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TheGreyJedi-Ranger

The Jedi Chronicles Ep. 4: Attack of the Blues

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So... I've definitely been on the #strugglebus for the past couple of weeks. I'm not entirely sure if there's a cause. I'm not entirely sure if there's an answer. A friend who I was talking to today said it sounds like my anxiety and depression are acting up again. Which is... not good. I haven't decided what I'm going to do about it.

 

In the meantime, I'm going to be trying to get myself together and am focusing on building some habits that will help. I'm planning on keeping my previous format (since it actually seems to be working) and build some habits. 

 

Habit 1: 9am Wakeup Time - I've been doing too much sleeping in until 11am this week. It's made work difficult and it makes my being able to go to bed at a reasonable hour difficult. 8am is probably not realistic right now, but 9 is. My goal is 5 days each week. 

 

Habit 2: Breakfast - I need to eat breakfast. Every day that I wake up I should have a protein coffee. It's easy and doesn't take a lot of effort. My goal here is also 5 days each week.

 

Habit 3: Cleanup - Keeping my house clean has been a bit tricky without any energy. I need to do 1 task per day, 5 days a week.

 

Habit 4: Bible Reading - Do devotionals every single day. Every day. Keep up that connection with God.

 

Habit 5: Personal Growth - Do 2 personal growth exercises 6 days each week. 

 

If I do extra, I get extra points. 

 

 

I'm going to track my weekly progress with points here:

W1: 29/36

W2: 23/36

W3: 30/36

W4: 33/36

W5: 34/36

 

129/175

 

So this is what I have. Hopefully things get easier with life. Or I figure something out.

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There you are!!  ❤️  I'm following too! We may not all be having the same struggles but we can all struggle together until things get better.  ❤️  Several of your goals are things I really need to hit on myself, so thank you for the inspiration!

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On 5/8/2020 at 6:05 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Following along for support. 

Thanks!

 

On 5/8/2020 at 7:14 PM, SkyGirl said:

There you are!!  ❤️  I'm following too! We may not all be having the same struggles but we can all struggle together until things get better.  ❤️  Several of your goals are things I really need to hit on myself, so thank you for the inspiration!

Last week I had negative motivation, even just getting work done was a miracle. It was actually super tricky to get enough energy to get this up 😕 But yes, struggle together and stumble along holding each other up ❤️

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1 hour ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

Last week I had negative motivation, even just getting work done was a miracle. It was actually super tricky to get enough energy to get this up 😕 But yes, struggle together and stumble along holding each other up ❤️

 

I'm glad you did get it up! And we're here in this with you - I pray that your upcoming week would have a wee bit more sunshine and motivation in it!  ❤️ 

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13 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

 

I'm glad you did get it up! And we're here in this with you - I pray that your upcoming week would have a wee bit more sunshine and motivation in it!  ❤️ 

Me too! It's always nice to find time to be here ^_^

 

And same to you, I'm definitely feeling a smidge better already on this Monday.

 

 

12 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

Sorry that you are struggling. Praying that God will comfort you with His peace

Thanks friend ❤️ 

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Happy Tuesday everyone!

 

So yesterday was actually a fairly good day. I was fairly productive despite not getting up on time. It was nice to not be scrounging to finish things up at 10/11PM 

 

Been eating fairly acceptably, been tracking too. I need to start actually getting moving soon, because I want to actually be somewhat fit, not just less heavy. But time is not in my favor right now. Not even a little bit. 

 

OH! Mr. Right and I switched phone carriers and managed to afford new phones on our plan without massively inflating our bill (thanks new phone carrier that's less expensive). Our phones are supposed to come in this week and I am S T O K E D. I've been eyeballing the phone I chose since before it came out. It's the Galaxy S20 Ultra and it's GORG. Bloody stellar piece of technology. It has more RAM than my laptop. Within the next couple of days I'll have that beautiful piece of tech IN MY HANDS ❤️ and I'm so excited. 

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My. New. Phone. Is AWESOME.

 

Our phones came in and we picked everything up yesterday. It was absolutely amazing. I love my phone to death. It's SO FAST ❤️❤️ I know I'm a technodweeb but it's freaking amazing. Next technology purchases (over time) will be a pair of either Galaxy Buds or Pixel Buds, and a new smartwatch. Mine is starting to get out of date. I'm thinking either the updated version of my hybrid, or a straight up classy watch style smartwatch. Not sure. 

 

Aside from the fact that we celebrated with ice cream last night, I've been doing well on low carb too. I'm almost 20lbs down. I def need new pants but I have 20s and 16s... buying another pair seems useless. By fall I might be able to wear some old stuff that I saved because I love it. Maybe some of my old college sweatshirts ❤️ If I keep up with it that is. Which is the plan tbh. 

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11 hours ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

My. New. Phone. Is AWESOME.

 

Our phones came in and we picked everything up yesterday. It was absolutely amazing. I love my phone to death. It's SO FAST ❤️❤️ I know I'm a technodweeb but it's freaking amazing. Next technology purchases (over time) will be a pair of either Galaxy Buds or Pixel Buds, and a new smartwatch. Mine is starting to get out of date. I'm thinking either the updated version of my hybrid, or a straight up classy watch style smartwatch. Not sure. 

 

Aside from the fact that we celebrated with ice cream last night, I've been doing well on low carb too. I'm almost 20lbs down. I def need new pants but I have 20s and 16s... buying another pair seems useless. By fall I might be able to wear some old stuff that I saved because I love it. Maybe some of my old college sweatshirts ❤️ If I keep up with it that is. Which is the plan tbh. 

 

This is a lot of good stuff!! I'm so happy for you!!  ❤️❤️❤️ 

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On 5/14/2020 at 9:57 PM, SkyGirl said:

 

This is a lot of good stuff!! I'm so happy for you!!  ❤️❤️❤️ 

Thanks! The whole new phone thing has been a dream. I love the thing. 

 

~~

 

It's been a decent week. I haven't slept in super late more than twice, though tomorrow might end up being a third so I come up short. We'll see. I have been doing semi-okay on keto, though yesterday ended up being some semblance of a cheat day. Which I don't really condone usually but I just need to pick myself back up and move forward... which is what I'm doing today. It's been a long week (as they all seem to be right now) but hopefully I'll get a little bit of rest this weekend. Fingers crossed. 

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Found yoooooou! ❤️

 

YES new phones!  I should really upgrade my like 3 year old Pixel ugh, but it still runs great so..... IDEK what's out there at this point anyways!  

 

I hope you are having a RESTFUL WEEKEND!!

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On 5/16/2020 at 3:06 PM, loire said:

Found yoooooou! ❤️

 

YES new phones!  I should really upgrade my like 3 year old Pixel ugh, but it still runs great so..... IDEK what's out there at this point anyways!  

 

I hope you are having a RESTFUL WEEKEND!!

HAIIIIIII

 

Mr. Right had the OG Pixel for about the same amount of time and his worked perfectly until like 2 weeks ago so... Pixels are solid phones. He has the Pixel 4 and it seems to be just as good as the 1. I'm a sucker for Galaxy phones myself. 

 

It wasn't the most restful... but it wasn't terrible either. It was fun things that I was doing rather than depressing. I finally folded a month's worth of laundry, and got everything all clean... even my dish mats and my placemats. Saturday was my cleaning day ^_^ Sunday I went with Mr. Right and we played Pokemon Go for like 3 hours 

 

~~~

 

Still struggling with my wakeup times, but I did fairly okay this week I think. I'm getting better with the habits I'm trying to build anyway

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Ugh. Guys. It's been a trainwreck week. I've been eating like an ACTUAL TRASH PANDA and it's no bueno. My keto is g o n e right now.

 

I haven't been getting up on time either. Ugh. 

 

I think it's got a lot to do with the weather. It's been a very stressful week, and I'm struggling getting through it if I'm being honest. On top of that, Mr. Right is having difficulties at work.. of the "he works his butt off in a retail job so they take advantage of him without the promotions he honestly deserves because he's doing manager work for part timer pay" variety. But a mentor of ours gave him some good advice, and he's going to be taking care of things, one way or another, within the next week or so. But thankfully, he gets a day off and a break tomorrow. Poor thing deserves it. 

 

Hopefully I can jump back on the keto train fairly easily. I'm not very good at jumping back on trains when I fall off of them, but I'm going to do what I can. Fingers crossed I suppose. 

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On 5/8/2020 at 5:56 PM, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

 

I'm going to track my weekly progress with points here:

W1: 29/36

W2: 23/36

W3:

W4:

W5:

 

52/175

Oooof guys last week was a train wreck. But I got through. 

 

Saturday I created my last hurrah of food before jumping back on keto/low carb: BBQ ribs, hashbrown casserole, and choc chip cookies. We had friends over for dinner and just a good time spent together. After dinner, we went over to their house and played the Cthulhu version of Pandemic. Then my friend (who just had an offer accepted on a house) and I went through and critiqued some of the dream house stuff I have on Pinterest.

 

I've gotten a handle on my food volume for the moment, which is a huge help. Today is my first day back on low carb in a little over a week. Since I'm at a different friend's house (she and her husband needed Mr. Right's assistance), I'm going to ignore the tracking and get back on it tomorrow since I'm going to be home again.

 

Speaking of being home, our office is open again, so I can use it when I need to. I may in fact go out there later in the week just to get out. Possibly friday. Or more realistically, Wednesday. 

 

Today I'm incredibly exhausted and functioning on caffeine and prayer. I went to bed at like 12:30 (not bad with a 9am alarm) but Mr. Right wanted to spend time with some family far away by being on Discord with them. Since he's not working night shift anymore, we actually go to bed at the same time, and have been for over a year now. I'm unused to going to bed by myself and thus didn't fall asleep until after he came in... at 4:30am. 

 

I've had my protein breakfast coffee (using 1.75x caffeine coffee), and am working my way through Bang #1 (Bang is an energy drink that is Keto/low carb friendly. I have two of them in Peach Mango. If you're low carb, I also recommend Reign if you need energy). My friend has essentially endless coffee if I so desire, and plenty of water. 

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On 5/25/2020 at 12:19 PM, Elastigirl said:

Getting a handle on food volume is fantastic.So a big woot for that. Your time with friends sounds lovely

Thanks! When I'm actually doing and tracking low carb things, that's fairly common. But I've been off for over a week now *guilt brain intensifies* and am trying to jump back on.

 

For sure! It was a great time. 

 

~~~

 

Today I'm putting out into the void that I'm going to start tracking keto/low carb again today. It's not my preference, but I need to and I'm going to track things as soon as I finish typing this up. 

 

Aside from that, things have been okay. Night before last, the night after I drank all those energy drinks, I couldn't sleep a second time (I forgot caffeine is a diuretic... I was up and down every half hour all night x_x) Last night I finally slept, but not as much as I wanted because I had to get up early to take Mr. Right to work and go to the office to get work done since our internet is out again.

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Okay yesterday didn't work out for first day back on keto/low carb, but I wasn't in bad shape over the course of the day either. Not great but not bad is the best I can say. Better than previous. Today I have keto food planned out properly. As long as I don't get insanely hungry I'll be okay with that today. 

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I've been really struggling getting back on keto. I don't have the stocked up food, and honestly the food doesn't feel appetizing anymore. It's frustrating. I'm still pushing and trying. Today I was set up to have a pretty solid food day, but I woke up with a sore throat so I broke keto to consume hot tea with honey and lemon. Not really mad at all, it did help my throat a bit. 

 

I just don't know. I'm not doing very well food wise overall. Maybe it's time to start counting calories again?  I dunno though. With Low carb, I lost 20 lbs in 2 months or so, it's the first thing to give me solid results in years. The past two weeks however, have not been ideal. I'm frustrated with myself and frustrated in general. Low carb makes me angry because I absolutely hate not eating carbs. It's frustrating. I feel like I can only eat a few things. I can't stand most of the keto friendly veggies, so I'm stuck consuming broccoli and mushrooms almost exclusively. Most of my meals revolve around meat and cheese. I'm not getting enough veggies and I'm hungry ALL THE TIME. People say stuff like "don't eat snacks on low carb" but honestly 1) there ARE NO LOW CARB SNACKS and 2) if I don't eat snacks I eat people and that's not okay. I dislike the foods I'm eating enough that I'm back to reading and eating together because if I'm not paying attention to what I'm eating, I can force it down. I'm so lost and torn. I was and am proud of myself, but I don't know if it's all worth it. Or if it's ever been worth it. 

 

I'm really confused. I feel like I'm trading my physical and mental welfare. And that's not okay at all. Anyone with ideas on what to do I would much appreciate....

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2 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

This might be a stupid idea, but why don’t you start with what you want to eat and find a diet that incorporates that. Or find something flexible like if it fits your macros or WW points?

It's definitely not a stupid idea, I just don't ever end up being able to stick to something like that. I tried WW, and I ended up feeling boxed in and couldn't eat anything good. With keto/low carb, I have foods that work for me mostly... but I get bored. And I get frustrated. Because sometimes I just want the WHOLE cheeseburger, not just the meat and cheese. And also I can't have any fruit.

 

2 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

OR give up on dieting all together and read Intuitive Eating.

I've read intuitive eating. I love it in theory.... but my breathing gets labored going up my stairs, I can't paint my own toenails well, and I was constantly gaining weight (and losing my ability to wear any of my clothes). The 20lbs I lost on low car was the first weight I've lost since I started Intuitive Eating. I gained weight and it was ALL fat. I don't feel healthy, I don't feel good, but I'm frustrated because it seems like I'm out of options 😕 I want intuitive eating to work for me, I want to be able to eat like a normal person and not gain weight if I so much as look at something sweet or a piece of bread. But it's never happened so...

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I think I need to find myself a nice happy medium. Like, I'm not bothered by the idea of eating low carb today, but my throat hurts quite a bit so I'd love a cup or two of tea with plenty of honey (once I get more from the store) or a small milkshake to sooth the throat. Or an occasional treat. I'm not sure if that would improve things, but I feel like it may. I don't know, we'll see.

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11 hours ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

I think I need to find myself a nice happy medium. Like, I'm not bothered by the idea of eating low carb today, but my throat hurts quite a bit so I'd love a cup or two of tea with plenty of honey (once I get more from the store) or a small milkshake to sooth the throat. Or an occasional treat. I'm not sure if that would improve things, but I feel like it may. I don't know, we'll see.

Maybe that is a good happy medium.  Eating low carb as a normative, but giving yourself permission when you don't want. I've found that works for me and my eating goals( which is meat veggies and nutritious carbs) I'm reading Lean and Strong by Josh Hillis and really enjoying it. He talks more about eating skills and guidelines, and gives some ideas for  how to manage the psychology of eating (like cravings and treats)

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14 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

Maybe that is a good happy medium.  Eating low carb as a normative, but giving yourself permission when you don't want. I've found that works for me and my eating goals( which is meat veggies and nutritious carbs) I'm reading Lean and Strong by Josh Hillis and really enjoying it. He talks more about eating skills and guidelines, and gives some ideas for  how to manage the psychology of eating (like cravings and treats)

I might have to check that book out. I have a lot of issues with that part in general

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