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6 hours ago, Quirky Quinn said:

Hot curry is the staple recommendation here!

 

I think it was just MrsQ's excuse to eat more take out!

I've heard of this here too: eating spicy food should help. And it fact the chocolate recommended seems to be the mexican type, also spicy. So maybe there is something to it.

 

4 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Haha what a great list! 😄

Best to-do list ever :D

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I don't know how things work at hospitals over there, but here family members can totally show pictures of people they don't want in their rooms and security and nursing staff on the floor will be aware of the situation and both deny the patient in question is even in the hospital and also escort the undesirables off of the property.

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16 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I don't know how things work at hospitals over there, but here family members can totally show pictures of people they don't want in their rooms and security and nursing staff on the floor will be aware of the situation and both deny the patient in question is even in the hospital and also escort the undesirables off of the property.

It would be really sad to find ourselves in such a situation, but yes, I think something like that can be done. The hospital has to assure some level of privacy and wellbeing during a birth, and I'm sure this wouldn't be the first time they see people in these circumstances, but that we would need to arrive to that point seems crazy to me.

I guess they haven't stopped to think we don't need to deal with this shit now, there's plenty of things to do and worry about already, for them to add trouble like this. I guess boyfriend is right when he says they're just not thinking about us.

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44 minutes ago, zenLara said:

It would be really sad to find ourselves in such a situation, but yes, I think something like that can be done. The hospital has to assure some level of privacy and wellbeing during a birth, and I'm sure this wouldn't be the first time they see people in these circumstances, but that we would need to arrive to that point seems crazy to me.

I guess they haven't stopped to think we don't need to deal with this shit now, there's plenty of things to do and worry about already, for them to add trouble like this. I guess boyfriend is right when he says they're just not thinking about us.

As my father says, "Logic is no impediment to the Disturbed."

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9 hours ago, zenLara said:

preparing a dinner with all their friends for us to go and introduce the kid to everybody, in some sort of lion king celebration moment.

I'm sorry but I couldn't help having a little chuckle at this :D great mental image.

 But seriously, hope they come to their senses soon. 

 

Good job checking out the induction stuff! Nothing like getting a second opinion eh..

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If there's one thing i learnt from my wedding it's fuck them all, you have no obligations to anybody.  This is a critical moment in your life and you can be selfish without remorse. 

 

Most people have such enormous ego's that they make everything about themselves. Even the birth of your child.  If you have any friends or family that are genuinely there to support you and respect your wishes in what will be one of the most important moments of your life, they will be the ones to support you in the future.  Anyone who thinks they have power in this moment or that their desires are above yours will not stand the test of time.  

 

This is a moment for you and your partner to share together and with your new family member, that is top of the list and anything else should be as you desire. Do not feel obliged to do anything, there is no guilt in doing what is best for you and your family unit. 

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17 hours ago, Owlet said:

I'm sorry but I couldn't help having a little chuckle at this :D great mental image.

😛😂

 

17 hours ago, Owlet said:

Good job checking out the induction stuff! Nothing like getting a second opinion eh..

Oh, yes, I feel reassured now :)

 

3 hours ago, Endor said:

If you have any friends or family that are genuinely there to support you and respect your wishes in what will be one of the most important moments of your life, they will be the ones to support you in the future.  Anyone who thinks they have power in this moment or that their desires are above yours will not stand the test of time.  

 

This aspect of the situation is something I've been mulling about these days...

 

Situation remains unsolved by now. Boyfriend hasn't called back his parents, nor have they called him. He talked to his brother last night, though. He was appalled at their attitude. He shares our worry: how can they turn such a joyful situation into a conflict? Boyfriend says he doesn't mind if they want to go to the hospital while we're there and be silly enough to spend the 6, 8, 10, or 30 hours that labor can last waiting in the parking lot, it's up to them. But if they decide to push us or manipulate us into getting into the room, he said that would mean to him it's over and they will have to wait long to see the child.

I hope the situation gets happily solved and we don't have to get to that point, honestly.

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They talked last night. I'm not sure whether this is solved, but apparently yes.

Let's see. What we told them we want is for them to wait until we have all recovered from labor, and then they can get into the room and spend as much time with us as it is allowed. Which we think it's a totally normal way to handle the situation. It is not that we don't want them there or anything, we just want them to respect when.

Then, their point of view is that what we are asking from them is not "the normal way". The normal way for them is to wait at the hospital, at the corridor that goes from the delivery room to the recovery room, so they can say hi when we go through that corridor and check that everything is fine. MIL says that this is the way is done at her hospital and what she has done every time a kid of the family has been born.

Boyfriend tried to explain a few things: one, that in this hospital they make no use of the delivery room unless there is a serious medical problem to deal with; otherwise, everything happens in a private room. So no "corridor moment". Second, if we actually get into the delivery room, since that would mean there were problems, we probably wouldn't be stopped at the corridor or want to stop, to chat with them. Third, how can they prefer seeing us passing by through the corridor for 30 seconds (because they say that after that they would go home) rather than wait for us to call them and come and do a proper visit in which they get to see well the kid and talk to us calmly?

They said they prefered their option because it is how "everybody does things". I think MIL finally yielded to do it our way, but remarking that it makes her really sad, that she doesn't understand why we don't want them there, and that she feels they're being pushed away.

What made us even more confused is that after all this conversation, they asked again for the due date, and said that anyway 2 days before the due date is the end of the state of alarm, and MIL will be on holidays (FIL is retired) and so that very same day they will leave for north Spain, so they wouldn't be here when the kid arrives unless she is early. That they might wait for a day or two if we tell them things are moving, but that otherwise they're not losing 5 holiday days waiting here for the kid to be born.

I don't even know what to think anymore.

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They’re saying they’re going to be there no matter what you want unless they’re away on holiday, because their holiday is much more important than being around for the birth of their grandchild.

 

Or, translated differently: It’s all about them. 

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, zenLara said:

I don't even know what to think anymore.

 

24 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

LOL. Logic. I'd say don't think, this is your time, your emotions, your child.

 

23 minutes ago, Ann of Vries said:

They’re saying they’re going to be there no matter what you want unless they’re away on holiday, because their holiday is much more important than being around for the birth of their grandchild.

 

Or, translated differently: It’s all about them. 


I agree with you two and came to say almost exactly these things. 
 

You can’t make everyone happy. And I don’t think you should here. Look, I get being disappointed that you’ve established this corridor tradition and it won’t work out for this one grand baby. But that last part? Where they’re way more concerned about going on holiday and aren’t going to “waste” the holiday waiting around for a baby? That betrays their hearts, and utterly eliminates my sympathy for them. You don’t owe them a thing. 
 

We’ve rescheduled vacations around births so we can welcome nieces and nephews. Even my parents (my mom is heavily narcissistic) haven’t pulled a stunt like that. This is the time when you are making the first addition to your little nuclear family. This is about YOU. Establish the boundaries and precedent now. Build your traditions now. And while I won’t endorse holding a grudge, file this away in your memory bank. This won’t be the only time these people make something of yours about them and then try to guilt you over it, and you need to remember. (As the child and grandchild of textbook narcissists, journaling and talking with Jessie has taught me that it is good to have a record of what and how it happened because people who make it about themselves will rewrite history on you.)

 

Overall, though, I am excited for you! But I’m also sad that you’re dealing with something like that. 

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10 hours ago, zenLara said:

They talked last night. I'm not sure whether this is solved, but apparently yes.

Let's see. What we told them we want is for them to wait until we have all recovered from labor, and then they can get into the room and spend as much time with us as it is allowed. Which we think it's a totally normal way to handle the situation. It is not that we don't want them there or anything, we just want them to respect when.

Then, their point of view is that what we are asking from them is not "the normal way". The normal way for them is to wait at the hospital, at the corridor that goes from the delivery room to the recovery room, so they can say hi when we go through that corridor and check that everything is fine. MIL says that this is the way is done at her hospital and what she has done every time a kid of the family has been born.

Boyfriend tried to explain a few things: one, that in this hospital they make no use of the delivery room unless there is a serious medical problem to deal with; otherwise, everything happens in a private room. So no "corridor moment". Second, if we actually get into the delivery room, since that would mean there were problems, we probably wouldn't be stopped at the corridor or want to stop, to chat with them. Third, how can they prefer seeing us passing by through the corridor for 30 seconds (because they say that after that they would go home) rather than wait for us to call them and come and do a proper visit in which they get to see well the kid and talk to us calmly?

They said they prefered their option because it is how "everybody does things". I think MIL finally yielded to do it our way, but remarking that it makes her really sad, that she doesn't understand why we don't want them there, and that she feels they're being pushed away.

What made us even more confused is that after all this conversation, they asked again for the due date, and said that anyway 2 days before the due date is the end of the state of alarm, and MIL will be on holidays (FIL is retired) and so that very same day they will leave for north Spain, so they wouldn't be here when the kid arrives unless she is early. That they might wait for a day or two if we tell them things are moving, but that otherwise they're not losing 5 holiday days waiting here for the kid to be born.

I don't even know what to think anymore.

8VYMSq8.gif

I refer yet again to my father's statement regarding logic.

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22 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

I'd say don't think, this is your time, your emotions, your child.

Given the situation, it is easier said than done, but that's what I'm trying. Pregnancy is almost over, and I want to be able to enjoy her lasts weeks inside instead of being a bunch of nerves.

 

22 hours ago, Ann of Vries said:

because their holiday is much more important than being around for the birth of their grandchild.

There was a change regarding this yesterday. MIL admitted she had said that because she was angry. She explained us that they need to do some paperwork on the sale of an old appartmente they own there, and that can't be pushed anymore, but that the moment we will tell them the baby is on her way, they will drive back south and come to the hospital ("come to the hospital": so it is unclear yet whether they will do as we want or not).

 

14 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

Your mother in law is a passive-aggressive shit who only thinks of herself. May your baby be wise and arrive the first day of their holiday to grant you peace from the Harpy.

She is behaving in a passive-aggressive way, I agree. She has been like this my whole pregnancy. I'm hoping she will turn back to her usual self when the kid is born, although I guess we will just enter a new emotional stage *sigh*

 

As I've said, they talked again. Things seem calmer. Boyfriend is not completely reassured that they will do as we want, because there have still been some comments such as "I don't understand what is the problem if we knock at the door and come in", "we just want to be there in case you need help", "you don't have to worry about us waiting as many hours as needed"...

Boyfriend says he will have enough taking care of me, and doesn't want to add being worried about how many hours have they been waiting and will have to wait. He is also worried that at some point, they will actually try to sneak in, and about the conflict that could come out of such move.

We have decided to stop talking about it, because apparently there is nothing else we can do, at least until we're at the hospital and get to know whether they are there too.

 

Thanks for the support, guys. I've been feeling stressed about this whole visits shit. I would have never imagined this could be such a mess.

 

A more cheerful note, silly and totally unrelated: boyfriend is perfecting his cochinita pibil recipe and has prepared it twice this week

tenor.gif

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On 6/12/2020 at 7:41 PM, zenLara said:

I don't even know what to think anymore

It's really very simple and as i type it i realise my own problems are the same as  yours....old people are selfish and if they perceive this in you, wel how dare you. 

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42 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I...think this word is used differently in Spain than in Mexico and Texas.

My google search lead to nowhere, I'm curious now. 😄UD has an entry for conchita but that's different...

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1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

My google search lead to nowhere, I'm curious now. 😄UD has an entry for conchita but that's different...

 

1 hour ago, Ann of Vries said:

 

1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

I didn't see anything weird there...

 

 

Literally, Cochinita is little pig as in the article listed. However, the dish is from the Yucatan, at literally the other end of Mexico from the states that border Texas. I'm not surprised I have never heard of it. Cochinita has the connotation of dirty, filthy (presumably as one would get dirty rooting in the mud like a pig). It can be an insult to refer to personal uncleanness on a level which disgusts the insulter. It can also mean the person is of dirty morals. Not a word I would use to describe food, certainly.

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10 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Literally, Cochinita is little pig as in the article listed. However, the dish is from the Yucatan, at literally the other end of Mexico from the states that border Texas. I'm not surprised I have never heard of it. Cochinita has the connotation of dirty, filthy (presumably as one would get dirty rooting in the mud like a pig). It can be an insult to refer to personal uncleanness on a level which disgusts the insulter. It can also mean the person is of dirty morals. Not a word I would use to describe food, certainly.

I see. Knowledge acquired!

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15 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I...think this word is used differently in Spain than in Mexico and Texas.

Well, in Spain we would never used cochino for food, is more a slight insult. We use mainly cerdo to refer to food, but it is also an insult, so, well... :D

Still, there are exceptions, when using diminutives. There is cochinillo which is used to talk of a typical spanish meal, and cochinito, another diminutive, could be used as something nice. Imagine a kid that has been playing outside and comes back home all sweaty and dirty, and you would smile at him and say "vaya cochinito estás hecho, ¡a la ducha!".

Apparently, cochinita sounds ok for mexican people to describe food. No surprise, maybe they have the same variations in meaning depending on the use of diminutives.

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On 6/12/2020 at 5:41 PM, zenLara said:

The normal way for them is to wait at the hospital, at the corridor that goes from the delivery room to the recovery room,

Sounds like what they are saying is that the normal way is for them to get to be the first to see the baby.  I suspect they are more concerned about not being first than the actual welfare of anyone involved

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