RisenPhoenix says the First Ideal

[RisenPhoenix]

18 minutes ago, Kishi said:

But in any event, hey, you showed up and did stuff and sometimes that's all anyone can ask of themselves. Good on you. Get some sleep.

 

My current plan is to take Friday off.  Part of this is the fact I've had to go to work for the last 9 days, and I obviously have three more to go.  The weekend work wasn't incredibly laborious, but it does require that I take a chunk of my weekend to do that stuff.  Add in everything else in my life from the last few weeks and it's definitely a reason to take a day or two away.

 

So yea.  Probably going to make that statement with during my one on one with my boss this afternoon.

[Mistr]

Absolutely, take a day off. Don't tell anyone. You can relax, go work out and do what you want before facing the social activities of the weekend. 

 

Has your dojo had a discussion of how many regular attendees it takes to maintain a class?

 

It's one thing for you and another person of similar level to get together for an hour a week to work on topics of your choice. A class with random low attendance is a different beast. I know because my Wednesday evening class usually had 4 people for a long time. It gets three times that many when the popular senior instructor teaches. That said Wednesdays were highly variable even when the chief instructor taught all the time.

 

You understand the benefit of training with more people, that's why you go to the Harvard class. If your dojo asks you to teach on Fridays, make them commit to showing up.

[starpuck]

1 hour ago, Kishi said:

Man, drama just... bites. Makes everything harder because suddenly everything feels like it's covered in spikes and you have to move so gingerly.

 

Or maybe that's just me.

Not just you.  This was one of the best analogies I've seen of how I'd describe it.  Because indeed the drama spreads to affect like .. even non-related things! 

 

Glad things are progressing to a new stage and hoping that it breaks into a productive, healing type of stage soon.

Also, get some rest my friend!    I can just hear it in your ... fingers?  You need some recharge.  

 

I prescribe one, 4 hour session of the following:

[RisenPhoenix]

1 hour ago, Mistr said:

Has your dojo had a discussion of how many regular attendees it takes to maintain a class?

 

It's one thing for you and another person of similar level to get together for an hour a week to work on topics of your choice. A class with random low attendance is a different beast. I know because my Wednesday evening class usually had 4 people for a long time. It gets three times that many when the popular senior instructor teaches. That said Wednesdays were highly variable even when the chief instructor taught all the time.

 

You understand the benefit of training with more people, that's why you go to the Harvard class. If your dojo asks you to teach on Fridays, make them commit to showing up.

 

Honestly in January I was regularly getting 3-4 students, which isn't THAT much smaller than our other weekday classes.  A big weeknight class is around 8-12 people.  Our weekend/Now Saturday only class see 10-15 people spread between the two classes.

 

And honestly the class size doesn't bother me as much as the fact that I'm 1) younger, 2) more experienced, and 3) trying to stretch myself and unfortunately the combination of older members who are less likely to play AND also not experienced enough to take the ukemi needed for me to play means.... I have to play elsewhere.  And even the Harvard group isn't really most of the Harvard students, as much as the group of 30-somethings who are in my bracket and in a similar position.  That said, a my major training partner at this point is moving across the country soon, so also my play time there will be less.  Also the Chief Instructor at the dojo we train at on Fridays has been bristling at non-Harvard undergrads practicing with the Harvard club on those nights because Reasons.  So, despite the fact that the club is actually mostly grad students, and the senior students are actually all non-Harvard people with one exception, there may come a time where suddenly I'm not welcome there any more.  Its a wait and see thing.

 

 

27 minutes ago, Starpuck said:

Not just you.  This was one of the best analogies I've seen of how I'd describe it.  Because indeed the drama spreads to affect like .. even non-related things! 

 

Glad things are progressing to a new stage and hoping that it breaks into a productive, healing type of stage soon.

Also, get some rest my friend!    I can just hear it in your ... fingers?  You need some recharge.  

 

I prescribe one, 4 hour session of the following:

 

1 hour ago, Mistr said:

Absolutely, take a day off. Don't tell anyone. You can relax, go work out and do what you want before facing the social activities of the weekend. 

 

So how about some good news?  I got the day off, with only minor teasing from my boss.  He tried saying I should read some papers or do some paperwork and I said no.  Because duh.

 

Also I got my compensation sheet for 2019, which is my bonus and raise.  I got a bonus twice the size of my 2018 bonus (since I went from not meeting goals to exceeding them this last year), and also a minimal raise that just would outpace inflation.  Huzzah for money!

 

Anyway, I'm tired, I know I'm tired, and the more I think about it the more I realize I really do need a break without humans and this weekend is looking to fit the bill.  So I think that's that.

[RisenPhoenix]

How about some more good stuff?

 

-NP this morning was fun, plus I ended up walking with a guy who's regularly been the same pace as me and we've been seeing one another regularly, just never really talked.  Ended up being an enjoyable pace that I probably wouldn't have kept if I had been alone.

 

-Post-NP during my "becoming human" routine, I noticed my quads had a not insignificant Vastis lateralis pump going on.  I noticed it because even when I was squatting regularly, that seemed to be the one muscle group that NEVER wanted to grow. The Vastis medialis and Vastis intermedias/rectus femoris always seemed to be the only ones that actually ever grew.  So seeing anything there made me pleased.

 

-My work, since I'm all Boston centric, has essentially told everyone to go home.  I'm actually in a good place to work from home these days, as my lab work is a lot more focused bursts than continuous be in the lab and pump out data mode.  My boss has fully embraced me being more planning and strategic, so this works fine.  Also now more sleep since no commute?

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

3 minutes ago, RisenPhoenix said:

-My work, since I'm all Boston centric, has essentially told everyone to go home.  I'm actually in a good place to work from home these days, as my lab work is a lot more focused bursts than continuous be in the lab and pump out data mode.  My boss has fully embraced me being more planning and strategic, so this works fine.  Also now more sleep since no commute?

Work from home, the introvert's dream.

[RisenPhoenix]

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Work from home, the introvert's dream.

 

Honestly it's going to be super weird for me.  I'm not exactly set up for this, I still have some minimal lab work I need to accomplish, and it does tend to be annoyingly timed.  But it WILL help with the fact I can not be interrupted all the time as I am working, sooooo.... Yea, you're 100% right.

[starpuck]

Nice little bonus git's there!      (Term coined during my time playing Bit Trip Runner... they always said 'Bonus Get!' at the end...)

 

[RisenPhoenix]

Okay, so.

 

I need selfcare routines.

 

We (as in the Board) shut the dojo down last night.  Yesterday at November Project we were told we would keep meeting until told otherwise; a notice that NP workouts across the GLOBE was just released.  Yoga at work is regularly 8-10 people, which was the cut off point for work saying Don't Do That, in addition to saying that we shouldn't really be in the building, either. 

 

So now I'm waiting on my gym to close and have myself lose all physical activity self-care things.

 

(And yes, I am aware that I do have yoga/BW workouts I can do at home, but mentally those never work well for me and create MORE stress than relieve it, even if the physical side of things is fine.) 

[Kishi]

Are you looking for any particular kind of selfcare routines?

[sarakingdom]

Even before this, I was pondering the telecommuting version of group activities and classes. It's gonna be a thing now, I think.

[RisenPhoenix]

42 minutes ago, Kishi said:

Are you looking for any particular kind of selfcare routines?

 

I honestly don't even know.  I think part of the problem is that people physically at work need to accept when people are working from home.  But trying to enforce that is hard, especially at my level and with what I'm trying to maneuver for.  Having no real schedule right now is also solidly messing with my brain, since I do better on a scheduled regimen.  Even a normal schedule right now is going to be difficult when people ignore things like "don't have meetings."

 

I think part of my brain right now is also just exhausted about everything and this just slapped a lot of new variables down AND removed my usual selfcare, so I'm extra skittish.  Just very much looking to a three day weekend for myself...

 

 

17 minutes ago, sarakingdom said:

Even before this, I was pondering the telecommuting version of group activities and classes. It's gonna be a thing now, I think.

 

Harvard Aikikai suggested watching aikido videos, cat videos, or cats doing aikido videos. 

 

Sadly they did no provide links to the final option.

[sarakingdom]

I wish to watch videos of cats doing aikido.

 

On self-care, this sounds like being overwhelmed by circumstances, which is legit. (I, for instance, am loosening my prepared food avoidance this week, to put myself in a better place to have all the things juggled better next week.)

 

Take a day. Take a deep breath. Then, like Vimes, do the job that's in front of you. Right now, it's getting things into place for the new world order.

 

Working from home is not all or nothing. You can cut down, and go in when you need to. Like an NF challenge, take smaller steps. This may even help your on site colleagues start to accept this is a measured, rational thing that they also need to accommodate.

 

I'd also figure out your personal preferences for meetings that aren't cancelled. Me, I'd go for "can we make it a conference call; if not, can we move all meetings to insert day of the week", and then advocate. Not just for yourself, but for people more at risk than you, and "in preparation for what's coming".

 

Methodical. Pragmatic. Focus on the community good. Strategically relax the demands you put on yourself.

[SevenFootGeek]

You're welcome.

[RisenPhoenix]

3 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

On self-care, this sounds like being overwhelmed by circumstances, which is legit. (I, for instance, am loosening my prepared food avoidance this week, to put myself in a better place to have all the things juggled better next week.)

 

This is absolutely it.  I at least just got to cancel a post-work meeting, so that's kind of nice.  Means I can just relax after I'm out of work.

 

 

Also based on my my body and brain are behaving, I asked/informed my boss I'm also taking Monday off.  Get more sleep and rest in my system and then I should feel better.

[RisenPhoenix]

Well this all has been.... enlightening to watch unfold.  Not helping my view of humanity overall, though.  Though there are some glimmers.

 

I still have today off from work.  Not because of the virus, but because of mental health days and self care.  It does not escape my notice the irony that I took these days to hermit and be away from humans, and now it is nearly governmental policy to be away from humans.  So far my dojo has closed, November Project has suspended all in-person workouts (though are working on a digital thing), and my gym will likely get closed due to the Governor's order that groups about 25 people are not allowed, even in retail spaces. (Yes, I did go to the gym today, yes it was potentially unwise, yes I used all the cleaning supplies before and after I used equipment/barbells/dumb bells, and yes I left early when I started to feel the areas I needed were getting too crowded.)

 

Overall I'm feeling like I'm in some weird temporal no-mans land.  Between working from home on Thursday, taking Friday and today off, none of my usual activities being allowed, and actually giving myself the time to sleep and rest a lot (I have probably slept 10 hours a night since Friday, and haven't rushed to go anywhere or do anything, which is atypical for me), just everything feels slightly off.  Also I still don't really want to deal with humans.  But at least I'm somewhat more mentally clear.  A friend at work told me on Thursday I looked like death, so, you know, apparently I was worse off than I thought.  Hopefully working from home will be good for things on that front.

 

Challenge wise....

 

Friday and today I did workouts at the gym.  Nothing spectacular, just functional.  The benefits of just relaxing and just wanting movement.

 

Food has been pretty terrible.  Thursday 2100, Friday 2200, Saturday, 2500, and yesterday 3000.  Yes, 3000.  I'm trying to not pay attention to how terrible that last one is.  I just could not stop eating and was ravenous the entire time.  I'm going to hope it was just my body's way of making sure I had energy.  The macros for yesterday weren't terrible over all (46% carb, 22% protein, 32% fat, with protein still being 200+ grams), but I would prefer not having that happen again.  My weigh in on Saturday, at least, had me at 212.8.  That means in roughly one challenge period I've lost about 6 pounds.  I had wanted to be 210 by the end of April, and that looks to be on track.  Also my waist measurement was 36.5ish inches, which isn't drastically far off from where I was when I was a lot more active a couple years ago (there I was about 35.5").  Over all though I DO feel much better than I have in a long, long while.  I'm fitting into clothes better, I'm (mostly) pain free, I don't feel completely drained after workouts.  I'm trying to keep myself in some level of active moderation, and also trying to keep myself sane.  I think trying to be social has been the largest stressor in my life.  Not terribly shocking, but also something to keep in mind in the future.  The next couple of weeks are going to be enforced anti-social, which actually might work well for me.

 

So I think, honestly, I am going to wrap this challenge early.  The dojo is closed, so it's not like teaching will happen (and they didn't even catch no instructors were showing up on the last couple of Fridays, that was a thing I was letting them sit on and discover themselves).  The gym will likely close, which means my plans of Monday/Friday workouts are going to need to shift.  Food is still critical, but in a way it'll be easier since I won't be seeing a wall of snacks every morning when I'm at the office.

 

Mainly I just need to figure out my plans for the next couple of weeks, and go from there.

 

Hope everyone is keeping clean and healthy!

[Kishi]

Yeah, temporal no-man's land. I get that. Honestly, everything feels pretty up-ended right now.

[Mistr]

Working from home is the introvert's dream. Too bad it had to happen under these conditions and with the gym and dojo closed.

 

My dojo closed too. Work is hunkering down. All the exercise classes are cancelled, but the exercise rooms are open. I guess they figure we can maintain a safe distance with the few people who are not working remotely. The yoga room is open for anyone who needs a quiet place to chill.

 

Good for you losing weight in spite of stress eating. I'm sad to report that I gained more weight last week. Between Pi Day and overall stress, I went off the rails. I'm hoping that having things physically quiet at work will make a difference. There won't be birthday cakes and catered events providing tempting food. I can bring healthy food from home and stick to that.

 

Think of it this way, you will know you have reached the end of your rope when going for a run sounds like a good idea.

[RisenPhoenix]

19 hours ago, Kishi said:

Yeah, temporal no-man's land. I get that. Honestly, everything feels pretty up-ended right now.

 

Normally I'd be fine.  But clearly everything is not normal.

 

18 hours ago, Mistr said:

Working from home is the introvert's dream. Too bad it had to happen under these conditions and with the gym and dojo closed.

 

My dojo closed too. Work is hunkering down. All the exercise classes are cancelled, but the exercise rooms are open. I guess they figure we can maintain a safe distance with the few people who are not working remotely. The yoga room is open for anyone who needs a quiet place to chill.

 

Good for you losing weight in spite of stress eating. I'm sad to report that I gained more weight last week. Between Pi Day and overall stress, I went off the rails. I'm hoping that having things physically quiet at work will make a difference. There won't be birthday cakes and catered events providing tempting food. I can bring healthy food from home and stick to that.

 

Think of it this way, you will know you have reached the end of your rope when going for a run sounds like a good idea.

 

I won't lie, I have enjoyed not driving this morning, getting 'to work' slightly earlier, getting things sorted a bit better, and not eating all the free food.

 

My gym officially closed last night.  Again, smart choice.  But still sucks.  I also realized my eating was probably some level of stress eating, vacation eating, and actual hunger.  I still over ate yesterday, but it still put me around a net of 2200-2300 calories or so.  Which isn't terrible.  I also made a solid meatloaf.  Peppers, onions, and I decided to toss some chopped frozen spinach in there.  Turned out pretty solid, and I made a bunch of roasted sprouts and then some roasted potatoes.  I realized with all the post-work free time I can actually make fancy meals if I so wished.... but I'm so primed for bulk cooking at this point it feels weird.  But I guess now is the time to try some smaller meals that I've been waiting for?  Sure, that'll work.

 

Today I managed to have my morning mostly squared away.  I do need to go into the lab today for a bit of work, but I'll go in around lunch/second shift.  Maybe a bit before.  The morning has been, not shockingly, fairly productive for me.  I have some things to read, but I have a couple hours of lab work I need to do, too.  So probably should go and do all that now.  Then get home ASAP.  I think I actually need to go into home depot for a better lightbulb in my office though. The current wattage isn't great.  Hopefully its still open since MA is closing many things...

[RisenPhoenix]

Welp, found the workout answer.

 

#NP_Continues

 

I was a little skeptical it could work, but it did.  I did re-affirm the fact that I can't workout in my house.  Too much noise while living above someone, making me feel stressed and not able to fully put effort into things.

 

That said, apparently my brain registers my porch as enough Away from Home those issues vanish. (It helps the porch is pretty solid and also doesn't shake and wobble like my century old flooring.). And thus, my morning started with a workout.  Burpees -> Mountain Climbers > Crunches > Leg lifts.  10 rep ladder count down to 5 reps, and then climb back up again.  Warmup happened, then the first ladder, a plank, and then the second rep of the ladder, followed by another plank.  My core will probably hate me in the morning.

 

But yea, at least that's going to happen for movement.

 

Calories yesterday kinda sucked again.  I'm slowly accepting that if I hover around 2400 calories it's not the worst thing in the world.  It's probably more accurate to my TDEE anyway, so even if I just hover at a maintain level, it'll be fine.  Still, hoping that working from home and regular walks will make me less prone to eating all the things.  May need to start spacing out squats, lunges, and pushups into my WFH routine.

 

Dunno.  Today is my first, honest to goodness, full Work From Home day.  Tomorrow might be the same.  Friday is questionable, depending on what things arrive that I ordered last week.  None of it is very vital, so I may make the argument that it's stupid to have me come in.  I can better serve being a paper reading machine in that time frame, which is what my boss is trying to get me to transition to anyway.  Get me on a crash course of biology, start contributing to the science of the group (rather than the process), and then fight for a silly title to fix things because it's right. (I'm some weird hybrid of Varys and Ned Stark.  And I think we all know how those things turned out....)

[sarakingdom]

I hear you on food. I just gave myself about a week where I didn't track a thing or worry about IF, and my goal was simply "get food into me". I'm tapering off the stuff I don't want now; I'm not fighting quite so many mental battles, so I'm just falling back into the better habits.

 

This whole thing is pointing out to me how useful cultivating an "all things pass, all things are temporary" mindset is. Postpone events rather than cancelling. Move some mental battles to later, and they don't become a battle. I find it really hard to reframe choices in terms of finding the tenkan to slip past problems, except in retrospect, but I'm finding it useful to divide things into what's a problem and what's only a problem if it's not temporary, and using that to decide where to engage.  My actual problems right now are hand-washing and not touching my face, how rarely I sanitize handles and touch screen under normal circumstances and that I now need to think about importing germs on clothes and bags and boxes. Those are relatively permanent problems with a degree of risk in the current situation. Food choices are only a problem if they aren't temporary.

 

Good work on the workout solution. I'm still getting there. I have plenty of stuff I can do at home, but not currently a ton of open floorspace. Something to work on. But not today.

[Kishi]

So, pardon me if I seem daft, but did I miss something? I thought you said you were a homeowner now. Are you living over someone still?

[RisenPhoenix]

On 3/18/2020 at 9:53 AM, sarakingdom said:

I hear you on food. I just gave myself about a week where I didn't track a thing or worry about IF, and my goal was simply "get food into me". I'm tapering off the stuff I don't want now; I'm not fighting quite so many mental battles, so I'm just falling back into the better habits.

 

This whole thing is pointing out to me how useful cultivating an "all things pass, all things are temporary" mindset is. Postpone events rather than cancelling. Move some mental battles to later, and they don't become a battle. I find it really hard to reframe choices in terms of finding the tenkan to slip past problems, except in retrospect, but I'm finding it useful to divide things into what's a problem and what's only a problem if it's not temporary, and using that to decide where to engage.  My actual problems right now are hand-washing and not touching my face, how rarely I sanitize handles and touch screen under normal circumstances and that I now need to think about importing germs on clothes and bags and boxes. Those are relatively permanent problems with a degree of risk in the current situation. Food choices are only a problem if they aren't temporary.

 

Good work on the workout solution. I'm still getting there. I have plenty of stuff I can do at home, but not currently a ton of open floorspace. Something to work on. But not today.

 

Yea, I think once I get back out for the grocery store I just need to work on not buying as many snacks as I did this last run.  Otherwise trying to keep it to around 2400 calories for me isn't terrible.  I do think I just had a massive burst of "NEED ALL THE FOOD" and it's mostly passed.  Yesterday was about 2300 calories total, and even less net.  And I'm feeling good.  So I'll take it.

 

As for the All Things Shall Pass thing, I definitely agree.  I just needed my moment of panic to get out of the way so I could figure out practical things to accomplish.  I think the fact that I managed to figure out that the NP morning workouts are solid and I have a space to do them, plus getting the idea in my head that I should do a daily walk around the block after work (weather permitting?  Weather Proof?  Haven't decided yet) are good first steps.  Also subscribing to PS Now so I could download a bunch of games I've wanted to play but didn't want to spend money on.... yea, that's solid plan.  Games keep me distracted, too, so my eating lessens. 😅

 

 

18 hours ago, Kishi said:

So, pardon me if I seem daft, but did I miss something? I thought you said you were a homeowner now. Are you living over someone still?

 

You're only daft because you're in an area that has space.  

 

I am a homeowner.  But it's a Condo.  A third floor condo. Essentially take the apartment I was in, make that something I am now 6 figures in debt for.  If I wanted to afford a stand alone house, I would have had to move about an hour-plus commute outside the city, or add about another 300-400,000 to what I paid for this place.

 

Boston real estate is dumb.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

3 hours ago, RisenPhoenix said:

 

I am a homeowner.  But it's a Condo.  A third floor condo. Essentially take the apartment I was in, make that something I am now 6 figures in debt for.  If I wanted to afford a stand alone house, I would have had to move about an hour-plus commute outside the city, or add about another 300-400,000 to what I paid for this place.

 

Boston real estate is dumb.

I'm not gonna lie, I had to delete a couple of brags about real estate where I am.

[RisenPhoenix]

Oh man today.

 

So it's day 3 of WFH.  I'm raging from several miles away at my boss' insistence that we keep churning out data despite being told to limit people's time in the building.  I am being fairly vocal about this.  He also tried to get everyone to read a textbook over the weekend for a Monday morning meeting.  I was very vocal about him not touching my weekend for something so frivolous. Sigh.  I have no problems pushing back, but my coworkers are less prone / more accommodating to answering his leading questions, which he then takes as everyone's plans for work.  Ugh.

 

Anyway.  Today was Day 2 of no gym, but the #NP_Continues workouts.  This time I actually knew what to expect (roughly), so I was able to dress well, toss on shoes, and do everything on my porch (thankfully it had stopped raining - more for my laptop's sake than the me getting wet).  It was a deck workout where each suit of a card was an exercise, and the value was how many reps.  Aces were high, which I discovered only when I pulled an ace, asked the crowd if we counted it as high or low, and got back a resounding "Duh.  High."  This is what I get for asking rather than just doing....  So what did I end up doing?  In 40-45 minutes I pulled 41 cards, totaling: 55 burpees, 67 jump squats (which I also paired with faux bokken cuts on the way down for control/centering), 104 bicycle crunches, and 72 pushups.  Yea, I'm going to be sore tomorrow.

 

Food yesterday ended at about 2300 calories total, about 250 calories over my goal net.  It more or less averages with Wednesday's values, which had me under by about the same amount.  I'll take it.  Today I'm looking to be about 300 calories over again, but I'm not terrible concerned.  Mostly because the workout I did this morning kicked my ass, and I think I severely underestimated how much I actually burned.  It took me until about 1PM until I had eaten about 1400 calories and my foggy brain suddenly cleared up and I was awake again.  So I'm guessing it was me jut being so depleted that my body vetoed all the things.  Which has been known to happen.  Anyway, not super worried over all.  If anything, I actually feel decent about my body for the first time in a long, long time.  Still want to cut down my frame by a few body fat percentage points, but all in all I'm feeling mostly good when I look in the mirror.  I forgot what that felt like.

 

So I'm pretty sure that means this challenge was a win, yes?