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Heidi

Heidi: Endings

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Finally scored some flour!

Dough rising while I do faculty readings and social (half-)hour

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Since I used to grind my flour, and before that bought it in 25 or 50 pound quantities, I never really understood how quickly I can go through a five pound bag.

The flour I found yesterday is half gone.

I can get some more, but I'm definitely seeing a need to go on a road trip for the mill and wheat berries.

 

Getting ready to visit with Vivian this morning while the sponge percolates.

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18 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Please explain. I know what each of those words mean individually but I am unaware of the meaning when they are put in that order.

The "sponge" is a first step (not all bread makers do it, but I find it enhances the Tang of Sourdough and lets the wild yeast really get a foothold) where the starter is mixed with most of the flour and all of the water and then left to rest for a few hours.

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Last night a friend and I went to another friends house and the four of us celebrated my graduation (from  a safe distance, of course) outside in the garden, the first day without rain in a week.

 

Dinner was excellent, and it was nice to have a real conversation. There was cake and a fire, too, though it took some real work with the dampness. There were stories.

 

IMG_20200524_212952_817.jpg

 

Conversation being what it is, a random comment led to a bit of temp work -- I start helping pack dorm rooms at Duke next week for a bit.

 

The Universe loves me and wants me to be happy.

❣️

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Wow, how is it Thursday already?

I took the contract and it turned out to be a huge mess -- lots of packing (as expected), but tons of moving the boxes too, which was not.

 

On Tuesday I came home so tired I thought I would cry -- I ran a bath but fell asleep before I got in it. Crashed by 630 and then woke up at 1 to take the dog out, and promptly fell back to sleep until 630 in the morning.

 

Yesterday I nearly didn't go back. I'm glad I did, because the integrity hit would have haunted me, but the team lead is possibly actually insane -- the pace she sets is punishing. John and I are working together, and having company on this forced march is the only thing that keeps me sane ish. When he said he was finishing out the week, I knew I couldn't abandon him.

 

Each day has been easier emotionally, and I think my core workout is good for the coming month or more.

 

I've decided to take some of the proceeds from the week and enroll in Tinker Mountain Writer's workshop. 

 

I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know that it does NOT involve moving boxes.

 

The situation with the Roanoke Friends Meeting is coming to a head, and there's a big Zoom Conference coming up on Tuesday evening. I expect it to be emotional for me, as I'll have to inhabit the isolation that the leadership enacted, but it's worth it to clarify that the reason I'm not coming back or participating with that Meeting is because they actively refused to protect my details from a known abuser. This is not a preference on my part; it is an exclusion on theirs. Hopefully this will put an end to it emotionally.

 

I hope you all are well, dear Nerds. Yesterday I made ground beef and quinoa on auto pilot and Im glad I have dinner. I am almost out of bread and should make another batch, but I'm skeptical about my ability to stay awake.

 

❣️

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Also, completely random, because the Universe isn't quite done with my Spiritual Self yet: I'm having a small crisis of faith. 

 

I was looking into seminary for Quakers -- a weird concept, I grant you, but hear me out.  I had always been under the impression that Quakers are their own distinct faith tradition, and not a sect of (Protestant) Christianity. It turns out I'm wrong? But maybe they are wrong, and I actually think this is the case?

 

I'm hesitant to write more detail. Ask me anything.

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2 hours ago, Heidi said:

The situation with the Roanoke Friends Meeting is coming to a head, and there's a big Zoom Conference coming up on Tuesday evening. I expect it to be emotional for me, as I'll have to inhabit the isolation that the leadership enacted, but it's worth it to clarify that the reason I'm not coming back or participating with that Meeting is because they actively refused to protect my details from a known abuser. This is not a preference on my part; it is an exclusion on theirs. Hopefully this will put an end to it emotionally.

 

You owe them nothing. They were wrong. Whether you tell them that or not is up to you.

1 hour ago, Heidi said:

Also, completely random, because the Universe isn't quite done with my Spiritual Self yet: I'm having a small crisis of faith. 

 

I was looking into seminary for Quakers -- a weird concept, I grant you, but hear me out.  I had always been under the impression that Quakers are their own distinct faith tradition, and not a sect of (Protestant) Christianity. It turns out I'm wrong? But maybe they are wrong, and I actually think this is the case?

 

I'm hesitant to write more detail. Ask me anything.

It's all semantics. They grew out of and away from the Church of England the way a lot of groups, like the Baptists, did, and their beginnings go back about as far as Baptists do. They were often at odds with the Puritans/Sepratist movement. Does that mean they are their own thing or an outgrowth of protestantism? It depends on how you look at it. Church historians argue about that sort of thing all the time, and a lot of it comes down to definitions. For example, some people narrowly define protestant to mean those groups that broke directly off of the Roman Catholic Church during "The Reformation." By that definition, only the continental denominations, like the Dutch Reformed and the Lutherans, are Protestant, since the English Church broke away earlier due to the Vatican getting tired of giving Henry VIII divorces. 

 

Others claim they are not protestant because they hold to erroneous claims based on bad church history that they are the one true faith, and everyone else deviated from them. When the Church of Christ group was breaking off from Baptists in the US in the 19th century, they claimed they were the one true faith going all the way back to Jesus. Not to be outdone, a Baptist named J.M. Carroll compiled a tract from five lectures called "The Trail of Blood" tracing Baptists back through a bunch of decidedly UN-Baptist heretical groups all the way back to John The Baptist, who baptized Jesus, thus establishing an older and more valid claim to legitimacy in his mind. 

 

Baptists of this ilk who care more about the legitimacy of their denomination through history that become educated sometimes join Orthodoxy, as it's the group that actually has the most legitimate claim to doing things "the way they've always been done" as their liturgy goes back to a time before Christians agreed on what comprised the Christian Scriptures (New Testament).

 

We didn't get much into Quaker history in my education (geographically there aren't many around Texas). Most of what I know I read on Wikipedia in the midst of typing out this reply. It seems like they formed organically in bits and pieces, with different congregations (For lack of a better term) coming together after forming independently. I think this makes them distinct from being a "sect of Protestant Christianity" because protestant churches, and the church of England, broke off en mass at the Denominational level.  

 

What I want to ask is why it's important whether or not they are their own faith tradition and not a sect of protestantism. 

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The question for me is one of the current state of the organization.: Does it claim to be Christian? If so, it's not for me.

 

Frankly, I think it's an obvious no: since there is no doctrine, there is no required belief in Jesus as the Messiah. While I'm happy to honor the Christian history, of the tradition and my own personally, I'm incensed at the notion that certain 'values' are themselves Christian (such as the Testimonies of Quakers). It seems the height of colonization.

 

And yes, this is an ongoing and heated debate at the leadership level. I might end up having to go to a few Yearly Meetings to discern what the current leadership is thinking.

 

To be at odds on such a basic tenet is leaving me adrift in the sense of Community.

 

And yes, the local leadership was wrong. It's not up to me to explain, but since they keep asking me to come back, a Meeting is in order to understand what the situation is. White people can be so dense. The only answer is to live them and speak the truth to power.

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FYI my beef is with having any doctrine beyond honoring the light within as divine. This is the core of Quakerism, as I see it, and what attracts me so profoundly.

 

To lose the non-doctrinal, acredenous foundation is to simply be a quiet clique, and while silence is great, it is not a Faith.

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FWIW it never occurred to me that Quakers weren't Christian, though that's an outsider's perspective. As someone who's dealt with yearly meetings and large groups of people of faith there is probably no one answer to what the leadership is thinking; likely there are as many or more opinions as there are people who comprise "The Leadership." 

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Keep us posted? I have been looking at quakerism and was delighted to find out there are at least two people on NF I could ask questions :)

 

I understood that you may technically be a Quaker without being a Christian - not by reading the Quaker book or any official sources -  but that of course says nothing about whether the leadership says they are a Christian organisation. Interesting. Good luck with your inquiries wherever they may lead to.

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6 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

likely there are as many or more opinions as there are people who comprise "The Leadership." 

Especially in Quakerism, this is true. The governing document for Yearly Meetings is the published Faith and Practice, and apparently this issue is exactly what keeps the latest draft (2012, I think?) from being accepted.  This unwillingness to see beyond the history of our roots seems petulant to me. It's like people who say the United States is a Christian nation simply because of John Winthrop et al. 

 

6 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

it never occurred to me that Quakers weren't Christian

No doctrine, no Creed. Ergo . . .

We are marked by seeking continuous revelation. The Faith community suffers from a lack of diversity (as many do, especially in the United States). The funny part is that early Quakers were persecuted because if their refusal to state creeds or to acknowledge one tradition over another (we also irritated the status quo by refusing to participate in conventions of social hierarchy, such as tipping a hat to one's better, since Quakers hold that everyone is equal, even children).

 

58 minutes ago, analoggirl said:

Good luck with your inquiries wherever they may lead to.

Will do! I'm happily surprised there is any interest.

1 hour ago, analoggirl said:

Keep us posted? I have been looking at quakerism and was delighted to find out there are at least two people on NF I could ask questions :)

Very cool! Keep asking! Out if curiosity, who is the other one?

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1 hour ago, Heidi said:

Very cool! Keep asking! Out if curiosity, who is the other one?

 

I thought, I read that Tank has the same faith tradition in an earlier message here? So the two of you? Did I misinterpret :)

 

1 hour ago, Heidi said:

Will do! I'm happily surprised there is any interest.

 

Yeah, I am so glad that Youtuber spoke of it because the no creed aligns exactly with my motto.

 

I have a paper diary entry from when I was 10 where I said I am interested in buddhism as a life philosophy.(*) Always attracted to the "when you see the Buddha, kill him" mentality... :)

 

(*) This is my "weird flexes" but I am not trying to brag :D I was just really proud of Little Me when I read it so I like to share that bit of info.

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Somehow, I’ve missed a thing or two - buy by Quaker YouTuber, do y’all mean Jessica Kellgren-Fozard? She has a great explanation of at least the British flavor of Quakerism. 

 

Heidi, your breakfast looks amazing - yay, fresh bread! 

 

And as for the question of Quakerism as a whole, I spent half my childhood in Ohio, and was always taught that Quakers are kind of like Christians - same answer/different path to get there. They were always lumped in with the Amish and Mennonites in explanation. 

 

From the little independent research I’ve done, it seems like Quakerism can be anywhere on the continuum of ‘Christian Religion’ to ‘just working to be good people’ - where, from what Ive gathered, depends on the Meeting and what it can agree on. 

 

But that’s a suuuuper outsider opinion based on few sources of research. 

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48 minutes ago, darkfoxx said:

Somehow, I’ve missed a thing or two - buy by Quaker YouTuber, do y’all mean Jessica Kellgren-Fozard? She has a great explanation of at least the British flavor of Quakerism. 

 

Yes, her!

 

48 minutes ago, darkfoxx said:

And as for the question of Quakerism as a whole, I spent half my childhood in Ohio, and was always taught that Quakers are kind of like Christians - same answer/different path to get there. They were always lumped in with the Amish and Mennonites in explanation. 

 

How weird! I learnt the other day that quakers were some of the first members of the abolitionist movement. Ohhhhh I just read that the Amish and Mennonites were also among those. Maybe that's why..

 

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12 hours ago, Heidi said:

We are marked by seeking continuous revelation. The Faith community suffers from a lack of diversity (as many do, especially in the United States). The funny part is that early Quakers were persecuted because if their refusal to state creeds or to acknowledge one tradition over another (we also irritated the status quo by refusing to participate in conventions of social hierarchy, such as tipping a hat to one's better, since Quakers hold that everyone is equal, even children).

Baptists have a similar path. Being non-creedal people at first, and now in the name of fighting liberalism many Baptists use confessions of faith as regulatory documents.

 

3 hours ago, darkfoxx said:

And as for the question of Quakerism as a whole, I spent half my childhood in Ohio, and was always taught that Quakers are kind of like Christians - same answer/different path to get there. They were always lumped in with the Amish and Mennonites in explanation. 

 

I can see why they would be lumped together in the US, but the Amish and Mennonites came out of the German Reformation, whereas the Quakers have roots in England. From a sociological standpoint (small numbers, egalitarian) they are similar, but from a theological and historical perspective they are distinct.

 

Baptist Historians (the academic ones who actually know their history) often argue whether Baptists have their roots in the English Separatist movement (Puritans) or in the German anaBaptist movement (Amish and Mennonites).

 

 

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On 5/28/2020 at 8:20 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

You owe them nothing. They were wrong. Whether you tell them that or not is up to you.

It's very tempting to ask you to be on the Zoom call Tuesday night.

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The pre-zoom emails have left me emotional and feeling unseen. This is going to be a tough moment, and stillness and Truth will see me through.

 

The National Guard is patrolling the streets of LA.

 

I woke up in the middle of the night with a headache, drooling and disoriented.

 

In other news, The O'Briens by Peter Behrens is delightful, and my sourdough bread is great. I think I'm going to start In the Skin of a Lion next.

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