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Salinger's thirty first challenge!


Salinger

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Hey all. 7.20pm. What. a . busy. day. 

 

Got a call from my friend this morning asking for a favour. I needed to pick up a folded down trolley from town, and take it 20 mins drive to south manchester. She is working for a  community services team, and they are taking meals and stuff to elderly people who cant get out. 

 

Of course i did it to help out. A lot of driving - i didnt sleep well last night so now im EXHAUSTED. And i have a tiny headache, and feel bad for getting KFC on the way back  (i hadnt eaten since 8am and it was 5pm) still...... no excuse to be lazy. 

 

I also havent drank barely a thing all day, thats prob why the headache. Illl have some water after i post this. 

 

Im also freezing for some reason. Maybe cos im tired? I get cold and weepy when im over tired hahahhaahhh

 

I did my daily drawing, its a bit crap today. Oh well. 

 

I needed to go to the shop but it was just too late really, ill go in the morning. xx

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I was wondering what became of you

 

cuz you've not posted much. at any rate, relax, be good to yourself; when there's alot of do and your not feeling good.  know what that we are patiently supporting you and that another day- you'll feel better.

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https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/116426-im-awake/

the "NEW" normal is good with me! as Life was Never really Normal anyways....

 

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6 minutes ago, TGP said:

I was wondering what became of you

 

cuz you've not posted much. at any rate, relax, be good to yourself; when there's alot of do and your not feeling good.  know what that we are patiently supporting you and that another day- you'll feel better.

 

Thanks my friend ❤️ im ok, just tired and a bit weepy ahaaa ill have a glass of water. I am thinking i may just nip to the shop? so its not busy like it will be tmoro??x

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21 minutes ago, Salinger said:

I went to the shops... got some cooking apples, might make a crumble tmoro.... x

 

Oh yay! I hope you get good rest tonight and that your crumble is delicious! I loved your gardening pics on the other page, and the one of you and Jackson! You both looked lovely ❤️ Good on you for helping your friend. Do try not to feel too guilty about the KFC; it sounds like you probably needed some calories after going so long without eating. Maybe it wasn't the 'healthiest' food, but eating something is still better for you than not eating at all ❤️  Love you lots!

  • Like 1

Matthew 25:34-40

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14 minutes ago, Maggie-Miau said:

 

Oh yay! I hope you get good rest tonight and that your crumble is delicious! I loved your gardening pics on the other page, and the one of you and Jackson! You both looked lovely ❤️ Good on you for helping your friend. Do try not to feel too guilty about the KFC; it sounds like you probably needed some calories after going so long without eating. Maybe it wasn't the 'healthiest' food, but eating something is still better for you than not eating at all ❤️  Love you lots!

 

Thank you Mia ❤️ I hope i rest well and that tmoro will be better. I have a meeting in the afternoon so perhaps if i can get up early (ish) i can tidy up, clean, make crumble, relax a bit and prep for the meeting!?

 Love you lots too xx

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Morning all, 7.30am. I slept well last night. I read a short story in bed and then drifted off. Slept through till 5am, nodding on and off till 7, then got up. 

 

Its sunny out, but pretty chilly. brrrrr my hands are like ice. BUT it will warm up later and next week its back to 20C. :)

 

Im awaiting some boxes and seeds for the yard. I wonder how long till the flowers will grow... a few weeks i guess. 
 

When they arrive i will go look for some daisies cos i love them. 

 

Today is going to be quite busy actually. 

- Take medication

- Listen out for delivery of art supplies

- Make apple & rhubarb crumble mmmmm

- Clean kitchen / wash dishes

- Marinade chicken for dinner

- Tidy desk area

- Paint a bit! Practice!

- Daily drawing

- Meeting at 2pm (website build)

- Work on proposal for RS

- Kettlebell workout

- Have an bath

 

Not the worst plan in the world haha lots of art involved ... Last night i was getting stressed about my drawings and self doubting the point in it all... :( tough to cope with when those intrusive thoughts come. 

 

I will prob have a little nap at some point as well... if i find time!

 

Also i dont know what time the delivery will arrive (may be 6pm!) so some of these plans will get shifted about. 

Anyway...Hopefully it will be a decent day. x

 

 

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5 hours ago, Salinger said:

self doubting the point in it all

 

Maybe art is the point of it all. If in the end it turns out my beliefs have been wrong the whole time and that there is no ultimate 'point' to anything, it seems to me that in that event, art could be the great 'meaning' in and of itself. I mean, all throughout history humans have had this natural inclination to produce works of art, to tell stories and make songs and create things, to go "I look at the world and this is what I see in it, and I want to show it to others".  Just living your life, being kind, and producing/experiencing art could have powerful meaning on its own. But i'd also like to think, religious beliefs or no, that every person, in a way, makes and remakes their own meaning throughout the course of their life. It's okay to not always know it, too, because surely trying to figure it out also creates a purpose.

 

5 hours ago, Salinger said:

When they arrive i will go look for some daisies cos i love them. 

 

More flowers! Good good good! Daisies always look like such happy flowers, too.

 

Sending you all the hugs and best wishes for your Today! You've got this, mon ami! ❤️

  • Like 3

Matthew 25:34-40

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5 hours ago, Quirky Quinn said:

Looking forward to seeing how the crumble comes out!

 

 

 

Thanks QQ, hope it turns out well/ok!! xx

 

47 minutes ago, Maggie-Miau said:

 

Maybe art is the point of it all. If in the end it turns out my beliefs have been wrong the whole time and that there is no ultimate 'point' to anything, it seems to me that in that event, art could be the great 'meaning' in and of itself. I mean, all throughout history humans have had this natural inclination to produce works of art, to tell stories and make songs and create things, to go "I look at the world and this is what I see in it, and I want to show it to others".  Just living your life, being kind, and producing/experiencing art could have powerful meaning on its own. But i'd also like to think, religious beliefs or no, that every person, in a way, makes and remakes their own meaning throughout the course of their life. It's okay to not always know it, too, because surely trying to figure it out also creates a purpose.

 

 

More flowers! Good good good! Daisies always look like such happy flowers, too.

 

Sending you all the hugs and best wishes for your Today! You've got this, mon ami! ❤️

 

Thank you Mia, something to ponder for sure! I go through periods of wondering what the hell im doing with my life. If there is no point etc etc. Hard to cope with, even harder when im left alone 24/7 with my thoughts and cant go down to the pub with my mates. 

Daisies are so cute. :)

 

Thanks for the hugs xx

 

 

_______________

 

 

Hey all. 2pm. My apples are cooking at the mo, stewing. I want to have some left over as well...so i can have stewed apples and greek yogurt mmmmmmmm

 

I feel kinda weird, very weird. There is a lump in my throat AND my stomach AND my heart. (it feels like) I feel like i could quite easily burst into tears yet there is no tears left to cry?!

 

I feel like i am missing someone, longing for company, longing for love, attention, peace. :( 

 

I tried writing it down a bit. I have this short story and dont know where to take it. It may help to have a direction??? 

 

No drawing yet today, and my art supplies wont arrive till tmoro now RUBBISH. Oh well. I can try to plan what i may paint. I have a couple of tiny ideas. I could also research painting a bit. 

I just feel very much like a big fat failure, like im wasted my entire life. Not nice to feel that way, as you can imagine!!! xx

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26 minutes ago, TGP said:

sometimes I feel like that. lonely and "longing for attention" (particularly).

thinking of you. ❤️

 

why don't you tell us what you are going to paint?  we are interested.

 

 

Thanks Jason ❤️

 

I have some sort of idea to paint me/or someone...a female. Holding a cat in the air like Simba on the edge of the rock. I dont know why. It just popped into my head last night. 

 

I also have an idea to paint myself lying on my bed perhaps. Upset. I think, it would be hard though to do that. 

I WANT TO GET HUGE CAVASSES :( let my mania out. 

 

xx

 

 

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  • That's Metal 1
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1 hour ago, Salinger said:

I just feel very much like a big fat failure, like im wasted my entire life. Not nice to feel that way, as you can imagine!!! xx

 

Well, your entire life up to each passing second, you've spent- even in passive moments -gaining new knowledge and trying new things. Which has all been, in its own way, progress toward who you are Now. No matter what you do, each moment also brings you closer to who you will be. But i mean, because of how every moment changes us (even in the tiniest degrees), there's never really going to be a 'point of arrival' for anyone. A person doesn't reach the final version of themselves until their last breath. Failure is when you've attempted a specific thing and not managed it, so. If there's no final point of 'arrival' until your very last moment, and since a person can change the course of their life, even fractionally, at any given moment...i don't think it's really possible to objectively fail. It is possible to waste one's life, i suppose, but again...you potentially have so much time ahead of you, and with that time the potential to still do as you choose with it. Even in choices you might regret, i don't think any of your life thus far has really been wasted, or that you'll waste the rest of it. ❤️

 

So...i know you've talked about your Why before but, when the doubt creeps in, it maybe wouldn't hurt to think about it some more. If you, personally, got to ascribe a meaning to it all, what would you want your life to mean, and what can you do do push yourself in that direction? You're already not doing nothing- you are an artist, and...genuinely everything you've ever shown has reflected that, tbh. But what does Sal want to pursue, is the question?

 

2 hours ago, Salinger said:

I feel like i am missing someone, longing for company, longing for love, attention, peace. :( 

 

Do you suppose some of it could be the Quarantine Blues from not getting to meet with people in-person? Either way, it is an uncomfortable feeling. Sending you all the hugs.

 

2 hours ago, Salinger said:

I tried writing it down a bit. I have this short story and dont know where to take it. It may help to have a direction??? 

 

Ooh, writing! May i ask what it's about thus far?

 

9 minutes ago, Salinger said:

I have some sort of idea to paint me/or someone...a female. Holding a cat in the air like Simba on the edge of the rock. I dont know why. It just popped into my head last night. 

 

I also have an idea to paint myself lying on my bed perhaps. Upset. I think, it would be hard though to do that. 

I WANT TO GET HUGE CAVASSES :( let my mania out. 

 

Both of those ideas are awesome and i hope you get to paint them! I love the idea of the person holding a cat like Simba.

 

ngl i bet you could do some cool stuff with the big canvasses. Sometimes stuff needs to be let out. Are you allowed to paint any of the walls outside? Or can you get any sort of really big flat board, if you can't get a massive canvas?

  • Like 3

Matthew 25:34-40

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35 minutes ago, Maggie-Miau said:

 

 

So...i know you've talked about your Why before but, when the doubt creeps in, it maybe wouldn't hurt to think about it some more. If you, personally, got to ascribe a meaning to it all, what would you want your life to mean, and what can you do do push yourself in that direction? You're already not doing nothing- you are an artist, and...genuinely everything you've ever shown has reflected that, tbh. But what does Sal want to pursue, is the question?

 

 

My why.. hmmm. I guess i would like to be a successful artist, have a meaningful loving relationship, have a good group of friends, be comfortable in my own skin, take control of my mental illness. Thats what i want me life to be like i guess. 

 

37 minutes ago, Maggie-Miau said:

 

 

Ooh, writing! May i ask what it's about thus far?

 

Its not actually about anything hahahahaha thats the problem. I can send it you if you want to look/offer some feedback. Its only just over one page so far. :)

 

38 minutes ago, Maggie-Miau said:

 

 

Both of those ideas are awesome and i hope you get to paint them! I love the idea of the person holding a cat like Simba.

 

ngl i bet you could do some cool stuff with the big canvasses. Sometimes stuff needs to be let out. Are you allowed to paint any of the walls outside? Or can you get any sort of really big flat board, if you can't get a massive canvas?

 

Thank you!!

 

Cant paint on the walls no :( i ordered a canvass but its only 100cm by 75cm. So big but not huge. Its a start though i guess?!

 

xx

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I hate directionless feelings that I just can't pinpoint.  Especially when they make you feel like garbage and weird and out of sorts...

 

I hope you can get some art therapy in!! ❤️

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i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

» visit me @ my BATTLE LOG~

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22 minutes ago, loire said:

I hate directionless feelings that I just can't pinpoint.  Especially when they make you feel like garbage and weird and out of sorts...

 

I hope you can get some art therapy in!! ❤️

 

yeah its so crap. I feel so strange. I cant really explain. Its more than loneliness/longing. I actually maybe feel its to do with self loathing. Which can become overwhelming. 

I hope the paints arrive tmoro! x

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Hey Sal, I hope today you find a little sunshine in your day again.  ❤️  Sometimes it isn't easy to see the Big Why's of our lives, and that's totally normal and okay. Especially these days, when things are so strange and isolation is messing with our emotions so much. But maybe, when the Big Why is elusive, looking at the Little Why's can help until it shows itself again. 

 

You make art because it makes you happy, and it also makes others happy too - not only the people you exhibit it to, but the other artists you encourage and collaborate with.

 

You're always learning and trying new things, and that's already making you a cooler and better human being, even before you know exactly what you'll do with your new knowledge. Plus, we enjoy watching you try and experiment and succeed.

 

You haven't had the relationship you want yet, but I read a quote one time that's a bit sappy but really helps me when I feel down about being single: The person you are looking for, is looking for you too. They're wondering where you are, they're going to the kinds of places you go to (I mean, you know, when there's not quarantine on), they're doing and enjoying the same sorts of things you're doing and enjoying. If you believe in destiny, like I do a little bit, then that might be a nice encouraging thought for you. Even if you don't really, it has some logical sense too: We tend to gravitate toward people who share interests and passions with us, so it is likely that they're out there at one of those places or spaces.  :)  Which means it is highly likely that you will find each other one of these days, maybe not too far off.

 

And you may not feel in control of your mental illness all the time, but you certainly are more so than you were a few years ago when I came to NF. So many of your days now are "I didn't feel the best but I did a few things anyway," which is Very Badass.

 

You're doing better than you think, my friend. We're all so proud of you.

  • Like 3

SKY ELVENWORD NOBLEHEART

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 47

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

 

2021 Books in Progress:

How We Love (82%)  |  Talking Back to Purity Culture (64%)  |  Rhythms of Renewal (60%)  |  Beholding and Becoming (19%)  | What Did You Expect? (36%)  |  A Gentle Answer (0%) 
 

2021 Books Completed:
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets  |  Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban  |  Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire   |  Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix  |  Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince  |  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows  |  Lady Windermere's Fan 

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Thank you @SkyGirl for such a thoughtful post. Lots to ponder there for me. I will read then reread. 

Funny, when i was a teen, i used to lie in bed and wonder what my future husband was doing right now. HAHA - fast forward 15 years and many, many failed relationships....and im still wondering haha but now i know ill never get married. 

 

@Quirky Quinn thanks a lot, will watch the TED talk today... :) 

 

 

______________________

 

 

Morning, its 9.45am. I actually lay in bed for 30 mins this morning! I usually always get up right away. Think im just tired and was cosy. 

 

I hope my paints come today, im itching to have a go!!  Be nice to have an art afternoon...

 

Its quite cold today and overcast ... the weather is SO strange lately. xx

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37 minutes ago, Salinger said:

the weather is SO strange lately

Same here. But here on the continent we call this time "the cold gardeners" or "ice saints" - temp drops significantly around half of May. I recall a massive research of May temps from years 1880 - 1980. It turned out in 95 years out of 100 there was this temp drop, and in 9 cases it was over 10 degrees day-to-day.

But on the other hand - it should be the last traces of such cold.

 

37 minutes ago, Salinger said:

Be nice to have an art afternoon...

Hope the paints arrive, and you can go into creative frenzy :D 

 

 

Hugs!

  • Like 1

I absolutely CAN run on caffeine and hatred. But only with a dash of milk.

Challenges' status: 

Spoiler

Not gonna Challenge anymore for now. I took Steve's words and started thinking in days and years. Challenges are just short-term distractions. 

 

#16 | #15 (Xmas mini) |  #14 | #13 | #12 | #11 | #10 | #9 | #8 | #7 | #6 | #5 | #4 | #3 | #2 | #1

 

Other activities: Bike build

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ok... my painting style is very strange AHAHHAHH

 

My first painting in 4 years... i think. 

Its weird and the guy looks like a clown. My friend said my style is mega unique and very cool....he is an artist so i respect his opinion...

 

Its funny - i enjoyed doing it a lot :) x

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