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May today be your Good Day, Sky! ❤️ I hope your dates go well and that you get some good friendships, or at least a fun time out of them regardless of how things progress or don't from there ❤️ Be kind to yourself friend ❤️

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Thank you guys for all your sweet support! The date was, as my sister so eloquently put it, "pleasantly harmless".  :D  (My sister is actually a better writer than I am, even if she doesn't think she is - she is the Mycroft to my Sherlock!) The gentleman was pleasant and polite and we chatted for a few hours about nothing very important and almost nothing that I remember. He reminds me a LOT of my brother, which means he's a great person and would be a great friend, but I am not at all romantically attracted to him. Still, as you all said, it was great to have some socialization, great to meet someone new despite being stuck in my apartment, and great to share some tea and hopefully give him some nice distraction as well. He offered to talk again next week and I think I will tell him I'd love to be friends, which is true, but he should dedicate his romantic energies elsewhere because he deserves someone who's crazy about him. 

 

I did get asked out (virtually) by the other of the two guys I've been messaging with, the guy who writes really long messages, and I feel a much stronger connection with him, at least by text. We have a lot in common, he's a lively conversationalist and seems to have a lot of good, positive energy that makes me smile. I'm looking forward to meeting him, especially since he's from close to my hometown and we can reconnect over our favorite Midwestern cultural icons.  :) 

 

Guy has messaged me every day since our conversation, so it is confirmed that he heard "You need to try harder" instead of "I don't want you to come around."  :P  In his defense, and I really was pretty hard on him the last time, I think he's really trying to show up for me in the way he thinks I want him to - when he went into the topic of my not depending on him, he really did mean it as something friendly, that he wants me to feel comfortable being myself and relaxing around him. But it isn't his heart that makes me not want to be with him. He feels incredibly powerless to become who he wants to be and do what he wants with his life - he is stuck still in the culture and community we both grew up in, and most of our conversations revolve around his longing to ditch everything and escape to start a new life. But he's had opportunity after opportunity to do that for two decades and he hasn't - and I have. I want his well-being and I want him to be happy but I cannot and will not get stuck back in the place I grew out of.

 

SO MUCH DRAMA GUYS I DON'T EVEN LIKE DATING AND SUDDENLY THAT'S ALL I'M DOING WHY IS LIFE

 

On a brighter note, @Red1263 and @Maggie-Miau, I did declare yesterday and today to be good days, and they were!!  :D  I did a gentle yoga video after the date last night and am about to do another one; I have eaten too much today, which felt kind of yucky, but also since I was barely eating at all for weeks I don't think it's bad; today my allergies are a nightmare and I've been itchy and sneezy and achy all day, but that's because it's a rainy polleny day, so I'll be better soon.  :)

 

Oh!!! And!!! The BIG NEWS!!! Look who is almost big enough to come home and become MY VERY OWN FUR-CHILD:

IMG_3599.JPG

 

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MEET SOJI!!!

 

I'm still going to plant my hope-garden, but for this month, at least, my spare change is going to my hope-kitten, whom I fell in love with the moment I laid eyes on her as a newborn and have patiently waited for her to get healthy and strong enough to come home. She'll be ready on June 1 and I'm going to order her supplies and food and toys this weekend and I am so excited. It's taken me 18 months to feel ready to care for a pet, and while I'm going to have to be even more careful with my money now, I just love this little one and I'm willing to skip the new clothes for a while to get her situated.  ❤️ 

 

ARE YOU READY TO BE FLOODED WITH KITTEN PICTURES AND VIDEOS IN A FEW WEEKS??

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I'm so happy for you Sky. There is so much happiness and maturity in that post. You have become the character you wish to portray. Your self-awareness, confidence, and maturity all came through in that post, which means you are self-aware, confident, and mature. I am very, very proud of you. I remember when you first joined the forums, and I see you now, and there has been SO. MUCH. GROWTH!

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KITTY!!! Your kitten is absolutely Adorable! Also I'm glad that you had a good date, it might not have resulted in anything romantic, but it's a start. You're getting out there and socializing which is good from time to time. See what happens when you face the day with a positive attitude? I always tell myself, "There are no bad days, only bad moments in a good day." 

 

Errr in terms of Guy, how direct were you? Speaking as a male human, we can be pretty dense/oblivious in terms of subtly, to truly get the message across, you sometimes have to have it written down in clear wording and plastered all over the place :P

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7 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MEET SOJI!!!

SOOOOOOJIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!

 

On behalf of all the other cat owners here, we demand the Cat Tax :D 

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Hello SkyGirl, I'm Min. Reading your posts make me feel like I'm flowing gently down a river, its rather soothing. I'm rooting for you. Also, Soji is absolutely adorable!

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SOJI SOJI SOJI SOJI SOOOOOOOOJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII YES HELLO LITTLE SOJI ahhhhhh did you choose her name, or is the name she comes with, or...? In any case she and her name are precious, i'm so happy for you! ❤️

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!!!!!!!!!!!

 

A BAAAAAAABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

 

We demand many many photos and videos!!!!! ❤️❤️ So happy for you~

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20 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I'm so happy for you Sky. There is so much happiness and maturity in that post. You have become the character you wish to portray. Your self-awareness, confidence, and maturity all came through in that post, which means you are self-aware, confident, and mature. I am very, very proud of you. I remember when you first joined the forums, and I see you now, and there has been SO. MUCH. GROWTH!

 

tenor.gif

 

I will never get tired of saying that this group, and also you specifically, have fostered much more of that growth than I can ever fully describe. I can't even begin to imagine who I would be if I had not joined the Rebellion and had all of you to walk alongside me. Your example, your encouragement, and your wisdom have supported me and shaped me along my journey and so much of my growth and discovery is thanks to you all.  ❤️ 

 

18 hours ago, Red1263 said:

KITTY!!! Your kitten is absolutely Adorable! Also I'm glad that you had a good date, it might not have resulted in anything romantic, but it's a start. You're getting out there and socializing which is good from time to time. See what happens when you face the day with a positive attitude? I always tell myself, "There are no bad days, only bad moments in a good day." 

 

Errr in terms of Guy, how direct were you? Speaking as a male human, we can be pretty dense/oblivious in terms of subtly, to truly get the message across, you sometimes have to have it written down in clear wording and plastered all over the place :P

 

ISN'T SHE PRECIOUS I CANNOT EVEN

Exactly, and I did send him the message letting him know he was great but I didn't really see a romantic future; and he responded cordially, thanked me for my honesty and didn't push it.  ❤️  So - Level 1 of Online Dating unlocked, I guess!!

 

I was ... not direct with Guy. I was direct in what I found unsatisfactory, but not in my desired outcome. He said he might call me today, so if he does, I'll ... try again, I guess. Though that sounds unappealing at the moment; it's a sunny day and I just baked muffins while listening to Chapter 1 of "Fellowship of the Ring," why do I want to go and spoil this zen-ness ...  :P 

 

13 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

SOOOOOOJIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!

 

On behalf of all the other cat owners here, we demand the Cat Tax :D 

 

I PROMISE YOU WILL BE SO TIRED OF HER PHOTOS AND VIDEOS BY THE TIME I'M DONE

 

12 hours ago, //Min said:

Hello SkyGirl, I'm Min. Reading your posts make me feel like I'm flowing gently down a river, its rather soothing. I'm rooting for you. Also, Soji is absolutely adorable!

 

Hello Min! I'm so glad you're here, and welcome to the Rebellion!  ❤️  

 

11 hours ago, Quirky Quinn said:

What a lovely update!  Congrats on great lifing!

 

And Soji looks adorable!

 

 

Thank you Quinn!! Good lifing is no joke!!  :D 

 

She DOES look adorable and I can't wait to meet her!!

 

4 hours ago, Maggie-Miau said:

SOJI SOJI SOJI SOJI SOOOOOOOOJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII YES HELLO LITTLE SOJI ahhhhhh did you choose her name, or is the name she comes with, or...? In any case she and her name are precious, i'm so happy for you! ❤️

 

ISN'T SHE MAGICAL I LOVE HER ALREADY!!!!!  ❤️ And I picked out her name - originally I thought I was going to get her and her sister, so it made perfect sense to name them Soji and Dahj, after the twins on "Star Trek: Picard"; but even though it looks like it'll just be her, Soji is still such a pretty name that I decided to keep it!   :) 

 

2 hours ago, Salinger said:

Oh my word Soji is adorable!!!!! ❤️ so amazing, and what a great update ❤️ xx

 

Thank you Sal!! I can't wait to introduce her to all of you!!  ❤️❤️❤️ 

 

2 hours ago, loire said:

!!!!!!!!!!!

 

A BAAAAAAABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

 

We demand many many photos and videos!!!!! ❤️❤️ So happy for you~

 

SHE IS BABEY, I SHALL BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO COMPLY  ❤️❤️❤️

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5 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

Exactly, and I did send him the message letting him know he was great but I didn't really see a romantic future; and he responded cordially, thanked me for my honesty and didn't push it.  ❤️  So - Level 1 of Online Dating unlocked, I guess!!

Levelup GIFs | Tenor

 

5 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

I was ... not direct with Guy. I was direct in what I found unsatisfactory, but not in my desired outcome. He said he might call me today, so if he does, I'll ... try again, I guess. Though that sounds unappealing at the moment; it's a sunny day and I just baked muffins while listening to Chapter 1 of "Fellowship of the Ring," why do I want to go and spoil this zen-ness ...  :P 

D'oh! Just like with the first guy, you have to be direct and clear about your intentions. If not, then your zen-ness will continue to have a shadow over it! But if you're clear from the very beginning then your Zen-ness will reach levels of Nirvana!

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Oh also, as a pet owner who's cat is colored on the 'white' edge of the black and white spectrum, I feel I should advise you that these will be your new best friend....

 

Amazon.com: Scotch-Brite Lint Roller Value Pack, Works great on ...

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On 5/9/2020 at 12:01 AM, SkyGirl said:

ARE YOU READY TO BE FLOODED WITH KITTEN PICTURES AND VIDEOS IN A FEW WEEKS??

 

I AM ALWAYS READY!

 

She is super cute! ❤️

 

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On 5/9/2020 at 10:59 PM, Red1263 said:

D'oh! Just like with the first guy, you have to be direct and clear about your intentions. If not, then your zen-ness will continue to have a shadow over it! But if you're clear from the very beginning then your Zen-ness will reach levels of Nirvana!

 

tenor.gif?itemid=8047525

 

You're right, hopefully an opportunity will present itself soon! It'd be nice to let go of some old things to make room for new ones!

 

9 hours ago, loire said:

Oh also, as a pet owner who's cat is colored on the 'white' edge of the black and white spectrum, I feel I should advise you that these will be your new best friend....

 

Amazon.com: Scotch-Brite Lint Roller Value Pack, Works great on ...

 

Ahhhhh, yes yes, thank you, I would have forgotten to add that to the list!!!

 

tenor.gif

 

8 hours ago, Jarric said:

 

I AM ALWAYS READY!

 

She is super cute! ❤️

 

 

Thank you!! I can't wait to meet her!!  :) 

 

1 hour ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

KITTEH.

 

It's so great to hear and see all the growth in your life ❤️

 

Thank you Jedi!! It honestly comes as a surprise to me, because I have felt like I'm tumbling backwards, if anything at all!  :)  Growth can be such a backwards process sometimes!

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Spoiler

 

 

This weekend was honestly one of the nicest weekends I've had in a really, really long time. I did so many wonderfully refreshing things and feel so much more rested at the end of it than I have in a long time.

 

Yesterday, I slept in very late, well into the afternoon, and since it was a cold gray day, I baked blueberry muffins, cleaned the downstairs, made pasta salad, answered a lot of messages, worked on my friend's afghan, downloaded and listened to the first two chapters of Fellowship of the Ring, and watched a movie with a friend in the evening. It was lots of hands-on things that energized me and grounded me, and I felt so much happier and lighter by the end of the day.  :)  Only a quick yoga flow yesterday, nothing intense, but that's okay, I did something!

 

Today was a brilliantly beautiful sunny day, not a cloud in the sky, absolutely dazzling sunshine and a soft breeze and green leaves and spring perfection all around. So I got up just in time to catch my church's livestreamed service; made bacon in the oven (and only ate half of it!); cleaned up the kitchen; took a brisk walk and discovered a trail I've never taken before, which was stunning; came home and called Ayre, then made a super indulgent dinner (hot dogs, mac and cheese, and baked beans) and called my grandma, then FaceTimed with my mom and family; then watched a movie with another friend and caught up on some other messages.  :)  The walk was not nearly enough to counterbalance the quantity of food I ate today - but my weight held steady last week and it's still much lower than usual, so I think that's okay too. 

 

Overall the weekend reminded me how badly I need sensory activities to feel grounded and calm - I'm not naturally someone who gravitates toward working with her hands or seeking out sensory activities, but I think that's all the more reason I need to remember them when I'm not feeling the best mentally. Making things, baking, crocheting / knitting, even cleaning and sorting and taking hot showers - all of those things help me feel more connected with the world and help quiet my mind too. I'm sure if I tried to schedule or structure some kind of sensory time in, I'd end up forgetting it; but I want very much to keep this in mind going forward.

 

Speaking of my mental health, despite my burst of energy this weekend, I've caught myself making some slightly scary spontaneous remarks to my family (which I won't write down because I don't want to trigger anyone, but they definitely come from the depressed side of my brain without my intentionally summoning them, and kind of make me go  😮  HEY WHAT). Nothing really to worry about, but a sobering reminder that I'm not out of the depression-woods yet and I need to keep caring for my mental health as well as my physical health. I think I was supposed to have a counseling appointment this week but the office forgot to schedule me; so I'll reach out tomorrow to get one set up. And if I get my work done well at the beginning of the week, I might try to take Friday off, for some more restful activities. It's supposed to be hot toward the weekend so I might drag one of my chairs out on the balcony and do some work out there!!  :D 

 

Tomorrow I really need to get Soji's paperwork in and start ordering her supplies - but for now it's time to get some rest. I really really really really really really need to start moving my bedtime backward because this 3AM-to-11AM schedule is not acceptable for a full-time employee!!!

 

tenor.gif?itemid=12451831 

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5 minutes ago, Salinger said:

Hey sky :) 

 

how has your weekend been?xx

 

I just missed you!!  :D  Update above!  ❤️ 

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2 hours ago, SkyGirl said:
  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

This weekend was honestly one of the nicest weekends I've had in a really, really long time. I did so many wonderfully refreshing things and feel so much more rested at the end of it than I have in a long time.

 

Yesterday, I slept in very late, well into the afternoon, and since it was a cold gray day, I baked blueberry muffins, cleaned the downstairs, made pasta salad, answered a lot of messages, worked on my friend's afghan, downloaded and listened to the first two chapters of Fellowship of the Ring, and watched a movie with a friend in the evening. It was lots of hands-on things that energized me and grounded me, and I felt so much happier and lighter by the end of the day.  :)  Only a quick yoga flow yesterday, nothing intense, but that's okay, I did something!

 

Today was a brilliantly beautiful sunny day, not a cloud in the sky, absolutely dazzling sunshine and a soft breeze and green leaves and spring perfection all around. So I got up just in time to catch my church's livestreamed service; made bacon in the oven (and only ate half of it!); cleaned up the kitchen; took a brisk walk and discovered a trail I've never taken before, which was stunning; came home and called Ayre, then made a super indulgent dinner (hot dogs, mac and cheese, and baked beans) and called my grandma, then FaceTimed with my mom and family; then watched a movie with another friend and caught up on some other messages.  :)  The walk was not nearly enough to counterbalance the quantity of food I ate today - but my weight held steady last week and it's still much lower than usual, so I think that's okay too. 

 

Overall the weekend reminded me how badly I need sensory activities to feel grounded and calm - I'm not naturally someone who gravitates toward working with her hands or seeking out sensory activities, but I think that's all the more reason I need to remember them when I'm not feeling the best mentally. Making things, baking, crocheting / knitting, even cleaning and sorting and taking hot showers - all of those things help me feel more connected with the world and help quiet my mind too. I'm sure if I tried to schedule or structure some kind of sensory time in, I'd end up forgetting it; but I want very much to keep this in mind going forward.

 

Speaking of my mental health, despite my burst of energy this weekend, I've caught myself making some slightly scary spontaneous remarks to my family (which I won't write down because I don't want to trigger anyone, but they definitely come from the depressed side of my brain without my intentionally summoning them, and kind of make me go  😮  HEY WHAT). Nothing really to worry about, but a sobering reminder that I'm not out of the depression-woods yet and I need to keep caring for my mental health as well as my physical health. I think I was supposed to have a counseling appointment this week but the office forgot to schedule me; so I'll reach out tomorrow to get one set up. And if I get my work done well at the beginning of the week, I might try to take Friday off, for some more restful activities. It's supposed to be hot toward the weekend so I might drag one of my chairs out on the balcony and do some work out there!!  :D 

 

Tomorrow I really need to get Soji's paperwork in and start ordering her supplies - but for now it's time to get some rest. I really really really really really really need to start moving my bedtime backward because this 3AM-to-11AM schedule is not acceptable for a full-time employee!!!

 

tenor.gif?itemid=12451831 

 

Self awareness level 1000! 

 

Sounds like you had a wonderful weekend Sky!

 

Although, wouldn't moving bedtime backward not mean going to bed even later?

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Gosh, reading about your weekend makes me SO HAPPY! One of my favorite things is discovering new trails too, I feel like a kid again, all wide-eyed and ready to explore, if that makes sense!

 

HAPPY MONDAY FRIEND!!

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10 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

Overall the weekend reminded me how badly I need sensory activities to feel grounded and calm - I'm not naturally someone who gravitates toward working with her hands or seeking out sensory activities, but I think that's all the more reason I need to remember them when I'm not feeling the best mentally.

One of my seminary professors had a nervous breakdown after a long bout of insomnia once (well after I had graduated). Part of his recovery at the direction of his therapist was to walk outside and touch leaves as he passed them.

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52 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

One of my seminary professors had a nervous breakdown after a long bout of insomnia once (well after I had graduated). Part of his recovery at the direction of his therapist was to walk outside and touch leaves as he passed them.

 

Coming back around to say - this - one of the biggest things that got me through A Very Hard Time in Life was realizing I was about to get panicky and just... run my fingers over something, my keyboard, the fabric of the clothes I was wearing, a rock or knicknack on my desk, and just focus on how that items felt in your hands and under your fingertips for a good 30 seconds. Total game changer. ❤️

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