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Sending you hug energy. Hope it all works out and you get to have the most amazing moments when the babe comes & enjoy them mindfully despite your unthoughtful family members.

 

What came to mind, if it is of any use to you; Just like being brave isn't being without fear, standing up for yourself is a great feat even if you feel the guilt. Let the guilt be. It sucks, but it is okay to have those feelings. You're still awesome for (learning how to) setting boundaries. 

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I  guess I should have written an update a few days ago, but I haven't been feeling well. This past week has started me on a totally new level. The last 4 days I've spent them mostly lying down, for some or other reasons (low blood pressure, fatigue, weak limbs, food made me sick...). To add to it, while my sugar blood has been stable until now, this last week I checked again, and, while I'm eating the same type of meals, with a bit less carbs than before, numbers have ramped up, which is worrying me. They are still on the safe side, but a bit too close to the limit.

 

Goal 1 is achieved. I only need to send a copy of my birth plan to the hospital's e-mail account and I'm done.

Goal 2 has been hard. But I still made the effort of getting out everyday and walk, even if it was for 10 minutes.

Goal 3 is a disaster.

 

I have more or less accepted the possibility of an induction, although I still hope I'll be able to get into labor on my own.

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I was wondering if these awful days I've had are related to this imbalance in blood sugar levels, so I've switched to a strict paleo diet (which has always proven to be the best for me) and only 3 meals later I've got my numbers back in place, and while I'm still feeling tired and weak, the difference is noticeable (I'm out of bed, I'm reading, I could take a longer walk this morning). I've also moved my walks to after breakfast and after dinner. And now I'm just hoping the situation hasn't been long enough to cause any troubles to Wolvie, who apparently is as happy as ever in her little bubble.

 

Goal 1 fully achieved. Birth plan copy has been sent.

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Glad you got your blood sugar to even out and that you're back to a more normal tired and weak ❤️ 

It will all be over sooooon. You can do this! I am also crossing my fingers labor will start on its own. Maybe you should try the jumping thing? ;)

 

Regarding family and possible visits.. three thoughts; 

1. you can totally use the virus as an excellent excuse to not have anyone visiting, say your doctor recommended it

2. in the Netherlands we have help in the house the first days after birth (kraamzorg) and someone i know who does that work says she never saw so many relaxed happy babies as she has in the past few weeks- she thinks it's due to very limited visitors. 

3. so it's not selfish, it's taking care of your baby. baby > anyone else except other kids.

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6 hours ago, KB Girl said:

Glad you got your blood sugar to even out and that you're back to a more normal tired and weak ❤️ 

Thanks. I freaked out a bit, specially since I don't know for how long the situation has been on. I didn't know the worst weeks are 34-36, otherwise I would have been more careful. Still, numbers never went past the recommended max, so I don't think there will be any trouble. It was just that I wasn't expecting to have any trouble with this now that I've gone so far.

 

6 hours ago, KB Girl said:

Maybe you should try the jumping thing? ;)

I'm thinking about it. Seriously :D

 

6 hours ago, KB Girl said:

Regarding family and possible visits..

You're right that the baby comes first, and that is what I have in mind. But apparently there is people that doesn't understand what I newborn at home means (not that I have any prior experience, but I can at least imagine. Seems other people don't have such a powerful imagination :D)

We had thought about using covid as an "excuse" (I put it in brackets because that would be not just an excuse but something totally valid to worry about), and we probably end up mentioning it as doctor's advice, but still, I would prefer that people would understand the situation better, without me having to argue.

Anyway, it seems this is a very common problem, since my boyfriend has mentioned it to some friends that have toddlers and all have stories to share about arguments with close relatives.

On a similar page, MIL is back to the fight: my parents-in-law always spend their holidays north Spain, and she absolutely wants us to be with them this summer. This would mean that one week after the girl is born, more or less, we should make a 5-6 hours car trip to spend 15 days in a 2 room appartment. She doesn't seem to see the flaws in her plan.

 

 

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8 minutes ago, zenLara said:

I freaked out a bit

I completely understand, but no need! she's fine ❤️ 

 

I feel a bit protective of you now and want to smack your family around a bit. Doesn't your MIL know that car seats aren't good for babies and should be limited as much as possible? And I can't imagine you'll want to do anything other than cocoon with your new baby in your own environment.. 

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12 hours ago, KB Girl said:

Doesn't your MIL know that car seats aren't good for babies and should be limited as much as possible?

 

5 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

I have no words

We were talking about it during our after dinner walk last night, and my boyfriend was laughing at her idea. She doesn't seem to be thinking about anything else but how she feels about having a granddaughter. Which is great, I'm happy that she's got such intense feelings and that she's so eager to spend time with her. I'm sure she's going to be an awesome (and indulgent :D) grandma, but it's like nobody else counts. Boyfriend said he is afraid that she might try to get into the hospital while I'm in labor. Oh, no, I'm quite sure that is NOT going to happen.

 

I'm thinking of just ditching the challenge. Goal 1 is achieved, and goals 2 and 3 seem totally unattainable right now. It's clear to me now that there's no way I'll be able to do anything physical aside from walking and some stretches/yoga, and not even everyday, and workouts are certainly not going to happen anymore.

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3 hours ago, zenLara said:

I'm thinking of just ditching the challenge. Goal 1 is achieved, and goals 2 and 3 seem totally unattainable right now. It's clear to me now that there's no way I'll be able to do anything physical aside from walking and some stretches/yoga, and not even everyday, and workouts are certainly not going to happen anymore.

 

You gotta do what's best for yourself and your baby, and of course you know that already.

 

One of the worst arguments I ever had with my father was after our first daughter was born. He wanted to come visit literally the day we returned from the hospital. I asked him to be patient and let us get adjusted to being home and give time to be sure she was strong and wouldn't be at risk of getting sick. He flipped out, claiming I was trying to keep him from seeing his first grandbaby, etc. Keep in mind, my father was barely in my life when I was growing up, so of course he tried to use that as a guilt trip, saying he was trying to make up for not being in my life by trying to be in his first grandchild's life, and that I was denying him that chance. Ugh. It was miserable.

 

I hope things work out, but I commend you for looking out for your own health and wellbeing and especially for the wellbeing of your baby.

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5 hours ago, WolfDreamer said:

One of the worst arguments I ever had with my father was after our first daughter was born. He wanted to come visit literally the day we returned from the hospital. I asked him to be patient and let us get adjusted to being home and give time to be sure she was strong and wouldn't be at risk of getting sick. He flipped out, claiming I was trying to keep him from seeing his first grandbaby, etc. Keep in mind, my father was barely in my life when I was growing up, so of course he tried to use that as a guilt trip, saying he was trying to make up for not being in my life by trying to be in his first grandchild's life, and that I was denying him that chance. Ugh. It was miserable.

I'm sorry about this. A friend told us a very similar story this week (only mom and grandmother instead of dad and grandfather). Seems unbelievable. And why such a hurry? Like the child is going to disappear in a few days or something.

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On 6/2/2020 at 3:04 PM, KB Girl said:

2. in the Netherlands we have help in the house the first days after birth (kraamzorg) and someone i know who does that work says she never saw so many relaxed happy babies as she has in the past few weeks- she thinks it's due to very limited visitors. 

Huh, interesting.

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I've been enjoying a few good days. I'm guessing controlling sugar levels and taking iron have done a lot to improve the situation. I can walk again at my usual pace, I'm back to helping my boyfriend with chores at home, and I'm sleeping better :)

 

Yesterday was challenging, though. I was eating almonds as a mid-morning snack when one of my teeth broke. It didn't hurt, but as you all know I don't do well with teeth problems, and it's not easier when they insist on crumbling themselves like this. I called my dentist, but the receptionist told me they had no appointments until next friday. I insisted that it was urgent that he saw me, but the girl kept saying no. So I went to his office and found the same girl there, that told me the dentist wasn't there that morning and repeated there was no way he could see me until next week. I wasn't going to accept that. A tooth left open for a whole week? And with the possibility of getting into labor and thus unable to go to a dentist for maybe another week or two? So I asked when would he be back and she said 4pm but that he could not blahblahblah. When I came back again at 4pm she didn't seem happy, but told the dentist I was there. And of course, the moment the dentist saw the situation, he said he would fix my tooth right in the moment, because he thought the same I did, that aside from the craziness of letting that tooth open for days, there was the problem that indeed I could go into labor soon and then things would get more complicated.

Also, I'm quite proud of the way I handled the situation, emotionally, because instead of getting blocked and scared, as it usually happens when I have teeth problems, I decided to act immediately and find a solution.

 

Then, later in the afternoon, I sent a message to my mother to thank her for a package she sent, with clothes for the baby. As it always happens with my mother, she took in account only her own taste, and sent me a bunch of crocheted sweaters (which I hate), and that are either too hot to wear in summer, or will be too small for the kid to wear them in autumn. She also sent other weird things supposed to protect the child from evil eye and I don't know what other shit. The moment she received the message, she called, and I thought it would be indeed way too rude not to answer. So for the first time in about 10 years I answered one of her calls. I had to hear her ramble about her superstitions about evil eye, but I told her we were just not going to use those things. She finally accepted. To be honest I didn't need to argue as much as I had expected, and maybe it is because I didn't get angry or anything, I just said what I thought calmly and making it clear I wouldn't change my mind. Then we arrived to the visits conversation, and I must say she surprised me. I told her we were thinking about waiting at least a month before anybody could come stay at home, and she said that of course, that she wouldn't have expected differently, and that she was thinking more about august or later. Hearing her talking with rationality was the weirdest thing. She said some displeasing things about my father and that he most surely wouldn't come (I'm still wondering whether he has finally understood I'm pregnant), and that it would be only my brother and her. That would make things easier, if my SIL doesn't come, but I'm quite sure she will come too, if only it is because she can't survive on her own even for a couple of days.

 

Then one of my MIL's friends called. A nice woman. A bit on the "you should be gaining more weight now" side, but she understands limits. She called to tell me about one of her daughter's friends who had recently had a kid, and wanted to warn me about what had happened to her in the hospital, in case I'd see myself in the same situation. Apparently she lives here in the same town I live and, like myself, didn't want to give birth at the city hospital because well, the whole f*** mess they are. And she had chosen to give birth at the same hospital I have chosen (like most people around here do, to be honest). She was told the same thing I was told: no problem, just come when you get into labor, many people do that. So she did. But when she arrived there a few days ago, she was reminded that the covid rules don't allow to travel between regions (even if they are a few minutes apart) and told that they're not currently allowed to assist labors when the mother lives in another region. So they sent her back to my city. At the city hospital, she discovered that the rules here are that she couldn't have anyone with her during labor, and she found herself alone through the whole thing, and also had to fight midwives and doctors who wanted to do a c-section just because of "the excepcional covid situation we're living". She had the balls to tell them no, was left alone, and had a totally normal delivery despite the lack of help. But she is sad and pissed now, that they turned such an extraordinary moment of her life in a bad memory.

So, this woman wanted to warn me in case the same happens to me. Except that it can't, because since I didn't trust much the receptionist that told me there would be no problem, I spent a couple of weeks doing paperwork to have actual, legal access to the hospital. So in my case, there is no way they can reject my admission.

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YESSS! I LOVE all three stories and the way you handled them is totally BADASS! If this is not the Wolverine in action I don't know what is.

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That is most excellent.  I was going to try and come up with something to describe just how awesome I think this as but Hatter said it all way better than I could have.

 

The Wolverine is BACK!

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3 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

YESSS! I LOVE all three stories and the way you handled them is totally BADASS! If this is not the Wolverine in action I don't know what is.

 

2 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

That is most excellent.  I was going to try and come up with something to describe just how awesome I think this as but Hatter said it all way better than I could have.

 

The Wolverine is BACK!

Thank you, guys! As I said, I feel quite proud of myself :) (and it is such a relief to have got my tooth repaired)

And it is getting better! Today my boyfriend had to work, so I took care of the kitchen and the laundry, and then I headed to the country for a walk. I wasn't sure of how would it go, but had to try. Turned out great. I walked for about an hour and a half, at a good pace, reducing a bit the speed when going uphill to avoid getting tired too quickly. The weather was awesome. There was this lovely intense blue sky with a few bright white clouds, and the temperature was perfect, with lots of sun and a cool breeze. There were birds and bugs everywhere, and someone somewhere was making a fire to cook, and the smell of it brought me back to some good memories of my childhood. At some point I left the trails and walked through the olive trees and the hay, and I still could keep my pace. Arrived home dirty and sweaty, and the thing I wanted the most was a cold shower, so I took it, and it felt SO GOOD.

I thought I would crash afterwards, but I helped my boyfriend prepare lunch without trouble. Now I'm going to take a long nap, and then who knows. The day has many hours still and Wolverine is unpredictable :D

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So:

 

1.  I’m proud that you stood up for yourself. You have to do that because otherwise people will let you fall through the cracks. It happens with doctors and businesses and just about everywhere you don’t have a solid personal relationship with someone. Sometimes in personal relationships too!

 

2. Re: Travel, definitely do what you feel is best. We drove to California and back last year with 1, 4, and 6-year old children. They were fine, even with the long drive. But in the other hand we also WANTED to go. We have turned down shorter drives to be in close quarters with the in-laws. Frankly, whenever we have a new kid we drop off the planet for about 6 months anyway. We don’t virtually anyone (and verify vaccinations and such for those we do) and we really only get groceries and other necessities. 
 

 

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On 6/6/2020 at 8:04 PM, Sciread77 said:

So:

 

1.  I’m proud that you stood up for yourself. You have to do that because otherwise people will let you fall through the cracks. It happens with doctors and businesses and just about everywhere you don’t have a solid personal relationship with someone. Sometimes in personal relationships too!

 

2. Re: Travel, definitely do what you feel is best. We drove to California and back last year with 1, 4, and 6-year old children. They were fine, even with the long drive. But in the other hand we also WANTED to go. We have turned down shorter drives to be in close quarters with the in-laws. Frankly, whenever we have a new kid we drop off the planet for about 6 months anyway. We don’t virtually anyone (and verify vaccinations and such for those we do) and we really only get groceries and other necessities. 
 

 

Thank you!

I wouldn't have any trouble with travelling, as far as we could wait until the kid is a bit older and I have recovered from labor. But still, this specific trip is not something I would like to do (and I'm not going to do). Also, I feel a 5-6 hours drive is not ideal for a newborn. I think there will be time enough to travel when we feel recovered, and have adapted to our new routines and such. In the meantime, we live by the countryside and there is plenty of nice places around to walk and picnic with the kid when we feel like.

 

Some more about induction.

Spoiler

I left some days pass by before sitting to think about the induction. I wanted to get past the emotional reaction to keep my head clear, and finally this weekend I did a research on medical pages about studies that could reinforce the doctor's approach, but the only things I found were talking of multiple births, which is not my case. Then, I called the clinic and asked to talk with the doctor that was in charge of my treatment, but she couldn't answer me until today. She was as surprised as I had been when I mentioned the induction without any medical reason aside the IVF. She said there are no studies, nor statistics that can back up that point of view, and that in her personal experience there is no difference between IVF births and natural ones (she worked at a public hospital for many years before she opened her own private clinic). She asked me which hospital we were talking about, and she was shocked, because it is indeed a place renowned for its support to unmedicalised births.

Boyfriend and I had decided that we would attend the monitoring appointment on due date, but that we would try to keep our head clear and ask for more time if the test showed that the kid is ok. But we also wanted to know what was the clinic's doctor thought, and she agreed with us that this would be our best move. Considering how well the pregnancy has gone, and that the doctor herself was thinking of an easy birth (until she saw the IVF warning in my file), she adviced us to talk to the medical staff monitoring the test, and she is sure that if values are good, they will have no problem to wait.

 

While I was writing this message, I received a call from a hospital's midwife. I was going to have a phone appointment with her in a couple of days, but she had a moment today and decided to move it. After the common questions about how are things going, I asked her about the induction, and well, she was surprised too! She hasn't heard of the hospital taking a new protocol for IVF, and she was doubting between it being a preference of this specific doctor or a recent recommendation she hasn't read about yet. Her opinion was that we should come to a monitoring appointment after due date, and then make a decision based on the results of the test and not just on the due date (so exactly what I was talking about). She thinks we could probably push that possible induction a few days, and most surely in the meantime get into labor by myself. She said that the usual monitor appointment regarding a possible induction is done at 40+5, but that at that point 95% of women have already had their kid.

To try to get into labor by myself, she recommended lots of walking, lots of sex, cinnamon sticks infusions, and hot chocolate :D

 

Update: I looked for those more recent recommendations given by the Sego that the midwife mentioned, and there is no reference to in vitro treatments. At all. It looks more and more like it's just some personal preference of this doctor.

 

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So good of you to double check that! Great that you’ll likely have some more breathing room. 
Funny how everywhere they have different recommendations for helping labour to get going :D cinnamon hot chocolate sounds good to me! 

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8 hours ago, KB Girl said:

cinnamon hot chocolate sounds good to me! 

I'm not sure how drinking hot chocolate would help me get into labor, but it is a sacrifice I'm willing to make for the wellbeing of the child :D

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Glad you got your tooth sorted,  i thought it sounded like mother instinct to me! 

 

Sorry to hear about family drama,  it's hard to deal with.

 

Not long now, exciting!

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1 hour ago, Endor said:

Sorry to hear about family drama,  it's hard to deal with.

Now it's my boyfriend's time to be upset. He has already had two conversations with his parents about the "first visit". It seems unbelievable how people can fail to think of anything but themselves in a situation like this: they've said the moment they know we're at the hospital, they will come there too, and try to sneak in and see the girl in her first minute. At first, we thought it was a misunderstanding: they thought that things were still being done like in the 80's, when you would visit the kid while she is in a nursery, through a window, while I'd be at the recovery room. And the sneaking part would be to defy covid rules in case they are not allowed into the hospital. They had also this idea that my boyfriend would be outside, impatiently pacing the hall while I give birth, and that he would need company. Seriously, I can't imagine how they have missed things have changed over the years, specially given that MIL works at a hospital, and her sister works at the same hospital, in the maternity area. But well, ok. The problem comes when my boyfriend explains to them how things are usually done now (giving birth in a room if there are no problems, skin to skin time, calm environment to help the kid start feeding herself...) and they still insisted on their plan, because it is their granddaughter and they absolutely want to see her as soon as possible, and the sneaking in was more about fooling us and getting into the room without our permission than fighting covid rules. Boyfriend is furious. At first he tried to convince them that they will need to wait until we're all recovered, but soon he saw there was no way they would listen to reason. He has decided to let things be for a couple of days, and if they don't change their mind, he will simply not tell them anything until everything is over and we're home.

It makes me sad how what should be a moment of joy for everybody is getting so complicated and may lead us to make such decisions as not telling them the kid is going to be born. Boyfriend is also fearing they are preparing a dinner with all their friends for us to go and introduce the kid to everybody, in some sort of lion king celebration moment. If this is true, then everybody has just gone mad.

 

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