Let's try again...

[GoldenFox]

Hi everyone 🦊!
 

I've been a member of NF since quite some time and tried to get fit many times. I did not pull through any strength workouts - it's my weak point!

But NF did help me to find my way of getting fitter via its yoga program. The NF yoga videos were the first I was able to stick to on a daily basis, and that kicked of a lot...

 

It was my mindset however, that actually did the trick - Back then in 2016 I decided to do yoga everyday, however small - so a few deep breaths were enough to mark the daily goal as checked. Also, my aim was to do something that feels good rather then "getting fit". Because that always ended in me taking on too much, suffering through workouts, hating it, and then quitting.

 

So I just stuck to those couple of yoga workouts, always picking the one for the day I felt most comfortable with. After six month with the same videos over and over I continued with other free youtube yoga channels. I found that doing yoga at home (or outside in the park) worked so so much better than going to classes. Over the time I "leveled up" my daily yoga routine to 2 times a day, - 20-30 min first thing in the morning and then again 20-40 min after work. Sometimes I need to skip one of those, but it does not matter at this point, because it's become that much of a daily routine I could not get myself to completely stop it. Also, it is one of the few activities that I actually see myself progressing. And I finally learned that for me, working towards a goal works best if I do the smallest of smallest babysteps. Also it needs to be ONE SINGLE goal, ONE movement that I want to master. Doing a headstand seemed impossible 2 years ago and now I don't even have to think about it. How I got there was by first, going to two or three workshops and watching some explanatory youtube videos. That way I understood the technique and found a way to safely practice at home (kicking up into underarm-supported headstand with the wall in my back). The secret to sticking to the daily practice was: I gave it only ONE TRY a day. Takes about 10 to 30 seconds. And if I fell, I counted it as success, cause what mattered was only trying. After about 100 to 200 days - I can't really say - I became confident enough to practice without wall support. I was shaky at first, and I fell a few times, but only to notice that it actually did not hurt (as long as you practice on a wooden floor or carpet). And I am so much an angsty person that this was really what I had to overcome - the fear of falling.

 

Now that headstand is no problem whatsoever, I am practicing handstand in the same way. Got some input for technique, and now I am trying it once per day with wall support. This one will take a little longer, I guess, but at some point, it will be fine... 

Oh, and I even did a yoga teacher training, so I guess that fitness journey turned out very well 😉

 

Okay, so why am I here now as a "beginner"?
Well, I still struggle with the food, and with the strength part. I am very imbalanced - my lower body is moderately fit, but I am pretty weak on the upper body. But mainly, it is about confidence. 

I just had my first therapy session because my family drives me NUTS and it is pretty hard for me to make my own decisions without feeling guilty for all the wrong reasons. After understanding that, I noticed that much of my fear of rejection basically stems from me not trusting myself and feeling insecure. I am very much a conflict-avoider and problem-runaway. And I finally see that this is just reaffirming low self confidence. 

I need self confidence. And yoga can give you only so much. It has been an enormous help to dealing with uncomfortable situations. But also, in a very soft and comfortable way. So all the confidence I have build up on the mat - now I have to take it off the mat. And that means: facing my demons and trying (for the first time/again) all the stuff that I wanted to do, but gave up doing because I was afraid.

 

So I need to get stronger to feel stronger. And I want to get into: bouldering, longboarding, parkour, swordfighting, horseriding, iceskating, the list goes on... but the first three are the ones I want to focus on right now. I am mainly afraid of 1. jumping, 2. falling and 3. rejection by making a fool of myself.  I've never tried parkour and that will be the one thing I struggle most with. Cause I am really really bad at jumping... I avoided is as much as I could since my childhood. Well, we'll see how I will do, I guess. 

 

Also, feeling stronger means fueling my body with the right nutrients. I've been through some eating disorder issues and still struggle with emotional eating here and there. More important however is that I struggle with hormonal imbalances since years, and I slowly managed to stabilize it more or less right now. However, it of course hast contributed a lot to my low self esteem, cause feeling overwhelmed with nearly everything, pain, being unable to focus, general tiredness and so on - it really makes you feel like you are to weak for this world. So I want to eat better to get better. 

 

It surely will be difficult to find the right balance of "not overdoing it" versus "avoing going outside my comfort zone" but I'll try. That is all that matters.

AND ever since my therapy sessions I've come to one important conclusion: Everything can be broken down into a sequence of decisions. The whole thing, e. g. skateboarding, can be frightening and overwhelming. But what matters is the one decision you make now. Do you get on the board or not? All the past decisions don't matter, neither do the future ones. And if stepping on a board is too frightening yet, break it down further: Do you put one foot on the board? and then feel happy for your accomplishment. To get out of your comfort zone, you first have to learn where it begins and ends. So stay close to its border as you can before stepping out. At least if you are an angsty person.

 

Well those are my thoughts about where I am now. I hope, you are all doing well - please stay safe and healthy 🙏

[TGP]

6 hours ago, GoldenFox said:

Hi everyone 🦊!
 

.....

So I need to get stronger to feel stronger. And I want to get into: bouldering, longboarding, parkour, swordfighting, horseriding, iceskating, the list goes on... but the first three are the ones I want to focus on right now. I am mainly afraid of 1. jumping, 2. falling and 3. rejection by making a fool of myself.  I've never tried parkour and that will be the one thing I struggle most with. Cause I am really really bad at jumping... I avoided is as much as I could since my childhood. Well, we'll see how I will do, I guess. 

 

well you certainly are ambitious.  wanting to do several things all the same time is a well known afflictions amoung some of us, called "Ranger brain"....

 

its very exciting! and ofc you get a lot of passion going for trying to be a versatile athlete able to do many things.

 

the Downside ofc, is that, when it comes to skills it can be hard to master anything if you strive to do too much too fast.  I note that your list of skill include many diferent things that are quite skill based.  and personally I have done bouldering, running (which is not quite the same thing as parkour), staff (again not the same thing as swordfighting) and iceskating.  I have also ridden a horse but that, would not be a skill at all- for I did horribly and had a perfectly embarassing experience.

 

I guess the point is that I , too, have ranger brain and I've done several of the things you mention doing.

 

...

I wonder then specifically about you plans to do these activities.  the whole world is crazy ,now, but each of them has businesses set up to serve someone interested in that activity.  What do you intend to pursue first and how?

 

this is the start of a great thought and I applaud your intention but don't let it fade; and make it much more concrete.

 

welcome to the forum and feel free to elaborate and plan it all out here.

[Elastigirl]

Congrats on your headstand! I love how you got there by just trying it once each day. Looking forward to your continued growth

[Mad Hatter]

Ohai and welcome!

 

I see that you also suffer from the affliction of wanting to do stuff that makes you fall on your butt a lot, sometimes figuratively, but mostly literally. 😂

 

I'm a long time dabbler in many things, parkour and bouldering being some of them, pole, acro, handstands being others. And I can't jump either. And I'm a scaredy-cat too. But that's ok, because in all of these things it's about finding challenges that are suitable to your level, mentally and/or physically. And there is always a level that's suitable for you, even if it's jumping up a single stair, or balancing on a rock. The beauty of these activities is that you're constantly pushing that level, at your own pace, and you can have just as much fun no matter what that level is. So I wouldn't worry too much and just go for it.

 

What I will say is that if you focus on three activities at the same time, progress will be slow in all of them. It's not to put you off, but just so that you're aware that it's easier to learn and to progress if you focus on one thing at a time. Having said that, I find it extremely difficult to let go and (more or less) accept my eternal noob status, and that's fine too because I'm not an athlete. 

 

Good luck and have fun!

[GoldenFox]

On 3/19/2020 at 4:40 PM, TGP said:

the Downside ofc, is that, when it comes to skills it can be hard to master anything if you strive to do too much too fast.  I note that your list of skill include many diferent things that are quite skill based.  and personally I have done bouldering, running (which is not quite the same thing as parkour), staff (again not the same thing as swordfighting) and iceskating.  I have also ridden a horse but that, would not be a skill at all- for I did horribly and had a perfectly embarassing experience.

[...]

I wonder then specifically about you plans to do these activities.  the whole world is crazy ,now, but each of them has businesses set up to serve someone interested in that activity.  What do you intend to pursue first and how?

 

this is the start of a great thought and I applaud your intention but don't let it fade; and make it much more concrete.

 

Ranger brain - that is so me! You are very right about that. The thing is, once I focus on only one or two activities, I will get bored and whatever I do will soon feel like a chore and everything else in the world suddenly seems so much more fascinating. I've come to accept that about myself. I have tons of hobbies, and there will be weeks or months where I fall in love with one thing and then I replace it with the next. Some things I try only once, some come back again and again. Yoga is the first thing that after some time became part of my daily life. 

 

I am not sure whether I actually want to master something. I mean, handstand - yes, that I want to be able to do. But otherwise I really just want to have fun while moving. Otherwise I will give up - I know that about myself. I do not need to be "the best in" something or so. Or maybe I am just not in the right state for high goals. I have some hormonal imbalances that can make my body, my brain and my mood very instable. And most of the time I feel rather tired and overwhelmed. So for now I just want to regain the feeling of actually being in charge and that being active can be fun (not just pain). 

 

The above mentioned activities are only a few I want to give (another) try, for different reasons. I won't tackle them all right now, but whenever the time is right.

 

So right now, that is what I do to keept fit:

- Yoga: about 20 min in the morning, about 30 min after work
- Handstand: once per day I try (sometimes also Headstand)

- Planks: 1 min forearm plank and 1 min side planks (each side 1 min) - every work day in the morning before yoga

- 30 min light running (if its sunny and I feel like it)

- easy bike/hiking tours (if its sunny and I feel like it)

 

What I just started to do:
- Bodyweight WO (the one recommended in the parkour articles on NF) - every other day

- For every day in between WO I have scheduled some playtime (I choose whatever I like best on that particular day), like taking a long walk, practicing some jumps in between, going for a run with some sprints, play around on a playground, swimming ... whatever comes to mind - as long as I want to do 

 

What I plan to do next:

- My husband and I want to partake in a 3 day workshop for bouldering basics - if that is fun, I want to replace 1 WO day every 2 to 4 weeks with bouldering

- I want to get myself a skateboard or longboard and integrate it in my playtime

 

Ideas for later:

- check the local availability of dancing courses/workshops - try one out

- book a vacation with a course in horseriding

- inform myself about iceskating courses/workshops, esp. icedancing (is that even the correct word?) and give it a try once

 

Right now of course, where all the shops are closed and outside-time is limited to what is necessary (thanks, Coronca :v), all the future plans have to wait.

Most of the activities, apart from icedancing, I have already tried out at least once. But I gave them up mostly because I was afraid or ashamed and so I stopped. Some of those negative experiences really left me hurt and I felt like a fool. But I never adressed those feelings and never tried againg. That is why I really want to give it at least one more try - mostly to tackle those old feelings and not leave it like that.

Icedancing is just on that list because I often dream about it. Just like ballroom dancing - which for me is just the BEST BEST BEST thing in the world. But since I do not have a dance partner anymore and finding a new one turned out to be veeeery creepy, I kinda put that aside. Life changed, circumstances changed, and it probably won't be the same again. I don't know.

 

On 3/19/2020 at 5:54 PM, Elastigirl said:

Congrats on your headstand! I love how you got there by just trying it once each day. Looking forward to your continued growth

 

Thanks :-) I love headstand! Wakes you up in 10 seconds :D!

Handstand is so much harder to get right! But I finally feel some progress (doing it for at least half a year now). All feelings of uneasyness are gone and I can put my legs up a little bit more controlled and get some splitseconds of standing airtime without wall support - yeah!

 

 

On 3/21/2020 at 9:29 AM, Mad Hatter said:

Ohai and welcome!

 

I see that you also suffer from the affliction of wanting to do stuff that makes you fall on your butt a lot, sometimes figuratively, but mostly literally. 😂

 

I'm a long time dabbler in many things, parkour and bouldering being some of them, pole, acro, handstands being others. And I can't jump either. And I'm a scaredy-cat too. But that's ok, because in all of these things it's about finding challenges that are suitable to your level, mentally and/or physically. And there is always a level that's suitable for you, even if it's jumping up a single stair, or balancing on a rock. The beauty of these activities is that you're constantly pushing that level, at your own pace, and you can have just as much fun no matter what that level is. So I wouldn't worry too much and just go for it.

 

What I will say is that if you focus on three activities at the same time, progress will be slow in all of them. It's not to put you off, but just so that you're aware that it's easier to learn and to progress if you focus on one thing at a time. Having said that, I find it extremely difficult to let go and (more or less) accept my eternal noob status, and that's fine too because I'm not an athlete. 

 

Ah, that is so great! I am not alone with being afraid of jumping :D! You are so right with everything - that is really motivating :3

Just recently I though about being a noob - I realized that in any videogame I really love the first few levels most. When everything is easy to choose, you have a small skillset and everything is easy. So why do I struggle with "being level 1" in real life? I guess it is because I want to do level 100 stuff right away and then I end up disappointed because it feels impossible. Made me wonder whether I should appreciate being level 1 more. ^^

[Mad Hatter]

1 hour ago, GoldenFox said:

Made me wonder whether I should appreciate being level 1 more. ^^

Absolutely! And level 2, 3, 4... 😉

[MsAllegraFox]

Hello fellow fox! 🦊

 

I absolutely adore your way of setting up goals where the actual act of trying the thing trumps the outcome of trying the thing. I have perfectionist tendencies which manifests itself through procrastination whereby I get anxious if I can't do the thing perfectly first time (which come on, when is that ever a realistic goa!? 😆) The emphasis that success is predicated upon the trying is perfect for short circuiting those goblins 😊

 

Also, congrats on the Yoga Teacher training, that takes some dedication!!

 

Thank you so much for including the advice from your therapist, that sounds like really helpful, solid knowledge and I am definitely going to apply it next time I face something really difficult and completely anxiety inducing!

 

The whole confidence situation and trying to take that confidence you have from doing the thing you are good at and applying it to real world situations is something I get, I try and do the same thing with my Jiu Jitsu  training (though not always successfully if I miss a week or two). What kinds of things are working for you? 

 

I look forward to seeing your progress! It sounds like you like you have really solid knowledge under your belt and I love reading your posts!

[GoldenFox]

@MsAllegraFox
Aw, hello fellow fox indeed 🥰🦊!!

 

Thank you so so much for your motivating words :)!

 

Believe me, I know the problem with perfectionism - it can be such a big hurdle! A few years ago I would never have been able to focus on the process instead of the goal and even now, it does not always come easy. Yoga has helped me a great deal with that cause it is so much about how you feel now. It taught me to work WITH my body instead of AGAINST it. Also, I find it surprisingly freeing to let go of perfectionism-goals or any big goals. I mean, sure, they can be a very good motivator for many, but I personally often feel overwhelmed by them. If it would take 100 times of practice session to reach a goal, I would find myself 99 times failing, so I'll probably give up after 3 or 4 sessions. But if I just make it a goal to "do a session today" (whatever it may lead to or not) I will feel successful every single time I actually practice. The whole thing becomes something more manageable and less intimidating, I think.

 

I really admire you for doing Jiu Jitsu. have a hard time with activities that involve physical contact (apart from ballroom dancing), and especially activities which involve fighting scenarios. I can't really put my finger on why that is the case. But it is really an awesome way to reinforce the feeling of being in control and able to handle the situation. So good choice, my fox-friend :)!

 

SInce I am quite new in the whole building-confidence-game I do not have much advice to offer. What I can say is that if it is too difficult yet to trust yourself, start trusting others and ask for help. After all, the way you treat yourself reflects on the way you treat others. So, I guess by trusting others it may also pave the way to build trust in yourself. At least, that has worked for me in the past.

 

Apart from that my confidence is quite challenged right now. The company I work for got hit harder than expected from the Corona-crisis, and just yesterday I was informed that my company may become insolvent next week - and IF the company manages to persist, I get paid half for the same amount of work - so, yeah, thanks for that :-/
Luckily, my flat that my husband and I share is cheap, and we will be able to live well for while even without jobs, but there might just go my dream of ever affording my own house/flat ...
And also, it may mean that I have to search for another job (and maybe even another place to live) AGAIN - which is not easy, because I am a biologist.

I am still doing my workout and I actively decided to make it small and easy enough that I will not give up so fast - but then again I meet friends who just seem to be able to accomplish so much more with ease - I know I should not compare and maye they will give up at some point and I will not but... well, it kinda makes me feel like I am just not hard enough. I know it is not true. But there go the old negative thought patterns in my head - and with all that happening at once, it is hard to blend them out all the time.

 

So what I try to do is to just take one day at a time - (another advice to fight off overthinking the future: you can worry later when the things you worry about actually DO happen. It does not improve your situation to worry beforehand) - and also I try to stick to my plan even more. Cause sticking to a workout plan at least gives me some stability. Also, go for a walk and do yoga. It calms your mind. And: Right away, if I worry about something big time, I do a quick brainstorm for the worst case scenario and write down  one or two action points that I have ready for in case it really happens. That calms my mind and I can attend other things.Oh, and I have a great new haircut. That always helps me when I feel not-good-enough. And wearing stylish clothes even if your at home only. Makes you feel better and confident every time you look in a mirror.

 

That's all for now :) After accomplishing 10 consecutive bodyweight workouts I will give myself 15 EXP - yeah! 4 more to go!!

[MsAllegraFox]

Thank you! I was listening to a podcast where a 5ft 11" 235lb retired Navy Seal who holds a black belt in Jiu Jitsu said that Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is perfect for tiny nerd assassins, and it was at that point I realised that I really wanted to become a tiny nerd assassin. It's not something that comes naturally to me, it's that challenge that makes it a fun thing to keep trying to learn. 

 

Thank you! That's actually super helpful. 😊

 

I'm so sorry about your job! That's a horrible situation is be in! Are you in a position to pick up extra work if your company continues on?

 

I get how hard it is to blend negative thoughts out, but as someone who has often told to slow down, I know I can only do as much as I do because I have to make sacrifices in other areas of my life just to be able to achieve what I want to do- maybe your friends look at you and wish that they could give up a bit to get what you have.

Thank you so much for the reminder of taking things one day at a time, I'm currently vacillating between trying to stay focused and worrying about how long it will be before I can return to class - I got pretty tearful yesterday thinking about how it might be months before everything is back to normal, so I am going to make a plan for what happens if that's the case.

 

Yeah! Keep it up! 😊
 

[GoldenFox]

@MsAllegraFox:

 

I am happy that you found something useful in my post! Great! And you cheer me up so much, thank you :D! ❤️

I love how you enjoy the challenge of the path you chose. That is something I still need to learn - finding fun in a challenge. Becoming a tiny nerd assassin really sounds cool! I am pretty tiny as well - the world needs more tiny badass heroes :D!

And thanks for reminding me that others may as well compare themselves to me and see something within me they would love to have for themselves. No matter how effortless they seem to lose weight or gain muscle, I know I wouldn't want to trade my life for theirs. So I'd rather stay myself and go my own way.

 

It really is a very strange situation right now. I am not all too worried yet and as long as I am allowed to go outside for a stroll or for a run  I can handle the situation. The job situation is uncomfortable but if I'll lose this job, I'll somehow find another one. A side job to improve my income is unlikely though since there are no resaurants or shops open anyway. But I'll probably know more next week.

 

I hope things will get back to normal soon! It must be frustrating not to be able to attend class. What kind of class is it?

[GoldenFox]

It's time for an update!

 

So, it's been almost a week now and a lot has happened. Since the corona shut down I have become quite active. It's kind of easier to go outside for a run or do an extra yoga session if there are no shopping trips, meetups or other activities planned. Also, I honestly enjoy my 50% workload - at least there is a benefit in being paid only half.

 

So  all in all I go for a 4 km run now every other day. I did not plan to make it a rule, but I really enjoy getting all the fresh air in. Also, usually I do EMS training once a week - but because the gym is closed I get free online workouts there. If I would do the same workout alone, I'd never do it more than once - I find it much too painful. But luckily, it is online supervised by the trainers and I do it together with my husband. They really pushed my limits on the two workouts we did last week.

So add that to my every-other-day-bodyweight workout which is purposefully quick and not too hard (yet).

 

Then there is the 2 times 20-30 minutes of yoga which I cannot live without anymore, including one try of a handstand.

 

On the weekends I ride my bike for an hour or two - just to be moving around, exploring some parts of the city I don't know yet or to find a secluded spot of grass to chill out in the sun and get my vitamin d levels up a bit. And of course, going for a walk or two every day.

 

And since walking around the neighborhood daily gets boring at some point but I certainly DO have the time and space now to work on something outside, I bought myself a skateboard.

This is pretty high on my list of activities I wanted to do but stopped doint out of fear and lack of self confidence.

Yesterday I went for my first ride on the board and it feels pretty good. Of course, I feel very insecure on it and barely manage to push it a few times and then let it roll veeery slowly until it stops. But hey - here I am trying again! And that is all that counts! I promised myself I would be patience with myself this time. If it takes 100 days of slow pushing until I manage to finally feel safe enough on the board to progress, then so be it - why not?

 

From a skater I got the tip to take some time at the beginning to practice falling to reduce the fear from the beginning. I think that is a great idea! Sounds like the perfect approach to actually let yourself fall down a couple of times to make the experience that it is not as bad as you imagined it to be - and thus, this would make you more self confident on and off the skateboard.

Well, today my protection gear arrived and I tried it out. Well, sort of. I went to a patch of soft grass, fully clad in protecting gear, and tried to let myself fall from the ground. Since that is a poor way to copy the event of actually falling down, I took my husband with me and asked him to push me. Only that this felt immediately so wrong and intimidating, that apart from a few gentle pushes, I just ended up avoiding him whenever he came close :v Apparently my fear of getting hurt is quite big so it won't be as easy as falling down once or twice and discovering that it feels absolutely okay... Because it does not (yet). But that is okay as well. I mean, I already stepped over some shadows today, even if they were small ones. And I can repeat this practice and increase the challange slowly - just as you would do with the common therapy against phobias, like getting used to spiders if you fear them.  If you are really afraid, you would not start with letting a tarantula crawling over your hand. You start with looking at pictures of regular spiders and work your way up from there.

 

Sooo, for the shut down time I will try to use every rainfree day to get at least a couple of minutes of practicing skateboarding every day.

 

Sounds like that is enough on my plate right now anyway.

 

Oh, and today I did my tenth bodyweight workout in a row - yeah! Next goal is reaching 40

[GoldenFox]

Hello my friends! 

 

A lot of time has passed since my last entry. So how have I done in the last couple of weeks?

 

The workout plan worked out for me so far  Today I finished my 40th workout unit! And I did not miss it once! Yay!

Also, I still do a half an hour run every other day. On very good days I even managed to run 5 km in 30 min, which is great for someone as short-legged as I am. But I don't really aim for getting faster. I just want to enjoy.

 

I still du my planks and handstand practice but there are no news yet there. Again, on some very good days I was able to get some seconds of airtime in handstand. 

 

Since I have the time for it - thanks to Covid19 - I have lengthened my yoga practice to 30 to 60 minutes every morning and evening. Of course, I choose the intensity of the practice according to how I feel.

 

However, there are also a few activities that I did not manage to stick consistently to.

I kinda lost interest in the parcour  thing, so I did not ever practice any jumps - I still do not like jumping one bit.

I also stopped skating daily - it was just this one bit too much and it started to get boring to go skating. I did not really have a goal for the ride, it always took time and effort to find a suitable spot and then I felt disturbed when there were too many people around. Also, all the hassle of getting the safety gear up, and the helmet flattening my hair 😕 so those were the hurdles that stood too much in my way. I need to think about how to overcome them.

 

But I'll take my time - I am doing enough already and I am too good at putting too much pressure on myself. So all in good time.

More important that skating anyway is trying to eat healthier. I still overdo at portion sizes and can't keep away from sweets. I'll try my best.