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Maggie-Miau

⭐Maggie Counts Stars⭐

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Two cups of tea and some tylenol later and the Headache ™️ has dialed back to a liveable level. It's just gone 9pm and i finally feel like a functionally operational human being. I started a load of laundry and swept the hall. Feel like scrubbing down the kitchen but as it's nighttime i'm sticking to quieter tasks. After being in my room pretty much all day i've finally migrated to the craftroom/my 'office' :lol: I had meant to edit the above weirdness to be more succinct and less melodramatic, but apparently it didn't save. Currently attending to some scribbles. There's the rest of May to get through but i'm trying to get a working map together for June. I think Cat Norrell is trying to break into the bathroom cabinets again right now.

 

update: he was indeed in the cabinets. i briefly turned on the bathtub faucet for him and he came out to bite at the water and purr about it.

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today: awake for about five minutes when headache comes back. had a shower and broski walked in as i was getting out, before i'd managed to get my towel configured in any useful manner, and now i have to figure out how to move to jupiter and cease to have a corporeal form. he was briefly as shocked as i was but then he told me to get over it because that's what he would do.

 

edit: i have 'got over it' tolerably enough.

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TODAY: 

 

alright so, of course there's the rest of May to get through and it's not like June 1st is the start of an entire new challenge or anything BUT, i decided to do that "what does your ideal/level 10/whatever life look like" exercise. usually, i don't get much out of that because it's like my version of 'ideal' is way out of reach. I try to think too far ahead into a future i don't have absolute control over the arrangement of. So i decided to try it again, except this time only think about "what does the ideal right now look like, according to what's available to me and within my control" and wound up with a functional 'job description' for myself for right now. I don't really foresee this "job description" changing much until i've finished my schooling. It's flexible, though, and has given me some more focused goals to work on, especially during the Weird Uncertain Time.

 

that being said i feel like my new "far future" way way lofty goal is actually to become a traveler with no permanent address. i think that would be really in line with my worldview but that might just be the "lol wow ive never been anywhere and currently can't go anywhere" talking.

 

edit: so apparently today we're just cycling through every weird setting in the book. we've gone from being Super Emotional to being just. Angry And Annoyed by Literally Everything. Unable to stand any sounds whatsoever. That's finally eased up but now we're on Dizzy, Just, Really Dizzy. :lol: 

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7 hours ago, Maggie-Miau said:

TODAY: 

 

alright so, of course there's the rest of May to get through and it's not like June 1st is the start of an entire new challenge or anything BUT, i decided to do that "what does your ideal/level 10/whatever life look like" exercise. usually, i don't get much out of that because it's like my version of 'ideal' is way out of reach. I try to think too far ahead into a future i don't have absolute control over the arrangement of. So i decided to try it again, except this time only think about "what does the ideal right now look like, according to what's available to me and within my control" and wound up with a functional 'job description' for myself for right now. I don't really foresee this "job description" changing much until i've finished my schooling. It's flexible, though, and has given me some more focused goals to work on, especially during the Weird Uncertain Time.

 

that being said i feel like my new "far future" way way lofty goal is actually to become a traveler with no permanent address. i think that would be really in line with my worldview but that might just be the "lol wow ive never been anywhere and currently can't go anywhere" talking.

 

edit: so apparently today we're just cycling through every weird setting in the book. we've gone from being Super Emotional to being just. Angry And Annoyed by Literally Everything. Unable to stand any sounds whatsoever. That's finally eased up but now we're on Dizzy, Just, Really Dizzy. :lol: 

 

Other than the Dizzy, I like a lot of this.  ❤️  Both the current future and the far future. This is really good stuff.

 

Love you Miau!

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34 minutes ago, SkyGirl said:

Other than the Dizzy, I like a lot of this.  ❤️  Both the current future and the far future. This is really good stuff.

 

Love you Miau!

 

Thanks, Sky! :D I love you too, very much so ❤️

 

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15 hours ago, Salinger said:

Hey Mia ❤️ how are you? Hope you are well. Miss you sorry ive been awol a bit. 

 

Love xx

Sal! Heyoo friend, i'm doing well. Very glad you're back! ❤️

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

TODAY:

 

still feeling sickish, but the Headaches have eased off considerably. i'm going to use the last few days of May to deep clean the house in order to make June a little easier to contend with. we've also got a grocery day coming up to plan for. grandad was given, and in turn gave to me, a box of vegetables which included three yellow squash. i've a full container of gluten free breadcrumbs languishing in the back of the cabinet so, squash casserole is in the near future. Last night's dinner was modified vegetable broth and crackers because i didn't want to actually cook 😆

 

goals adjustment coming soon. i might just clean up the version in my notebook.

 

the cats are sleeping on the fabric shelves right now, looking adorable. i'll try to get their picture if they don't get up as i go to fetch the camera.

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Love that the level 10 exercise worked for you this time around ! After all, those type of things are just tools and if they don't work then they don't. But it's nice when they do :)

 

Keep doing the things! and hope the kitties stayed put for the picture 😇

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2 hours ago, analoggirl said:

Love that the level 10 exercise worked for you this time around ! After all, those type of things are just tools and if they don't work then they don't. But it's nice when they do :)

 

Keep doing the things! and hope the kitties stayed put for the picture 😇

 

Thanks! I often do better when there's something definitive my shorter-term goals are going toward. Up until now i've tried too hard to visualize what that might be, with too many unknowns. So it was nice to figure out how to tailer the exercise to my situation.

 

The kitties did indeed stay put, which is rare for Cat Chellers (the black one), they made for some cute pictures ^_^

 

2 hours ago, Salinger said:

SOOOO CUTE, those kitties awww xx

 

I KNOW RIGHT? i love them so much 😭

---------------------------------------------------------------

 

TODAY:

 

i am. so smart y'all. i got broski to finish up his grocery list and then i went to the grocery website and went ahead and fought with it to get everything into the cart so now when grocery day actually gets here? all we have to do is place the order. no fighting with the internet connection to put things in the cart and wind up rage quitting out of frustration and having to go in the store. of course, by Wednesday some things might be out of stock and there might be some edits needed but overall? yeehaw maybe things will go more smoothly this week :D

 

ALSO something cool happened! I've been watching some quilting videos on youtube, which makes youtube suggest more quilting videos and similar things. In Late Grandma's stash of sewing stuff, which is now My stash of sewing stuff, there have been these pieces i have no clue what to do with. They're just a really weird shape and i can't even figure out how to ask Google what they're for. Well, today, youtube gave me a suggestion for a video about how to make a particular quilt, and it was! the same! Apparently these pieces are called a Dresden Plate and now i'll be able to finish them and turn them into a quilt!

 

i'm a bit restless ngl, in one of those "DO EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE" moods which leads to Not Doing Anything because all the things are Competing so what i'm going to do now is make a step-by-step list of the things that need doing so i'll actually be able to get started and do the things :lol:

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OKAY SO last night i didn't clean the whole kitchen, but i did clean the drainboard (which was...atrocious tbh) and the whole area around the sink, which is always the part i wind up not doing because i always mean to do it last but then by the time everything else is done, am like "i'll come back to that" (said the absolute liar) and so today i just have to do a quicker sort of tidying up before lunch.

 

i've been shuffling around the craftroom today, looking through late grandma's unfinished projects and moving them to the same general area so they won't be mixed in with everything else. more importantly though i visited with cat Gray Major and gave him So Many Pettings and Scritches and made sure to impress on him very thoroughly what a good boy he is. He was being difficult about photographs, but i got him!  and his younger brother/good buddy Culper! (gratuitous cat pics below...and a bonus Norrell :D )

 

Spoiler

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( do please ignore my mask being on the floor :P )

 

i was going to do my pre-June write-up now but powers of articulation and maintaining trains of thought have fled so, just cat pics for now.

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I always forget how gorgeous your cats are!!  :D  If I ever come to visit you I will probably spend the first hour just hugging and snuggling your cats, I hope you don't mind!!

 

2 hours ago, Maggie-Miau said:

which is always the part i wind up not doing because i always mean to do it last but then by the time everything else is done, am like "i'll come back to that" (said the absolute liar)

 

I have so many places in my house like this!! Wiping the baseboards, cleaning the weird crevasses in my stove, that nasty area between the toilet seat and the toilet tank (🤢) - I'm always like "this is good for now, I'll do those laterand do I do them later? No I do not.  :D  So GOOD for you!!!

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7 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

I always forget how gorgeous your cats are!!  :D  If I ever come to visit you I will probably spend the first hour just hugging and snuggling your cats, I hope you don't mind!!

 

a) i would love that, and b), most of them are pretty shy of meeting people, and we've not really had company to see how long their warming-up period is, but i'm sure they would quickly come around and be charmed to meet you! Of course, Eggroll adores everyone and would love you instantly :D 

 

7 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

I have so many places in my house like this!! Wiping the baseboards, cleaning the weird crevasses in my stove, that nasty area between the toilet seat and the toilet tank (🤢) - I'm always like "this is good for now, I'll do those laterand do I do them later? No I do not.  :D  So GOOD for you!!!

 

ngl i hate the bolded part so much i almost always wind up asking my brother to do it, and then i just give it a once-over after he's done the preliminary de-nastying 🤣

----------------------------------------

 

TODAY:

 

i have had...baked beans, french fries, two mugs of tea, and some water. <.< Eat Real Foods is back on for tomorrow, along with my usual water goals and exercising. School will be theoretically on pause because i want to focus on fully deep-cleaning the house in order to have a solid base for just doing maintenance chores in June. That doesn't mean that i absolutely won't do any school, though. It just won't be a massive priority for a few days ( which is alright, because i'm enough ahead of my deadlines that i could turn in zero assignments until July 10th and would still be on track to graduate on time )

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2 hours ago, Maggie-Miau said:

ngl i hate the bolded part so much i almost always wind up asking my brother to do it, and then i just give it a once-over after he's done the preliminary de-nastying 🤣

 

BUT SERIOUSLY THAT IS LEGIT THE GROSSEST SPOT IN THE WHOLE HOUSE

 

giphy.gif 

 

2 hours ago, Maggie-Miau said:

baked beans, french fries, two mugs of tea, and some water.

 

Wait, those ... aren't real foods?

 

giphy.gif 

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TODAY:

 

I've done a workout, and have spent most of the day so far attempting to further organize the craftroom. we've reached the "holy lord this was a mistake and i'll never be done" stage. My method of organizing tends to be "take literally everything out of the cabinet/drawer/whatever, sort all of it, and put it bacck in an orderly fashion. It usually works really well, except i did not adequately plan for the fact that Grandma's collection contains something like fifty years' worth of odds and ends that i have zero idea as to the name, purpose, or point of, which makes sorting a complicated affair.

 

due to the shuffling about of various bins and such, moving some stuff into the kitchen just to get it temporarily out of the way and whatnot, i've successfully made it appear as though  we're in the middle of a move. As usual, the cats are loving it.

 

edit: we have crashed for the time being. started to feel Not Good and had a lie-down. Cat Norrell decided to nap with me. That was nice, but i had a dream in which late Grandma was yelling at me, and have felt peculiar ever since. ( note that i don't actually think she's angry with me from beyond the grave or anything, it just didn't play well with some other unpleasant feels i'm having today, on top of reactions to the dust and whatnot from cleaning )

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Good work Miau, and I hope the weird feels dissipate quickly.  ❤️  Kisses to Norrell for me, please!!

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today:

 

ngl we're not doing fabulously. i haven't been able to collect my thoughts very well for any of the cleaning i wanted to do, couldn't pinpoint a starting point. and have had persistent headaches over the last several days. nothing horrific, but bad enough to disrupt focus and make me just want to sleep. The headaches have mostly gone away at this point, but i have been desperately sad and overwhelmed with world events. i also have reason to believe cat Samuel was killed, don't know what by. I haven't seen him today but i did see the lifeless body of a cat that looks like him. haven't straight-up lost it or burst into tears or anything yet, but i have that not-so-good feeling as if i might crumble.

 

not saying any of this to be negative. i am feeling really negative lately, but tomorrow will be a sort of 'outing' with the fam, just to go pick up our grocery order and let momsauce attempt to donate blood (she keeps getting denied due to low iron, but she's been taking a supplement for several weeks now) and just be out of the house for a bit. then on Sunday momsauce is to help me do some cleaning. we've been talking lately about redoing our bedroom (to some extent) and working toward letting cats Norrell and Chellers be free in our room at night instead of in their kennel.

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anyway, Plans: (disclaimer: not wording well at the moment)

 

5-10-Years Goal: yeah no i do want to be a traveler. i've found many options, such as WWOOF, Au Pair work, and honestly just volunteer opportunities in general. a freelance income source would be desirable even without the travel goal. i'm thinking an English certification would be a good credential to have for proofreading/editing, maybe even being able to teach/tutor. so...finish my high school diploma would be the first goal and then to start working on other credentials. i also need to build up some independence and confidence, so once things are opened up again, i need to focus on taking opportunities away from home (like camp next year!)

 

but right now, however:

  • finishing my diploma is obviously my biggest 'job'
  • it's also under my jurisdiction to use the art/sewing/craft supplies in the house.
  • and to keep the house clean
  • i have a kalimba to keep learning to play. i also have a violin to eventually tune and work with.
  • i must work on my faith and practice what i believe.
  • of course physical health as well, diet and exercise and all that to be strong and flexible

anyway, June!

  • Morning/Evening Prayer
  • Read Bible (my group is doing Proverbs)
  • Daily Schoolwork- complete at least one reading assignment every weekday, and the daily reviews. (also, we're almost to the section with writing assignments)
  • Daily stretching/exercise
  • No sugar, no exceptions for June. Limit processed foods/fast foods. ( up to two exceptions permitted )
  • At least two liters of water each day
  • kalimba practice
  • sewing!
  • make sure sinks are empty/clean before bed
  • maintain clean house/stay on top of laundry
  • the sort of 'once' rule- if i start to do something, i must finish it/reach a 'stopping point' before putting it down

ahajfhaj i know a lot of that is vague but i do have guidelines written down for myself. i'm trying to designate different tasks to different days of the week. currently not really feeling setting an actual schedule for the day so, for now i'm just going to focus on 'morning tasks' so...basically more of the same basic stuff and Doing My Best on everything else. 

 

tomorrow will have a slight interruption anyway because broski and i will be going out to pick up all the trash that the Neighborhood Kids have left all up and down the street.

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7 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

This one is in my wheelhouse if you ever want help.

 

i'm always open to some help ❤️ there are several parts to the subject, and i don't know quite how to organize them into a cohesive description, so my current starting point is to stop neglecting my Bible Reading and to make more of an effort in prayer.

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3 minutes ago, Maggie-Miau said:

 

i'm always open to some help ❤️ there are several parts to the subject, and i don't know quite how to organize them into a cohesive description, so my current starting point is to stop neglecting my Bible Reading and to make more of an effort in prayer.

Those are both good practices. Remember, it's not about the things we do, it's about to whom we belong and with whom we have a relationship. God doesn't want you to do stuff, God wants to know you and for you to trust.

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16 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Those are both good practices. Remember, it's not about the things we do, it's about to whom we belong and with whom we have a relationship. God doesn't want you to do stuff, God wants to know you and for you to trust.

 

It's the relationship part i feel a need to work on. There seems to be a disconnect between what i believe and what i feel. Not really a doubt, but a kind of "I fully believe all of this, but what if it's just head knowledge and my heart is actually incorrect this whole time? What if i only think i believe these things and it's really just recitations of what i was taught?" so i thought making a real effort to hold up my end of the Relationship side of things would be the best place to start for remedying that.

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1 hour ago, Maggie-Miau said:

 

It's the relationship part i feel a need to work on. There seems to be a disconnect between what i believe and what i feel. Not really a doubt, but a kind of "I fully believe all of this, but what if it's just head knowledge and my heart is actually incorrect this whole time? What if i only think i believe these things and it's really just recitations of what i was taught?" so i thought making a real effort to hold up my end of the Relationship side of things would be the best place to start for remedying that.

There's nothing for you to hold up. What you described is your end of the relationship. Your relationship isn't based on any characteristic you possess, or how you word your faith to yourself, and ESPECIALLY not on how you feel. You just trust that God is big enough to work through all that. Remember the father in Mark 9:24, "Lord I believe, help my unbelief." Let that be your prayer as you struggle with these feelings. They are normal to feel by the way, I went through a similar fear when I wasn't too much younger than you are now.

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