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Flea is a hot freaking mess


fleaball

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(Goals to come at some point. Maybe.)

 

Flea can has goals: 

 

1. Drink 4 32 oz jars of water

2. Drink 1 cup of tea

3. Spend 10 minutes doing some kind of productive/adulting thing

4. Do some kind of movement for 5 minutes

 

all daily 

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Following. Certainly.

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"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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Okay I can’t even pretend anymore. I really need one or both of the assholes I live with to just drop dead in the immediate future. 

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1 hour ago, fleaball said:

Okay I can’t even pretend anymore. I really need one or both of the assholes I live with to just drop dead in the immediate future. 

In all truth and honesty I've thought the same thing for a long time. As Dr. Heflin used to say of problem churches, there's nothing wrong a few good funerals wouldn't fix. That man was one of my Seminary professors. 

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"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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2 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

In all truth and honesty I've thought the same thing for a long time. As Dr. Heflin used to say of problem churches, there's nothing wrong a few good funerals wouldn't fix. That man was one of my Seminary professors. 

tenor.gif?itemid=10580947

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I am so over anxiety right now. My father asked me to pay attention to the washing machine because it sounded funny and very loud when he used it. My brother had used it twice before that and he’s broken washing machines in the past by overloading them and burning out the motor and/or somehow getting the spinny part off balance. 
 

I have never actually paid attention to what the washing machine sounds like after I turn it on and walk away. So I just watched it and can’t tell if it’s broken or normal. But obviously now is not a great time to go to a store and buy a washing machine, or have it delivered, or even have someone come out and fix this one. So anxiety is off the charts because “omg what do we do if” and I have no idea what’s happening. 

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All I want right now is some combination of lots of cheese and lots of carbs. Neither of which I have in the house and both of which will destroy me anyway. But comfort food. T_T

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19 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I am so over anxiety right now. My father asked me to pay attention to the washing machine because it sounded funny and very loud when he used it. My brother had used it twice before that and he’s broken washing machines in the past by overloading them and burning out the motor and/or somehow getting the spinny part off balance. 
 

I have never actually paid attention to what the washing machine sounds like after I turn it on and walk away. So I just watched it and can’t tell if it’s broken or normal. But obviously now is not a great time to go to a store and buy a washing machine, or have it delivered, or even have someone come out and fix this one. So anxiety is off the charts because “omg what do we do if” and I have no idea what’s happening. 

 

Odds are good that if there is something off with the machine, you would be able to hear it. You might not have paid deliberate attention to the sound before, but you've heard various washing machines all your life. If you don't have a knocking sound, so something that makes you go "what the fuck?", you're probably fine.

 

If it helps, you could try recording the sound of it running and post it here for additional opinions on how it sounds.

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9 minutes ago, Whisper said:

 

Odds are good that if there is something off with the machine, you would be able to hear it. You might not have paid deliberate attention to the sound before, but you've heard various washing machines all your life. If you don't have a knocking sound, so something that makes you go "what the fuck?", you're probably fine.

 

If it helps, you could try recording the sound of it running and post it here for additional opinions on how it sounds.

Gonna take you up on that because anxiety. But idk how to post the actual video here so link. 

 

If you listen closely there’s a squeaky sound as it turns which I think is new, and you can’t hear it in the video I don’t think but I was hearing short whirs from the motor as it swooshed around. Which is probably normal but I’m questioning everything at this point. I stopped the wash cycle and just drained it while it was still soapy, partly so I could start over and show my father when he gets back from his walk and partly because I was concerned. What’s funny is when it was on the spin dry part I swear it was quieter and less bang-y than usual. 
 

edit: also thank you for helping and keeping me from going insane

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I think I can hear the squeaky sound. Short in duration "whaaa" sound about once a second, alternating slightly between two pitches. Wonder if that is the motor reversing direction. Lots of water in there sloshing about. Nothing I would be really alarmed about.

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35 minutes ago, Whisper said:

I think I can hear the squeaky sound. Short in duration "whaaa" sound about once a second, alternating slightly between two pitches. Wonder if that is the motor reversing direction. Lots of water in there sloshing about. Nothing I would be really alarmed about.

Thank you!! This makes me feel so much better, for reals. 
 

as it stands, I took my father downstairs when I turned it on again and it’s been running for a while now and he hasn’t heard the sound the heard earlier. So he’s probably just imagining it. But if you hadn’t said anything I’d still be sitting here waiting for it to explode anyway. 

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Ordered a quesadilla and chips and queso from Qdoba because cheese and carbs. Gonna regret everything about this decision in about an hour but fuck it. 
 

Still not sure what I’m doing for goals. Maybe I’ll come up with something after therapy tomorrow. On one hand, I’ve been getting shit done on my own over the past week or so without really making to do lists or setting concrete goals so I kinda want to stay flexible like that. On the other hand, I don’t want to go through the next several weeks without any kind of focus. On the other other hand I also don’t want to do the thing where I set goals and then immediately feel boxed in and don’t do anything at all as a result. I’m just not sure what a good approach is given my mental health tbh. And I’m totally overthinking this anyway. 

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Oof. Roommate’s dad was just diagnosed with stage 2 pancreatic cancer. Congrats, the world is ending and also your dad just got a potential death sentence while you’re currently living in another country. 😐

 

Jesus she told me 5 minutes ago and the gremlins are at it already. I’m sitting here thinking about how shit I am at supporting people and she did so much for me when my mother was dying and how am I supposed to do that for her and ugh. Stop. 
 

(I am not at all upset or triggered or whatever by the cancer in general or the type of it, for the record. The gremlins would have a field day with my insecurities no matter what kind of diagnosis he got.)

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2 hours ago, fleaball said:

Thank you!! This makes me feel so much better, for reals. 
 

as it stands, I took my father downstairs when I turned it on again and it’s been running for a while now and he hasn’t heard the sound the heard earlier. So he’s probably just imagining it. But if you hadn’t said anything I’d still be sitting here waiting for it to explode anyway. 

One is always happy to be of service. 

 

 

17 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I’m sitting here thinking about how shit I am at supporting people and she did so much for me when my mother was dying and how am I supposed to do that for her and ugh. Stop. 

I'm not good at that sort of thing either, but I think just being there and listening to her was probably biggest support she needed in the moment. 

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11 minutes ago, Whisper said:
30 minutes ago, fleaball said:

 

I'm not good at that sort of thing either, but I think just being there and listening to her was probably biggest support she needed in the moment.

As a professional being-there-and-listening-er this is 100% accurate.

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39 minutes ago, Whisper said:

One is always happy to be of service. 

 

 

I'm not good at that sort of thing either, but I think just being there and listening to her was probably biggest support she needed in the moment. 

 

27 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

As a professional being-there-and-listening-er this is 100% accurate.


 

That’s what I’ve been telling myself. (See? I’m learning!) Still doesn’t change the fact that in general I wish I were better at... knowing what to do to help? Not going to downplay the being there and listening. But there have been times people have done something for me or someone else where I’ve thought “wow that’s actually so helpful and it never occurred to me to do that.” 
 

hilariously, roommate is one of those people but when I just said “I had an awesomely supportive roommate” when I was going through this kind of thing, she was like “I... like... took your picture that one time?” Okay not exactly hilarious but it does underscore that while she was doing things I needed and didn’t realize how important it was, I could also being doing that for her or other people too. Not saying I am, but it’s possible. 
 

oh look, I think a gremlin just fainted. 

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Putting more vague positivity into the thread before the inevitable downward spiral: 

 

things I have accomplished so far while being stuck at home: 

  • cleaned off my night stand and got rid of a bunch of junk
  • organized my night stand so it makes sense AND used several cat food boxes to corral stuff and keep it from falling off
  • cleaned the ghosts of cat barf off my futon - not actual barf, that got taken care of immediately, but the water stains and excess soap and stuff I just left there in frustration
  • organized my pantry
  • cleaned old photos off my phone and started organizing yet another stash of recipes I'd forgotten about
  • called my private student loan servicer and got that put on forebearance for now so it's one less thing to have to worry about
  • cleaned up various other things and knocked out some very small but perpetual to dos

 

istg if a worldwide crisis is what it takes for me to get my shit together, and only because there's nothing else to do... :rolleyes:

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2 hours ago, fleaball said:

 


 

That’s what I’ve been telling myself. (See? I’m learning!) Still doesn’t change the fact that in general I wish I were better at... knowing what to do to help? Not going to downplay the being there and listening. But there have been times people have done something for me or someone else where I’ve thought “wow that’s actually so helpful and it never occurred to me to do that.” 
 

hilariously, roommate is one of those people but when I just said “I had an awesomely supportive roommate” when I was going through this kind of thing, she was like “I... like... took your picture that one time?” Okay not exactly hilarious but it does underscore that while she was doing things I needed and didn’t realize how important it was, I could also being doing that for her or other people too. Not saying I am, but it’s possible. 
 

oh look, I think a gremlin just fainted. 

This is it exactly. We have a saying, "Don't just do something, Stand There!" Also in my headcanon that Gremlin didn't faint, it was executed by firing squad. 

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With all of the shit that's been happening in the world and in my life over the past two weeks, I somehow kept running out of things to talk about with my therapist just now. Wtf, brain? 

 

And then I spilled my coffee all over the floor and I am sad now.

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31 minutes ago, fleaball said:

With all of the shit that's been happening in the world and in my life over the past two weeks, I somehow kept running out of things to talk about with my therapist just now. Wtf, brain? 

 

Would it help to write down a list of things you want to go over with them?

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14 minutes ago, Jupiter said:

 

Would it help to write down a list of things you want to go over with them?

I definitely do that when things are really bothering me or I want to make sure I talk about specific things. This time I think I'm more just surprised that I didn't have as much to say? Kind of like, oh maybe things aren't bothering me as much as I thought? Who knows, give me 5 minutes and I'll probably be like "shit, I should have mentioned all of these things!"

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