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Lara

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8 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

Both cases, everyone was healthy the whole way through, no birth complications, pretty easy process. ūüôā¬†

I was going to thank you for sharing your stories, but I got stuck at this:

8 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

I pushed for a few minutes (6), and my son was born.

I mean, really? 6 minutes?! No way! I would sign for that right now :D

 

Now I can thank you for the stories :D I really need to hear things like these, because reading about the birth plan is driving me nuts. I didn't know there wer SO many things to take care of, and I'm growing more and more unsure about my ability to manage pain.

By the way, I heard back labor is way more painful than regular one. I hope it wasn't that much for you.

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Just now, zenLara said:

I was going to thank you for sharing your stories, but I got stuck at this:

I mean, really? 6 minutes?! No way! I would sign for that right now :D

 

Now I can thank you for the stories :D I really need to hear things like these, because reading about the birth plan is driving me nuts. I didn't know there wer SO many things to take care of, and I'm growing more and more unsure about my ability to manage pain.

By the way, I heard back labor is way more painful than regular one. I hope it wasn't that much for you.

 

Yeah, it was pretty nice. Granted, it is pretty rare, so your miles may vary. But it's hopefully heartening to hear that labor can be pretty easy!

 

I can't really comment on back versus regular labor, because I didn't have regular labor. But I do have an abnormally high pain tolerance (which probably factored in with this). It definitely didn't feel great, but it also didn't make me cry, so there is that.

 

The thing with birth plans is that there are so many individual variables that it's so hard to really have one finalized. I think the best advice I would give is to have a general idea of how you want to plan everything, but be prepared to go along with how you feel and any recommendations that come along as your labor progresses. I know my daughter initially didn't want to have an epidural, but she needed one (she was induced and ended up being in labor overnight, the epidural helped with pain so that she could get some rest during the night, which made her daytime labor much smoother). 

 

Regarding pain, it is totally one of those things that you can't really count on in advance. I have a really strong reaction to pain meds, so for me, taking them wasn't really an option and I am super lucky that my labor progressed in a way that I didn't need any (OTC pain medication knocks me out, so anything stronger and I'd have most likely had to have a C-section). At the same time, it kind of makes me mad that it's a sign of some sort of misplaced toughness for women to not need pain management. Ultimately, whatever gets yourself and your baby through the birthing process the best is the way to go. 

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32 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

The thing with birth plans is that there are so many individual variables that it's so hard to really have one finalized

^This^ I would have never thought there were so many things to think about. Also, I think I have the added problem that since we are confined, and almost all medical appointments got cancelled, I had barely no follow up of my pregnancy and I've only seen a midwife once, to take the pertussis shot and ask a few questions about how was I feeling at that specific moment. I don't even know silly things like whether I'll be given hospital clothes, whether my boyfriend is allowed to spend the night, whether I will be given food or have to take some with me. These are totally "secondary" things compared to the labor itself, but the fact that I'm blind about how any of this is going to be, is adding tension. And if I don't know any of that, you can imagine how much information I got about how will they handle other things or which are these other things.

 

32 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

I think the best advice I would give is to have a general idea of how you want to plan everything, but be prepared to go along with how you feel and any recommendations that come along as your labor progresses.

That was my idea. I mean, I can plan and wish for the best, but then I can't really know how it will go, so it's all in the air in the end.

 

32 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

At the same time, it kind of makes me mad that it's a sign of some sort of misplaced toughness for women to not need pain management. Ultimately, whatever gets yourself and your baby through the birthing process the best is the way to go. 

In my case, I really would like to go through the whole thing unmedicated, because it's probably the only one time in my life I'm going to experience this and I would like to participate as much as I can. But I'm open to epidural if it were needed because I had to be induced or because I really couldn't handle the pain. Only that there are apparently a bunch of rules about epidural and one of them (at least in this country) is that once you arrive to the transition part, you're not allowed to have it anymore. Then, since many many women are able to handle more or less well the first stage, they don't ask for epidural until they hit themselves against this part and then they are denied the drug at the most painful moment. I don't know why, but I can totally picture myself going into that situation and then feeling totally overwhelmed.

This last part you talk about (in bold now) is what reflects my own thougths and feelings. Still, I'm starting to feel worried as the date approaches, and I think part of it is due to not having had anyone to talk about my doubts (I'm talking about midwives and doctors).

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9 hours ago, deftona said:

 

Really? I can't imagine there is a single corner of Europe we haven't pissed off as Brits. 


Well, I mean, we could ask really nicely.

 

And we could promise that if they gave us that little bit we wouldn’t go to any of the other bits...

 

(Ive been spending too much time negotiating with a 4 year old during lockdown!)

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Just now, zenLara said:

And if I don't know any of that, you can imagine how much information I got about how will they handle other things or which are these other things.

 

Totally! The added "bonus" of COVID makes things that are already nerve wracking enough even more so. Are there any message boards or virtual support groups locally that might have information specific to where you are that might be able to answer your questions? 

 

Side note: I re-read what I said and I'm so glad you took that the way I meant it. I get a bit passionate about the whole birthing process and I didn't meant to be lecture like or condescending. 

 

Just now, zenLara said:

Only that there are apparently a bunch of rules about epidural and one of them (at least in this country) is that once you arrive to the transition part, you're not allowed to have it anymore. Then, since many many women are able to handle more or less well the first stage, they don't ask for epidural until they hit themselves against this part and then they are denied the drug at the most painful moment. I don't know why, but I can totally picture myself going into that situation and then feeling totally overwhelmed.

 

This sounds pretty similar to the U.S. I think it's based on cm's (maybe after 5-7 cm's they don't do epidurals - but someone else can probably be more specific). You aren't wrong though! IMO, the way to look at it would be, could you continue to deal with the pain if it was closer together? Like, a lot of pain for a few seconds 10 minutes apart might not be horrible to deal with, but if it were 2 minutes apart, would you as successful? And obviously, not something you could answer right now, but something to try to think about when you actually get in there. 

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52 minutes ago, zenLara said:

Also, I think I have the added problem that since we are confined, and almost all medical appointments got cancelled, I had barely no follow up of my pregnancy and I've only seen a midwife once, to take the pertussis shot and ask a few questions about how was I feeling at that specific moment.

Yes that’s definitely not helping!

 

2 hours ago, zenLara said:
3 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

 

I mean, really? 6 minutes?! No way! I would sign for that right now :D

Did I tell my story in my thread? I don’t remember.. if not I’d happily share since both are positive experiences.

Also pushed ~10 minutes for both of them! :) (And had back labour, coincidence?) 

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1 minute ago, Sylvaa said:

Are there any message boards or virtual support groups locally that might have information specific to where you are that might be able to answer your questions? 

Not that I've been able to find by now. You know the lock down is pretty tight here. Public health system doesn't give much information online here, and they're not answering phone calls.

 

5 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

Side note: I re-read what I said and I'm so glad you took that the way I meant it. I get a bit passionate about the whole birthing process and I didn't meant to be lecture like or condescending. 

It didn't sound lecturing at all, don't worry :)

 

5 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

IMO, the way to look at it would be, could you continue to deal with the pain if it was closer together? Like, a lot of pain for a few seconds 10 minutes apart might not be horrible to deal with, but if it were 2 minutes apart, would you as successful? And obviously, not something you could answer right now, but something to try to think about when you actually get in there. 

That's very good advice. Thank you!

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Just now, KB Girl said:

Also pushed ~10 minutes for both of them! :) (And had back labour, coincidence?) 

Seriously? I see I'm surrounded by badass moms here.

 

1 minute ago, KB Girl said:

Did I tell my story in my thread? I don’t remember.. if not I’d happily share since both are positive experiences.

I don't recall having read it. I'll take a look at your thread again. I probably got dazzled by the pictures you posted of Sophie and didn't see anything else ūüėć

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Just browsed through, I actually didn’t write about it, must have still been processing. 
 

Most recent one;

 

 


it was actually really cool. I woke up with contractions at 01:00 and knew immediately that they were the real thing. I called my midwife immediately, because we were only in lockdown for a couple of days and they were still figuring things out, so I wanted to give her as much time as possible. She got to my house around 3:00. I dealt with contractions by sitting on my knees and leaning on the bed. I thought I would so we had put an old mattress there to spare my knees. Eventually I got tired so I would sometimes just lie down inbetween contractions and then either deal with it lying on my side or moving to hands and knees. 
6:30 I got up to go to the toilet and after doing my business my water broke (convenient!). I was hit by such a strong contraction + the urge to push that I rushed back to my room and dropped down on hands and knees... pushed for ~10 minutes and grabbed Sophie from between my legs myself :D 

only required 2 stitches, which was honestly the most painful part. What I find hardest about dealing with contractions is mostly just getting really tired and not knowing exactly when it will end.
 

Oh- for anyone else reading this- I’m not some hippy, I’m just from the Netherlands  and we have a birth at home system for uncomplicated pregnancies. It has all sorts of rules, including being able to reach a hospital within 30 minutes. And the midwife had an assistent. 
 

 


 

my first; 

 


this one was a lot longer.. I started on Monday evening and Emma wasn’t born until Wednesday morning. First part of labour was pretty much the same, just a bit slower to get started.. but I got stuck at 9,5cm dilated because the baby’s head was asynclitic (faced to the side instead of the back). My midwife tried pushing away the last 0,5cm but didn’t succeed. When I started getting too tired my midwife decided we should go to the hospital.

it was a bit busy when we arrived there and after waiting an hour they still didn’t have time for me.. when my contractions came back my midwife suggested trying to push away the edge one more time.. I agreed, she succeeded and ~10 minutes later Emma was born :) that time it was on my back in the hospital bed, but after 30+ hours of labour I couldn’t care less.

That time also stitches were the most painful part. 


 


 

Both unmedicated, but¬†i wouldn‚Äôt say I have a high pain tolerance at all. The stitches made me scream curse and cry both times ūü§£

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4 hours ago, zenLara said:

apparently nice birthing stories are scarce.

 

Right? Some months ago I watched a couple of Youtubers share their birthing stories, and how their body changed because "it's not talked about a lot and I didn't expect this" and that "everybody makes birth and being a new mama seem like all rosy and sunshine".

 

I never had that impression :) Thank you, @Sylvaa for your stories!

 

 

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38 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

I’m not some hippy,

 

:D My mom was flabbergasted when she first heard about the policy when a friend of hers had her son in the Netherlands. (She had had her daughter in her native country.)

 

(Well, she was also flabbergasted because the midwife hadn't read her friend's file, that she was giving birth for a second time and that usually goes faster than if it's your first or something. So when mom's friend called the midwife about the contractions, the midwife took her sweet time. Luckily her husband's mother was there and she had been a midwife for some years and handled it. Also, it was fortunate there were no complications and it happened quite quickly. :)The midwife only had to cut the naval string haha)

 

Thanks for your story too! I hadn't seen there was a second page haha

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I can‚Äôt say I had short pushing‚ÄĒhe was stuck in the canal for 3 hours, but again his vitals were fine so no one was panicking about it although I got very tired near the end and my contractions were slowing which did start to worry the midwives. But again, it worked out fine. He got out eventually, happy healthy boy.

 

(I also did my induction unmedicated, but please don’t think that means you’re less of anything if you choose pain meds. I have severe needle phobia and I was more afraid of the needle in my back than I was the labour pains! This is a very personal experience, do what’s right for you.)

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1 hour ago, analoggirl said:

naval string

umbilical cord :) fun to see that direct translation from dutch :D 

 

1 hour ago, analoggirl said:

My mom was flabbergasted when she first heard about the policy when a friend of hers had her son in the Netherlands.

I can really imagine! most non-dutch people think it's weird and unsafe, but our system is really safe actually. 

 

21 minutes ago, Ann of Vries said:

(I also did my induction unmedicated, but please don’t think that means you’re less of anything if you choose pain meds. I have severe needle phobia and I was more afraid of the needle in my back than I was the labour pains! This is a very personal experience, do what’s right for you.)

Yes, needle phobia here too! and that's good of you to mention- my sister felt 'weak' that she used medication, but really you cant compare, we all have no idea how it feels for the other. And even if the pain is mild and you still want it to go away, that's fine too. 

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11 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

Yes, needle phobia here too! and that's good of you to mention- my sister felt 'weak' that she used medication, but really you cant compare, we all have no idea how it feels for the other. And even if the pain is mild and you still want it to go away, that's fine too. 

 

Anything that gets everyone safely to the other side of this process is a win in my book XD

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1 hour ago, KB Girl said:

umbilical cord :)

 

Holy moly, I got a stripper when I googled naval string :D If it would've been a naval officer, it would've been perfect! Thanks! 

I think I am getting better with the literal translations from Dutch since I've been interacting more on this forum, but I should probably spend some time Googling medical terms and such :)

 

On the other hand, sometimes it can also be funny when "the monkey comes out of the sleeve" :D

 

(Dutch saying meaning "when the truth comes above water".)

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1 hour ago, KB Girl said:

but our system is really safe actually. 

 

One part of my brain automatically goes "each pregnancy is high risk, you are pushing a human out of you, there are likely going to be wounds and the environment is not sterile!", while another goes "we are mammals, the comfort of your home is pretty luxurious compared to being out in the field, and the system is based on scientific research and found safe. So why not?" :)  In any case, I don't judge individuals and will figure it out for myself if I ever get to that point haha

 

1 hour ago, Ann of Vries said:

Anything that gets everyone safely to the other side of this process is a win in my book XD

 

Same here :D

 

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14 hours ago, KB Girl said:

my first; 

I hope you didn't spend that hour in the waiting room, gosh ūüėÖ

 

14 hours ago, KB Girl said:

The stitches made me scream curse and cry both times

Well, since you mentioned needle phobia that makes total sense.

 

12 hours ago, Ann of Vries said:

I can‚Äôt say I had short pushing‚ÄĒhe was stuck in the canal for 3 hours, but again his vitals were fine so no one was panicking about it although I got very tired near the end and my contractions were slowing which did start to worry the midwives

That must have been exhausting, I imagine. I'm glad you both got out of it well :)

 

@Sylvaa, @KB Girl, @Ann of Vries, and also @analoggirl, thank you so much for sharing those stories. First of all, yes, hearing nice stories about birth is helping, because there is too much gore stories out there about this.

13 hours ago, analoggirl said:

Some months ago I watched a couple of Youtubers share their birthing stories, and how their body changed because "it's not talked about a lot and I didn't expect this" and that "everybody makes birth and being a new mama seem like all rosy and sunshine".

I've never found anyone saying such thing. I know of moms that will tell you they don't care anymore about all the shit they went through because they got their kids and for them it's the best of their lives, but I never heard anyone say it was rosy and sunshine :D In my experience, everybody tried to tell me their story and put it in the worst terms possible (as I said I'm lucky that we're confined and I probably escaped the worst of it). Even someone like my mom, which I don't talk too much to and barely see, was quick enough to dedicate our short talk about me being pregnant to warn me about me not being able to breastfeed, because she hadn't any milk and so was for her mother, so I should get used to the idea I'm doomed to artificial formula. I could go on and on about all the shit I've been told about every part of the process.

 

Second thing why your stories have done me good, is that hey have made me reflect on how much I was linking labor birth to pain, leaving aside all of the other things that make it a wonderful process, whatever painful. I think being buried in this labor planning has made me switch the focus on all the things that could go wrong, and I have lost sight of what it really means going through labor: having that tiny human finally in my arms. Thank you very much for helping me refocus on what's important.

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I do recommend that you¬†not to get too wed to a certain idea of how this is going to go. That birth¬†plan is just a baseline in which to manage change.¬†It can go ‚Äúwrong,‚ÄĚ there can be a lot of other medical/surgical interventions needed to help you. And that‚Äôs all okay, too. As I said before‚ÄĒwhatever gets everyone on the other side safely was¬†the right way.¬†It doesn‚Äôt mean there‚Äôs anything wrong with you or your birthing or worth and the women I‚Äôve seen most disappointed by their birth experience were the ones who were absolutely set about their ~perfect birth experience~ (And, of course, it didn‚Äôt go that way!) (This is also true about breastfeeding. I think your mother is wrong to tell you not to bother, but having been a person who really wanted to breastfeed and couldn‚Äôt, I‚Äôd say be prepared to be able to forgive yourself if that doesn‚Äôt go according to plan, too.)

 

But no, not every birth story is a horror story :) 

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May 4 update.

 

Goal 1.

I didn't do any "actions" in the list, but did a lot on mental preparation. Not only reading the stories here helped, but I also spent some time accepting my fear.

Spoiler

Boyfriend also helped his own way with pain management: he made me write a list about the worsts pains I have ever felt and think how would I manage if it prolonged itself for days or became extremely high for a few hours. I have a few bad references: a tooth infection I went through for 3 days without meds; my 4 wisdow teeth sprouting at the same time, also no meds; and several egg retrievals for my IV treatments that I went through without any anesthesia or medication, only around 15 minutes each but it was hell. The one I remember as the least painful, although it went on and off for months were the wisdom teeth, then comes the tooth infection: by the time I got some medication I thought I was just going to turn mad from the pain. Egg retrievals are by far the worst, specially since it was specially important that I wouldn't move and the pain of the procedure felt like torture. Luckily it is short and then it's completely over right after (for me, I know of people that need pain killer afterwards). Even that pain, if it was felt in chunks with rests in the middle, no matter how short, I think I could manage to endure it, for a few hours at least I think. I don't know how far it is from labor pain, but as I said, today I have a new perspective after reflecting on all your stories and pain fear is not on the front page right now.

 

Goal 2.

Walking 15' + 10 + 35' = 1 hour. Walking outside was extremely tiring yesterday, we had to come back because I could barely keep going. I only enjoyed the first few minutes. I'm sure I'll have a better chance today, I'm feeling much better than yesterday.

Daily stretches: 27'.

 

Goal 3.

I wasn't supersuccessful on this, although I think I checked the site a few less times than usual, and I most of the time I did another activity before (played a game for a bit, spent some time in NF). Also got out quickly of some news because I felt aware of what reading the comments was doing to me. Not bad for a first day.

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2 minutes ago, Ann of Vries said:

As I said before‚ÄĒwhatever gets everyone on the other side safely was¬†the right way.¬†It doesn‚Äôt mean there‚Äôs anything wrong with you or your birthing or worth and the women I‚Äôve seen most disappointed by their birth experience were the ones who were absolutely set about their ~perfect birth experience~

This is the most important to me. I would like to be actively envolved in my child's birth as much as I can, but in the end, what I really really want is for her to be ok, and I don't mind if my birth "plan" is lost in the way. That's something I decided the very same moment I knew I was pregnant. I don't think I'd feel defeated if things don't go the way I ideally would like them to be, although it wouldn't do me harm to journal a bit about this, I think. There is no search for the "perfect birth experience" in my mind that I know of :D (you actually defined it very well, I never heard the expression but it's really accurate).

What I think happened to me is that preparing that birth plan has made me spend these last few days thinking only about the bad side of labor (risks, pain, fear...) and it started to overwhelm me without I even noticing it until it just got too much. Prove of which is the fact that I came here to talk about it, because as some people here know I have some trouble sharing feelings and personal things and I only yield to it when I just can't cope anymore. I'm getting better at venting, but there's still room for improvement.

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to write all this :)

 

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40 minutes ago, zenLara said:

Well, since you mentioned needle phobia that makes total sense.

No the fear is only about needles into my spine.. other needle things are fine. The screaming etc was definitely from the pain. Stitches hurt.

Also id really prefer another labour over 3 days of tooth pain. 
 

42 minutes ago, zenLara said:

but I never heard anyone say it was rosy and sunshine

Definitely not.. but I do think it was a really awesome experience. 

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46 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

No the fear is only about needles into my spine.. other needle things are fine. The screaming etc was definitely from the pain. Stitches hurt.

Also id really prefer another labour over 3 days of tooth pain. 

 

I remember after the birth they gave me a jab of something in my thigh (to hasten the exit of the placenta) and I yelled HEY THAT HURT!!! XD Which seemed sort of ludicrous after everything else, but there you go.

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No. 1 son: planned birth at home with midwife present, doctor on phone, and hospital close by. Waters broke a month early, went into labor, some hours later, baby born in our bed. Everything went smoothly, 7lbs, 4 oz. totally healthy despite being a month early.

No. 2 son:  wanted another home birth, but too far from hospital. Again waters broke a month early, went to hospital. All the labor beds were full, so they put me on a gurney and pushed us into the janitor’s closet rather than leaving us in the hall. Plan was to put me in a labor bed once one of the other women went into delivery. Husband had to get up a few times and take his chair out so janitor could get supplies. Nurse checked on me at one point and ran out to grab a doctor. Doctor just had time to put on her gloves and catch the kid. My youngest was born in the janitor’s closet! A month early, 8 lbs, 7 oz, everything good. We went home later that day. :) No. 2 son loves the story.

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2 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

ALMOST THERE! :o 

Let's hope it still takes a while... :D

Welcome! I see you've set a new challenge, I'll go check it out :)

 

16 minutes ago, Emma said:

so they put me on a gurney and pushed us into the janitor’s closet rather than leaving us in the hall

:o :o :o :o :o  You have quite an anecdote there to tell, but ohmy, how did you take it at the moment? I mean... it's not the ideal environment...

Thank you so much for visiting the thread and tell your story. You're all being awesome and helping me to build confidence :)

 

5 hours ago, KB Girl said:

Also id really prefer another labour over 3 days of tooth pain. 

This actually helps too, thank you :D

 

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The Wolverine - Level 5 // BER  6.5 // HEA  4 // STR  4.4 // STA  3 // DEX  4 // CON  4 // WIS  4.75 // CHA  1

He who conquers others is strong; he who conquers himself is mighty.

Adventures don't start until you get into the forest.

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