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Flea Gonna Do Stuff


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Fun times at Flea’s house:
 

Two days ago my father was cleaning his room and offered me a pair of 1.5kg dumbbells, because they’re women’s weights. I said no thanks. He left them at the top of the stairs to be brought downstairs eventually and donated somewhere. 
 

His bedroom is also right at the top of the stairs. 
 

He just gave the poor cats heart attacks because he kicked one of the weights down the stairs on his way to the bathroom. Somehow it’s the cats’ fault he kicked it. Because the fact that he never took them downstairs is irrelevant. 
 

His AC shut itself off at the same time so I went in to try to fix it. (I’m pretty sure he has sleep mode turned on thinking it’s for when humans are sleeping. We already had this conversation yesterday.) As I’m trying to find the instruction booklet in his room, he kicks/trips over something on his floor. He screams “WHAT THE FUCK!” and whips it across the room. I didn’t even see what it was. So I just left and shut the door behind me. He can figure out the AC on his own. 
 

Can’t imagine why I jump at loud noises. 
 

And this is so commonplace that my brother didn’t even blink downstairs. He just asked me if the cats were still alive. 

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The cats are very much alive. Slightly rattled, but one is now sleeping on me and the other is perched in my window so I think they’re good. 

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4 hours ago, Red1263 said:

I know you're stressed right now, but speaking for all of us guys, Boobs are awesome.

 

Not if your girlfriend/wife won't let you near them because they are being jerks and hurting like hell :D

Or she is avoiding working out the way she wants to because they get in the way, making her sad lol

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3 hours ago, fleaball said:

Two days ago my father was cleaning his room and offered me a pair of 1.5kg dumbbells, because they’re women’s weights. I said no thanks.

 

:D

 

Okay, so, my grandfather is generally my gran, mom and I's biggest supporter (and other women) but I have been spending most of my conscious life explaining to him that weights don't make women bulky. 

And he has always been a cardio/team sports guy - i.e. in the "healthy body healthy mind"-way, not the jock way - so that made him even more surprised by me saying I want heavier KB than the 10 lbs ones I have :D

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I finally got around to washing my sheets. I put them in like 5 hours ago and just now got around to going down to put them in the dryer. Come to find out my brother needed to do laundry, so he took my shit out and put in the in dryer... but didn’t turn it on. I’m not asking him to do my laundry for me but come on, common sense says if you’re going through all that effort you could either turn it on or at least text me to see if I wanted you to? and/or let me know you’re going to need the dryer at some point so I do it myself? I can’t with this kid. So I turned the dryer on but I’m not going down to get my shit and change my sheets at 4am. Texted him and said if he needs the dryer before I get to it (ha) please just put my shit in my hamper that’s already down there. We’ll see what happens with that. 
 

I also have good news for once! That scholarship I got that requires you to work for the government for a year or pay it back? They’ll give you partial credit for things that apply so you don’t have to pay back the entire thing. I got 2 months off for the virtual internship I did in grad school, and I finally just got 2 more months of credit for the first year of research assistant-ing in school as well. It took forfuckingever because I swear they changed the rules every time I tried to get it approved. But it finally went through. tl;dr I saved future Flea $1900. Now I have until 2023 to figure out how to work off the other 2/3. (Someone tell the VA hospitals near me to let me volunteer on weekends. Pre-COVID they both only want volunteers during business hours, boo.)

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53 minutes ago, analoggirl said:

Washed sheets, and good news? That made me very happy to read! Woohoo

Seriously. Two things that never happen here! Now the real question: the sheets are clean, but when will they get put on the bed?

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14 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Two things that never happen here!

 

Now this sounds self-depricating :D Just enjoy that it happened! 

 

if we are going to linger and write paragraphs about the bad times, we need to balance it out and make a big deal about the good things too 🤗 (Not saying you make a big deal out of small things, but you often feel like you do.)

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On 6/25/2020 at 11:03 PM, Red1263 said:

I know you're stressed right now, but speaking for all of us guys, Boobs are awesome.

Not a guy but in total agreement :D 

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Does anyone have recommendations for small and not-crazy-expensive cardio machines? I feel like I’ve read every article ever written about “the top 10 X for your apartment” but I’m waffling. 
 

gyms aren’t allowed to open here until at least July 9 depending on how the situation unfolds. And even though we’re apparently 1 of 4 states on track to contain the virus, I’m cancelling my membership as soon as they’ll let me. I’d much rather keep a small, portable stationary bike in the garage and drag it out into the driveway to use every day and look like a fool than be huffing and puffing in a gym full of people who could be sick. 

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I was excited because my brother is on vacation this week, meaning he’s on breakfast duty and I’m doing lunch instead. So I can go to bed early and not feel like it’s a waste since I’ll have to get up anyway. And I went to bed much earlier than usual. And yet it’s still nearly 6am and I haven’t gotten to sleep because there are some feelings in the ways apparently. Not anxiety. But some kind of being down and like people are mad at me and I’m in trouble. Don’t know where it came from, especially because I haven’t actually spoken to anyone in several hours. But it’s keeping me awake and I am pissed. 

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4 hours ago, fleaball said:

I was excited because my brother is on vacation this week, meaning he’s on breakfast duty and I’m doing lunch instead. So I can go to bed early and not feel like it’s a waste since I’ll have to get up anyway. And I went to bed much earlier than usual. And yet it’s still nearly 6am and I haven’t gotten to sleep because there are some feelings in the ways apparently. Not anxiety. But some kind of being down and like people are mad at me and I’m in trouble. Don’t know where it came from, especially because I haven’t actually spoken to anyone in several hours. But it’s keeping me awake and I am pissed. 

I've experienced that before. It's probably still your defense system bracing yourself for some blowup, because you know they happen periodically, they happen for dumb reasons or no reason at all, which means you can't predict or prepare for them, and it's been a while, which means you are expecting another one. It happened to me for a while after I left my ex.

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Monday is starting its bullshit early. I was looking forward to the things I was going to accomplish today and then I started thinking about groceries and now I’m literally so anxious about it I feel like I might throw up. This is a new one for me. 

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Actually went grocery shopping in a store. I think I used all my spoons for the week. Still want to throw up. And after all that I still couldn’t get most of the things I wanted. Including what I was going to have for dinner. So now I’m just gonna go hang out with the cats and cry, I guess. 

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Also, lately I’ve been thinking about the “friends” I had in high school and college who told me I couldn’t be/wasn’t allowed to be/had no reason to be depressed. Mainly because my life wasn’t as bad as theirs: my parents were still married, we weren’t poor, my parents weren’t abusive, etc. It pissed me off then even though I ultimately wound up thinking they were right and I was just being dramatic. 
 

Joke’s on them.
 

My point here: I would never tell anyone their feelings and experiences are invalid because they don’t match my own. And if I’ve ever said anything that seemed to imply that, it wasn’t my intention and I’m sorry it came off that way. Let me know and we can talk it out if you want. 
 

My experiences and my reactions to them are my own, and are impacted by a million other things in my life. Everyone else’s experiences and reactions to them are also personal and impacted by a million things in their own lives. If you’re feeling down or shitty about things that are happening to you I will never compare your situation to mine or tell you to suck it up. You’re allowed to feel however the fuck you want to and I will support you because being depressed or anxious or whatever else isn’t a contest. 
 

This post was not brought on by anything anyone here said or did. It’s just something that’s been bothering me for a while and I needed to say. 

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19 minutes ago, fleaball said:

My point here: I would never tell anyone their feelings and experiences are invalid because they don’t match my own. And if I’ve ever said anything that seemed to imply that, it wasn’t my intention and I’m sorry it came off that way. Let me know and we can talk it out if you want. 
 

An extremely large part of my job is telling people their emotions are valid.

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1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

An extremely large part of my job is telling people their emotions are valid.

And then you come here and do the same thing. It sounds exhausting and idk how you do it. 

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57 minutes ago, fleaball said:

And then you come here and do the same thing. It sounds exhausting and idk how you do it. 

Not all the strength to do it comes from within me.

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1 hour ago, fleaball said:

And then you come here and do the same thing. It sounds exhausting and idk how you do it. 

He's good like that.

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3 hours ago, fleaball said:

I would never tell anyone their feelings and experiences are invalid

As long as you are including yourself in that "anyone" category :) 

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5 hours ago, fleaball said:

post was not brought on by anything anyone here said or did. It’s just something that’s been bothering me for a while and I needed to say. 


i am glad you had a place to say this.

 

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I’ve been looking forward to today for a week. My brother fed the cats their breakfast since he’s on vacation, and my therapist is also on vacation so I don’t have to get up for that. It’s like bonus sleep time, times two. 
 

Except it’s 8:30am now and I’m still wide awake. Bonus sleep time has evaporated before my eyes. And now my father is awake and banging around the kitchen like an asshole, so I doubt sleep will happen any time soon.

 

Yay. 

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Your brother has a week of vacation right? Still at least 6x retries?

 

Proposition: try not to hype yourself up for tonight/tomorrow morning. Lay down with the intention to give your body some relaxation, in the form of sleep or not.

 

In your bed, in your room, at night, there is no-one to bother you. No banging around. Okay, maybe the kitties, and maybe something MIGHT happen, and you MAY have heart burns, you MAY get feelings or thoughts etc. but there is the least chance someone or something will bother you.

 

Try to let go of the pressure of this week to be the week where you finally get some sleep. Try out techniques that sometimes calm you down. Take breaths. Tense up all of your limbs two at a time or all at once & let go. Take the time to experiment. 

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My father had a phone appointment with his doctor at 10:30 this morning. Last night I was this close to reminding him to make sure it was charged enough beforehand, but decided that no, I’m not his mother and he’s old enough to figure it out. 
 

Guess who got woken up at 10:26 by a panicking asshole who had let his phone die, and left it dead long enough that it didn’t immediately start up when it was plugged in? 
 

I can’t win no matter what I do. And now it’s two hours later and I’m so goddamn tired but I can’t get back to sleep. And even if I do, cat lunch is due in an hour and a half. I could turn off my alarms, but that won’t keep hungry cats from waking me up. 

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