Flea Gonna Do Stuff

[Tamesis]

*hugs*

[fleaball]

Today started out as not a bad day. And then my father decided to vacuum and it turns out he’s absolutely useless at it and he’s just been yelling at the thing for 15 minutes. It’s taking everything I have no to go down there and fix whatever self-inflicted issue he’s having. My new approach with his tantrums is to wait until I’m asked for help, and if that doesn’t happen I’ll only fix a thing if I need it myself or if somehow whatever he’s done is some kind of hazard. But it’s so fucking hard because I just want him to stop screaming at the vacuum because he can’t figure out how to use it properly. A fucking vacuum. 

[Lateral Planet]

13 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Today started out as not a bad day. And then my father decided to vacuum and it turns out he’s absolutely useless at it and he’s just been yelling at the thing for 15 minutes. It’s taking everything I have no to go down there and fix whatever self-inflicted issue he’s having. My new approach with his tantrums is to wait until I’m asked for help, and if that doesn’t happen I’ll only fix a thing if I need it myself or if somehow whatever he’s done is some kind of hazard. But it’s so fucking hard because I just want him to stop screaming at the vacuum because he can’t figure out how to use it properly. A fucking vacuum. 

I don't know about your vacuum, but generally you just plug it in and hit the on button so the mind boggles at how he could've possibly messed that up. Tantrums are an awfully passive-aggressive way to get help/attention so good on you for holding firm and waiting for a sincere request for help. Hope things calm down soon 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

Today started out as not a bad day. And then my father decided to vacuum and it turns out he’s absolutely useless at it and he’s just been yelling at the thing for 15 minutes. It’s taking everything I have no to go down there and fix whatever self-inflicted issue he’s having. My new approach with his tantrums is to wait until I’m asked for help, and if that doesn’t happen I’ll only fix a thing if I need it myself or if somehow whatever he’s done is some kind of hazard. But it’s so fucking hard because I just want him to stop screaming at the vacuum because he can’t figure out how to use it properly. A fucking vacuum. 

I'm proud of you. It's gonna suck (ha, no pun intended) at first, but you'll get better at it.

[Severine]

 

Hey! Just figured I would mention that I'm here now, and just caught up. My grandmother spent the last week and a half in hospital up in Toronto (long story, but she is out now, and doesn't have covid unless she caught it in there) and things were pretty fucking stressful for awhile there so I unplugged from just about everything else.

 

I did the Demystifying Mindfulness course! A year or two ago. Liked it pretty well overall. I'm now happily in a state where I mostly look forward to meditating rather than seeing it as a goalish thing I SHOULD do and then end up avoiding. I think that's actually the result of the French mindfulness course I did, not the coursera one, but there was probably some cumulative effect going on too.

 

You're being hardier than me re: Boston errands, honestly. We've just said fuck it for anything we don't urgently need because shopping is such a shitshow right now and stores are out of so much and delivery services are so unreliable. Plus I only feel okay using delivery if we leave a big tip and then it gets expensive. Obviously for cat food and meds etc. there's no choice, but anything else I'm just waiting until it's urgent. Plus my area has higher rates of infection than almost anywhere around here, woo.

 

On 5/7/2020 at 10:44 PM, fleaball said:

Thanks. Listening does help, tbh. Since no one here has met my family, I can be honest about what happens and I don't have to worry that no one will believe me or will think I'm exaggerating or anything.

 

For the record, having seen the dumbass stuff your dad and brother do at the house (that hole in the kitchen ceiling, good lord) I think if anything you're being quite measured in your reports of their fuckery. 

[Severine]

Also now because of you I have a challenge - thank you for your many gentle reminders

 

 

[WhiteGhost]

5 hours ago, fleaball said:

Today started out as not a bad day. And then my father decided to vacuum and it turns out he’s absolutely useless at it and he’s just been yelling at the thing for 15 minutes. It’s taking everything I have no to go down there and fix whatever self-inflicted issue he’s having. My new approach with his tantrums is to wait until I’m asked for help, and if that doesn’t happen I’ll only fix a thing if I need it myself or if somehow whatever he’s done is some kind of hazard. But it’s so fucking hard because I just want him to stop screaming at the vacuum because he can’t figure out how to use it properly. A fucking vacuum. 

The thought occurred to me that perhaps he CAN figure it out but hopes that by shouting at it loud enough you will come and take over for him so he can avoid doing the thing 

[juliebarkley]

46 minutes ago, WhiteGhost said:

The thought occurred to me that perhaps he CAN figure it out but hopes that by shouting at it loud enough you will come and take over for him so he can avoid doing the thing

Absolutely. My mother uses this tactic regularly with technology, often followed by a loud "Well, I give up. I guess xxx just won't ever get done!" Attempted manipulation via guilt.

[fleaball]

I’ll get back to you all eventually.

 

in the meantime can if anyone knows how to get a brain transplant so I can be a mildly functioning human being instead of a walking disaster please hit me up. 

[Severine]

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

I’ll get back to you all eventually.

 

in the meantime can if anyone knows how to get a brain transplant so I can be a mildly functioning human being instead of a walking disaster please hit me up. 

 

This is a radical medical approach but I think transplanting your dad and brother out of the house would greatly improve things.

[Sylvaa]

So this showed up on my timeline and I thought of you. Not because of the laziness point, but because the random motivation.

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

17 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

The thought occurred to me that perhaps he CAN figure it out but hopes that by shouting at it loud enough you will come and take over for him so he can avoid doing the thing 

DING DING DING!

10 hours ago, fleaball said:

I’ll get back to you all eventually.

 

in the meantime can if anyone knows how to get a brain transplant so I can be a mildly functioning human being instead of a walking disaster please hit me up. 

If I may, you don't need a brain transplant, you either need a house transplant or your house needs a men-ectomy. 

[Red1263]

18 hours ago, fleaball said:

I’ll get back to you all eventually.

 

in the meantime can if anyone knows how to get a brain transplant so I can be a mildly functioning human being instead of a walking disaster please hit me up. 

Well... there is one option

 

 

Also good on you to not reacting to EVERYTHING your dad does that frustrates you. I hope if nothing else, you gain patience.

[fleaball]

Okay, I’m tapping out. I’ve taken everything said on this page as criticism and being yelled at, even though that’s probably not what it was meant to be. I don’t know why I’m so sensitive all of a sudden but I clearly need to pull back and regroup. I’m going to hide in a blanket fort for an undetermined amount of time. I’m only making this post so you know I’m not dead. 

[Athena]

To be fair, there probably WAS criticism and internal screaming to some degree but towards the people making you feel like you do, not you.

 

And there was no smidgeon of blame aimed at you for being in this situation. (We just enjoy imagining you COULD simply transplant them out of your life.)

 

Insert virtual hug. 

[Sylvaa]

6 hours ago, fleaball said:

Okay, I’m tapping out. I’ve taken everything said on this page as criticism and being yelled at, even though that’s probably not what it was meant to be. I don’t know why I’m so sensitive all of a sudden but I clearly need to pull back and regroup. I’m going to hide in a blanket fort for an undetermined amount of time. I’m only making this post so you know I’m not dead. 

 

In before Tank can beat me to this: Your feelings are valid, regardless of the poster's (myself included) intent. To be very fair, I knew before I posted that there was a chance my post could be construed badly (the reason for my disclaimer in the post). I'm sorry that you feel that way (in general, but also in regards to my post).  

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

5 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

 

In before Tank can beat me to this: Your feelings are valid, regardless of the poster's (myself included) intent. To be very fair, I knew before I posted that there was a chance my post could be construed badly (the reason for my disclaimer in the post). I'm sorry that you feel that way (in general, but also in regards to my post).  

Well done. She's right Flea. 

 

Also, Kudos to you, Flea, for acknowledging your feelings, being open to the idea they might not be grounded in fact, and still taking care of yourself thereby validating your own feelings. That is an emotionally mature way to interact with the situation.

[Tateman]

Hope you are feeling better soon. 

[Red1263]

[WhiteGhost]

On 5/16/2020 at 5:47 PM, fleaball said:

I’m only making this post so you know I’m not dead.

I am glad that this is the case and hope that it remains to be the case for the foreseeable future.   

 

Feels gonna feel, it's just what they do.

 

 

[Sylvaa]

In other news, I also found this and literally this is most of the conversations between Flea and I:

 

 

[Severine]

Nothing particular to add, just wanted to send hugs and fist bumps. We're all in your corner and understand if you need space or just aren't feeling it.

[Athaclena]

{{{HUGS}}}

Nothing I said was meant in criticism. Just hoping you could apply something I finally figured out. And sweetie I've been there and if there were anything I could do to change your situation I would. I was you in SO many ways.

You come here and vent all you want\need. And I'll try to do better to ASK first if you need\want ideas.

[Whisper]

Hi Flea

 

Hope you're doing better today.

[Countess D'If]

Hello darling! Just chiming in to agree with what has been said above. I'm so proud of you that you noticed how you were feeling and that you said it out loud (well, typed it). Such a huge improvement in your self-awareness since you've been on this board.

 

I also wanted to point out something Severine said - she said "thanks for your gentle reminders." That is something that I love about you. As much as you are violently down on yourself, you are a kind, caring, and gentle friend. Someday, my wish for you is that you can be a kind, caring, and gentle friend to Flea, too.