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Salinger's thirty first challenge!


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Hi there, it is a very strange time right now. My depression is very debilitating and the virus is causing mayhem around the world. I live alone, and im bored and lonely. Ive put on weight the past two weeks. Im not moving enough, or eating right. 

 

This will be rectified this challenge.

 

I will chalk up my workouts in the calendar like Aramis suggested at the end of the last challenge. Feels good to colour in the kettle bells. And i want it to become a habit.  

Start tracking nutrition again. 

 

Boring i know but i need to try again. Start again. Go back to basics. 

 

:)

 

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31   Hi there, it is a very strange time right now. My depression is very debilitating and the virus is causing mayhem around the world. I live alone, and im bored and lonely. Ive put on wei

Thanks Jason x     Thank you Loire x     Good reminder, thank you x     Aw thanks Mia... you are right ❤️ x     _________________

One last one for the eve x

Hello all. 6.20pm . The day has gone quickly but its not been great if im honest. 

 

Fed up of the self loathing. Trying to think more positively, trying to end bad thoughts with a positive one. Ive cried a lot today. Screamed into a pillow and hurt my throat. Drank a lot of tea. Taken extra meds to try help. 

 

Anyway, on a good note, my new orange shirt arrived. Its covered in horses, can you tell?

 

95703838_522263891801369_4411794327756341248_n.jpg?_nc_cat=101&_nc_sid=b96e70&_nc_oc=AQlVl116HO6toXJjUslCNNhSJxhPKMrm9qMH0xLmUxJ2f8N7ha4FXDk3wLjF7sIF5hQ&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr8-1.xx&oh=69679832e0c887e2221bda1ff311e238&oe=5ED63731

 

I like it. 

 

Ok so i havent mentioned it yet but ive been chatting to someone on a dating site, just for a few days. Its going ok i think, but i second guess everything i write, i totally tell myself im the biggest loser going, and she will hate me, or ill put her off. etc ... Then today she hasnt messaged and its like the voices saying we told you so. LOSER. ugly. blah blah. 

 

Shes no doubt busy and anyway, we have only been chatting 3 days ffs, i wish i was normal!!!!!!

 

So thats where i am right now today hahaah

 

I did make a new piece of work, still working on it, but its my 'life expectancy according to statistics' ..... my life in months. 

95742062_1137576573246759_2213779693734199296_n.jpg?_nc_cat=109&_nc_sid=b96e70&_nc_oc=AQnOPmA6rtZ2HmuoAebcBKLO3-j8U-VOU8kYERAIB0AcBImsTYSVIjQwnrSe4-3drwQ&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr8-1.xx&_nc_tp=7&oh=c9ba67b7739b3db1025e78661146383c&oe=5ED51A9E

I guess its kinda cool. Ill explain if anyone is interested. 

 

*sigh* ok....

 

PLEASE i hope tonight is better for me xx

 

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5 minutes ago, Quirky Quinn said:

Good luck Sal, you were doing super in the middle of the last challenge, I’m looking forward to reading about you getting back there! 

 

Thanks QQ, i hope i do soon :) xx

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1 hour ago, Salinger said:

Boring i know

 

Nothing you do could ever be boring. You could spend every post describing the pavement and it'd still be like, yeehaw sign me up tell us all about it.

 

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

Go back to basics.

 

The basics are GOOD and IMPORTANT and i think this is a great idea. Ranger the heck out of it my friend, color those kettlebells!

 

I'm not articulating very well right now but what if you try to respond to the doubtful thoughts with something like, "Yeah? And what of it?" like...you can only control your side of any given interaction. Somebody could be the sweetest person on earth and still have people who don't like them, or who are actively mean to them. On the flip side, somebody could be objectively just a total jerk and still have people who love them. What i'm trying to say is that even if it turns out that you two don't click, that doesn't provide a measure of your character in any way. You're a whole person right now, on your own, and you already have value. So while you want a relationship (and there's nothing in the world wrong with that!) you don't have to change yourself or worry that you're not good enough without one. ... since you can't control how the other person will respond, you might as well just be yourself and not try to fit in whatever box you think they might want. I know that's easier said than done/felt, but still. ❤️ 

 

Your art! Very cool! It reminds me of something the Enthusiastic Scottish Business Guru i used to transcribe for talked about. Are the colored dots the ones you've already lived?

 

Anyway, i'm so sorry things are tough right now! Sending you all the hugs and many hopes that things get better soon. Try to take care of yourself as best you can (i accidentally typoed that as "try to cake tare of yourself" oh no) much love to you and also!

 

giphy.gif

You! Can! Do this!

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MIA hello ❤️ thanks for a lovely post. I will take it on board, thank you. 

 

The art:

 

LIFE EXPECTANCY 

 

Average life expectancy of a woman - 82 years  (total number of dots)

I am - 31 years (black dots already lived)

Lost years due to having a diagnosed mental illness - 15 years (the white dots)

The grey dots is the time i have left. 

 

Each dot represents a month. 

 

This is the same format, but each dot represents a week, think i prefer it. 95707649_2522432304522905_7123296143378743296_n.jpg?_nc_cat=110&_nc_sid=b96e70&_nc_oc=AQlANnYtFNYyesYxveAgDP5TMj_bFqeKsdEwM0mzt6vKbIg2ShgqX8Hs5u4f9hYQv6I&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr8-1.xx&_nc_tp=7&oh=f2e395f48af4596770a904b1d87b3908&oe=5ED5B4BE

 

Anyway... the girl messaged me but isnt being mega talkative. Im prob being paranoid ffs...

 

Will try not to self hate talk though about it. 

 

Yes Mia, ill try to just be myself. And try not to worry about it all. 

 

Thanks. 


I just had a chicken salad which was really tasty. xx

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1 hour ago, Salinger said:

Go back to basics

This is very good place to go. Without strong base nothing can last. 

 

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

i wish i was normal

umm... okay. You have diagnosed stuff. But I think in this particular case it's not your mental issue is the... issue. Overthinking isn't bound to bipolar, nor the fear of rejection. Things you feel about this gal are normal, we all have our fears and insecurities, our demons. YOU ARE NOT BROKEN in any way. Feeling like this shows you care, shows you commit. And as Maggie said - IF it works - great. IF not, it doesn't define any of you as bad/good person. 

 

36 minutes ago, Salinger said:

The art:

Interesting. On one hand, bit depressing when you see week after week you are closer to your end. But on the other hand, how badass it would be to live through those dots and add new ones - proving you are way more than just a statistical data point. 

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6 hours ago, Salinger said:

Boring i know but i need to try again. Start again. Go back to basics. 


Sometimes boring is good. And these are weird times so going back to basics as a reset / check in sounds like a smart plan 

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6 hours ago, aramis said:

umm... okay. You have diagnosed stuff. But I think in this particular case it's not your mental issue is the... issue. Overthinking isn't bound to bipolar, nor the fear of rejection. Things you feel about this gal are normal, we all have our fears and insecurities, our demons. YOU ARE NOT BROKEN in any way. Feeling like this shows you care, shows you commit. And as Maggie said - IF it works - great. IF not, it doesn't define any of you as bad/good person. 

 

That's basically what I was going to say, but much more eloquent.  :)  I also joined a dating site recently and it's a lot of weirdness and it's easy to overthink (should I have said that? was I too chilly? do they think I'm weird? am I too blunt?). It's quite natural and good that you care about what she thinks and whether she answers; but remember that a) a lot of people tread very lightly in online dating because they don't want to get too badly hurt if things fall through, so she may just be cautious and going slow; and b) she's probably just as stressed and busy with the Uncertainty as you, so she may be dealing with other things besides dating. 

 

All that to say - you are amazing and lovely and we will never get tired to reminding you of that.  ❤️  Even if this person doesn't end up seeing it, you have so much beauty and magic to offer and the right person will see it when they meet you!!

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12 hours ago, aramis said:

YOU ARE NOT BROKEN in any way.

 

Thank you Aramis ❤️ i appreciate you saying this xx

 

8 hours ago, Rebel Pilot Gar said:


Sometimes boring is good. And these are weird times so going back to basics as a reset / check in sounds like a smart plan 

 

Yes very true!! Thanks :) xx

 

6 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

All that to say - you are amazing and lovely and we will never get tired to reminding you of that.  ❤️  Even if this person doesn't end up seeing it, you have so much beauty and magic to offer and the right person will see it when they meet you!!

 

Thank you Sky ❤️ you are lovely xx

 

 

 

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Hey morning all. 9.30am freezing this morning, but sunny (ish) cloudy too. 

 

Hey ho i drank too much really last night, enough on that. I cant drink now till the weekend. OK. 

 

Monday morn. Im tired. Have work to do, a little anxious. And need to go to the shop for milk, plus clean the kitchen. Ill also mark up some workouts in the calendar today. 

 

Really i am exhausted and will need a nap at some point. 

 

xx

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Morning Liz!

 

Here is also sunny with slight overcast. Freezing too - it was merely 2*C when I drove to work... One would say "Spring, where are you?" :) 

 

Good you pointed out your things-to-do. But IMO you are more successful in your task when you make a proper list, with bullet points etc, and when you can strike the stuff done out. 

And defo nap should be one of them :D 

 

Have a good, productive and as non-stressful as possible day. Cheers!

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17 hours ago, Salinger said:

Ok so i havent mentioned it yet but ive been chatting to someone on a dating site, just for a few days. Its going ok i think,

Yassss, get out there!!!

17 hours ago, Salinger said:

but i second guess everything i write, i totally tell myself im the biggest loser going, and she will hate me, or ill put her off. etc ... Then today she hasnt messaged and its like the voices saying we told you so. LOSER. ugly. blah blah. 

giphy.gif

Hi there, I totally understand how you feel.  just know that unless you are pretending to be someone you aren't (which, if I know you, isn't the case) she like you, for you, and that's what matters.  And if you're ever feeling "broken (which you a 100% absolutely not) there's a song I love that has this line, "I need all the cracks in my shattered heart because that's where her love gets in."  The right person will fill in the spaces where you feel alone and empty, not exacerbate them.  If all else fails, just take my approach and instead of avoiding it, lean into the awkward.  It helps.

 

1 hour ago, aramis said:

Good you pointed out your things-to-do. But IMO you are more successful in your task when you make a proper list, with bullet points etc, and when you can strike the stuff done out. 

And defo nap should be one of them :D 

 

I gotta agree with Aramis here.  Where's that do do list? :) 

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2 hours ago, aramis said:

Morning Liz!

 

Here is also sunny with slight overcast. Freezing too - it was merely 2*C when I drove to work... One would say "Spring, where are you?" :) 

 

Good you pointed out your things-to-do. But IMO you are more successful in your task when you make a proper list, with bullet points etc, and when you can strike the stuff done out. 

And defo nap should be one of them :D 

 

Have a good, productive and as non-stressful as possible day. Cheers!

 

Hey Aramis, its meant to get a little warmer this week again, cant believe three weeks ago it was actually HOT out!!

 

You are right, ill do a proper list below ❤️ xx

 

46 minutes ago, Novaurora said:

Yassss, get out there!!!

 

Hi there, I totally understand how you feel.  just know that unless you are pretending to be someone you aren't (which, if I know you, isn't the case) she like you, for you, and that's what matters.  And if you're ever feeling "broken (which you a 100% absolutely not) there's a song I love that has this line, "I need all the cracks in my shattered heart because that's where her love gets in."  The right person will fill in the spaces where you feel alone and empty, not exacerbate them.  If all else fails, just take my approach and instead of avoiding it, lean into the awkward.  It helps.

 

I gotta agree with Aramis here.  Where's that do do list? :) 

 

Hey Nova, thanks a lot, how kind. You are so lovely xx

 

 

________________

 

 

Hey all, 1pm. OOOOOOPS i slept ... haha  i napped for an hour then lay in bed chatting to my friend on my phone. actually felt pretty good and nice. To just relax. 

 

Im starving now though, and dont really have much in :( so i need to go to the shops damn. I have just used the last of my milk as well for a cuppa aaaghhhh. 

 

Unsure what to have for dinner... perhaps risotto tonight?! If i go get the stuff for it. Could be nice treat. 

 

Ok list. 

 

- Take medication

- Have a nap

- Sort diary

- Mark out workouts

- Shop for food/milk

- Clean the damn kitchen

- Promote prints for sale

- Order Jacksons flea treatment

- Read for 30 mins

- Watch a film

 

Ok. This is the plan... top two already done :)

 

I will try to get going, maybe have some toast before i go to the shop. Or i will end up buying everything !! 

 

xx

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Did I say Hi Yet?  mm No I don't think I did.

 

HI!

 

Goal#1  

BE GOOD TO YOURSELF!  ❤️

 

and No your not allowed to cross it off;  but I'm glad to see your cross off other cool, good things to do today. ;)

 

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18 hours ago, Salinger said:

Anyway... the girl messaged me but isnt being mega talkative. Im prob being paranoid ffs...

 

11 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

 b) she's probably just as stressed and busy with the Uncertainty as you, so she may be dealing with other things

 

Came here to say exactly this, haha! I know communicating with people - ESPECIALLY online - is hard lately, with everything going on, and not knowing how people are coping and managing.

 

It's Not You, It's Corona. ❤️

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1 hour ago, TGP said:

Did I say Hi Yet?  mm No I don't think I did.

 

HI!

 

Goal#1  

BE GOOD TO YOURSELF!  ❤️

 

and No your not allowed to cross it off;  but I'm glad to see your cross off other cool, good things to do today. ;)

 

 

HI :) hahah 

 

xx

 

 

1 hour ago, loire said:

 

 

Came here to say exactly this, haha! I know communicating with people - ESPECIALLY online - is hard lately, with everything going on, and not knowing how people are coping and managing.

 

It's Not You, It's Corona. ❤️

 

Thank you Loire, well not heard at all today, im over it now i think though. Shame but....oh well. 

 

xx

 

 

________________

 

 

Hi all how is it 4pm? I went to the shops, got some stuff, out of risotto rice and i cant fine the stuff i had. hmmmm ill look again. But if not, ill try somewhere else, tomorrow. 

 

Im starving. I should eat. But the kitchen is a tip. So thats the first job. 

 

Then eat a little something, then work. xx

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10 minutes ago, Salinger said:

Hi all how is it 4pm?

 

It's so strange lately, it seems like some days drag on forever and some are gone the second they start. It's a wild ride!

 

11 minutes ago, Salinger said:

out of risotto rice and i cant fine the stuff i had.

 

200.gif

 

I hope you find something good to eat even when it won't be risotto! ❤️ sending all my love! ❤️

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5 hours ago, Salinger said:

Hey all, 1pm. OOOOOOPS i slept ... haha  i napped for an hour then lay in bed chatting to my friend on my phone. actually felt pretty good and nice. To just relax. 

 


I am a converted sleep acolyte!  Anytime I’ve started to feel shitty recently my first instinct is to go and get a nap.  So far 80% of the time it’s worked every time! 

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2 hours ago, Maggie-Miau said:

 

It's so strange lately, it seems like some days drag on forever and some are gone the second they start. It's a wild ride!

 

I hope you find something good to eat even when it won't be risotto! ❤️ sending all my love! ❤️

 

Yeah totally Mia!!

Ill prob have lasagne and salad :) sending all my love right back to you xx

 

 

2 minutes ago, Quirky Quinn said:


I am a converted sleep acolyte!  Anytime I’ve started to feel shitty recently my first instinct is to go and get a nap.  So far 80% of the time it’s worked every time! 

 

Isnt sleep wonderful ahhahah I should ALLOW myself to nap more and not feel guilty about it!! ❤️ xx

 

 

____________________

 

Hey its 6.30pm. The sky is a nice colour, but the sun is just about to disappear behind the houses. 

 

I napped again AHAHAH trying to think its ok.... it felt nice. 

 

Then i played with Jackson. 

 

Then i remembered i bought flowers from the shop, so put them into vases...

 

95831418_165560644835681_3074364412547563520_n.jpg?_nc_cat=111&_nc_sid=b96e70&_nc_oc=AQnqGsfiihwlUPx9te7jXsg8fKNSBxU__zqA-lBiHiXvUPwfm1L3lOGrO0Cl-Ii7ma8&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr8-1.xx&_nc_tp=6&oh=5ebc36df35a32c63640eef29e3dbacbe&oe=5ED65B98    95890739_225909302028777_3245378641495851008_n.jpg?_nc_cat=106&_nc_sid=b96e70&_nc_oc=AQmgdh8Mwm_icSE3IaZcQqqdHyKX9-JH3l1wZzcv8J_woX9H1oFu11Fw831-KEZWTQU&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&_nc_tp=6&oh=92ca00fa0e0ea5b5db10b521c67324e1&oe=5ED568A9

 

 

Ooooops i need to change that calendar. Can you spot the Jackson polaroids? hehe and my typewriter?! 

 

Im listening to hip hop at the moment, making me little more upbeat ...

 

Ill put dinner on soon. 

 

Drink water, and i treated myself to some lemon fanta, which is in the fridge. 

 

I think getting out today, and the naps, have helped ease my mood a bit. xx

 

 

 

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Hey again, just gone 9pm ... listening to music, drinking lemon fanta. 

 

Lets see the list:

 

- Take medication

- Have a nap

- Sort diary

- Mark out workouts

- Shop for food/milk

- Clean the damn kitchen

- Promote prints for sale

- Order Jacksons flea treatment

- Read for 30 mins

- Watch a film

 

Got most stuff done! I did read an article, or two. But not 30 mins and not a book...will try again tomorrow. And i dont feel like a film tonight really. Which is fine. Enjoying the music. 

 

Im tired, even though i napped twice :o 

 

I ordered some sketching pencils and pad, think i might start to try and draw a bit. A few Rangers are doing so, and i should try, even though im not great at it!! xx

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