jarric said:

 

If it makes a good story, then I'm gonna say yes. Firbolg are giants/giant-kin, and you can get half-giants, so why not?

 

  Reveal hidden contents

I think things will be fine between you and your friend. You obviously care about each other and you both want your friendship to work, so you'll make it work. Try not to overthink it (tough advice I know).

 

I like Nemek, good job on making him look big and masculine within your anime style.

Good advice there.   I think you're right.   It's just that weird place right now.   And man I hate any places that bring up even a little tension.   Firbolg heritage it is!

 

13 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

you're in a place where you realize the survival and coping skills that helped you as a child no longer serve you as an adult. Between the class at church and some good quality therapy, you can do some healing and discover new survival and coping skills.

 

Much love and support friend.

It never really surprises me, given your calling and who you are, but your words ring such wisdom and from a place of such love.  Thank you for that Tank.    I've really been through the ringer these past few weeks with things, but I think it's because I am speed peeling some onions.     Class tonight was another good one - and what you said there really struck an A-ha for me.    Glad I know you!
 

9 hours ago, karinajean said:

aw, darling! another twinning* thing: I have a pretty healthy abandonment complex because of my childhood (not sinister or anything, and maybe not the same exact outcome as yours, but sounds similar?) and.... I really truly HEAR you. it's hard to get past (or to get used to pushing back on), but I believe in you. (hello therapy!) and also, just to pile on with some awkward: you are so worthy of being loved, so so so worthy. it's super normal for your friend to have a sore heart with the starts and stops you've explored, but believe me: you are worth the slow starts (or no starts and staying as a friend!), and I'm sure that friend realizes this.

*even though this kind of thing might not feel like winning I'm still calling it twinning because we are doing the things in spite of or because of the feelings and that's really hard!

Those onions must be in the room still, because my eyes are watering.   Thank you my sweet friend.    Thanks for sharing that you have some shared ghosts.   It's probably not much of a surprise anymore how much we end up being samesies on.   So glad you came back to haunt us here.    Oh look at all these necromancy references.  Go us!

 

4 hours ago, Rebel Pilot Gar said:

So many others have said wonderful supportive things. And I really don't have much to add other than to echo what they said? So here's a cute gif!

 

Fantastic job getting those workouts in and keeping on top of your stuff. Also I'm always excited to see new arts and how you grow/improve in the practice of arting

Thanks chica!   That gif is amaze!   (So was the show!)     And it makes me grin that you get excited to see me trucking along on art stuff.   I put Nemek to digital ink tonight, so now coloring!

 

3 hours ago, chickie.monkey said:

I have a love/hate relationship with therapy. I hate the way I feel while dealing with <insert issue here>, but I love getting to the other side and the complete difference in how I see/process/deal with things. Reaching out to find a therapist is always the hardest thing for me. Just remember, if you don't like/feel comfortable with them, look for another one. 

 

And, girlfriend!! You are getting your workouts done, going to church group, working on your art... You are doing better than you realize. One foot in front of the other, chin up!

 

 

Hearing everyone reassure about getting the right fit is super helpful!   So glad you guys are here and willing to share experiences with that.  Also the honesty on the getting up, getting through and looking back on it.   I'm sure I'll be a nervous wreck come Monday but I am resolved to doing this!

 

3 hours ago, obax said:

Another great job getting stuff done despite all the feels you've got going on. One thing I've found helps when going through a rough patch is to stick to the routines as much as possible, even if, and especially when, you don't feel like it. It can help you feel a sense of normalcy, and even calmness, when your emotions might be roiling around like a storm cloud.

 

I would echo what Tank said about talking with your friend about what you've got going on, when and as much as you feel comfortable talking about. It might help them to understand a bit, and thereby smooth things out.

That's soooo exactly part of my mindset.   Do the workouts because it makes ya feel like normal routine is happening.   At least for that hour I am back there, I have been getting a reprieve.    And at the end of the day, I do feel good about pushing through and having done it.   Thankfully, the communication has always been an easy thing for my friend and I.   We'll keep talking and sharing and see how that goes.

 

3 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

I would say something stupid if I tried to say anything, so I’m just letting you know, I’m pulling for you.

Thanks Sloth.    But don't be hard on yourself either.   We're all humans doing the best we can- and I've seen no tendency toward stupid things from you.    You've always been around silently lurking and supporting.   I appreciate you!

 

2 hours ago, Red1263 said:

Echoing what others have said, Puck, your fears are a natural response when you were so impressionable and young. The first step to any problem is admitting it. Now that you realize what is the lying source of your fears of commitment, then you can start to take steps towards getting rid of your fears and hesitations. It'll be a process, but because you're awesome like that, I know you can do it!

Hehe, thanks for the bold vote of confidence.  Since I sometimes lack it, I will gladly take you up on you believing that I can.   Processes are hard.   Especially in these days when we're so used to instant gratification, solutions and info.   We all could use some slowing down.   I guess I will learn that too.

 

 

Now that I've managed to pull another reply comment train longer than I am tall and flex my ... REPLYceps at @sevenfootgeek -  I will briefly comment on today.  (Because it's late and I am tired and already have missed my bed time.)

 

• I once again got my weight lifting in.
• I tracked food, except for church dinner - homemade pasta and meatballs... I have no clue?
• I didn't have a post dinner snack though, so I can count this as intuitive eating??
• I got 30 minutes of art in before leaving for class.
• Church class was really good.   Including a pattern that terrifies me ... lol.   I will touch more on that tomorrow.    (It's not a bad pattern... it's the pattern of, 'all my high turning points came after a bold choice and stepping out into new community.)   ((It terrifies me, because I am struggling so much now with anxiety and fear... so it's like my best place seems to be at the end of my biggest hurdles...  Seriously, can I not do ANY part of life on normal mode?  Must it all be Extreme mode difficult?))

 

Now time to crash.    I feel like I might get some good sleep tonight!

[starpuck]

Okay Thursday update a bit early because I am out tonight.

 

Sunny today, and I was super sore from yesterday's workout.  (Also, three days in a row, go me.)  I decided, enjoy the fresh air and blue skies, just take a nice brisk 2.5 mile walk for your 'move' goal.     

I am no Single Digit Runner!  And that wind chill of 12 degrees was NOT OKAY!  LOL.     One might even say it was ... unpalatable.  See what I did there? pallet... able?  HAHAHA.

 

 

But I got my move in.

Food is tracked for the most part.  I don't have an official calorie count on my made-on-Sunday chicken enchilada casserole, but I went light on the cheese and the only thing in there is meat, sauce and corn tortillas.   I grabbed an entry on MFP that said 282 calories and I feel that's in the ballpark.

No art today because it's normally WHFRP night - it's been canceled on account of two of the people needing to attend a wake.   I'm still going over for my food and some character plotting with the DM. Maybe some anime, then early night.

 

In super frustrating news, the appointment I made for the therapist on Monday night I had to cancel.   The reason below:

 

PATIENT'S SHARE ESTIMATE

First date of service, patient's share: $200.00

Second date of service or until the Deductible has been satisfied ("remaining" = $0.00), patient’s share: $175.00.

 

Once the Deductible has been satisfied (“remaining” = $0.00), patient’s share: $85.00-$125.00

 

EXPLANATION OF BENEFITS

Deductible (I) $22,050.00 CY - $0.00 YTD = $22,050.00 remaining

Deductible (F) not applicable

 

Yes, you read that write.  $200 a session, until I've fulfilled the out of pocket deductible of over $20,000 dollars! (Then just $85-125.)

 

I replied back that my budget does not have room for the cost at this time and to cancel my session.    I was pretty aggravated because I'd finally fully fully taken the leap, right?    After about 15 minutes of being pissy, I went back to the drawing board, pulled up my insurance site next to the psychology today site, and ran some side by sides.  I found two more people (in addition to the one I really wanted but who has a long waiting list)  and emailed them to see about openings.    They should be "IN NETWORK" based off the dual search technique, and be significantly less.  Fingers crossed they don't have months long waiting lists.  Ugh!

 

I think that's all I got for now.

My afternoon coffee keeps really souring my stomach.   I might have to give it up.   Find an alternative.

 

 

 

[Sloth the Enduring]

That’s terrible. Insurance is the worst.

[Cheetah]

2 hours ago, Starpuck said:

alternative

 

 

j/k.  Don't do coke.

[starpuck]

I lied.  I did art tonight. 

 

I've done a portrait for every character that's been played in the D&D game I run.     My friend, Q, lost his elven noble Ashton, and Nemek is his new groove.   Half-orc barbarian, path of the zealot.    He survived a massacre, and is now Gal Vorbag, which translates to "Puppet of the Gods".     People are a little wary of him, but he's been minding his manners.

[Rurik Harrgath]

18 hours ago, Starpuck said:

I lied.  I did art tonight. 

 

Acceptable lie, and phenomenal artwork!

 

[Jupiter]

19 hours ago, Starpuck said:

I lied.  I did art tonight. 

 

Very nice!

[Red1263]

23 hours ago, Starpuck said:

I lied

 

23 hours ago, Starpuck said:

I did art tonight. 

[starpuck]

Day 5 Update -- Proper Week 1

 

What can I say?  I haven't quit yet!   Actually, this has been the most solid week I've had in a while, which is pretty nuts.  Scale is trending ever so slightly down.   If I can NOT blow it this weekend with gaming both days, I will be feeling pretty good.    I run my game tomorrow and haven't opened my notebook in 2 weeks.  Granted, I was over prepped by a longshot when we stopped, but I still like to be really fresh on what was what.

 

• Ate and tracked today.
• Got my 3rd lift in.  First time in moooonths.
• Did not art today - took tonight as all video games, yeaaah.  Totes worth it.
• Continued struggling to get the therapist appt sorted out and I think, I am officially sorted out now.  Phew.
• Also started contemplating my cosplay for Acen in May... thinking Maki Oze from Fire Force...

 

#FlexFriday lol?

 

[Sloth the Enduring]

Looking fierce Puck.

[Elastigirl]

Look at those arms! Love the muscles!

[Red1263]

Now there's a Starpuck! Remind me to stay on your good side!

[mitch_dee]

19 hours ago, Starpuck said:

 

 

 

[Cheetah]

Great work this week!  Keep it up!

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

20 hours ago, Starpuck said:

 

 

#FlexFriday lol?

 

I gotta be honest, I'm a little scared right now.

[mitch_dee]

5 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I gotta be honest, I'm a little scared right now

I agree

 

[starpuck]

Aw guys you are making me smile.

And blush.

 

 

 

Long day today - also rest day, because I've already gotten my 5 work out days in, and tomorrow I'll get some dancing or something.   Did some refreshing the D&D prep for tonight.  Snagged tacos out for lunch then made a delightful pork tenderloin roast atop of sweet potatoes and brussel sprouts.   Played a bit of Don't Starve and then ran my D&D game.   Session went really well - though they ignored all warnings for the death trap and the rogue attempted to climb down the dark dreary hole.  She JUST made the acrobatic skill check DC to not fall 300' to her death... holy smokes.   They wisely walked away after that and got some research, some info and also got a few encounters in.   Two weeks from now we'll pick up at the cusp of the next encounter, so I will have time to really look over some of the fight strats.  Yup yup.

 

No art was had and I'm over my calorie budget but I at least attempted to track the food?   I've always kind of allowed one "four hour session" of indulgment- and honestly, I didn't go nuts.   I had two beers, but they were these super light Breckenridge Golden Ales, flavored with blueberry and acai.  (98 cals a bottle, can't beat that)    Then since there was a birthday involved this week - some Stan's donuts.   But I didn't pig out all night and I had made homecooked dinner so feel pretty in control all said and done.   In estimating calories, I probably ate to maintenance or just a scoche beyond.   Since all my other days I've been under I think it's fine.   I need to be focused for tomorrow though for sure!

 

Tomorrow - skipping church and getting some cleaning done.   Then some art lesson and sketch time.   D&D in the evening, for some Tomb of Annihilation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[starpuck]

Aaahh another night where I lied.   I got my creative in, lol.  I didn't art per se, but I did whip up this little video after finally beating this beastie that gave me some trouble the other night.  Bonus points because I did with the UI completely turned off so the video would be pretty!

 

 

[Red1263]

What game was that? That was awesome!

[deftona]

On 2/22/2020 at 4:33 AM, Starpuck said:

#FlexFriday lol?

 

 

Dang girl, you're killing it.