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fleaball

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I’m not feeling a new challenge right now. I’m just gonna keep using this thread unless inspiration strikes. 
 

Right now I’m anxious as hell. Fat Kitty has a vet appointment tomorrow for (probably extensive) dental work. They sedate animals during dental work for obvious reasons, but that means he can’t eat after midnight and can’t have water after 6am. So I am already feeling awful about having to deny him food when I know he’s going to be hungry, but we’re also going to have to deny boobcat food after a certain point because we can’t give him breakfast while FK can’t eat. And then I’m anxious because idk if they’re going to have to pull teeth and what the healing and eating situation is for that.
 

And also my brother is off and will have to call the dentist so will I have to drop everything and take him? Or have my father take him and listen to both of them bitch about it? And will there be other appointments needed that he’ll need coaching in order to schedule? It’s so annoying because my brother’s issues are not things I need to be worrying about until they come up, but since I know he can’t adult to save his life I’m already anticipating all the possible things he won’t be doing. Plus his psychiatrist retired in March, after announcing it in November, and he *still* hasn’t called to get switched to someone else. And he’s now out of refills for several medications. I’ve told him so many times that he needs to get on this because I don’t have a car so he can’t just make a last minute appointment and count on having a ride  But no. Nothing yet. I am really fucking over this kid being so useless. He turns 30 in a few weeks. Come on. 
 

And hey, we’re also rapidly approaching the anniversary of the super fun 6 weeks where I apparently couldn’t do anything right while my mother was dying. July 2 was the day she went to the ER and everything went downhill from there. And yes, I realize that I did the best I could and blah blah blah, but trauma brain is still holding on to all of that. So yeah, I’m super excited about the next couple months. 
 

Right. I’m off to play my game and/or see if affordable portable/apartment-sized exercise bikes have been restocked anywhere. 

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The new neighbors were just outside talking to another neighbor. They look my age-ish, and the guy had a Spartan t-shirt on. Interesting. Trying very hard right now not to start making comparisons and get down on myself. 

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31 minutes ago, fleaball said:

The new neighbors were just outside talking to another neighbor. They look my age-ish, and the guy had a Spartan t-shirt on. Interesting. Trying very hard right now not to start making comparisons and get down on myself. 

 

Make friends with these neighbors! :D 

 

Also, I want to let you know that today, while cleaning out the tan shed at my in-laws (they live on a farm, it's not really a shed, but that's what we call it), we found my FIL's porn vhs collection. So I feel you.

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41 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

 

Make friends with these neighbors! :D 

Let me lose like 100 pounds first. And then maybe lol

 

41 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

 

Also, I want to let you know that today, while cleaning out the tan shed at my in-laws (they live on a farm, it's not really a shed, but that's what we call it), we found my FIL's porn vhs collection. So I feel you.

Oof. I can't remember if I mentioned this here or not but a couple months ago I borrowed my father's car for something and when I opened the trunk there were stacks of old Playboys. I don't know where they came from, I don't know where they are now, but as much as I'm looking forward to cleaning out the house whenever he dies, I'm also kind of afraid of what I'm going to find and where.

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Blahhhhh Mondays. To do list for the day:

 

- wash and change my sheets

- wash some dishes that haven’t been used in a while and figure out where they should live

- vacuum

- make sure my phone is charged in case I have to take my brother to the dentist and kill time somewhere?

- I guess I should probably shower if I have to go out too. Meh. 

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There are two pairs of eyes staring at me in the dark. They belong to two hungry cats who don’t know why they can’t have their food bowls. I am quite possibly as sad as they are about it. 

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My brother has a dentist appointment in 5 hours. My father is still asleep so I can’t ask him to be the chauffeur. He might do it, but I’ll still have to get up just in case because I won’t know otherwise. He hasn’t slept this late in months so of course he’s sleeping late on the one day I actually want him to be awake. 
 

also I was excited to come back and sleep  because it’s in the high 60s right now. Except it’s 90% humidity and I want to die. 

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I got TWO hours of sleep. Hoo boy. Maybe I’ll get my sleep schedule back on track now?

 

My brother needs a tooth pulled and is pissed that he had to pay just to be told that. They didn’t see any evidence of an infection. (Pretty sure this is one of the ones he had a root canal done on that has since basically disintegrated and he’s been told to get pulled for years now.)

 

Fat Kitty had 5 teeth pulled + cleaning and whatnot. May need more pulled in the future because something about cats’ bodies reabsorbing their teeth? Idk she lost me on that one. But the poor bastard is going to be sleepy and hungry and I feel so bad. D: He’s allowed to eat, he just may not want to. Poor guy. I’m heading out to get him now. At least it should be a quiet ride home. 

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27 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Fat Kitty had 5 teeth pulled + cleaning and whatnot. May need more pulled in the future because something about cats’ bodies reabsorbing their teeth? Idk she lost me on that one. But the poor bastard is going to be sleepy and hungry and I feel so bad. 😧 He’s allowed to eat, he just may not want to. Poor guy. I’m heading out to get him now. At least it should be a quiet ride home. 

 

Poor Fat Kitty.

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FK is very wobbly on his feet. They said he was walking around fine while he was recovering at the office so I’m not sure what’s going on. I’ve already called to ask about it and they just said to keep an eye on him for a bit. They’re open til 8 so if he’s not better by ~7 I’ll call and probably take him back in. This would be so much easier if I were allowed to go in with him instead of hanging out in the parking lot. 
 

Needless to say, it is definitely Monday and it is not a great anxiety day. I just want this cat to chill tf out so I can play my video game for a bit without worrying about him falling off something if I’m not paying attention. 

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11 minutes ago, Emma said:

Poor FK. All those teeth pulled.

The vets idea  of walking around fine might be a wee bit different from yours. Did you describe how wobbly he is?

I did. He was definitely wobbly in the carrier when the tech brought him out so I’m assuming you’re right and we just aren’t using the same definition of “fine.” He’s gotten better since I posted though. I’m gonna go bug him in about 20 minutes and see how he’s doing. I think he’s gonna be okay, I’m just extra anxious as a result of not sleeping. Worst case, there’s an emergency vet less than 10 minutes away if he needs attention overnight. I don’t want it to come to that, but I know where it is it’s super easy to get to so I won’t have to panic about that at least. 

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He seems totally fine now other than hungry and a bit wobbly. I think the wobbly might actually be arthritis related, because we've noticed he's been slower going up the stairs sometimes. I asked the vet about it even before he came home and she said we can get him glucosamine and see if that helps. 

 

In other news, I spent a fucking hour trying to help my father install his AC because he kept overcomplicating it and making it worse. If it didn't require two sets of hands to put it in and adjust it I would have done the fucking thing myself. I'm so cranky right now. 

 

Aaaaaand I haven't washed my second set of sheets yet because today has been crap, and then I came back to a gigantic nasty hairball on my bed courtesy of boobcat. I might sleep on the futon tonight because fuck that.

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Despite being exhausted I haven't been able to fall asleep yet because we haven't been able to give FK his pain medication. He's sleeping under my father's bed in a very small space we can't get into, which is normal for him anyway, but I feel so bad that he hasn't had these meds that I just can't fall asleep and I keep waiting for him to make an appearance. We've left his food just outside the door and he came out to eat some but my idiot brother let him go right back under instead of intercepting him. Aaargh.

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It’s 6am. Fat Kitty finally let me give him his medicine. But apparently now my brain wants me to make an angry post before I can sleep. 
 

Except I feel too exhausted to be angry. I should be angry. I want to be angry. But I’m just so tired and done. I’m so goddamn tired of holding both of their hands when things go even slightly off track. I had to write a script again for my brother to call the dentist. But like, “I my name is X here’s my phone number, I’m having these symptoms, what do?” It’s not that hard a concept. And my father with the air conditioner. My god. We don’t screw them in the window permanently, just stick it in there every summer and take it out in the fall. But it came with hardware and a ton of directions for actually installing it in the window frame. And he could not grasp that we didn’t need any of it. Started throwing a fit because it said we needed a socket wrench. “Why the fuck do we need a socket wrench for an air conditioner?!” We don’t, sit down and get out of my way please. 
 

and that’s just the past 24 hours. In that time I’ve also taken care of the cat in multiple different ways all by myself while no one even wants to hear the updates, put out another fire for my brother, and other assorted bullshit all on two hours of sleep. My brother wouldn’t even kill a spider for me. 
 

It is fucking infuriating how different I am from them. I have lived in other states, and in other *countries* on my own, despite the massive mental health issues I have and which i wasn’t even aware of at the time. I’ve had to make all my own phone calls, schedule all my own appointments, manage my finances and how to keep myself alive, spend 4 hours in an ER in France all by my fucking self,* and I didn’t have anyone to fucking help me. I got almost zero life skills from my family and yet here I am dealing with man children who are apparently lucky they even know how to breathe on they’re own. 
 

My brother said he barely spent any time in the dentist chair. They took X-rays, the doctor said he needed the tooth pulled and there’s no infection. He’s convinced there is. But he didn’t argue with her. Now he’s saying he’s concerned about chest pains and such from the infection but he’s putting off making an appointment to get it pulled AND he won’t call the dentist to ask about antibiotics or any other treatment. Partly because he just doesn’t want to make the phone call, and partly because he read an article a few years ago that there’s a worldwide antibiotic shortage? So he’d feel guilty getting an antibiotic and contributing to it?? But at the same time making snarky comments about “yeah I’ll probably get it pulled next week since I’m on vacation but I might be dead before then.” YOU CAN FIX THIS ISSUE. THIS IS YOUR OWN FUCKING PROBLEM.  they told him to get this tooth pulled THREE YEARS AGO. Don’t complain you’re gonna die when one or two phone calls can solve your problem. 
 

Okay. I’m so tired and so mad now I can’t even see straight. No more ranting for me. Hopefully sleeping. 
 

 

*kinda pissed about this actually. I wasn’t pissed at the time because it was one of those “I had to do it so I did it” things. There were 12 of us on the same exchange program, all from the US. The school organized a ski/snowboarding day. Most of the group knew I fucked up my wrist and I’d said I was leaving to get it checked out since the medics at the ski place weren’t working that day. (idk. It’s France.) Over the next few days as I ran into these people again a number of them were like “omg I can’t believe you went to the hospital by yourself!” Well shit, no one offered to come with me so what the fuck else was I supposed to do? It worked out fine because I was objectively the best of all of us at French anyway so it’s not like they would have been any help. But still, don’t sit there like it’s some grand accomplishment when I had no other choice. I know it seemed like a big deal to them because they couldn’t have handled the actual French part of it. We all had to open bank accounts to get our stipend money and one girl immediately was like “yeah I’m going when you go because you know what you’re doing.” At this point we’d already been in the country a few days and there were 4 of us who arrived at the same time and thus did all the French bureaucratic garbage together, plus going around town trying to figure out how to get cell phones and wifi and all that - and I was the one doing all the talking. Fucking me with my bullshit anxiety issues just charging right through and getting shit done in another goddamn language when I didn’t even have half the vocabulary I needed. And my brother can’t make his own fucking dentist appointment. 

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23 minutes ago, fleaball said:

And my brother can’t make his own fucking dentist appointment. 

 

The thing that annoys me even more is that they accept your help, but still want to pretend they are super self-sufficient adults by arguing with you first, AND not keeping the notes you make them.

 

Your bro could have kept the maybe hundreds of scripts you have made him & page through to what is applicable to his situation. And show you that he is learning and trying to piece things together.

 

It would've been less soul sucking if he came to you like "Hey sis,  look, this is what you had me say last time, is it applicable for this situation as well?" (I was going to write something else but that was more active, this requires almost 0 active thinking on his part.)

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That is way too much crap to deal with even with a full night's sleep. I can't imagine having to put up with it on only two hours sleep. I hope and pray that you're able to put a dent into that sleep deficit and that today, once it starts, goes better. 

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What even is my life. 
 

Got some sleep. Not nearly as much as I wanted or needed but I do feel a lot more human. My dilemma now is do I try to go back to sleep for a few hours (it’s 2:30) or do I just power through and hopefully drag my ass to bed at a decent time tonight? My brother is on vacation next week so I won’t be on breakfast duty and I’m hoping I can reset myself and at least break the habit of staying up until I feed them. 
 

One of the reasons I didn’t get all the sleep I was hoping for was that I’d called the vet before I went to bed this morning to tell them about his limping and whatnot and ask them to call me back with advice. I got a call around 9 from a random tech who was like “hey we got your call. Do you want the doctor to call you back?” Yes? Unless you’re going to help me? So that was useless. Doctor called a few hours later, we discuss, she says if I want to bring him in she’s happy to look at him but repeated that he was walking around his cage after the procedure and was fine. I said I’d bring him in after he had lunch. Naturally once he came out of his hidey hole for lunch he’s fucking fine. No limping, no sitting funny, no stopping after a few steps and having to regroup. Which I’m not complaining about; I’m complaining about all my stress being for nothing lol. So I called back and was like “hey if he starts doing it again I’ll bring him in but he absolutely hates being in the carrier and in cars and he hates you guys so I don’t want to stress him out like that unless absolutely necessary.” The receptionist lady agreed. So the dumb fuck is back under my father’s bed sleeping very contentedly after his lunch. I’m happy he’s feeling better but grumpy about all the sleep I lost because of him. 
 

Haven’t seen my brother yet. But as of 6am he hadn’t called to make an appointment to get that tooth pulled. Nor has he called about getting a new psychiatrist. Which he keeps saying he needs to do on a day off because he can’t talk to them at work. I get it. But then he doesn’t ever call on days off either. I don’t actually want him to die from this infection but at the same time I can’t help thinking how much easier my life will be if he does. (I’m actively rooting for my father to kick the bucket though. Just for the record.) 

 

Im just babbling at this point. Gonna go drown myself in coffee instead of going back to sleep. Maybe I’ll do something productive. Who knows. 

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I was about to complain that I lost 3 hours in my game because I died right before I hit the save crystal. 
 

And then roommate texted to say she’s pretty sure her dad is dying in the very near future while she’s still stuck in Canada. And suddenly my game doesn’t matter. I feel so so bad for her and there’s not much that can be done. 

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Boobs are dumb. That is all. 

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17 hours ago, fleaball said:

Boobs are dumb. That is all. 

I know you're stressed right now, but speaking for all of us guys, Boobs are awesome.

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