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Harriet

Harriet’s Year of Metal, Track 3: Crows Circled Overhead

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Its better because it’s the most efficient way to lift a kb overhead. 
I know I’m being painfully blunt, but you wouldn’t squat on your toes, because that’s just not how you squat. But imagine there is a whole group of people who squat on their toes and call it hardstyle. 

And @Sloth the Enduring I’m sure your snatch evolved beyond basic RKCness, breathing ‘wrong’ is not such a big deal. Eventually when people do it enough they start to find efficiency. 

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14 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

Its better because it’s the most efficient way to lift a kb overhead. 
I know I’m being painfully blunt, but you wouldn’t squat on your toes, because that’s just not how you squat. But imagine there is a whole group of people who squat on their toes and call it hardstyle. 


That would be silly!* Well, I will learn GS style snatches, then. Maybe after I mastered the swing first? 

 

*There is a strange dance style where they do this, though. But art doesn't have to be efficient, I guess.

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The website I ordered the KBs from now has an update saying shipping will be 6-8 weeks for the brand I bought. Doom. All is darkness and despair. I am trying to cancel the order, but I'm not sure if anywhere else will be better. So far I've found appriximately ONE website that has KBs in stock in the weights I desire. They usually ship quickly but have no updates about how covid is affecting their shipping practices, so who knows. By the time I find out, someone else will have ordered the KBs, probably...

 

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On 3/27/2020 at 4:19 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Huh, after googling the difference, apparently I swing sport style. 

 

/outofcontext

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25 minutes ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

That makes me overly sad.

 

Don't worry! I take it back!  I found a place that can ship within the next few days! All is gladness and light! 

 

...now I hope I can cancel the other order, or in eight weeks I'll have non-matching pairs of kettlebells...

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5 minutes ago, Harriet said:

 

Don't worry! I take it back!  I found a place that can ship within the next few days! All is gladness and light! 

 

...now I hope I can cancel the other order, or in eight weeks I'll have non-matching pairs of kettlebells...

 

Hooray for finding kettlebells! And you win experience/badass points for continuing your quest instead of giving up on it. :) 

 

I can think of a lot of worse things than having kettlebells that don't match each other.

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1 hour ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

I don’t think I have two the same. Doesn’t matter much, but you’re going to love working with pairs.


Oh, no, I'm not looking to get pairs. That would be a lot of money for something I won't be able to take back to Berlin. I'm hoping to cancel the first order--the one that would have taken 6-8 weeks. 
 

1 hour ago, Scalyfreak said:

Hooray for finding kettlebells! And you win experience/badass points for continuing your quest instead of giving up on it. :) 


Indeed! 

Today's update: I dragged my arse out for a walk. I did some backpack-filled-with-book reverse lunges. I don't think I did anything else. I'm just super tired. More so than a few days ago when I decided on the challenge. My head is heavy and empty. Heavy air? Heavy vacuum? Heavy gateway to oblivion? Probably another sinus infection. I should just accept that my life is mostly a vehicle for sinus infections and my life goals are merely distractions from these. 

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On 3/27/2020 at 6:18 PM, Harriet said:

So tired. Did writing with difficulty. Didn't walk. Did sleep. So tired.


Here, take my corvid:

  Hide contents

456201927_crow2.thumb.jpg.8896be6ce3da3872627d4304b98450c3.jpg

 

 

Pretty! And yay for kettlebells!

 

2 hours ago, Harriet said:

Today's update: I dragged my arse out for a walk. I did some backpack-filled-with-book reverse lunges. I don't think I did anything else. I'm just super tired. More so than a few days ago when I decided on the challenge. My head is heavy and empty. Heavy air? Heavy vacuum? Heavy gateway to oblivion? Probably another sinus infection. I should just accept that my life is mostly a vehicle for sinus infections and my life goals are merely distractions from these. 

 

I'm sorry you don't feel well. :( Hopefully it passes fast. 

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I should mention that the internet blocks I put in place expired at the end of the last challenge.... I think that unlimited, excessive computer time is exacerbating my tiredness and lack of motivation. I've just slipped back into the internet without learning any permanent lessons. Computer addict. Distraction addict. Path of least resistance addict. Ah... imagine a life where the internet is just a tiny part of my full, meaningful, challenging days... I need to keep trying to get back to that, even if it's like walking up a heavily gravelled slope with no hands. Or feet. I will think some more about how to approach this. 

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8 minutes ago, Harriet said:

Computer addict. Distraction addict. Path of least resistance addict. 

If it helps at all, the internet (and activities available on it) are comparable to some 'intuition breaking' foods; in the sense that it gives you instant gratification, and makes you want more. We're most of us all 'device addicts' these days; the trick is to use the tools you have (eg. internet blocks) to help design your environment to mitigate those effects, similarly to how you may choose not to buy cookies when at the grocery store so they're not in your cupboard.

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3 hours ago, Harriet said:

I should mention that the internet blocks I put in place expired at the end of the last challenge.... I think that unlimited, excessive computer time is exacerbating my tiredness and lack of motivation. I've just slipped back into the internet without learning any permanent lessons. Computer addict. Distraction addict. Path of least resistance addict. Ah... imagine a life where the internet is just a tiny part of my full, meaningful, challenging days... I need to keep trying to get back to that, even if it's like walking up a heavily gravelled slope with no hands. Or feet. I will think some more about how to approach this. 

Sorry it's been so very very hard recently :( 

But yes, definitely keep trying! you've made some serious wins, like doing some lunges o/ 

 

21 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

I don’t think I have two the same. Doesn’t matter much.

:X 

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So, today I spent some time checking NF in the morning with my tea, then avoiding the internet until 5pm. I spent the day doing other stuff: writing, walking, art, exercises, meditation and sleeping, reading. 

I realised a couple of things. Firstly, I keep going through this cycle:

1. I feel overwhelmed and exhausted

2. I defiantly refuse all effort and obligation and choose to dive into the distraction/computer infinity pool

3. I get listless and unhappy because endless computer sucks and is depressing

4. I get fed up with feeling crappy and decide to re-commit to doing more meaningful things

5. I do other things for a while until

1. I feel overwhelmed and exhausted


It's not really a matter of trying harder all the time, because at stage 2 I just don't give a f*** so I won't keep whatever promises I made earlier. But it's not all bad news. Before lifting, I used to spend almost all my time in 2/3. I was unhappy about living in the infinity pool, but lacked the motivation to escape. I spent years there, with occasional trips into 4/5 which were ephemeral because my anxiety was a lot higher, my energy lower, and I hadn't built up much mental stamina. I still don't have a lot of that, but I'm working on it. I was also too fearful to really try things. Art, writing... just thinking about those made me overwhelmed because I had this fixed mindset where I was a failure, and trying would just prove it, hard. I no longer believe that. I have decided on activities I want to do for their own sake, even if I'm never brilliant. And I'm ready to be honest with myself about my computer addiction and what's really happening. Yes, I am physically tired. Yes, I get sick often and have diagnosed MDD. But the computer makes things worse. and I CAN choose to put effort in. So I guess my goals should be to be transparent with myself about where I am in the cycle, and note how different behaviours make me feel. Hopefully I can get from 2 to 4 more quickly each time. And as I keep trying, I'll gain the stamina to stay in 5 for longer. 

 

The other thing I noticed is that the computer really leaves me out of touch with my energy levels. It masks extreme tiredness by giving me something effortless to do (when I would otherwise sleep and get real rest). And it makes me feel disconnected and unmotivated when I'm physically okay, so I waste that energy. Today without the computer, I did more stuff, but I also really felt the physical exhaustion and just lay down a couple of times. 

 

Anyway, I'm proud of myself because today I really 'settled in' to my activities instead of doing them quickly to tick off the boxes. 

I've learned that the blocks won't do the trick by themselves, because there are ways around them. And if I feel resistant to them and would rather be computering, then I will do a lacklustre job of my tasks, sort of skimming across the surface without committing. I need both blocks and internal commitment. I should think about how to approach this. 

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12 minutes ago, Scalyfreak said:

Wow, lots of insightful thoughts and introspective progress here. I'm impressed.

 

Seconded. :) 

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8 hours ago, Defining said:

If it helps at all, the internet (and activities available on it) are comparable to some 'intuition breaking' foods; in the sense that it gives you instant gratification, and makes you want more. We're most of us all 'device addicts' these days; the trick is to use the tools you have (eg. internet blocks) to help design your environment to mitigate those effects, similarly to how you may choose not to buy cookies when at the grocery store so they're not in your cupboard.

 

I agree. I think news and other internet amusement provides a steady drip of dopamine which probably down-regulates one's natural systems, which is how I think it makes my depression worse.

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5 hours ago, Harriet said:

I realised a couple of things. Firstly, I keep going through this cycle:

1. I feel overwhelmed and exhausted

2. I defiantly refuse all effort and obligation and choose to dive into the distraction/computer infinity pool

3. I get listless and unhappy because endless computer sucks and is depressing

4. I get fed up with feeling crappy and decide to re-commit to doing more meaningful things

5. I do other things for a while until

1. I feel overwhelmed and exhausted

I was going to say that this cycle feels all too familiar, but when I thought about it, I think it's super common in general. It's what triggers the new year's resolutions, and the "I'll start on Monday". Maybe the difference between people is how much time we spend in each phase, and how much we suffer in phases 1-3...

 

13 hours ago, Defining said:

We're most of us all 'device addicts' these days; the trick is to use the tools you have (eg. internet blocks) to help design your environment to mitigate those effects, similarly to how you may choose not to buy cookies when at the grocery store so they're not in your cupboard.

Agreed. It doesn't make you a worse person to use an internet blocker, use whatever tools you have available! Save precious energy and will power for other things.

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6 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

I was going to say that this cycle feels all too familiar, but when I thought about it, I think it's super common in general. It's what triggers the new year's resolutions, and the "I'll start on Monday". Maybe the difference between people is how much time we spend in each phase, and how much we suffer in phases 1-3...

That sounds exactly right! And also maybe the general height/depth of each phase?

 

12 hours ago, Harriet said:

So I guess my goals should be to be transparent with myself about where I am in the cycle, and note how different behaviours make me feel. Hopefully I can get from 2 to 4 more quickly each time. And as I keep trying, I'll gain the stamina to stay in 5 for longer. 

That sounds incredible hopeful, a good thought. Like a warm blanket ❤️

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1 minute ago, KB Girl said:

That sounds exactly right! And also maybe the general height/depth of each phase?

Yes, that too.

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Today went well. I was less tired and did everything on my CAWWSSOME list. After checking NF in the morning, I more or less left the computer/internet alone until 5pm (except for allowed activity like getting a new knitting pattern). 

I finished reading a book on growth vs fixed mindset. I was thinking I should add to my challenge journaling some thoughts on what was hard and why that's good. Things I learned. So, uh, today I struggled with the timeline of my story, which will make me a better writer and more tolerant of frustration in my work. 

Here's a crow. I realised I was 'drawing' my digital paintings, and it needs to stop. It feels 'safe' because I have more experience with drawing, but it also limits me. This crow was painted from the start. I used a reference picture. I'm definitely not at the stage where I can do something like this from imagination.

883516223_crowthree.thumb.jpg.3da69c068f70e74db9b56f1c28d06a95.jpg

 

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2 hours ago, Harriet said:

Today went well. I was less tired and did everything on my CAWWSSOME list. After checking NF in the morning, I more or less left the computer/internet alone until 5pm (except for allowed activity like getting a new knitting pattern). 

I finished reading a book on growth vs fixed mindset. I was thinking I should add to my challenge journaling some thoughts on what was hard and why that's good. Things I learned. So, uh, today I struggled with the timeline of my story, which will make me a better writer and more tolerant of frustration in my work. 

 

Nice job getting things done!

 

2 hours ago, Harriet said:

Here's a crow. I realised I was 'drawing' my digital paintings, and it needs to stop. It feels 'safe' because I have more experience with drawing, but it also limits me. This crow was painted from the start. I used a reference picture. I'm definitely not at the stage where I can do something like this from imagination.

 

I don't know it looks pretty great to me!

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