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Bouncer_the_Lovable

Lvl 2.5 - Bouncer's Chaotic Soundtrack

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So... I'm someone that loves threads with many music advise. 

I recently have binged "Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist" more than once since a new person suggested it...

 

Monday mornings are more fun because the new episode comes on Hulu. 

(About a woman who starts seeing people's inner emotions via a song/dance number just for her...  She is dealing with a sick father (which I relate to heavliy, just put me 15 years younger) and  she is having to push new boundaries of her once rail road life. Drama is low key, or makes sense. 

 

I'm personally am an empath, and am seriously quoting the character "Moe" on the gift being wasted on Zoey.... 

 

But anyway, my goal is to at least weekly post with a song (ultimate is everyday...)

 

Song I've chosen for overall: 

 

 

 

Quick Summary of me:

-26 years old in MN

-non-traditional student who is counting her months left of classes and internship plans (hoping to graduate by August 2021)

-Am "Recreational Parks and Lesiure Studies" major with "American Indigenous Studies" minor (they are linked together, and hopefully help my career)

-I hate actual school work, though I love learning. Will have a spoiled area for school talk since I can get whiny

-All classes moved onlne due to COVID-19, which has me lonely

-I have 2 small jobs, 1 online and other questionable hours coming up

-I have a boyfriend that lives 90 miles away, but I'm dealing with new red flags after over  a year of dating

- I have a summer job lined up for May 15th, but COVID-19 is threatening to make it difficult (since the county of the resort is a high elderly population for a highly tourist area)

 

  •  

Goals right now:

Nutrition:

-Try to drink green shake daily (the one thing that seems to give my system some good grounding)

-Eat food from home

-Be mindful of treats.... No fast food (restraunt is so much better.... than my addiction to Mc Donalds)

-Pop stays in trunk of car (will keep this up till cans get too warm... probably won't happen till May or June)

-Try to post the fun in the kitchen... I'm a foodie that doesn't have enough people in my life to talk about food. 

Fitness:

-Walk outside when weather is not rainy (hopefully law doesn't get in the way)

-Stretch for at least 5 mins after walk and Janitor job

-Try a yoga movement 4x in challenge (my hip flexors and hamstrings are begging me)

 

Life:

-Disicipline in things I need to get done (will put a google sheet here for tracking)

-Take care of myself energectically (journaling/meditating)

-Be mindful of money/attempt to budget when I can

 

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This is not the place if you are looking for more than pop song suggestions.... Also song suggestions are MORE than welcome! (but not forced) I personally like how much it changed up my youtube suggestions. 

 

The song that wanted to be the song of the challenge:  Wk 0

(This is mushy)

 

This song has been going through my head a lot, to the point I'm asking God/Universe, why? 

Today I'm thinking it the hope of things being "greener on the other side". Where I'm more than mistaken that I wish life would go back to what it was... (Or parts of it). 

Along with mourning over friendships and parts of my romantic relationship. The knowing its going to be healthier in the future and better as I know change has been constant for me... (The change I had to get the summer job I have now in big woods MN, was a whip lash change... So maybe better real life friendships). 

 

I finally broke open the crockpot: (an hour after cooking)

 

received_2590860974520960.thumb.jpeg.f5f91b6359ee2b37065931231525ac10.jpeg

4.5 lbs of chicken thighs cooked... 

I tried this recipe to make basic shredded chicken... I realized I LOVE chicken and getting the hang of batch cooking, especially when I can sit and eat everything. 

I overdid the broth for salt wise (I had to use cubes since I didn't have real broth around)

Hoping to make some of the chicken into a comfort casserol base on another show. 

 

Attempted to make sad tacos:

20200326_183055.thumb.jpg.8c253c6a1ab76696ca8882d3acac573b.jpg

Hoping to make fresh salsa soon, since I just bought the ingredients... Something simple to throw on top of a sandwich or taco... 

 

 

 

 

 

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Yum! Slow cooker chicken is a great staple.

I have an annoying pop song stuck in my head today and I have absolutely zero idea why:




Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, brain?
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"stuck between these four walls" really got to me, along with "we're running away" (or something like that). The mix of all the feelings happening in my place. 

(Sorry for all the pics... I just had so many lol)

Radio DJ on my drive to get a box of these files: 

20200330_130254.thumb.jpg.a5636c2daf1935a56a51842a3a750bf6.jpg

My mother  commented much later after I picked up the box (in the pouring rain), that "oooh your job is a REAL job". 

I'm personally just glad I can do data entry for work, instead of Social Media posts.... Even with some of the filled out forms giving me minor headache. 

 

Over the weekend. I made SALSA! (I forgot the lime and accidently purreed the tomatoes. But was nearly gone in a short time). 

Casserole will be attempted to be made today, because I want to eat a drop buscuit recipe (easy food just to dish out). 

 

First time in my life, I actually put parsely and cilantro (herbs) into water to stay happy for a few more days:

20200326_191045.thumb.jpg.99248bf4a5bed1cc9aae518e7fabab2b.jpg

 

I threw a bag over them and keeping them in the fridge. They both look happier since I bought them at Walmart... If anything are fresher since I let them sit in some water.

 

Here's the Google Sheet of me tracking goals, because my life is less chaotic I'm  using certain foods and items as rewards (to control my spending without going full budget). So if you want to see here it is. At the moment I'm doing catch up, because my mom got on me for speaking of milkshakes.... So I bought some at our favorite new burger place with fantastic cheese curds (soft foods she could eat, will try their burgers later). 

 

Last one, I thought it was too pretty not to share: 

20200329_210623.thumb.jpg.0c98ff45855d1096a55071a32eb49241.jpg

Cauliflower rice (microwave, butter/salt/pepper), 3 soft boiled eggs, topped with cheese and parsely (because I have all this parsley...). Turned out really good, and eaten in minutes... FIRST recipe that is easier to eat than my sandwhich and only slightly longer time. With MORE veggies. (Keeping it in mind, and protein could be easily replaced along with green thing). 

 

I've been pilling on my sandwiches, that I might treat myself to pita pockets to see if they can hand all my veggies and more. (I like sandwhiches more than salad, I'm finding from my Whole30 trials). 

 

 

 

Cracked homework!

Messaged my professor, after panic emailing over my anxiety. She stopped and calmed me down (fiinally read what she said...). And am in a better place. 

Basically school will done by end of challenge. 

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5 hours ago, Chris-Tien Jinn said:

Yum!  You're thread is going to give @Tanktimus the Encourager some competition for yummy temptations not to read about when thinking "what should we make for dinner?"

 

I've been listening to a pandemic playlist on Spotify.  Gotta laugh when we can .... 

Haha, yeah it'll probably end up being. Since with my mother's teeth removed and her not getting dentures until this summer... I can't speak of food around her (unless she brings it up). 

 

5 hours ago, Chris-Tien Jinn said:

I've been listening to a pandemic playlist on Spotify.  Gotta laugh when we can .... 

The one good thing, even if I cry over something. I knew prior or soon I will be laughing over something. 

My mother has been helping with that has we joke about different things. 

 

I've been listening to the carpool playlist, which has been enjoyable for school work. But may look into others for humor. 

 

Today's Song, for the last year I've been able to enjoy Christan Music since it tends to be positive and surrender guilt. I thought the music was amazing, his voice fantastic, and the video was enjoyable. Held onto this song while tryng to communicate with a professor: 

 

Here's the casserole that had taken me awhile:

20200330_171759.thumb.jpg.c7aa1f6a98032a82cc3a670eafefb136.jpg

https://thesaltymarshmallow.com/chicken-pot-pie-casserole-cheddar-biscuit-topping/

I'm too tired to cleanly write it out. This was soft enough for my mother to enjoy. I 4x the parsely (because I had it). But man, this was gone under 24 hrs. 

I think it has nearly 2 stick of butter in a whole pan..... SOOO definitly comfort food! 

The cheddar biscuits were REALLY easy to make and came out FLAKY. Put red lobster salty crumbles to shame.... I will eat this instead. 

Cutting up the onion was the longest, else it just warmed the apartment a bit on a warm Spring day. But cold lemonade helped with that. 

Wil be buying more chicken, for shredded chicken. 

 

 

ALSO I cleared up some HEAVY anxiety for school work!!

Yay! 

Mainly changing how I do things again for my American Indigenous Studies class (I had more than one dream my professor told me to drop). I explained to my professor and she was like "I would NEVER do that, because I like how you THINK and know you are PASSIONATE about this class". So keeping in touch with her much as possible, so I follow through. 

Other classes will come in place. 

 

Learning to problem solve areas I can't keep picked up. 

Threw the papers that were taking over my desk area (on top and under) into my favorite luggage bag. Everything is cleaner and gives me a goal to get through the bag before I need to use it again. (Next Fall for a conference). 

Have done similar things in other areas. Where they are on the to do, but not priority right now. 

 

 

One more thing.... bf talk

Spoiler

 

So my BF has been talking of kids and me moving in.

Most of our relationship I was the one bringing it up, and he would bring it up "debating if I could handle the stress". For me though I've never seen him happy around kids. While most kids (especially toddlers and babies) make go "ooooh" like dogs and cats do. For him, he either has no reaction or most times in stores a rant. 

Before I met him, I knew if I ever had kids it would be with partner. Enjoying the tiring act of raising a kid. 

Now I realize I want to be able to have a partner to have fun learning "how to adult" and lvl it with "how to adult together'. I'm realizing he doesn't see it like this... 

 

In the end I'm realizing I want someone if we do decide on the next step, we can enjoy it together and laugh. Which he may not see the world that way.... Realizing even if this thinking is stressfull 90 miles apart, even with someone I love. That probably we aren't met to be together. Even though he's my only good friend I'm on constant chatting terms with...

I'm trying to let go all these feelings, mourn what I need to. But knowing I can't really have a deep talk till post pandemic. It would be better with us to talk in person.... 

 

Hard part, is my mother has been making her wedding plans for Summer 2021...  By finally finding common ground with bf's daughter in-law by helping organize ideas. 

Just hard for me, as my mother knows what I'm dealing with (and agrees on my beliefs), just harder for me to get into everything when I once was daydreaming. 

Hard when you have to let go of a daydream that you realize is pure fantasy. 

 

 

 

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Smells like Spring this morning....

 

 

 

First day in a LONG time. I woke up before 8 am.... Without an alarm. I'm just baffled. 

Upside of situation, my twice a week evening job was done before the sun down! So I can get to bes early enough!

 

Also just noting with stretching, sometimes I do full on yoga by what I remember from the last 10 years on and off.

Last night when my muscles where so tight I was able to release with standard and yoga! Which is kind of cool with my soreness but lack of tightness this morning!

New pose this week has been remembering warrior stance.... Which is harder than I remember ever being in mu life.

 

 

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I feel like I have been very busy since my last post.....

 

Twice I had awoken before 8, Friday even before the sun. Today I'm feeling it after being very busy. 

 

Found out after my last post that LONLINESS was getting to me, and the need to connect with people was becoming a need. Found a few places for help. 

Spoiler

 

Because I don't have daily interactions that are stressfull and to slow down. I'm realizng some people around me are just no the healthiest. 

With some direction from my healer and the universe I found some more. 

 

When I asked my healer for journaling help, he pointed out that my lonliness was real and helped me reconnect with 2 women who would be there for friendship and care. I message them more than daily now which helps significantly. 

 

Also, the American Indigenous Department/Association at my school is starting two online meet times. One for a ZOOM chat with everyone crafting or eat lunch for a couple hours, and anothe time to chat while watching a movie. 

I realized with all the stress and anxiety that I wished I had put these communuties first. Now have a chance to reconnect before I'm done. 

 

And top off my "spirit/Grounding" group meet that is now finally working on Zoom that comes on every 2 weeks. It is getting better! 

 

 

I'm getting from this, that no matter where I move to. Having people to try to connect to, or becoming part of the community are good ways to do so. 

It has me thinking. 

 

To top it off my American Indigenous Studies professor is helping me brainstorm to work on service hours while following "stay at place" regulations. So it's having me think on staying in touch with groups I do want to be apart of and keep the connections. 

As the one thing in my AIS is that I feel like I can't keep a constant relationship with my sporadicness or going to be moving away. 

I think I've being shown how to do so. 

 

 

 

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 ----

End of week 1 

My challennge so far:

Goals right now:

Nutrition:

-Try to drink green shake daily (the one thing that seems to give my system some good grounding) 🤢

-Eat food from home 😎

-Be mindful of treats.... No fast food (restraunt is so much better.... than my addiction to Mc Donalds) 🤨

-Pop stays in trunk of car (will keep this up till cans get too warm... probably won't happen till May or June) 😅

-Try to post the fun in the kitchen... I'm a foodie that doesn't have enough people in my life to talk about food. 👍

Fitness:

-Walk outside when weather is not rainy (hopefully law doesn't get in the way) 🤴

-Stretch for at least 5 mins after walk and Janitor job 👍 

-Try a yoga movement 4x in challenge (my hip flexors and hamstrings are begging me)  ❣️

 

Life:

-Disicipline in things I need to get done (will put a google sheet here for tracking) 👍

-Take care of myself energectically (journaling/meditating) 🤨

-Be mindful of money/attempt to budget when I can 

 

-----

Nutrition

I will not drink my shakes.... I fought it on day 2. Soooo dropping it. 

I have eaten up treats more than my reward system.... One day was 2 XL chocolate bars.... I need to change my mindset here. 

Getting something pre-made though is seen as a yummy TREAT, thouh I've started to make excuses to coffee for work (mochas filled with syrup)

I made 9lbs of chicken! Butt need to get some cleaning/organization around the kitchen

 

Fitness:

-This is going pretty well. I've started counting small walks on my tired days. 

-Found I like playing with yoga stretches over following a routine. I think I know enough, and only need a little studying to keep doing routines that FEEL good. Over "this is what they said, and my body hates me"

-Found out a beaver is living in the pond where I live (or using for resources connecting to another pond across the road

 

Life

-I do  like the google sheet I started! Found its easy to update on my phone also! The reward system isn't going to work longterm. 

-My daily goal of Homework 5 poms a day is tough 

-Managaing the apartment is tough, Mom hasn't been feeling well. So every mess I leave behind is my own, and plus hers. I think its harder because I don't have the quick "gather my life" for school or work like I usually have. Trying to find habits that work okay of keeping things under control. 

 

Right now with my goals Fitness is PERFECT for pushing me enough to keep my strength up. I have found short cuts and being easier on myself. I force yoga routines only during rain, I walked enough rain last summer to fill my need of puddles for awhile. 

 

Nutrition could be better, but a lot of learning. 

I hate how budgeting is SOOO hand in hand with this. But trying to make good choices, and trying to eat everything I get. 

LIFE, goes up and down with the chaos.  As I've said things are being brought out. But to me there is a lot of balancing....

 

When writing this up this song came on.... 

 

Very much how I feel and see the future. 

I'm too tired from everything to go running in the woods, but things are rough on taking care of a home. 

But I know everytime I finally clean a place and open it up. OPEN SPACE feels better. Energy moves, I feel better. This is my hope to continue. 

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On 3/27/2020 at 12:29 AM, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist"

this is going to my list!

 

On 4/4/2020 at 4:45 PM, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

I hate how budgeting is SOOO hand in hand with this. But trying to make good choices, and trying to eat everything I get. 

This one is rough. It took me some time to get used to budget, plan, and get all the things needed for cooking and eating better.

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On 4/6/2020 at 5:57 PM, jcmgm said:

this is going to my list!

Please do!

Personally I haven't met the woman again who led me to it, and now I have no one to chat with lol. 

A series I wish I could share with my mother but a little tooo close to home. 

 

On 4/6/2020 at 5:57 PM, jcmgm said:

This one is rough. It took me some time to get used to budget, plan, and get all the things needed for cooking and eating better.

It really is, especially when you talk with many people and they are like "well I wing it 90% of the time". 

Any support groups I found through YNAB don't touch anxiety, and bring up seeing a professional... Which I will do tomorrow on help directing it. 

Thank you for stopping by!

 

 

Not really a song that goes with how I feel, but at the same time goes with anything. 

Mainly a song that reminds me how much I've grown:

 

My professor/advisor directed me to this song when I was hit with mega levels of depression for a semester 2 years ago.  Pushing myself past a breaking point and found MANY new areas of weaknesses I still struggle with. 

However, I can see the shadows of darkness that once held me (and still have my old friends I had to step away from). Now its just the darn anxiety. 

 

Ironically I thought I covered it, and it seeped back up with my lack of journaling on it. 

 

I however have been working on yoga that has helped with some physcial movement meditation. 

How The �Legs Up The Wall� Yoga Pose Can Aid In Stress Relief

My favorite stretch that I do in my hallway, and when my mother sees me doing. She backs away and lets me do what I need to do (and I in return try to not talk with her for her own time). 

Helps open my back in new ways, and has helped with the chronic soreness I've had in my hips. Plus some physcial pressure! Idk how to describe it, but with my need of touch (used to get from BF biweekly, now two months without full body cuddle- my mother can't give much for touch at this time other than one or two hugs a day) this HELPS. 

Plus playing with sun salutation and child pose.  My shoulders are waking up!

 

 

This was supposed to be quick lol

But going to try to make a daily list/chore list. Parent myself, by restricting "time consuming fun things" and rewarding myself when I hit the quota. 

Any tips for finding a balance? Will be posting daily to track... 

Tomorrow will have list!

 

 

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Here's my daily list:

Before Gaming /FB/Streaming

-5 poms a day for HW

-2 poms of Work

-Pick up areas:

               -Kitchen (can allow less than 5 unclean dishes)

-Walk and stretch/ yoga on bad weather days. (exempt on T and F)

-Journaled/Grounded at least once

-Did 1 thing to help the home (garbage, mail, cook, clean up my areas)

-Caught up with someone on NF?

 

Excempt to rules are: Connecting with Zoom meetups, looking up food deals, sharing a song for NF

--------

 

 

It's a lot... idk. I can't think of how to minium it down, without trying to work on momentum.

 

Using my google sheet to still keep track daily, since that works. But hope to post daily if I check things offf, we'll have to see. 

 

Realized I have a bit more control over my life as in, my sleep schedule isn't weird (9:15 is my time). Class schedule, not so scheduled. Work is loosened, or fewer hours. 

I just need to do things. 

 

While at the same time I want to get lost. I'm glad I gave myself time to rest, but its getting to crunch time. 

And I REALLY want to play a cyberpunk MUD game, that can take over my life. 

 

My mother rented "Ready Player One" and am taking a note from the article on NF when it came out. Listening to the book too. 

Bascially, if I hit all above I can freely play the game/other games without guilt. 

Not going to make other rules, but pushing myself to get up at 9:15 for the sake of routine. 

 

Going to speak with my healer/mentor, on asking for input. And asking anyone else's help. 

Trying to keep up what I'm doing, but REALLY pushing for school work to get done. As I have less than a month for a half semester's worth of work!

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Before Gaming /FB/Streaming -- 4/08/2020

-5 poms a day for HW ---2 maybe

-2 poms of Work -- None

-Pick up areas: 

               -Kitchen (can allow less than 5 unclean dishes) -- Yes; Other areas -- No

-Walk and stretch/ yoga on bad weather days. (exempt on T and F) -- Short walk, no stretch

-Journaled/Grounded at least once -- Yes, with mentor

-Did 1 thing to help the home (garbage, mail, cook, clean up my areas) -- Yes, garbage and mail

-Caught up with someone on NF? -- Worked on it, read a lot of threads with no responses

 

Before Gaming /FB/Streaming --  4/09/2020

-5 poms a day for HW -- Yup

-2 poms of Work -- Yes!!

-Pick up areas:

               -Kitchen (can allow less than 5 unclean dishes) -- Almost there ; Other areas -- Yes for sake of sanity

-Walk and stretch/ yoga on bad weather days. (exempt on T and F) -- Yes, before the wind started to bring in weird snow and sun

-Journaled/Grounded at least once -- Yes, did so to break down school 

-Did 1 thing to help the home (garbage, mail, cook, clean up my areas) -- Yes, small grocery shopping when buying chocolate and my bills

-Caught up with someone on NF? -- Yes! Finally someone else I caught up with!

 

 

Today was interesting.  Yesterday with my meeting, it came down to I needed to recenter and focus on now. It's hard, and terrifying. 

I was tired after a short walk that I layed in bed, and went on youtube and game forums... Till my phone died (it dies early, so I called it good). I got to a point that I decided to daydream about the game I want to play, until I fell asleep. 

Bright side I got enough sleep. 

 

Today is the first day I met my goals, AND chatted with American Indigenous Studies people during "Indian Horse" (very informative, but very harsh). I was glad to return to school work afterwards due to the heaviness. 

I wanted to reach my goals, but decided doing so would give me more information and help maintain/gain contacts. 

 

Now to shower and game! (After I get dishes caught up...) Will call it a night by 1. 

Another busy day tomorrow!

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Before Gaming /FB/Streaming --  4/10/2020 - Not completeed

-5 poms a day for HW -- No (did get certain HW due for the night, for group work I did on my own this week - all the guys thanked me though when I updated them I completed it) 

-2 poms of Work -- Nope...

-Pick up areas:

               -Kitchen (can allow less than 5 unclean dishes) -- Idk, kept it up ; Other areas -- No, I was so 

-Walk and stretch/ yoga on bad weather days. (exempt on T and F) -- F, didn't stretch after work because I was just DONE

-Journaled/Grounded at least once -- Not really, I could have done better. I did do some meditation when I couldn't fall asleep....

-Did 1 thing to help the home (garbage, mail, cook, clean up my areas) -- Yes, big grocery shopping... Walmart Friday before Easter, never goes well. Did help some people out, or shared a laugh for some looking for convo. 

-Caught up with someone on NF? -- Sadly no, was just burnt out on life

 

This is the song I woke up to yesterday: "people talk to me but nothing ever hits so, people talk to me and all the voices voices just burn holes. I'm just going oooh" 1:05....  Just a tiny bit of darkness... 

 

 

This list is changing my brain to goop, but I think its helping me easily see the goals. I think next week I'll make a fill in on a doc that I can update on the go and copy and paste on here.... 

 

 

I'm changing Saturdays to 7 poms for Work... to have a day to get hours for work. 

 

I want to play the Cyberpunk game, but after playing just a little bit on Thursday. And how my brain is still just tired, I'm going to play Wizard101. The game I started playing back in 2007 and never completed, due to money. MMO card game with lower rez or at least used to be before their updates... Which I was a little annoyed by. 

 

Weather here.. Its full Spring MN. Had freezing and warm sunny days next to each other. 

This weekend's forecast was 0-10 inches of snow... Literally small shift changes everything. 

Upside of bad weather, no one is outside. I can see nature a little different. 

 

 

Today I was a bit annoyed when I found out my walk is 1 mile long at the LONGEST. I would be walking more with school...  I think with stairs. 

But I've been feeling DOMS sdaily and getting more tired doesn't sound fun with HW. Just need to be gentle with myself... 

 

 

 

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Foun out I could just copy and paste my stuff... meh. Needs to be worked on, but tracking is getting better. 

 

Spoiler

 

Date: Wknd Saturday 04/11/2020 Daily Quest                            
    Grounded? Journal:   Meditate Attempted HLG? Yes                
Completed?
  HW Poms: Pom1:                          
Min?:   Pick up Areas? Kitchen Working on it Room   Desk                  
    Walk and Stretch? Walk? Walked, tracked 1.1 mile Stretch? A little yoga, week but mostly                    
    Work Poms: Pom1: Work (4.11) - Data entry Pom2: Work (4.11) - Data entry & chatting Pom3: Work (4.11) - Data entry and chatting Pom4: (4.11) - Data entry and chatting Pom5: Data Entry Pom6: Data Entry Pom7 Data Entry
    Connect w/ NF Peep?                            
                                 

 

Think I'm just going to use a word doc to make it easer.... Will see if its just as easy on my phone. 

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7 hours ago, ElizeElvinFoxRyder said:

Sorry for joining up late. Your food photos are looking really good! Made me hungry.

Glad you have some work to do from home, and got some of the anxiety with studies under control.

No worries! We are equal  boat, but you have actual resource deficency happening in your area. 

 

 

Was going to have a long write up about how I'm not cooking much, but actually I'm cooking more than I usually do...

Found out I like chickpea noodles over gluten noodles... Which has me happy for simplicity and easy protein. 

Also have vegan Korean BBQ from "herbivore butchers" that my local Tea shop has been selling. Was going to make on Easter, but went nope when I started making "chicken and biscuit casserole" at 2 pm. 

 

Easter Sunday - Made two batches of casserole, mom was chearing me on (literally the one food that makes her happy). I bought Pepsi for a sweet drink, that I topped with cherries and lemons.  Mom relayed Easter bunny baskets .

 

I rented "The Secret Life of Pets" which I listened to twice while cooking. (Watched the 2nd movie yesterday with a school group for fun- 2nd one is better). For early evening, brother came down and chatted a bit. I did some school reading before all above, and then allowed myself a few hours of Wiz101 gaming. Ended up making a gamer friend, so have more encouragement to get HW done. 

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(Ther was chocolate eggs with filling and chocolate shaped carrots underneath).

 

Also I did 50 SQUATS! Over the weekend. Looking up the name of prisoner squats.. I was more "sumo squat". Having to keep space between my legs to actually bend my hips back all the way down and get help ... So idk on form. But I remember talking to someone that it was probably better to go wider to move all the muscles over getting stuck... So any tips? 

 

Yesterday was the best Monday I've had. No stretching, and only a small walk. But was able to eat a healthy breakfast and get going. Homework, Idk how its going to go. But keep tackiling.

House was laundry.  Small walking between bussiness and no stretching. 

Was able to keep going, had the movie day with Pets movie that I was able to knit for an hour (I have taken up knitting again for craft hours/movie time, I'm learning mainly how to fix lost stitches while making a simple scarf). 

 

TODAY

Tried waking up at 8... First day I snoozed in a weird dream. 

Mom asked me what was wrong, while I waited for my 10 am appointment with my Student Support advisor.  That never happened due to technical issues...

Am debating on doing work in my car, for some sun time... Lack of wifi makes it partly difficult. Since it curretly feel 13 degrees F (-10 C). Just weird since it was in the 60s just a handful days...

Just trying to get something done before my 5 pm janitor job, but will be entertained with a podcast and "Ready Player One" audible. 

 

Also for school work I have to get volunteer hours, so easy one is the local food shelf I used to use... Sign up easy for daily hours. While I also called in to leave my info if they needed a driver for delivering goods to people, because an excuse to leave the house probably isn't bad. 

 

So there was an hour of typing, sorry about that. I did think of a faster way to come in every day. Just a quick snippit and song for rest of the challenge...

 

Chose this song because it came up on Spotify, and basically feel all the emotions. 

Plus I may start a pinterst for unknown future wedding (that may never happen) for similar decoration. 

 

 

 

Also relationship wise... Just update for anyone curious:
 

Spoiler

 

Been probably thinking about it too much, but there is very heavy views that I have different with my bf. Spirituality now, rights for LGBTQ, and working butt off over having time to laugh/explore. I personally feel he is better off finding someone who needs less attention and happy to work her butt off for the "American Dream" and to retire by 50. While I personally watched my parents because too sick to work by the age 50, and lose all their retirment. 

I have a feeling he thinks I will be enlightened and agree with him...

He even started to try to talk me out working up North and work in the cities. I told him I tried that, found it more frustrating and I hate cement... Not even going into, I rather be closer to nature/dream place to deal with my emotions. 

So... Idk what I'm doing with myself. 
Glad to find out other people are on Wiz101 to share some happiness, and I have my social groups. Now to get through school!

 

 

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Throwback Bowie!
That movie was such a trip!
 
Tips on squats, hard to do remotely but some things that come to mind are basics you can double check:
-Feet shoulder width or slightly wider
-Feet parallel or toes outward, If you knees tend to go inward with parallel feet try pointing your toes out.
-When you push your knees out don't think about your knees, think about your inner thighs this helps trigger the correct muscles for stability of the lift.
-Chin up, chest up, shoulders slightly back, hips(and rear) move down and back to keep weight between heel and arch. Drive thru the heel on the way up.

-SHOES!! or no shoes. Most shoes are higher in the heel than the ball of the foot and no two are alike. This can throw off squat balance when everything else is correct. I squat and deadlift barefoot for consistency. Converse All Stars are really flat if you want to keep your feet covered.

-You can do some form checking with a broom handle or pvc pipe on your shoulders just about anywhere to train the motion or dial back weight for the first few reps to get your bearings before pushing yourself.

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24 minutes ago, "Jake" said:

Throwback Bowie!
That movie was such a trip!

Glad you liked it! 

One of those movies I didn't see until the last 5 years due to Novel writing... Glad I can enjoy it in my genre of likings. 

 

25 minutes ago, "Jake" said:

You can do some form checking with a broom handle or pvc pipe on your shoulders just about anywhere to train the motion or dial back weight for the first few reps to get your bearings before pushing yourself.

Thank you! For all the above, googling I realize is messy and NF just make me wanna go "blah" at their teaching. 

I personally stay away from shoes for workouts due to having to have more cushioning for cement. 

I think I have some good techniques, will just make it a bit more efficent to gaining strength in the right areas. 

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So yesterday after my first post, and a groggy day of "I don't wanna". I realized to survive the next few weeks. I needed to move my work area/office into my bedroom. 

 

Flat screen tv in my closet, and encouraging me to also go through my clothes that I keep in a chest. That are off season or too small. Most of the clothes are just too small. 

 

I was worried my mom was going to be mad/or anxious. But I've already been noticing she has been allowing her "paranormal/thrillers" at higher volumes, and she has been noting my less talkative with her. And I feel like she has been moving around more... Worrying less of me being in the way. 

 

While I have been having small tantrums of "you can't make me do homework" with myself. In bed, where I probably shoudl be meditating. Just having a tough time as usual, where yelling at one self doesn't seem to work. 

 

----

 

Today I probably cosumed the most tofu day in my life... knowingly. 

I decided if I gave up fast food, I would allow to benefit my local tea shop (that happens to be owned by one of my first Freshman college professors at community college). 

Vegan ham sandwich and a vegetarian chilil. I bought a Maple Oolong for daily hot teas, with two vegan chocolate chip cookies. 

Some inflamation in my stomach at first, but no long term heart burn (and the food is higher qualiaty homemade).

 

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(Orange sparkling water, not soda) 

 

Cookies (not pictured) probably never buy again (I think I like my real  butter). I may go to a local baker in the coming weeks for a weekly family treat. Because that would be good too. 

 

Bascially putting money away from corporate to small businesses that are having to sell on select days. 

Plus this woman unknowingly at the time helped make a small community for me in my first college experience/and first professor to know me while even walking around on campus. So paying back... 

 

-----

Today was finally connected with my advisor, biggie I have to work on is getting paperwork completed for next semester for general school needs. The norm I avoid, but she reminded me it should be easier. It just invovles taxes which I avoid, and my boyfriend been bugging me about.... 

 

---

As its 8 pm and I have homework and should email my summer job for check in on how are things.... Since I was asked by 5+ people, "are you going still?"

While my boyfriend goes on about how I will have too a tough time with the quietness... And should just find a job in the cities. .... He's thinking money, I'm thinking experience. You don't go into "Rec and Park" for the money.... 

Will check in... 

 

Also been trying to check in on peopl! Love all who have stopped by and keeping tabs! I've been trying to return the favor inbetween life. 

 

 

 

 

 

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On 4/14/2020 at 6:48 PM, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

(Watched the 2nd movie yesterday with a school group for fun- 2nd one is better)

I'll tell my boys. They watched the first one, didn't like it that much and said they'll skip the 2nd. As soon as we are allowed freedom and can go to the dvd shop again.

On 4/14/2020 at 6:48 PM, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

Also I did 50 SQUATS! Over the weekend. Looking up the name of prisoner squats.. I was more "sumo squat". Having to keep space between my legs to actually bend my hips back all the way down and get help ... So idk on form. But I remember talking to someone that it was probably better to go wider to move all the muscles over getting stuck... So any tips? 

Woot! Woot! @"Jake"  gave some good tips. I don't focus much on 'what kind of' squats I do. The idea is to use your butt and thighs. So yes, legs shoulder width apart, maybe slightly more, feet out, and back straight. Rather do slow and steady in good form, than fast and sloppy. (Not saying yours is sloppy, just mentioning what to look out for). I watch the boys when they rush through theirs, and both Brandt and I had them repeat them over. At first we made them do it slow, and let them feel how to keep their back straight and up, not bend forward that much. It helps if you do this sideways in front of a mirror if you don't have someone to look at your form.

On 4/14/2020 at 6:48 PM, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

Also relationship wise... Just update for anyone curious:

**HUGS** Thinking of you, and will pray for some answers, but if the concrete jungle isn't for you, it isn't for you. Personally I need nature around me, but if I remember correctly you are aiming to work in conservation? with animals and nature? so... **hugs**

On 4/16/2020 at 3:06 AM, Bouncer_the_Lovable said:

While I have been having small tantrums of "you can't make me do homework" with myself. In bed, where I probably shoudl be meditating. Just having a tough time as usual, where yelling at one self doesn't seem to work. 

I had this last week. Although my 'little tantrums' with myself was behind the lawnmower, and then moping around the house. Mine was also PMS pushed, but... I realised it actually helped to clear some thoughts out of my head. There are always going to be things you don't want to do, or want done now, and having a bit of a fight is ok. Like Tank said that having some words with God is ok, because that way you are telling Him (or yourself when you fight with yourself) exactly how you are feeling. It's out in the open and you are more honest with yourself. As long as the negative doesn't stay with you for too long. That's what I'm struggling with, getting out of the fight in my head and getting away from the negative thoughts. So **hugs** I know how this feels.

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17 hours ago, ElizeElvinFoxRyder said:

I'll tell my boys. They watched the first one, didn't like it that much and said they'll skip the 2nd. As soon as we are allowed freedom and can go to the dvd shop again.

It is more fun after watching the first one, idk if they'll like it but as an adult who needs a break with knitting. It was enjoyable... plus just cute moments (and not as crazy as the 1st one, more jokes). 

 

17 hours ago, ElizeElvinFoxRyder said:

At first we made them do it slow, and let them feel how to keep their back straight and up, not bend forward that much. It helps if you do this sideways in front of a mirror if you don't have someone to look at your form.

My issue is a lack of a mirror, but will take your advice. I think what helps is my posture is 10x better than when I started, but my hips are tight and a bit more weight (as I feel my bum disappearing into the muscles lol). 

Will take note as I've started to do them in stretches to easily open hips. 

 

17 hours ago, ElizeElvinFoxRyder said:

**HUGS** Thinking of you, and will pray for some answers, but if the concrete jungle isn't for you, it isn't for you. Personally I need nature around me, but if I remember correctly you are aiming to work in conservation? with animals and nature? so... **hugs**

Thanks for reading and commenting... 

Same here with Nature, I've been lucky with a pond nearby living. But it has taken for COVID-19 to happen before I enjoyed the concrete trails... (paths within an area of flooding, since its an retention pond). Plus a safe area to live, I've never feared for my life. Ever felt unsafe, things helped out (I've been lucky like that though). 

18 hours ago, ElizeElvinFoxRyder said:

That's what I'm struggling with, getting out of the fight in my head and getting away from the negative thoughts. So **hugs** I know how this feels.

Even with your tantrums you are DOING fantastic with the stress load!

In the midst I'm also surrending, but also trying to work out getting school work done. 

I may or may not be having a game open while I work.... But it happens. I just need to get things done, so I CAN PACK!

 

Song of the days!

Yesterday kept popping in my head while I collasped into a nap. (head smacking on the pillowing, smacking all the worries out the door, wanting some more...)

Found I'm getting a workout at the food shelf I"m volunteering at... It's a shop food shelf, where usually people pick out what they need in assembly/store fashion. Now its the volunteers doing it. Easy enough except when you are doing for a family of 8 in one cart... Thought it was dumb until I saw how small the woman's car was... So learning. 

The trick is to leave the volunteer stuff at volunteering, my brain is drying to perfect chaos where it just doesn't work. I need energy on school work... 

 

Upside getting a workout, and waking up my muscles. 

 

Luckily no work tonight! Tomorrow was supposed to be my a conference/open house I was supposed to faciliate. Now I just need to work on helping with the presentation and do it. Thankful for a night off, and telling my other job's boss that homework first and will try to get a job done before May. 

 

 

THE COUNTDOWN IS ON!!!
ANXIETY HAS NO BUSINESS HERE!

I wish I wasn't avoiding it all through NF.... 

 

Also keeping up walking, dishes are being done by one sink full a day. Had gone to Mc Donalds today... And bought pop yesterday... Foodshelf is going to be a challenge. 

 

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Ironically with this challenge theme... I would have though I would post more. 

My head is getting lost in Wizard101 has gentle music while I digest what to get done. Ironically in Wizard101 I'm cleaning up old wizards/no longer by turning their good extras to my main wizards, while deleting them. While I see my bedroom that needs to be organized still. 

 

As saying so... Its the time again for the:

 

2 weeks of stuff being due, 3 weeks until I move to Summer Job!

 

For life updates: 

-I'm no longer going to go to Food Shelf for volunteer hours, vampire like energy there. That I would just be done (even on the best of days). Connected with a friend in Community Education that directed me to another place to get hours (will see how that goes!)

-I hate my only group project, its almost done and kind of glad our program didn't happen because 2 people of the group are "just getting by" while another "just gets it done' with limited communcation. We are probably going to lose A LOT of points for the final paper due to mix ups with due dates.

-2 other classes, I get just need to keep at it and hope pior class stops dealing my energy

-I need to start making packing lists, I plan to use a lot of garbage bags and plastic bags since I drive a Lexus 

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I believe I can fit everything,I wanted a big back seat and a big trunk for reasons like this. I've ran into many issues when I tried using actual structures shapes. 

Nows its to more like home look clean before I leave (mom is still not doing well, to even help with small things). While I also hope I get the "Goverment Check..." to get my car figured out, however my avoidance of taxes might have given me trouble. 

-Money and taxes are making a lot of noise also, and little other paper work. So I probably should be playing too much games in this chaos.. 

 

 

This was supposed to be short... Gah. 

Being told by everyone to breathe, because I'm dealing with life changes amongst a crisis... And need to get my but going. To the point I think I'm going to be drinking a bit more pop for concentration but make sure I drink enough to. 

 

 

Will try to get caught up again, it just takes me longer than most.... I appreciate and love you all like close friends, and need to direct more energy toward this however this escapism of youtube and games. 

 

 

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Countdown: 

 

I personally feel I had a song sent to me this morning when I had this song come in my head when I snoozed my alarm this morning:

 

 

While also having this song come into my ears as I was struggling to sleep last night:

 

The first full section of the song was on repeat in my head, as I fell asleep to the daydreams of a book that wants to be written. Perhaps a goal for my summer? 

A post-apocalyptic that's been in my head for 7 years now... And last night I had full scenes come to me the first time last night... It was wonderful. 

This means I should write it right? Hmm... 

 

The "H" Word

Yesterday was blah on homework, wthout wizard101 I seem to get lost on facebook and youtube somehow... So I'm just doing what I want to get the homework done. (Kind of goes against the time for writing I feel). 

Let's get this done!

 

 

 

FITNESS WIN -  So back in the begining of March, as the pandemic was  creating chaos in my life. I almost bought "P.volve" because the videos looked so good for my hip tightness, and made me aware that could be an issue with my right hip pain (inflamed thight that hurt badly when touched).  Now more than halfway through April with some walking and stretching/yoga/squats, that hip pain is almost gone (just mildly tender) but NOWHERE as bad as it was. Yay for making body better

 

Plus when I do skip anymore stretching/yoga I immeditly regret it the next morning, yay for "tight muscle" genes.

(FUN FACT: By the time my dad was 18 he couldn't sit on the floor due to how tight his legs was, he was FARMER FIT (dairy farmer) but had trouble with any form of flexibility (which probably didn't help when his Parkinsons started) So I can see how I have to stretch for the rest of my life.... ). 

 

Also I started doing a handful of squats in between walking and stretching to loosen up my hips to make deeper stretches. I'm letting my upper body heal with downward dog before adding in wall pushups (overdid it earlier this week). Am also started to think about lunges, but I'm seeing if I allow myself to play around and see what my body likes/can do without pain, so I can actually follow through with what I like right now. 

 

Weightloss? Not really, 

I'm planning to do body measurements before I leave, and maybe do tape measuring over the summer. 

With weight I've been going up and down 5 pounds, but: my thighs are getting slimmer in jeans ( I like touching my legs during stretches because I can feel the tonage), my belly is loosening up with stretch marks, I'm noticing shape changes in my arms.... .I FEEL stronger. So I think I'm having a rough time losing the weight with the stress right now, but feel it will start falling off soon as I get away from cityish life (Fast food is my kryptonite). My body will do its normal thing of losing weight in the summer. And will plan to just try to maintain what I get when I get back home, if I don't lose weight I know I will be getting stronger because: 40 hour week job that involves being around boats and cleaning. And most likely more hiking because dirth paths and need to see the WORLD. 

 

Life:

MY MOTHER DID DISHES! I straight up thanked her last night, she tried talking herself down but I ended up going into lecture mode of "don't you dare talk yourself down, you are helping". I know she isn't doing well, and any help is appreciated. I do need to thank her for helping clean our dining room table too. And she washed some jeans for me :)

Bonus move if I move in with my to be  step-father and her, a DISHWASHER machine... Plus a free laundry area. (My to be  step-father is reasonable about Rent I found out, he prefers to be made in Coke Zero). 

 

Also they are getting some planning done with their wedding. They decided Father's Day weekend 2021 (Saturday), to plan to celebrate their Wedding Anniversary on Father's Day weekend (it's a FB event now its official). My mother's goal of getting her health up is so she can slim down for a dress style she likes... While also I get to look forward to shopping for my maid of honor dress over the next year (heance allowing to keep the weight off...). The colors will be pink and burgandy, she wants me to buy a nice dress while I'm wanting to cut corners and order a nicer dress through a box styling company and then get it tailored. But will see. 

 

Summer Job Perspective: Where I'll be working is along a specific "highway" that is about 50 miles long (I think) into the famous Boundary waters. Spring is starting up there, and people are placing bets on if the 30 inch ice on the lakes will melt quickly for post-"stay at place" trips. While down here today it might get between 60-70 degrees F... (some news says 80). 

600 miles north changes things up. 

 

Will also be getting in touch today with the woman in Duluth I met back in October for that 2 day trip. 

My healer chimed in I should keep that connection for not only myself in a place of unknowns. But that she is someone that needs someone to bug her once in awhile... Plus she believes in feeding people, which I 'm cool with. So calling her up today, after many months of  limited conversation. 

 

 

Be easy on yourselves ya'll!

 

 

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