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Whisper's Positively Negative Butterflies


Whisper

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So, it has been an interesting week.

 

Tuesday evening I got an email from my work saying that people in two of our department's had tested positive for Covid.  I was deeply tempted to call out the next day, but talked with the people I live with about the precautions I was taking at work (wearing a mask and gloves, cleaning with bleach) so decided to go in Wednesday.

 

Wednesday, the company had gotten masks for everyone and was mandating that everyone wear them. The two shops that had people test positive were not in, and were supposed to get a deep clean before people came back. Things were slow enough that I ended up leaving a couple hours early. Got a call from my manager a half hour later saying that they weren't going to bring in any of the night shift so an outside company could come in and clean everything. Got another call from my manager shortly before bed time telling me that they had decided to close the plant for two weeks, so I am now officially amongst the ranks of the furloughed. 

 

I honestly feel more relief than anything else. I've got enough vacation time to cover the current projection, I've got money in savings if it goes longer, and worst comes to pass, I'm friends with the people I'm renting from, they're not going to kick me out if I can't pay rent. My biggest concern has been bringing something home and getting them sick, and now that I'm out of work, that is much less likely to happen.

 

Thursday M and I did some yard work for a friend, then I assisted with the stream my church's Maundy Thursday service. I was wearing sandals, and on the way out I managed to trip over a door stop and take a gouge out of my big toe. Didn't think it was too bad at first, but there was an impressive amount of blood by the time I got home. Got it cleaned and wrapped up, but it has had me somewhat hobbled the last few days. 

 

Friday started off fairly quite. Since I've been out and exposed more than the other people in the house, I'm mostly keeping to myself down in the basement, and wearing a mask anytime I go upstairs. I don't think I'm sick, but apparently asymptomatic spread is an issue, plus, you know, 80+ year olds that I'm trying not to kill. I was starting to wonder about dinner before heading down to the church to help with the Good Friday service when there started to be a fair amount of commotion upstairs. 

 

The husband had fallen back on Sunday and apparently things had been getting worse, to the point that he was unable to get out of bed to even use the restroom and in a lot of pain. They had wanted to avoid taking him anywhere, but the point had been reached where they needed to call an ambulance for him. No one was able to go into the hospital with him, and when he first got there he was in a lot of pain and having enough confusion that the people there were concerned about dementia. 

 

Wasn't really anything I could do to help; the wife and two local daughters had everything in hand, so I went down to help with the service. 

 

He's still in the hospital tonight. They've done some tests and found a compression fracture in his vertebrae, but they don't think that is causing all the pain that he is in, and they can't yet explain why he is so weak he can't stand, but they're able to care for him better there than we were able to in the home. 

 

Had practice for the Easter service this morning, otherwise mostly just hiding down in the basement today.

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Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time, and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

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I am really sorry to hear about the husband :( That sounds scary on a good day and then add virus chaos into that. Blah. I will keep him in my thoughts. I really hope they figure out what is wrong. He is likely in very good hands though! 

 

I hope you are keeping busy while isolating yourself in the basement.

 

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{Chase the wind and touch the sky; I will fly}

 

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They think a lot of his pain right now ties back to too much inactivity. They got him moved over to an acute rehab facility yesterday, he'll be getting 3 hours of PT a day, trying to build his strength back up and get him to a place where he can come home. He's been bad about doing PT stuff for a long time. He went like once a few months ago, and then refused to go again because he could do it at home, but would always insist that he'll do it later at home, so in a lot of ways it is good that he is being forced to do what he needs to do. His wife and kids are still worried about him, but feeling a lot of relief too.

 

I set some goals for myself while I'm off work, and I haven't been doing a great job with them, so I'm adjusting the "how" a bit and going to keep going at it.

 

Goal 1: Maintain my normal wake up time. I've been waking up around normal, but then going back to sleep / dozing for another 4 hours or so. I set my radio alarm back on, and I'll leave that on and at least get up enough to get more lights on, which will hopefully help me stay up. I don't want to go total night owl again just to have to force myself back onto the early schedule later.

 

Goal 2: Do 1 productive thing an hour for the 10 hours I would normally be at work. Doesn't need to be big, just something to not be a useless lump all day. I did some Monday and Tuesday, but realized I needed to make myself a list and keep track of things. If I oversleep, I still need to do something to make up the hours later, and I've got some checkboxes to go with it. I do better with physical lists, so I plan on keep making these.

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Goal 3: I'm dropping my 10,000 steps a day goal (did lots of walking at work) and going with 250 steps/hour. My Fitbit will remind me, just need to get up and move some. As my toe continues to heal, I'll try getting outside of a walk once a day too. Went walking yesterday and my toe was really hurting my the time I got home, so it probably needs another day or two.

 

Goal 4: Do some stretching every day. I'm thinking at least 1 or two NF Yoga mini-sessions every day shouldn't be unreasonable.

 

I'll give the paper log a go the rest of the week and see how it works out. It has been better today, so here's hoping!

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Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time, and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

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Whatever else happens today, I win the day!

 

It is 5:30 am, I am up, showered, shaved and dressed. Gonna pull some breakfast together and figure out what I want to accomplish today.

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Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time, and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

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4 hours ago, Whisper said:

Is 8am too early to call nap time?

 

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Not when you got as much done by 5:30 as you did today. 

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52

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Not when you got as much done by 5:30 as you did today. 

 

Kept going, did sooooo much painting today. Just about 2 o'clock now and I think I will rest my head for a bit.

 

The Positive Butterflies are almost done! They need to dry again so that I can add white spots to the end of the wings without things getting muddy. They'll need about a week to dry (stupid oil paint) but I should be able to finish them quickly after that. I'm happy with how the Negative Butterflies turned out too. Really looking forward to getting everything finished with this so I can put it all together. Also did another abstract thingy. The paint bled some, so I'll have to clean it up with white once it is dry too. Pictures in spoiler.

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Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time, and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

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So far, I have only found two times when I do not absolutely love my weighted blanket; when I take the cover off to be washed, and when I put it back on. But, reading

@fleaball's post reminded me that the world is indeed better with clean sheets, so I bit the bullet and got it done. 

 

My work is going to to try opening back up tomorrow. It has been two weeks, but feels shorter. We'll see how it goes. I haven't been as good at being productive and sticking to my sleep schedule, but I'm ok with how I've done. I wouldn't mind more time off, but I think I'm ok going back. They've got lots of now precautions in place, so hopefully tomorrow goes smoothly.

 

Took time today to paint some backgrounds for paintings I want to do soon. I looked deep into my soul and found one more butterfly waiting to burst forth from the cocoon of my mind; unrelated to the set I'm just about done with. I made a rainbowish background for it. I'm also going to do two flowering tree branches against the sky, and one larger flowering tree, so I painted three skies today!

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Now off to church for practice for the Wednesday evening service, then early to bed so I can force myself up at 4.

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Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time, and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

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Just opened a letter from work saying that they're are cutting the 401k matching for "long-term viability due to COVID-19". Part of me knows I'm lucky compared to the millions that have been laid off, part of me is pissed the they're giving us what amounts to a 7.5% cut in compensation. Slightly less eager to go back to work tomorrow. 

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Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time, and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

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My brain is dumb. I stayed up later last night than I have on any night while I was furloughed. Finally got to sleep around 12:30, less than 3.5 hours of sleep really isn't enough, thank God for Monster, had one as soon as I woke up and actually felt safe once it was time to drive. Maybe not the healthiest solution, but I've had too many times where I felt I was drifting off while driving to work not to have one before I head out the door.

 

Actually at work today, things feel... ok? It is kind of nice to be back into my routine, even if my internal calendars are all arguing with one another.  I'm also feeling more comfortable being here night now than I was right before they closed us down for two weeks. Feels like we have the necessary precautions in place now, not scrambling to get them. They've got a 3 station process before you even get in the door: hand sanitizer, mask and temperature. 

 

Only real downside is that my shoulder is pointing out that I really didn't do enough PT on it while I was off. It wasn't really bothering me at home, but walking around today it is hurting a lot. The deadweight of the arm is apparently pulling it somewhat out of socket, sitting around at home, this doesn't happen, so fewer painful nudges to take care of it.

 

I do have a service I'm helping with tonight, so not a lot of free time between off-work and bed, but I should be able to achieve a few simple things to take care of self care.

1. Do PT

2. Shower

3. Finish putting away clean laundry. 

Bonus: Read the first chapter of Journey to the Center of the Earth

Gold Star: Get to sleep by 9.

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Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time, and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

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22 hours ago, Whisper said:

Just opened a letter from work saying that they're are cutting the 401k matching for "long-term viability due to COVID-19". Part of me knows I'm lucky compared to the millions that have been laid off, part of me is pissed the they're giving us what amounts to a 7.5% cut in compensation. Slightly less eager to go back to work tomorrow. 

This hurts my soul. I hope they reinstate it soon!

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The last three nights where I had to get up at 4 the next morning, I got to sleep at 12, 10:30 and 11:15.

 

The last two nights, where I didn't need to get up early, I got to sleep at 8 and 9:45. I really hope I manage to get to sleep closer to that tonight.

 

I was good about doing my PT on Wednesday and Friday. I'm going to go take care of it after I post this too.

 

Didn't do much on Saturday, but got bit by the sorting bug today and made a lot of progress in my closet today. I have far too many boxes where the best answer to "what is in there" is just "stuff" and a good chunk of iit is "stuff I wouldn't miss if I never saw again", so I've hauled all of those boxes out to the living room to go through until I have a better answer for them, and the boxes still in the closet now have labels on the front, so I can stop opening them to check and then closing them again. Still lots and lots to do, but it feels better having done what I have. I've been stalled out on this for a while, good to be making progress.

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Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time, and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

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Yessss sorting stuff is the best! 

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Profile photo is ancient but I'm too lazy to change it. 

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I feel happy today; this is most unusual, but not unpleasant. Not that I'm normally unhappy, most of the time I'm just "meh", but today I am happy. I was listening to a David Crowder CD on the drive in to work, and I've got a part stuck in my head, playing over and over, and if I start thinking too much about emotional resonance, I'll probably kill my own buzz, so instead, look at the pretty words:

 

Running through the forest
Dive into the lake
Bare feet on beaches white
Standing in the canyon
Painted hills around
The wind against my skin

 

I made good progress sorting through boxes last night, turning them from boxes of "stuff" to "box of sheet music", "box of electronics I'll want when I move again", "paper I never need to see again" and so forth. I'm hoping to finish the bulk of it after work today.

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Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time, and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

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Feeling a lot less happy right now. Continued sorting and found a minefield.  The old photographs, I don't know what to do with, so I'm just compressing to a single place to maybe go through some day. Bunch of stuff that got shuffled to me after my stepmother passed, I think the disc labeled "Dad's Pics" is from her, can't think if who else in my family would have labeled something that. And then there was the really hard stuff.

Spoiler

A psych evaluation, the administration of which was in itself a traumatic experience. Court documents, some things I wrote and drew while in jail, therapy assignments...

 

I've been dragging that stuff around for a decade now, not once have I had any use for any of it, but it does keep springing up at me from time to time. I think it is time to get rid of it. There are a few encouraging reminders in there that I think I'll keep, but the rest of it is just garbage. 

 

On an unrelated note; I should try and get to sleep on time tonight.

What's your sleep number?

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Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time, and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

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15 minutes ago, Whisper said:

I think it is time to get rid of it. There are a few encouraging reminders in there that I think I'll keep, but the rest of it is just garbage. 

 

 

Sounds like a good plan. Hope you're able to get more sleep tonight. 

 

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I fully support lighting shit on fire if you don't want it anymore.

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Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

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I weighed myself this morning for the first time in a couple challenges. I was around 365 last time I checked, then I started looking into Intuitive Eating and took the advice to shove the scale into the closet. Pulled it out this morning, told myself that I was going to be in the 370s and stepped on.

 

371.5 I am both relived and upset. I knew it would be up, I worried it would be even higher. I am upset because I need to weigh less. I need to reach a point where I'm not breaking things under me. I sat down hard and broke part of my box-spring. I tried mending it but I'm so heavy that the damage is spreading and I need to do SOMETHING to start making real progress.

 

So, options:

1. I can try to go back to dieting.

2. I can start looking into weight loss surgery. My sister had it right before things came apart and is really happy.

3. I can kick up the intensity with which I work on Intuitive Eating.

 

I've tended to be lackadaisical with it. Reading some, trying to apply parts of it. There is a lot in the book that rings true, and I do feel like it has helped me have more peace with food, and cut back on binge eating, but I need more than that, I need to be light enough not to brake me bed by sitting on it.

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Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time, and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

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I know those IE feels. I can't tell you what will work for you. I know for me that if I tried dieting again it would work for a while then I would rebound.

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52

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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My name is Whisper, painter of painters: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

 

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Well, the Positively Negative Butterflies are finally finished, and so too is this challenge.  World went kind of crazy during this thing, and I once again lost track of what my goals were at the start. I'm thinking for the next challenge I'll take a much more narrow focus and see if that doesn't work better for sticking with things throughout the whole challenge. 

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Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time, and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

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Also, if anyone is interested, I've discovered this one amazing life hack to allow you to quickly achieve your ideal weight!

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Quick weight loss trick

 

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Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time, and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

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