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CONGRATULATIONS! So gorgeous 🥰 I can't wait to hear all about it, thank you for letting us know and I hope you are all well and happy :) 

 

Ps what was the actual birth date? 

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Thanks everybody!

We're finally back at home, although crazy tired. Labor was incredibly long and tough, but totally worth it the moment I saw her 🥰

I'll write an update later, don't know exactly when, to give some more detail, and also because I need to vent about some things that happened at the hospital, and writing about it will probably help a lot to get past them.

Wolvie is supercute and a very quiet girl (at least by now, haha!)

 

On 6/20/2020 at 12:30 AM, Endor said:

P.S. you don't look anything like i expected!!!

What do you mean? You didn't expect me to be a bearded hairy man? Hadn't I never mentioned I am The Wolverine? 😁

 

On 6/20/2020 at 12:31 AM, deftona said:

Yes, we were told you looked like Penelope Cruz

If I recall it right, you said you imagined me looking like Pe. I never confirmed nor denied :D

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On 6/22/2020 at 5:33 AM, Owlet said:

CONGRATULATIONS! So gorgeous 🥰 I can't wait to hear all about it, thank you for letting us know and I hope you are all well and happy :) 

 

Ps what was the actual birth date? 

June 19th. Too early for summer's solstice :) (not that I care)

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4 hours ago, zenLara said:

June 19th. Too early for summer's solstice :) (not that I care)

Haha doh, I was secretly hoping for the 18th, then we could share a birthday :D I'm so happy for you, even though we've never met. It's just so nice thinking of your lil family right now!

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22 hours ago, zenLara said:

 

I'll write an update later, don't know exactly when, to give some more detail, and also because I need to vent about some things that happened at the hospital, and writing about it will probably help a lot to get past them.

Even when everything runs smoothly it’s the kind of life event that needs to be processed by talking and or writing about it, and it doesn’t sound like everything was entirely wrinkle free. 
really hope you’re good though! And able to enjoy these precious first days/weeks :) 

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On 6/25/2020 at 1:50 AM, Owlet said:

Haha doh, I was secretly hoping for the 18th, then we could share a birthday :D I'm so happy for you, even though we've never met. It's just so nice thinking of your lil family right now!

Oooooh, almost!

Thank you!

 

On 6/25/2020 at 7:17 PM, KB Girl said:

Even when everything runs smoothly it’s the kind of life event that needs to be processed by talking and or writing about it, and it doesn’t sound like everything was entirely wrinkle free. 
really hope you’re good though! And able to enjoy these precious first days/weeks :) 

Well, it was far from going smoothly, to be honest. I'm still trying to process some of the things that happened.

Thank you! The kid is awesome!

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It has taken forever to find some time for myself after these days…

Things I need to vent about: “one of the best maternity hospitals in the country”…

Feel free to jump to the end of the post if you don't want to read any details on how it went.

Spoiler

Labor

We fled to the ER on wednesday night because I was bleeding. It turned out to be nothing, but my water broke so doctors didn’t allow me to come back home. They said they would give me 12 hours to give birth by myself and if not, then they would induce me. I didn’t know that “by myself” would mean literally by myself: midwife comes in, introduces herself, checks my dilation, and says “I’ll be back in a while”. She disappears for 5 fucking hours. We try to call her but she’s nowhere. Finally comes back, checks again “you’re not dilating, I’ll be back in a while”. 4 hours and a half later she appears with another midwife, it’s the shift change. By that time, I’m totally lost. Pain has increased to levels I had never imagined I could feel, and my mind is blocked, thinking there is not going to be a way out of this. New midwife checks and immediately finds that my problem is the baby doesn’t seem to find a way to tuck her chin and descend, so dilation is not possible. She recommends postures and exercises, but admits it is too late. Those things should have been done during the previous hours when we had been left alone. She doesn’t make any comment about her colleague but it is obvious what she is thinking. She finally recommends induction, because while the baby is doing well, that could change. So there we go. I respond very well to a small amount of oxitocine and labor moves on. Things go well. But again, it’s shift change again, she leaves and the previous midwife comes back. She checks on me “oh, great, you’re 9 cm dilated, we’re already there”. And then she leaves “if you feel like pushing, please do” and comes back 3 hours later. Labor is stalled again since I have no more strength left to keep going (we’re at 30 hours of labor now, plus the 15 hours of contractions I had spent at home). When she comes back and checks on us again she seems scared and finally calls for a doctor. The kid is still ok, so I am not worried, but I can’t see the end of it. I feel like I can’t keep going, I haven’t slept nor eaten in the past 30 something hours and I’m vomiting every liquid I take. Doc appears, with her nurse, and it’s a blessing. She lets me look at an ultrasound screen where I can see the kid going down the birth canal, and she explains me how I have to push. The nurse sits by my side, holds my hand and helps me reset my breathing and regain strength. I feel like I owe everything to these women. Few minutes later, the kid is born and I forget about everything (even my intense desire to kill the midwife that has put us in such a situation).

 

Neonatal care

Two days after delivery (we’re still at the hospital because they want to keep an eye on me after such a long labor, but we’re already packing our things to leave), a nurse comes to our room and says has to weight the kid. Unexplicably, the kid weights 300 gr less than when she was born. They won’t allow us to go home, she is taken to the neonatal aisle. Fortunately, we can be with her all the time. 24 hours later, a pediatrician comes to check on her, to see if she is recovering her weight. He surprisingly finds out she has recovered 200 gr during those 24 hours. We start to suspect that the nurse had weighted her wrong. He seems so confused, because her health state is good but her weight changes are so weird, that he decides to keep us there for another 24 hours.

We also have to face some hurtful comments and despicable treatment from the nurses working in the neonatal area that I’m not even going to reproduce here because they’re not worth it.

When we finally arrive home, we’ve spent almost a week in the hospital, with barely 2 hours of sleep per night and totally underfed.

 

Breastfeeding

Since she had “lost so much weight” we were told/pushed to start using formula as a complement to my milk. Now I’m trapped in mixed feeding and I’m not sure how/whether we will get out of it.

BUT:

The moment I saw her I didn’t care at all for all the shit I had gone through. It was such a beautiful moment. And now that we're home it feels like the neonatal care time was just a nightmare.

It is tough now to adapt to all these new circumstances, but I don’t really care. All worth it 😊

Spoiler

IMG_20200701_074502.thumb.jpg.b715d0c742148a1a73dc0d1af080be04.jpg

We're joking a lot about the IVF clinic having done a mess, because we would have never expected to have a blond/red haired kid given that we're both dark haired. It can't be seen clearly in the picture, but when we're outdoors and she is in the sun is like someone lit a candle over her head :D

Pediatrician said that this hair will fall and a new one, probably darker, will follow, but she wasn't sure because her eyebrows and eyelids are so light she could also stay like this.

Not that I care much about her appearance, but it is kind of funny.

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Aw Lara, she's lovely ❤️ Sorry to hear your labour experience wasn't great, it sounds like a lot of mistakes were made, but you did so well dealing with everything!

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It's NORMAL for babies to lose birthweight in the first few days. They PLAN for that. Also, we have been doing a hybridized breast milk and formula situation since we realized (with some help) breastmilk alone wasn't enough for us. Even once a day nursing can give the immune system benefits the babies get. Our midwife told us "Fed is best," meaning whatever gets the baby needed nutrition is fine. It's totally doable to nurse the baby and give formula  afterward.

 

What you went through was horrible and unfair, and I'm sorry you had to experience that.

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Finally thought to look here for news.

Congratulations! Sorry it was such a miserable experience for you. Glad you all survived and things are going well. 
Adorable baby.

All of my relations have dark hair. My sister has red hair. Genetics, who truly understands it?

Take care of yourself.

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Wow, what a horrible experience, but so glad that she came out healthy and everything worked out in the end.  She really is lovely!

 

Now you are going to have one heck of a scary birthing story to scare all the other prospective moms out there ;) 

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10 hours ago, deftona said:

Aw Lara, she's lovely ❤️ Sorry to hear your labour experience wasn't great, it sounds like a lot of mistakes were made, but you did so well dealing with everything!

Me too I think she's lovely! But what am I going to say? 😍

Thanks. I need to vent a bit about it, I didn't expect many of the things that happened. Nurses' behaviour was awful, given that we were so tired and sensitive, and I was a little walking bomb of hormones after the birth. But, screw them! I don't have to see those women anymore. And I'm better trying to hold to the good side of it, and other professionals, like the gyn and the pediatricians.

 

10 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

It's NORMAL for babies to lose birthweight in the first few days. They PLAN for that. Also, we have been doing a hybridized breast milk and formula situation since we realized (with some help) breastmilk alone wasn't enough for us. Even once a day nursing can give the immune system benefits the babies get. Our midwife told us "Fed is best," meaning whatever gets the baby needed nutrition is fine. It's totally doable to nurse the baby and give formula  afterward.

I had looked a bit into the weight loss after birth. Apparently is normal to lose between 5-7%, 10% tops. Our daughter had lost 12%, and that's why we had to stay and start using formula. Only that a few hours later, the loss was of only a 4%? The pediatrician himself said he found it odd, but he didn't say out loud what we suspected (that the 12% loss wasn't real). And what makes me feel bad about this whole thing is how this lead to decisions that kept us from going home and that no one thought about coming clean and apologising. And as I said, nurses' behaviour was awful.

Me too I think the most important thing is for the baby to be healthy and well fed, and I'll keep on this mixed feeding for as long as it is needed, no matter what. Only that it didn't seem to be necessary in the beginning, and now it is going to be difficult to adjust my own milk production to reduce the added doses. We've already tried once (with help and advice from our pediatrician) but my milk doesn't adjust quickly enough to keep the kid ok. I guess we're going to need time, or eventually accept that this is the way is going to be and that it is ok.

I am glad it is working for you, and that you didn't receive any pressure to exclusively breastfeed. It is something that is happening here now too. We've gone to "kids are best fed by formula" to "exclusive breastfeeding is the only way" in just a few years, and I've heard of women that have been pressured to awful limits to keep on breastfeeding no matter if the kid was losing weight.

 

1 hour ago, Emma said:

Congratulations! Sorry it was such a miserable experience for you. Glad you all survived and things are going well. 
Adorable baby.

All of my relations have dark hair. My sister has red hair. Genetics, who truly understands it?

Take care of yourself.

Thanks!

Yeah, genetics! (but we sent an e-mail to the clinic to tell them the kid was born and we made a joke in it about the red hair thing... and they haven't answered yet :D Maybe they're going through the files first, haha)

I'll do, thanks.

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1 minute ago, WhiteGhost said:

Now you are going to have one heck of a scary birthing story to scare all the other prospective moms out there ;) 

Oh, no! I won't be that kind of woman :D I've shared it here because it helped to see it in black and white, and because you all people always have something helpful to say, but I think this is a thing I'll better keep for myself. Still, it wasn't that bad when I think the kid was ok the whole time, her numbers were always optimal through all those hours, so in the end it was just pain. And pain fades so easily in the mind once it's gone... I'm already starting to think it wasn't such a big deal.

 

5 minutes ago, WhiteGhost said:

She really is lovely!

We're so silly we sometimes just sit and look at her

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On 7/2/2020 at 7:14 PM, zenLara said:

Doc appears, with her nurse, and it’s a blessing. She lets me look at an ultrasound screen where I can see the kid going down the birth canal, and she explains me how I have to push. The nurse sits by my side, holds my hand and helps me reset my breathing and regain strength. I feel like I owe everything to these women. Few minutes later, the kid is born and I forget about everything

I'm so glad you also have these positive things to tell ❤️ 

Getting through all that, you were absolutely awesome! 

 

16 hours ago, zenLara said:

Apparently is normal to lose between 5-7%, 10% tops. Our daughter had lost 12%, and that's why we had to stay and start using formula. Only that a few hours later, the loss was of only a 4%? The pediatrician himself said he found it odd, but he didn't say out loud what we suspected (that the 12% loss wasn't real).

Both my daughters lost over 10% in the first 24 hours, but started (re)gaining weight on the second day. Sophie went from 4040 at birth to 3610 the next day. I'm glad my midwives were relaxed enough to just wait a day. My sister had the same with her child and they really frightened her with panicking over it in the hospital and she supplemented with formula for the first few weeks- but she was able to drop the formula after a while. It seems easier and therefore preferable to me- but the little one will do great either way :)

 

16 hours ago, zenLara said:

We're so silly we sometimes just sit and look at her

That seems exactly right to me ❤️ she's also very good looking! 

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 She looks very sweet,  you must be so proud and happy :)

 

I'm a bit squeamish so i didn't read the labour story,  I'll glad you are both healthy at least. 

 

I was bright blonde the first few years before my hair turned brown! 

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On 7/4/2020 at 12:08 AM, KB Girl said:

My sister had the same with her child and they really frightened her with panicking over it in the hospital and she supplemented with formula for the first few weeks- but she was able to drop the formula after a while. It seems easier and therefore preferable to me- but the little one will do great either way :)

 

Well, I contacted a breastfeeding help group, and they're being awesome helping me redirect the situation. It is challenging, though. I miss sleep 😕

 

On 7/6/2020 at 6:08 PM, Endor said:

I was bright blonde the first few years before my hair turned brown! 

I guess that's what will happen to her. Although I'm not sure what happens with red haired kids, they apparently keep their color. When we're at home she looks blond, but out in the sun it is literally orange. Like a carrot :D Plenty of people stop us in the streets to take a look at her hair. I blame my boyfriend's choice of a nordic name for her: she probably felt like she needed to respond to that challenge :D

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3 hours ago, zenLara said:

Well, I contacted a breastfeeding help group, and they're being awesome helping me redirect the situation. It is challenging, though. I miss sleep 😕

 

Getting help is wise! and I knoooow... Sleep is awesome... hugs for you. I don't want to do the annoying thing where you just want to complain about something and have people listen/commiserate but instead they offer advice, so I won't- but if you want to share stories or would welcome hearing what worked/helped for someone else, let me know. 

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1 hour ago, KB Girl said:

Getting help is wise! and I knoooow... Sleep is awesome... hugs for you. I don't want to do the annoying thing where you just want to complain about something and have people listen/commiserate but instead they offer advice, so I won't- but if you want to share stories or would welcome hearing what worked/helped for someone else, let me know. 

Also here in the sleep deprivation support team.

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On 7/9/2020 at 12:35 AM, KB Girl said:

Getting help is wise! and I knoooow... Sleep is awesome... hugs for you. I don't want to do the annoying thing where you just want to complain about something and have people listen/commiserate but instead they offer advice, so I won't- but if you want to share stories or would welcome hearing what worked/helped for someone else, let me know. 

 

On 7/9/2020 at 2:20 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Also here in the sleep deprivation support team.

Any advice would be extremely appreciated. Specially after spending the last 24 hours in hell :(

 

Note: I may or may not answer to your suggestions, doesn't mean I didn't like them or didn't find them useful. I'm probably just dead.

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On 7/8/2020 at 9:43 PM, zenLara said:

When we're at home she looks blond, but out in the sun it is literally orange. Like a carrot :D

❤️

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