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Bean Si Vs. Chaos - It’s the end of the world (and school) as we know it


Bean Sidhe

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So Thurs went better pretty well. it Equaled my current high of 73 points. I had a long call for work that was a pain, especially when I knew 0 about the subject of said call.

I felt like I was doing really well, until I checked the group project, and low and behold, they want to change shit again. This time I pushed back and said "What is the reason other than "This would be cool" Because what you are now asking for will take some major rewrite and I don't see anyone else doing it." I have to do some (which I still think is dumb, but whatever) and I agreed to it. Which is now a larger rewrite than I expected.

 

I did however end up calling a close girlfriend who was doing "Checks" on people to make sure they were handling okay. I talked to her for awhile and had a nice walk around the front yard while doing so. so my steps were great.

Although the weigh in yesterday was SUPER bad which was demoralizing since I have been so good since last Sat.  But I need to look at the numbers I can control, but its still frustrating since I really need this to work.

 

So an up and down day overall. But I am trying to do what I can.

 

Boxes for Thursday

  • Strength  10 pts out of 5 (Max 12)
  • Flexibility 9 pts out of 7 (Max 15)
  • Life and Family 17 pts out of 12  (Max 20)
  • Fight Chaos - Clean 9 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Fight Chaos - Purge 8 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Walking 5 pts out of 3 (Max 5)
  • Fuel 15 pts out of 12 (Max 15)
  • Total 73 pts out of 51 (Max 89) 
  • Number of boxes - 7 out of 7
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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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Small Brag
 

Youngest Agent (12 yo twig) wanted to do my exercises with me tonight. We walked for 20 minutes around the first floor. Then she tried showing off on the step ups, but as I kept going, she started to fail. I give her credit, but when it was time to do stretches after, she fell on the floor and went "I haven't do that much that fast since I got out of PE 3 weeks ago." and I had to help her up. She said "I am not out of shape, its just been 3 weeks." 

I then told her I had done other exercises earlier in the day, so we were doing a shortened set. She went "You do more?"

Now if all this would show improvement in the scale.

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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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So I kinda had a fall off the world weekend again. Not because I went anywhere, but rather the homework project got me and lack of needing to be moving, because where do we need to go.

Friday went okay.  I had a very boring day of still not finding what I need in the database and then MORE Coding for this project. After the project, was basically, dinner and bed. Although Youngest agent loved doing my "exercises" with me (basically, some of my Strength goals, and my 15 minute walk). and it was fun. Although I showed her up so she as a bit more of respect for me.  With her help, I reached a new high number of points for the challenge of 75 and it was my second day of 10,000+ steps


Boxes for Friday

  • Strength  10 pts out of 5 (Max 12)
  • Flexibility 9 pts out of 7 (Max 15)
  • Life and Family 17 pts out of 12  (Max 20)
  • Fight Chaos - Clean 10 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Fight Chaos - Purge 9 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Walking 5 pts out of 3 (Max 5)
  • Fuel 15 pts out of 12 (Max 15)
  • Total 75 pts out of 51 (Max 89) 
  • Number of boxes - 7 out of 7

Saturday was a bit harder. Mostly because we didn't get up and moving like we should. There was no real reason. I got some stuff done, not much, and ended up having a cookie after dinner.  Now granted, everyone else was eating pie, but still. I got all the boxes, but this was day 2 of Youngest Agent boot camp and while I really didn't wanna get everything done, she pushed me and I did them. I did break 7,000 but not 10,000. I spent way too long coding to get stuff done for the project. I am kinda over this whole thing and I want out. NOW, especially if I don't even get to walk (although I got an email that I can still buy the regalia, No I don't know how I feel about that). I still got 70 boxes which is better than nothing, right?


Boxes for Saturday

  • Strength  8 pts out of 5 (Max 12)
  • Flexibility 15 pts out of 7 (Max 15)
  • Life and Family 15 pts out of 12  (Max 20)
  • Fight Chaos - Clean 9 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Fight Chaos - Purge 7 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Walking 4 pts out of 3 (Max 5)
  • Fuel 12 pts out of 12 (Max 15)
  • Total 70 pts out of 51 (Max 89) 
  • Number of boxes - 7 out of 7
  • Like 2

Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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On 4/3/2020 at 11:31 PM, Bean Sidhe said:

Small Brag
 

Youngest Agent (12 yo twig) wanted to do my exercises with me tonight. We walked for 20 minutes around the first floor. Then she tried showing off on the step ups, but as I kept going, she started to fail. I give her credit, but when it was time to do stretches after, she fell on the floor and went "I haven't do that much that fast since I got out of PE 3 weeks ago." and I had to help her up. She said "I am not out of shape, its just been 3 weeks." 

I then told her I had done other exercises earlier in the day, so we were doing a shortened set. She went "You do more?"

Now if all this would show improvement in the scale.

More evidence that Bean is a bad ass. 

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23 hours ago, fleaball said:

More evidence that Bean is a bad ass. 

 

Not enough sadly, the scale still hates me. But this also is that whole "I keep trying, and if nothing else, I will be the strong fat lady" thing

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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

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So Sunday went okay. I am starting to eat after dinner again which is not helping the whole "your doing this for a reason stupid" thing about losing the weight.

I did get a ton more coding done, which was nice and all the homework from yesterday. And the table we built my mom is finally finished, so that's done too.

Good news, I haven't worn shoes in 3 weeks. Bad news the TOP Of my feet (Of all the weird places) is starting to hurt. Like the very top. I am pretty sure its from walking 7000 steps or better on hard floors and no shoes, but I am ignoring the smart person thing of "wear shoes to make it go away" Never. I will walk them into submission (Or more likely hurt myself).

I didn't do as well on the challenge Sunday night because well, I was about done. I am tired of being the only person who cares about the project. I am ready to be DONE.  But I can't, and as of Saturday I have 5 weeks till I was supposed to walk. But that also means 5 weeks till I am done done.

Anyway, boxes were done, I am about done. Not feeling that great about anything other than "Oh, let me solve your problems too" but that is probably due to my day.
 

Boxes for Sunday

  • Strength  7 pts out of 5 (Max 12)
  • Flexibility 10 pts out of 7 (Max 15)
  • Life and Family 16 pts out of 12  (Max 20)
  • Fight Chaos - Clean 9 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Fight Chaos - Purge 7 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Walking 5 pts out of 3 (Max 5)
  • Fuel 14 pts out of 12 (Max 15)
  • Total 70 pts out of 51 (Max 89) 
  • Number of boxes - 7 out of 7
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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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Monday I was way too in my head for my own good. The database ate a table that I was using for everything for work, and I had people constantly asking for an update on a report and all i could tell them was "when we figure out why this 1 table dropped itself, I can get you your data. I then had to leave with it 80% done because I needed to get my mom's taxes from the accountant and take them to her because even if it wasn't the Kung Flu, she still wouldn't go get them since there is no close parking and it requires walking.

There was some work BS that popped up, and that was a bit weird. No, can't talk other than sometimes I wish I wasn't so understanding because I really wish everyone didn't flock to me when they have emotional issues.  That was 2 hours of drama via TEXT for goodness sake

But, eventually I got off work, then I had to fix the project the boys broke and then ask for clarification on something which they didn't return back to today, so I had to wait for that to finish stuff this morning.

 

My one good thing, this lilac we pulled from my grandma's house before she died finally flowered. I have had it in my yard for 6 years, and this year, the year of Kung flu and no graduation, of so many crappy things because my dad passed, and it finally flowered. And now the house smells of lilac because I can open windows.


I got into that bad head space, and hubby made me start my walking and my excises. It helped and while I was still in a crap mood, I did better. Especially since I was in the "hey, look at all the stuff I still need to do. I did it. I got moving and I stayed moving, and I hit 10,000 + steps to beat youngest agent in a challenge and I rocked it. I felt better going to bed.

Its not till I got up this am and put in my bedtime routine stuff I realized that I hit a new "high score" of 79. which is pretty cool. Just keep reminding me that this plan is going to work, because right now, I am not so sure.

 

Boxes for Monday

  • Strength  11 pts out of 5 (Max 12)
  • Flexibility 15 pts out of 7 (Max 15)
  • Life and Family 16 pts out of 12  (Max 20)
  • Fight Chaos - Clean 10 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Fight Chaos - Purge 7 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Walking 5 pts out of 3 (Max 5)
  • Fuel 15 pts out of 12 (Max 15)
  • Total 79 pts out of 51 (Max 89) 
  • Number of boxes - 7 out of 7


 

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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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59 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

I have had it in my yard for 6 years, and this year, the year of Kung flu and no graduation, of so many crappy things because my dad passed, and it finally flowered.

 

Hey that's pretty neat. Just goes to show that even among all the crap good things do happen, even if they're small. 

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23 hours ago, Jupiter said:

 

Hey that's pretty neat. Just goes to show that even among all the crap good things do happen, even if they're small. 


It is neat and it is kinda what I needed. This is why I make myself try and write down one good thing every day. Even if I never share it with anyone.

 

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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

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3 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:


It is neat and it is kinda what I needed. This is why I make myself try and write down one good thing every day. Even if I never share it with anyone.

 

 

That's a really good practice. Maybe I need to start doing that. 

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So Tuesday was a bit chaotic.

First off, please realize I am loosing track of days. I kinda feel like I need to start scratching lines into the wall to know how long it is. I totally spaced on Easter, and that has come back to bite me in a couple of ways.

Yesterday was  a weird day of dealing with code and Hubby getting called into work (hes been working from home since mid march) for a thing that was a huge drama thing and made him very crabby which got me all on edge and not okay. IT worked out okay, but I was just nervous and twitchy and man did I really wish he had been working somewhere else that day.

I however was tired and frustrated since there were a ton of jobs that I needed to do and couldn't. Plus work was going bad and I was getting fed up and feeling like I was doing busy work. T

My seedlings are not doing as well as I would like, but I am trying and hoping I can revive them. The dead loss is still well below what I normally expect, but it is still aggravating.

So yeah, Tuesday was a day of "I can't get it right" which made it hard to push myself to do boxes. I did them and actually, I did really well since I got 77 for the day, but it wasn't one of those "Hey look what I did days" but rather it felt like I did nothing right, so why bother.

I am still trying, I havent given up, I just need a long weekend. Which is weird since I am working from home, but whatever.

 

Boxes for Tuesday

  • Strength  8 pts out of 5 (Max 12)
  • Flexibility 9 pts out of 7 (Max 15)
  • Life and Family 18 pts out of 12  (Max 20)
  • Fight Chaos - Clean 11 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Fight Chaos - Purge 11 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Walking 5 pts out of 3 (Max 5)
  • Fuel 15 pts out of 12 (Max 15)
  • Total 77 pts out of 51 (Max 89) 
  • Number of boxes - 7 out of 7

 

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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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3 minutes ago, Jupiter said:

 

That's a really good practice. Maybe I need to start doing that. 



I started it a couple years ago when my depression was REALLY BAD, and I slack off and on. It goes in my boxes now. At the bottom of the sheet there is a line for "One good thing" and another line for "Time with Agents" (because between work and school and well, other chaos, I can forget to spend time with the Agents and be part of their lives).  If I can fill both of those in, I put my Y in my boxes and get the points. Its an easy points most days, but it helps.

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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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On 4/6/2020 at 9:57 PM, Bean Sidhe said:

 

Not enough sadly, the scale still hates me. But this also is that whole "I keep trying, and if nothing else, I will be the strong fat lady" thing

The scale is dumb. I know you want to see results there and that's totally fine. But remember that sometimes it's the last thing to change, and it can be stupid and stay the same even while other things are improving. ❤️ You're still a badass and I will fight your scale if it says otherwise.

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26 minutes ago, fleaball said:

The scale is dumb. I know you want to see results there and that's totally fine. But remember that sometimes it's the last thing to change, and it can be stupid and stay the same even while other things are improving. ❤️ You're still a badass and I will fight your scale if it says otherwise.

 

Seconded. 

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22 hours ago, fleaball said:

The scale is dumb. I know you want to see results there and that's totally fine. But remember that sometimes it's the last thing to change, and it can be stupid and stay the same even while other things are improving. ❤️ You're still a badass and I will fight your scale if it says otherwise.

 

And I know you are right. But I dunno. That I can't do measurements, I don't see it in pictures. I need Data darn it, that is what I do. That being said, I gotta keep trying and hope the scale /my body will get the message.
 

21 hours ago, Jupiter said:

Seconded. 

Thanks, I need the reminders sometimes.

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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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So Wednesday was weird.

 

And yes, my days are totally blending together. I kinda feel like I should be doing this.

800wm

First I got put on 2 new calls that are usually Admins and directors only (Note, still part time, nothing tells me otherwise atm) and while I think I said 3 sentences between them. Then I had another "Oh this should be this"  And then Oh nevermind, lets change the plan all day day.

After work, was better. I got some weeding done, I got boxes done. Brother S came over for dinner and so did Mentor (I Know, self isolation thing, but honestly, Mentor lives alone and was starting to go nuts not having people to talk to). But it was a nice uneventful night. 

 

Youngest Agent made butterscotch chip cookies, yes these are good, But I have been good and while I wasn't good about it yesterday (I had 4). I have been good today.


Also of note, I got 10,000 steps 3 days in a row. Not going to lie, kinda proud of myself. The day overall wasn't my best, but I still got all my boxes adn then some.
 

So yeah, its wasn't my worst day, but It was a pretty good day.
 

Boxes for Wednesday

  • Strength  8 pts out of 5 (Max 12)
  • Flexibility 9 pts out of 7 (Max 15)
  • Life and Family 16 pts out of 12  (Max 20)
  • Fight Chaos - Clean 10 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Fight Chaos - Purge 7 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Walking 5 pts out of 3 (Max 5)
  • Fuel 14 pts out of 12 (Max 15)
  • Total 77 pts out of 51 (Max 89) 
  • Number of boxes - 7 out of 7
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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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14 hours ago, Jupiter said:

 

Wow, that is definitely something to be proud of. Nice job!

 

Re GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

Thanks, I kinda am proud of myself. I just have a hard time with that whole "I am good compared to others thing". I just keep thinking of all the people doing better than I am and I get "Well, maybe I don't do that great"

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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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6 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Thanks, I kinda am proud of myself. I just have a hard time with that whole "I am good compared to others thing". I just keep thinking of all the people doing better than I am and I get "Well, maybe I don't do that great"

 

 

As far as I can tell 99.6% of adult life is making things up as you go and some are good at looking like they know what they are doing. I am not good at looking like I know what I'm doing.

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9 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

My life in one comic...

041417_LifePlan.png

 

I feel your pain. 

 

2 hours ago, Countess D'If said:

 

 

As far as I can tell 99.6% of adult life is making things up as you go and some are good at looking like they know what they are doing. I am not good at looking like I know what I'm doing.

 

I'm with Countess D'If. A lot of people look like they're doing good when they probably aren't. 

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On 4/10/2020 at 5:37 PM, Countess D'If said:

 

 

As far as I can tell 99.6% of adult life is making things up as you go and some are good at looking like they know what they are doing. I am not good at looking like I know what I'm doing.

 

You are better at looking like you know what you are doing from the outside. Trust me. And I know that all of being an adult is adlib and Well, if I do this what happens. But some days, some days, I just look at people and go "how do they get time to wash windows, or mow the lawn every 5 minutes, or have kids in sports" when I am doing good to get everyone dressed, fed and to school/work?

Is this making any sense outside my head?
 

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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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On 4/10/2020 at 8:36 PM, Jupiter said:

 

I feel your pain. 

 

This is usually when I say a rock fell from the sky and landed on my head and then I forgot what I was doing..

 

 

On 4/10/2020 at 8:36 PM, Jupiter said:

 

I'm with Countess D'If. A lot of people look like they're doing good when they probably aren't. 

 

I know, and we are all in different places, but some days, I just want to feel like that mom that at least looks like it is put together instead of the lady in the gas station today in her Worn out Yoga Pants with her wallet in her pocket trying to hold 2 pieces of pizza and her keys while trying to not be near people and the hair is mostly up, but falling quickly.

(Note, the trip the gas station today WAS NOT MY IDEA, I went to my mom's to drop off the coffee table we made her in my yoga pants (Which I AM NEVER Caught in outside the house because no one wants to see me in these) and I ended up helping her clean some stuff (Reason for the yoga pants) and then she throws money at me and says "Drive to the gas station next to your house (where half your neighborhood goes for anything), get 2 pieces of pizza, and bring it back." Except I didn't have a mask in my car because my moms and the bloody place was busy, with people I knew. FML)
 

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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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Okay, so aside from the crappy gas station trip for pizza that was so greasy, it make me nauseous. Here is a recap of the last 2 days. 

Thursday -
I totally rocked it. I did a ton of work that was USEFUL at work, when asked at like 10 Am to start it and I got over 1/2 done. Then I got some work on the project done, and then I started working on boxes and things. Youngest Agent and I went for a walk around the block before lunch, and I had my act together. Thursday was the 4th day in a row of 10,000 + and I somehow managed to get a Perfect score of 89.

tenor.gif?itemid=9900466

 

Not going to lie, that felt really good. I still didn't feel like it was working (even if the scale was finally down some), but here is to hoping I can stay on track.

 

Boxes for Thursday

  • Strength  12 pts out of 5 (Max 12)
  • Flexibility 15 pts out of 7 (Max 15)
  • Life and Family 20 pts out of 12  (Max 20)
  • Fight Chaos - Clean 11 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Fight Chaos - Purge 11 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Walking 5 pts out of 3 (Max 5)
  • Fuel 15 pts out of 12 (Max 15)
  • Total 89 pts out of 51 (Max 89) 
  • Number of boxes - 7 out of 7

Then Friday hit and I was off work for the holiday weekend. Not going to lie, I slept in a bit, but not much. But I had the hardest time getting moving. Youngest agent and I went to our nursery and got some lettuce and spinach, then it was like every time I tried to start something, the world had other plans. I had a ton of work on the project I needed to do, and then found a HUGE bug that I had to fix. I got that done, but made almost no progress at all.  Every time I would start something, I had a helper that didn't help.BTW, it is really hard to type with Agent Twilight leaning on my arm and shoving me in the car from the arm she is sitting on. Perfect example of my day.  Anyway, I got the barest of minimums done and I still got all my boxes, but I had my lowest score for this challenge yet. Also didn't even make my 7,000 step walking goal. Maybe the 2 days even out?

 

Boxes for Friday

  • Strength  7 pts out of 5 (Max 12)
  • Flexibility 8 pts out of 7 (Max 15)
  • Life and Family 15 pts out of 12  (Max 20)
  • Fight Chaos - Clean 8 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Fight Chaos - Purge 6 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Walking 3 pts out of 3 (Max 5)
  • Fuel 12 pts out of 12 (Max 15)
  • Total 59 pts out of 51 (Max 89) 
  • Number of boxes - 7 out of 7

 

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Current Challenge ---> Bean Si Vs Chaos No energy for a title

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream - C.S. Lewis

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