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Bean Sidhe

Bean Sidhe Vs. Chaos: What now?

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13 hours ago, Jupiter said:

 

Sounds like maybe you're going through some burnout? Maybe take this time to figure out what you want to do next and make a list (and rest more because you've earned it)?

 

I guarantee I have burn out. But mostly I don't handle uncertainty well. While the whole Stay at home thing doesn't bother me much, knowing if I can get a job, or where I can get a job, or when I can get a job is hard. not knowing what my routine is, how my days will work, it all is throwing me off.  I have a few lists, but right now, they are all "Things Bean pushed off to finish school" and some I can't really plan on until I know things like vacation time, work schedule. Things like replace broken floor,

 

 

13 hours ago, Jupiter said:

 

Ignore the naysayers, you are a badass. 

Thanks, I need to hear that sometimes. Lets just say I have been told since I was 20 that I was going to get fat and never be thin again. Its a running commentary.

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Industries hiring IT workers RIGHT NOW....

Medical (they have IT arms too - but STAY AWAY from hospitals - trust me there - it may sound good in the "doing a good thing" - but you will be WAY underpaid and WAY overworked)
Transportation (goods are still moving)
Online retail (booming right now - for many it's the only way to get anything)
MSP (Service Providers for datacenters - many, many companies are shifting their workloads to private or public clouds)
Services orgs that support these orgs - Big  like KPMG, Deloitte, Price Waterhouse AND small

 

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20 hours ago, Mahalak said:

I'll second that "ignore the naysayers." You walk YOUR walk!

 

Thank you. Sometimes it takes hearing it from others to make it easier to believe than hearing it from yourself.

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1 hour ago, Athaclena said:

Industries hiring IT workers RIGHT NOW....

Medical (they have IT arms too - but STAY AWAY from hospitals - trust me there - it may sound good in the "doing a good thing" - but you will be WAY underpaid and WAY overworked)
Transportation (goods are still moving)
Online retail (booming right now - for many it's the only way to get anything)
MSP (Service Providers for datacenters - many, many companies are shifting their workloads to private or public clouds)
Services orgs that support these orgs - Big  like KPMG, Deloitte, Price Waterhouse AND small

 

Thanks for the list of places to start. Right now, I am hoping I have a small lead on something, but way too afraid I am never going to get it (even if I really really want it).  But yeah, I will need to start looking at it.  With has hard as I had to work with getting my internship and all the rejection there, I am way more worried that this is only going end badly.

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Okay, how many hours after I started to try this this AM (its 5 pm).

Wednesday was good and bad. Bad - I weighed in at a new all time high, which is not good. I am trying to remember if last time I made progress I gained before I lost, but I can't remember. I am also trying to do the muscle is more than fat and I have been doing some actual exercise training. But as a result of my bad day, I took a walk before work which was kinda nice. It wasn't much, I mean literally around the block, but it is something I am considering adding to my day. I don't want to add anything else to this challenge, but it may go on the list of "possible later challenges".

Work - Mentor wasn't listening to me since he is in the "I am always right" mode which was rather annoying. But when I got off work, I got some other stuff done and transplanted more seedlings (good). I got a ton of steps which helps, but the back of my foot started hurting and my brain went into "hey your going to mess it up again"

Oh and Lilac Cornmeal cookies are so yummy... Sadly, that is not good for the whole weight thing.

My brain is super weird sometimes.

Anyway. Overall, Challenge wise I did so much better

  • Strength  10 pts out of 6 (Max 13)
  • Flexibility 10 pts out of 8 (Max 16)
  • Life and Family 21 pts out of 12  (Max 21)
  • Fight Chaos - Clean 10 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Fight Chaos - Purge 8 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Walking 6 pts out of 3 (Max 6)
  • Fuel 15 pts out of 12 (Max 15)
  • Total 80 pts out of 53 (Max 93) 
  • Number of boxes - 7 out of 7


This may also be me

RSXKJ5E.jpg

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4 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Okay, how many hours after I started to try this this AM (its 5 pm).

 

HAHAHAHA I do this constantly!!!

 

4 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

 

Wednesday was good and bad. Bad - I weighed in at a new all time high, which is not good. I am trying to remember if last time I made progress I gained before I lost, but I can't remember. I am also trying to do the muscle is more than fat and I have been doing some actual exercise training. But as a result of my bad day, I took a walk before work which was kinda nice. It wasn't much, I mean literally around the block, but it is something I am considering adding to my day. I don't want to add anything else to this challenge, but it may go on the list of "possible later challenges".

 

I've been doing "once around the block" lately as well! It started as a low thresh hold - "all you have to do is ONCE around the block"... but it's really quite lovely! I like that it's not a huge time commitment, and wow does it clear my head. I really like Once Around The Block :) I think it has a lot of value!

 

4 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:


Anyway. Overall, Challenge wise I did so much better

  • Strength  10 pts out of 6 (Max 13)
  • Flexibility 10 pts out of 8 (Max 16)
  • Life and Family 21 pts out of 12  (Max 21)
  • Fight Chaos - Clean 10 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Fight Chaos - Purge 8 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Walking 6 pts out of 3 (Max 6)
  • Fuel 15 pts out of 12 (Max 15)
  • Total 80 pts out of 53 (Max 93) 
  • Number of boxes - 7 out of 7

 

Those are some serious wins there! KUDOS

 

4 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

 

 


This may also be me

RSXKJ5E.jpg

 

it me also >.>

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About your weight: this isn’t going to be a magic fix, but remember that with school being done you now have more time in your day AND one less source of (massive) stress. Stress itself fucks with weight gain, and with more time you have a little more breathing room to eat healthier food/not have to grab something quick because you’re too busy, and more time to go on an extra quick walk or something. Yes, you still have other sources of stress and other demands on your time, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you lose a little once you adjust to your new fabulous school-less life. 

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On 5/14/2020 at 5:35 PM, RedStone said:

I've been doing "once around the block" lately as well! It started as a low thresh hold - "all you have to do is ONCE around the block"... but it's really quite lovely! I like that it's not a huge time commitment, and wow does it clear my head. I really like Once Around The Block :) I think it has a lot of value!

 

Thing I didn't realize until today how much that extra once around the block adds up. I mean I have been doing better, but especially since Weds when I started walking before work, my steps went way up. I am going with Hubby and Youngest Agent, but its a nice just "Okay and reset" kinda thing.

 

 

On 5/14/2020 at 5:35 PM, RedStone said:

 

Those are some serious wins there! KUDOS

 

Thanks. I am hard on myself and trying not to do the I should of done more...

 

 

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On 5/14/2020 at 5:56 PM, fleaball said:

About your weight: this isn’t going to be a magic fix, but remember that with school being done you now have more time in your day AND one less source of (massive) stress. Stress itself fucks with weight gain, and with more time you have a little more breathing room to eat healthier food/not have to grab something quick because you’re too busy, and more time to go on an extra quick walk or something. Yes, you still have other sources of stress and other demands on your time, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you lose a little once you adjust to your new fabulous school-less life. 

 

I know, I am trying to remember this. But seriously, part of my brain is like "Do it all now and see results, and part of me is like "well, this will fail too so why bother." I need to find the happy medium. I am trying to walk at least 1 maybe 2 quick go around the blocks a day, and then the "Take Agent K9 for a walk" has been about a mile or more. So its a matter of waiting and see. Also not eating everything in sight because my activity level is up, I am hungry. Ugh.

Time to battle the trolls and remember I can do this. Sadly the dr appt next week will not go well no matter what. Can I totally plead the world was insane between the work 2 jobs last summer, then change jobs then dad died 2 weeks into new job, then mom not functional then school? Will that get me a pass or put into a padded room?

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So Thursday was just a drama day. Drama from work and people being dumb. Drama from my mom about taking her dog to the groomer because my having training that day (even tho I can make it work) is a thing. Honestly, Hubby is pretty sure she hates seeing me do better than her, be happy, ect. but Really, throw a tantrum when I said I have training and may need Hubby to help get the dog there.

Anyway, I was just drained Thursday. But we had a video call with Sister S and her family which was so great. Seeing them grounds me. Sadly, we couldn't talk to much, but it was good to do.

 

However, I had my highest step total in quite a while Thursday since I got the morning walk in, did a lunch walk in the rain, but it dried out before my lunch was over so we did another lunch walk for spite, and then the evening walk. All told 13916 steps which I was quite happy with. I finally felt like that was something that may get me where I need to be. Should I be doing that more, yes, but it is a start.

I also did so many more exercises last night. It felt good but it also reminded me how out of shape I am. I need to get better at this, but again, its a matter of time and staying on task.

So while Thursday I was just done with people, I did okay. I did so much, but I need so much more. Here is to hoping I am finally on the Bean gets healthy track and stays on it.
 

  • Strength  10 pts out of 6 (Max 13)
  • Flexibility 10 pts out of 8 (Max 16)
  • Life and Family 17 pts out of 12  (Max 21)
  • Fight Chaos - Clean 9 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Fight Chaos - Purge 7 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Walking 6 pts out of 3 (Max 6)
  • Fuel 15 pts out of 12 (Max 15)
  • Total 74 pts out of 53 (Max 93) 
  • Number of boxes - 7 out of 7
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21 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

However, I had my highest step total in quite a while Thursday since I got the morning walk in, did a lunch walk in the rain, but it dried out before my lunch was over so we did another lunch walk for spite, and then the evening walk. All told 13916 steps which I was quite happy with. I finally felt like that was something that may get me where I need to be. Should I be doing that more, yes, but it is a start.

 

Wow, that's a lot of steps! Nice job getting them in even with all the drama. 

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On 5/16/2020 at 4:17 PM, Jupiter said:

 

Wow, that's a lot of steps! Nice job getting them in even with all the drama. 

 


Thanks, My steps have been so much better. My low since Last week was 7,052 yesterday (Long story short, surprise Brother S time) and High on Friday of 14209

Now if I could say things went that well everywhere, that would be a shock.

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On 5/16/2020 at 6:02 PM, Tateman said:

Drama never is good. At least you got in a good video call in, and that is a great step day. Nice job!

I actually managed to get a couple video calls in with Sister S which was nice. We had a whole Choosen family on Saturday so I got to see so many family, including ones I haven't seen in like 10 years. That was amazing. I miss them tho

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Okay, so the last 4 days in a nutshell.

Friday went Amazing. I got 14,209 steps, all the boxes and 78 pts. I felt better and I was all I got this.

Saturday I totally just never got started. It was honestly my first weekend without a school thing and I never figured out what to do. I ended up missing 2 boxes since we had a chosen family video call and we were up way late and I just didn't want to stretch or exercise. Overall, 49 pts, but still missed those boxes.

Sunday I redeemed myself and while I was still kinda off my game, I got all the boxes and 63 pts. Not amazing, but I also tore out a chunk of floor in the closet and that was all arms work. My flexibility was good too since I could fit in there when Hubby couldn't.  The feeling off got worse and I didn't really sleep. I was so tired and just couldn't shut the brain up.

Monday I was off. I woke up Grumpy with bad dreams. I was just short tempered and feeling off. It was raining and walking didn't go well. I kept thinking about how I don't know how to plan things, but I need to plan things and I can't until I have a job and a few other things I have no control over are  sorted. Also was obsessing about my Dr apt on Weds and its with  the Barbie RN who does not get me and tells me I need weight loss surgery. Nothing I can do at this point, but still my anxiety is super high. Total pts, 42, and while I got my steps and boxes, I also had 3 cookies and was mad at myself.  I also didn't sleep again this night

So yea. Part of why I was gone was I didn't want to fess up. Part was I didn't want to really explain, but mostly, I just didn't get started. I am still way in the "bad brain space" and while it would be nice if that would behave, its not going as well as I would like. I need to finish up boxes tonight and try and sleep. Problem is, I don't wanna go the dr tomorrow because it is going to go badly and I don't wanna deal with it.

 

For the record, my apt tomorrow is to get my annual check up and meds refilled. I am stressed she is going to tell me my BP is too high (making it higher), that I need surgery for my weight (or some other stupid comment) and or that there is something else wrong. I need to ask her what i need to think about for arthritis since that apparently a thing in my family and I have to tell them my dad died from Diabetes and the arthritis which With me as a fat lady is only going to make her more annoying about the weight (since fat people get both of course).

And I haven't been good, I haven't eaten like I should or relaxed like I should but whatever. I need to do my exercises, try to relax and sleep,. Goal of apt tell the lady my life has been weird and is in flux and give me 6 mo to a year to change a bit. (that went from an update to a freakout. Sorry all)

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1 hour ago, Bean Sidhe said:

(that went from an update to a freakout. Sorry all)

 

No need to be sorry, we get it. That's what we're here for, is to listen. I'm sorry you had a rough couple of days, but all things considered, I think you're doing pretty awesome. *hugs* 

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10 hours ago, Jupiter said:

 

No need to be sorry, we get it. That's what we're here for, is to listen. I'm sorry you had a rough couple of days, but all things considered, I think you're doing pretty awesome. *hugs* 

 

Thanks. I get like this sometimes. I just start actually getting to talk and it spins somewhere.

I am just hoping not to bore you all with it

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So Tuesday went better.

I managed to get the purple potatoes I just bought planted in their new bucket. I also managed to get the first of the herbs in the ground which is a start. It was raining pretty good all day, so I was digging in mud, but it means I don't need to water I guess. So that was at least a start of the "get everything in the ground" process.

I don't feel like I did amazing since Brother S came over and just hung out which threw off my evening a bit. Plus I had to work a bit late which also threw off the evening. At least I did figure out why I was so twitchy and anxious (This dr thing plus the job hunt) which helps, but didn't solve the problem. I am hoping after my appointment and blood draw are done (probably Friday) I can relax. I also need the weather to cooperate so I can start getting plans in, but one job at a time I guess.

Anyway, I did get 9544 steps yesterday which proves I am moving and I stayed out of the pie Brother S brought over. Now to just keep trying and making progress.

 

  • Strength  9 pts out of 6 (Max 13)
  • Flexibility 10 pts out of 8 (Max 16)
  • Life and Family 17 pts out of 12  (Max 21)
  • Fight Chaos - Clean 10 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Fight Chaos - Purge 6 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Walking 5 pts out of 3 (Max 6)
  • Fuel 14 pts out of 12 (Max 15)
  • Total 71 pts out of 53 (Max 93) 
  • Number of boxes - 7 out of 7
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8 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

I don't feel like I did amazing since Brother S came over

 

I don't know, looks like you did pretty amazing to me. :) 

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On 5/20/2020 at 6:39 PM, Jupiter said:

 

I don't know, looks like you did pretty amazing to me. :) 

Thanks

I know when Brother S gets here, I tend to be like "PEOPLE" and he may not always leave till right before bed, so it throws things off, but that will sadly change soon.

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Okay so a quick Late version of Weds.

The dr appt wasn't horrible. The lady was glad to hear I was doing things and she didn't want to push the BP issue. Although when you go to the Dr office and they are not wearing masks or not wearing them correctly, I was like "HUH?". However, I got her to leave me alone and she said best thing I can do to deal with the possible Diabetes and arthritis is to move and get the weight under control. So working on that. When I explained my year she was understanding and not judgy this time.

I did however start the day by being down 2 lbs from the week before which was good.

However, due to a conflict, Brother S ended up coming at like 10 pm for dinner, so that was late but good. bedtime was missed. He did get good news which is he got a better job, but he is moving away again before June. So while I am so happy for him, its will be hard when we don't have him coming over all the time.

Steps were good, I got 12, 880 yesterday so again, I am moving.  I do have exercises I am supposed to do to help the grinding knee, but I don't want to change the challenge to do them at this point. Which sounds whiny, but whatever, I have time right?

  • Strength  10 pts out of 6 (Max 13)
  • Flexibility 10 pts out of 8 (Max 16)
  • Life and Family 18 pts out of 12  (Max 21)
  • Fight Chaos - Clean 9 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Fight Chaos - Purge 8 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Walking 6 pts out of 3 (Max 6)
  • Fuel 14 pts out of 12 (Max 15)
  • Total 75 pts out of 53 (Max 93) 
  • Number of boxes - 7 out of 7
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Thursday was a day of frustration. Started by getting a call from the local pharmacy saying my meds were ready. I called them since I wasn't expecting meds to be ready. The dr office sent my meds there instead of the mail order place I have to use to get maintenance meds paid for. I waited on hold for 30 minutes and got a notification of "wait time 3 minutes" then ended up getting pushed back to "25 minutes". I called from the house phone and got a receptionist who said they would call me. Awesome.


Work Mentor has me looking at wmi files which I have NEVER HEARD OF. This is very frustrating since wmi files are windows specific and I can't get a good idea of what they are to work with them. So I feel like I am chasing my tail. I bought a book on Amazon that will be here tomorrow so I can study this weekend adn maybe be better Monday.  But basically, it was chasing my tail.

Agent Eldest comes home and says his friends dog (a big pit mix) is loose again. He been lose for like 45 minutes and we finally got a good look. I ended up chasing him for about 40 minutes (Lots of walking).  With the help of the neighbor kid, we did catch him and I had to hold him by the collar and hope he didn't bite me. I left without shoes or my phone, so I sent the kid to come get a leash and have Agent Eldest call his friend. I sat there making friends with him.  Turns out the Dad was driving by and Agent Eldest flagged him down and sent him to me. The car rolled up, and the doggo jumped in the car. They didn't know he was loose. Ugh. At least he is safe.

While I am dealing with the dog thing the dr office called on both the house phone and my cell. one was to deal with the meds. The other was to tell me I had an ear infection after all and go get meds. UGH... Hubby dealt with the meds, but I had to call back and wait another hour to talk to someone for the test results about my ear infection.


Brother S came over and we had dinner. Played a great game called Robo Rally until about 10. Agents went to bed and I got boxes done. I would love to say I got more done, but I didn't.  I need to look at my resume and really work on the job thing, but I think I am so burned out that its is hard.

 

  • Strength  10 pts out of 6 (Max 13)
  • Flexibility 10 pts out of 8 (Max 16)
  • Life and Family 14 pts out of 12  (Max 21)
  • Fight Chaos - Clean 9 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Fight Chaos - Purge 6 pts out of 6 (Max 11)
  • Walking 5 pts out of 3 (Max 6)
  • Fuel 14 pts out of 12 (Max 15)
  • Total 68 pts out of 53 (Max 93) 
  • Number of boxes - 7 out of 7
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Still supposedly learning that WMI stuff. but it is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nice out. I wanna go play in the garden now. I need to wait about 15 more minutes. Hubby already added all the compost and tilled it in. I just need to go lay it out and get to work. Maybe by the time the rain hits Sat afternoon I will have most of it in.

 

So yeah, 15 more minutes till I can poof for the day. Can anyone speed that up for me?

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22 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

The dr appt wasn't horrible. The lady was glad to hear I was doing things and she didn't want to push the BP issue. Although when you go to the Dr office and they are not wearing masks or not wearing them correctly, I was like "HUH?". However, I got her to leave me alone and she said best thing I can do to deal with the possible Diabetes and arthritis is to move and get the weight under control. So working on that. When I explained my year she was understanding and not judgy this time.

I did however start the day by being down 2 lbs from the week before which was good.

 

Yay, I'm glad the doctor's appointment went well (except for the ear infection), and congrats on losing 2 pounds!

 

I'm sorry your brother is moving though. 

 

 

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