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Whisper

Whisper's Narrow Focus

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Do what you can when you can. I know how life gets and while we love seeing you, you need time for you too.  I think you are doing great with everything you got going on.

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On 5/19/2020 at 10:22 AM, Whisper said:

 Updated the signature just for you.

I am known for being demanding :P sorrrrrry but thannnnk yoooou 

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So, last week I worked roughly 58 hours, Monday through Saturday, had two 1.5 hour PT sessions, was at church for 1-2 hours three nights, and 4 hours Sunday. I'm not complaining (it looks like I'm complaining), just trying to underscore how crazy things have been lately. Butttttttttttttt, I don't think that is the real problem. I think the real problem is a stupid game called Hero Wars, that is managing to eat up every other moment that i have. It started off with 1 character, but managed to balloon to 5 characters on two accounts. And I'm spending every moment I can squeeze out on it and not getting anything else done. I was sitting there Monday, finally having a day when I didn't need to leave the house for anything, and spending hour after hour on the game and not really sure that I was enjoying myself with it, more feeling compelled to get things done in the game...

 

I've decided to trash one of the accounts (two characters) and see if that works better. I run into this with games sometimes, where I get into them and they push everything else out. If things don't get better with it, I'll just have to stop playing this one entirely. I don't want to do that, but if that's what I need to do, I'll do it.

 

Now I'm going to take some time not playing to catch up on other people's threads.

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2 hours ago, Whisper said:

So, last week I worked roughly 58 hours, Monday through Saturday, had two 1.5 hour PT sessions, was at church for 1-2 hours three nights, and 4 hours Sunday. I'm not complaining (it looks like I'm complaining), just trying to underscore how crazy things have been lately. Butttttttttttttt, I don't think that is the real problem. I think the real problem is a stupid game called Hero Wars, that is managing to eat up every other moment that i have. It started off with 1 character, but managed to balloon to 5 characters on two accounts. And I'm spending every moment I can squeeze out on it and not getting anything else done. I was sitting there Monday, finally having a day when I didn't need to leave the house for anything, and spending hour after hour on the game and not really sure that I was enjoying myself with it, more feeling compelled to get things done in the game...

 

I've decided to trash one of the accounts (two characters) and see if that works better. I run into this with games sometimes, where I get into them and they push everything else out. If things don't get better with it, I'll just have to stop playing this one entirely. I don't want to do that, but if that's what I need to do, I'll do it.

 

Now I'm going to take some time not playing to catch up on other people's threads.

That does sound crazy so I honestly don't blame you for sinking into RPG world.... BUT don't leave us lol I am proud of you for getting rid of 1 account. That takes some willpower. Games make it too easy to sink into them for extended periods of time. MMOs used to be my life for probably 2 years... I tend to stick to games like CoD, Red dead 2, Jedi: fallen order.... games I can play for 15mins - however long but I can easily put down. I miss MMOs sometimes but more the community and friends you make 

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So, this post is about how Tangy Fruit Smiles are a lot like "free to play" video games...

Spoiler

Great Value Tangy Fruit Smiles, 50 Count, 0.9 oz - Walmart.com ...

 

I think the best way to describe both of them is that they scratch an itch, but the type of itch that when you scratch it, only itches more, so you keep going until there is blood under your fingernails. In both cases, I'm not sure that I actually enjoy them, but they seem to satisfy (this is the wrong word, but I don't know what the right word is) something deep inside that is so desperate for satisfaction that I keep going past the point of comfort and reason until they become a destructive force for me.

 

With games, the only solution I've found is to admit that the game is a problem, and stop playing entirely. A sure sign of this is when I'm waking up in the middle of the night to check on things and reset the game timers (looking at you Township and Simcity). My current game doesn't quite reach this point, only so much you can do in a game, part of why I created so many characters, so I could do more. Yesterday went better on this front after cutting back characters. Did what I could, couldn't do more, did other things.

 

Intuitive Eating tells me not to take this approach. It tells me not to forbid food, but to allow myself to eat what I want, but to pay more attention when I do it. It talks about letting yourself get sick of eating a food so that it loses power over you, rather than giving it the appeal of the forbidden pleasure. I'm not sure exactly where I am with these right now. When I eat them, I do often end up feeling physically sick and asking myself why I keep eating them. I don't have any left at home right now, and I don't want to go out and get more of them, but I also know that if I did have them at home, I would be eating them.

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22 hours ago, Whisper said:

So, this post is about how Tangy Fruit Smiles are a lot like "free to play" video games...

  Hide contents

Great Value Tangy Fruit Smiles, 50 Count, 0.9 oz - Walmart.com ...

 

I think the best way to describe both of them is that they scratch an itch, but the type of itch that when you scratch it, only itches more, so you keep going until there is blood under your fingernails. In both cases, I'm not sure that I actually enjoy them, but they seem to satisfy (this is the wrong word, but I don't know what the right word is) something deep inside that is so desperate for satisfaction that I keep going past the point of comfort and reason until they become a destructive force for me.

 

With games, the only solution I've found is to admit that the game is a problem, and stop playing entirely. A sure sign of this is when I'm waking up in the middle of the night to check on things and reset the game timers (looking at you Township and Simcity). My current game doesn't quite reach this point, only so much you can do in a game, part of why I created so many characters, so I could do more. Yesterday went better on this front after cutting back characters. Did what I could, couldn't do more, did other things.

 

Intuitive Eating tells me not to take this approach. It tells me not to forbid food, but to allow myself to eat what I want, but to pay more attention when I do it. It talks about letting yourself get sick of eating a food so that it loses power over you, rather than giving it the appeal of the forbidden pleasure. I'm not sure exactly where I am with these right now. When I eat them, I do often end up feeling physically sick and asking myself why I keep eating them. I don't have any left at home right now, and I don't want to go out and get more of them, but I also know that if I did have them at home, I would be eating them.

 

 

I think this is a good explanation of this. I have had this happen too with games or other things, and it can be hard. I use to play one that was online and I may have had the alarms at 2 am to do things. I don't miss it. but it was fun to do until it was a job.

Good luck with the game and I hope things are bit quieter.

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I think the "scratch an itch" analogy is true. I feel that with the eating side of things for sure. And I sometimes get that when I am watching anime or korean dramas where I just need to watch ALL OF IT at once. It's like my brain flips a switch. Some of this intuitive eating logic does make sense to me. I might need to see if my library has a version of the book. To see if its something I can bring into my life.

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How do you deal with situations where your brain doesn't agree with itself?

 

There is this couple at church that I've been interacting with a fair amount since we started streaming services.  The husband has been handling a lot of the technical stuff with all of this, and running the sound system during the services. I've been working right next to him, running the computer that handles the words. The wife has been one of the singers. They're good, nice people, but I always feel like they're kind of standoffish, especially the wife. Which is dumb, because the truth of the matter is that I am standoffish and uncomfortable around people and it isn't fair to judge someone else who's probably dealing with some of the same stuff, but it keeps bothering my dumb head and I don't know what to do with it.

 

On a tangentially related note, with the gradually reduced restrictions with COVID, we've been able to start training other people in what we've been doing. This isn't likely to reduce the number of hours I've been putting in at church anytime soon, but it does mean that I get to start transitioning back to being a musician, at least part of the time. I got to play violin for our traditional service last Sunday and for our Wednesday service (in spoiler). I'm really excited to be playing for the contemporary service this Sunday. I played with a worship band on a fairly regular basis several years ago, and I've really missed that style of playing. We had our practice this evening, and it was really fun.

 

 

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14 hours ago, Rookie said:

I might need to see if my library has a version of the book. To see if its something I can bring into my life.

I have found a lot of it to be a helpful way of thinking about things.

 

 

15 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

I think this is a good explanation of this. I have had this happen too with games or other things, and it can be hard. I use to play one that was online and I may have had the alarms at 2 am to do things. I don't miss it. but it was fun to do until it was a job.

Good luck with the game and I hope things are bit quieter.

The sleep meds that I'm on are really strong, but short lasting. As such, I've got alarms set for 12:00 and 12:30 (incase I don't hear the first alarm), to take a 2nd dose so I can sleep through the rest of the night. If I take it after one, I won't be good to drive at 4:30, but if I miss it, sleep quality goes to crap by 2.

 

Anyway, alarm is already set, but there have been games where I've woken up to take my meds, and instead of going back to sleep like a good little boy, I would stay up for a couple hours messing with it. Those are the games I am far better off not playing at all.

 

Work isn't going to get much quieter for at least a few more weeks, but I'm trying to balance things better.

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Wow thats a solid done service you guys put together. It looks very professional.

 

As for the couple who is stand offish... I wouldn't worry about it too much, just continue being friendly. Like you said you never know what they are going through right now. So thats usually how I deal with it lol I just tell myself its not my problem and I can't control how people act or feel and I just continue being civil and nice.  But I am also an introvert and feel more comfortable when other people make the "First move" and if they don't then I am perfectly happy allowing people to be quiet / standoffish around me.

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18 hours ago, Whisper said:

On a tangentially related note, with the gradually reduced restrictions with COVID, we've been able to start training other people in what we've been doing. This isn't likely to reduce the number of hours I've been putting in at church anytime soon, but it does mean that I get to start transitioning back to being a musician, at least part of the time. I got to play violin for our traditional service last Sunday and for our Wednesday service (in spoiler). I'm really excited to be playing for the contemporary service this Sunday. I played with a worship band on a fairly regular basis several years ago, and I've really missed that style of playing. We had our practice this evening, and it was really fun.

 

Yay, I'm glad you're able to get back to playing again. :) 

 

 

8 hours ago, Rookie said:

Wow thats a solid done service you guys put together. It looks very professional.

 

As for the couple who is stand offish... I wouldn't worry about it too much, just continue being friendly. Like you said you never know what they are going through right now. So thats usually how I deal with it lol I just tell myself its not my problem and I can't control how people act or feel and I just continue being civil and nice.  But I am also an introvert and feel more comfortable when other people make the "First move" and if they don't then I am perfectly happy allowing people to be quiet / standoffish around me.

 

Agreed. :) 

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Saturday didn't really go according to plan.

 

It was supposed to be my day off, and I had planned to sleep in for a bit, but unfortunately, there were problems at work and I got woken up by my supervisor at 5:40. Talked him through a few things, then I was in a funky "I can still feel my sleep meds, but I don't feel tired" state. Got up for a bit, but started getting tired again just before 7, so was about to go back to sleep, when I got another call from my supervisor. Talked for a few minutes, tried to get comfortable and the phone rang again. Asked if he needed me to come in and he said he wasn't sure, so decided that there wasn't any point in going back to sleep. Got up again, decided to go for a walk while waiting to see if he would call again. Did about 2 miles around the neighborhood, which I was happy about, but just didn't have anything left when I got back home. Finally around 10 I just couldn't keep my eyes open, slept for an hour, got woken up by my supervisor again, and then slept for another hour.

 

Did a little bit in the afternoon, but just never got past feeling drained.

 

This morning, I ran the words for our first service, and played violin for the 2nd. (link to video in spoiler). My Aunt commented that my hair looked "professionally frosted" which is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said about by graying hair. She also said it sounded like our sound teck was asleep and the board, and when I watched the servies myself, yeah. Yikes! Most of it came through alright, but there were some major times where the right mics were not on today.

Spoiler

 

 

After that, took M to get some groceries for herself, got her home and did my grocery shopping. There is more stuff I would like to get done today, but not sure that any of it is going to happen.

 

Next week is going to be crazy busy. Like, more so than usual. I've got some of my OEMs out from South Dakota to install a new machine, reinstall one we moved, and make some major modifications to another.

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Well, I would be annoyed too by being called that much. At least you got a good walk in, but I am glad you were able to sleep a bit longer. I hope this week goes as smoothly as possible and you can have some downtime.

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Played the service this evening. Spunds to me like the sound tech did better tonight. If you jump ahead to about 7:15, I have a small solo. Or you can listen to all of it...

 

 

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Your life sounds like it’s been bananas recently. I hope you’ve had a chance to catch up on some sleep!

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It is with great sadness and reluctance that I must confess to you, my brothers and sisters, that this is not working. Feeling really frustrated with that; I had hoped that having a narrow focus would work, but I haven't made any progress in the workbook that I'm supposed to be focusing on. Things have been crazy and busy and while if I had made it a priority, I would have been able to find time for it, I just haven't had the energy to prioritize it.

 

So, I've got a few options. I could beat myself up over it and firmly swear to start doing better; which I probably wouldn't.  I could give up on everything until things stop being crazy, which will probably never happen. Or, I can step back, ask myself which of the things that I'm sucking at doing right now would have the biggest improvement if I started sucking slightly less at it, and switch my narrow focus over to that, and keep trying to do at least something to make things better.

 

4 hours ago, fleaball said:

Your life sounds like it’s been bananas recently. I hope you’ve had a chance to catch up on some sleep!

Hi Flea, you've just answered my question. I should focus (once again, because I've only done most of my challenges on it) on getting enough sleep. I need more than I have been getting, and I could always use higher quality sleep.

 

So, Whisper's Narrow Focus is now: Thou shalt honor they sleep space and keep it sacred.  That means that the laptop stays out of the bedroom, and if I want a midnight snack, that's fine, just don't eat it in bed. Bed time and bed room are for sleeping, nothing else. I've actually been refocusing my efforts here for a few days, and it has been helping me get to sleep earlier. Not perfect, but progress that is worth maintaining and growing.

 

 

 

 

Unrelated: does anyone else have trouble with spell check inside chrome? It will underline words in red, until I try and go back and fix them, when it decides that their fine, until I move my mouse away. Words keep getting underlined, and the underline goes away and comes back as I'm typing, until it feels like a game of whack a mole to try and fix anything. It is worst on here, because I type more on here than anywhere else, but I do have the same problem in other areas. There's probably a really easy fix for this, but I don't feel like figuring out how to ask google.

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Focusing on sleep sounds like a great idea. Getting good and enough sleep will improve all the other areas of your life. 

 

I haven't noticed that spellcheck issue. I just tried spelling some things wrong on purpose but it didn't do it for me either. Sorry. 

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On 6/7/2020 at 5:07 PM, Whisper said:

Or, I can step back, ask myself which of the things that I'm sucking at doing right now would have the biggest improvement if I started sucking slightly less at it, and switch my narrow focus over to that, and keep trying to do at least something to make things better.

 

I love this mindset, you got this. And I agree with Flea, focusing on sleep sounds like a great idea. 

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On 6/7/2020 at 7:07 PM, Whisper said:

So, I've got a few options. I could beat myself up over it and firmly swear to start doing better; which I probably wouldn't.  I could give up on everything until things stop being crazy, which will probably never happen. Or, I can step back, ask myself which of the things that I'm sucking at doing right now would have the biggest improvement if I started sucking slightly less at it, and switch my narrow focus over to that, and keep trying to do at least something to make things better.

 

 

 

I think this is a great idea. Sometimes it is about taking control of what you can and getting that done. Good luck and hopefully you and your bed can become friends.

iBn8Xp5ZcUMua7sToe1PYqfFagGM6aSHQwNzdaxT

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So, going to try and do a quick update.

Worked 6, 10s last week, had two physical therapy appointments, Thursday after work I took M to the ER, found out that I couldn't stay with her, so instead had 3.5 hours of service rehearsals at church, this morning I was at church for 4.5 hours for the two services, with all the set-up and such that go into them, and then after church, I had a lunch meeting with the senior pastor and some members of the congregation. So, yeah, still really busy. On the bright side, they've switched how we're handling the Wednesday service, so I no longer need to be at church Tuesday and Wednesday evenings.

 

8 days ago, M and I decided to buy a new car. She got a lump sum from her Disability being approved, and while she could have bought a car on her own, and I could have gotten my own car, we decided that the sharing arrangement we've been doing that last 3 years has been working fairly well, and we could pool our resources and get a nicer car to share than we could have gotten on our own. Long story short, I'm now driving a 2019 Chevy Equinox, with a monthly payment under $200. Hoping that being good with payments on the car loan will help boost my credit and make progress towards buying my own home eventually.

 

M's health is still having lots of problems. As said above, I took her to the ER on Thursday, lots of pain and vomiting. She's worried that she might have another kidney stone. They gave her some stuff, did some imaging and sent her home with a referral to a gastroenterologist  and advice to get a GI scope...

 

 

 

Some notes on sleeping.

I've been doing fairly consistent with getting to sleep between 9 and 10, which isn't the ideal of closer to 8, but is much better than 11 to 12. Even with doing better on sleep I was noticing that I was still super tired when I woke up and throughout the day. My doc had recommended that I try CBD oil, which I was taking before bed. It did seem to be helping me sleep more soundly, but I was wondering if it was part of being tired during the day, so I cut the amount I was taking in half a few days ago. At the same time, I realized that I hadn't been taking any of the supplements I'm supposed to take, including the prescription Vitamin D, so decided to start taking those again. The combination seems to have helped my overall energy levels, so I'm going to continue doing both.

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I'm glad you're getting better sleep, that's definitely essential, especially with those long hours (and by the way ouch, that's a lot of hours). I'm sorry M is still having health issues and I hope the doctors are able to help her. That's cool you guys were able to get a nicer car together though. Happy driving. :) 

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