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juliebarkley

Juliebarkley makes time

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Yesterday was basically fine. I didn't do the handstand practice for whatever reason, but everything else pretty much proceeded as planned. I did not get a full 2 hours of VO in, but I did get in a good solid half hour of practice after ages of little to no practice, on top of two chapters of reading aloud. Also got some books ready to list. I now have several batches that just need me to create a Facebook post, woo!

 

Today - what even happened today? It just sort of vanished with few habits done. We were all waiting for the thunderstorms that you could feel in the air - and waiting, and waiting. (Storms usually kill our internet and often knock our power out a couple of times, especially if the wind picks up, so we do try to plan things around them to some degree.) I went for a walk and got lightly rained on, but it didn't amount to much. I spent a good chunk of time reading about the campaign setting and creating a character for @Mr_Willes' new D&D campaign (my character is shaping up to be Dr Dolittle basically :D). Did some sewing, some reading. Assigned some charitable donations that have been waiting to be actually given for an embarrassingly long time. I know at one point I spent literally an hour in a daydream. If I did anything else, I can't think what it was. I had hoped to record the homework I need done for Monday, but nope. Praying I will wake up to rain so I can both record and plant things with a reasonable chance of them surviving. My poor lovage plant has been waiting too long for its forever home. :(

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Post-walk routine was perfect - making sure to progress to the handstand practice really helps keep the momentum of it going.

 

No ab practice as it started raining hard almost immediately after my walk. Which means that I can plant the lovage tomorrow! And maybe some other seeds too (if I still have any - I guess I should have like, checked earlier and bought some...).

 

Supper routine basically didn't happen. No one was hungry for supper so we didn't really have one. I did read some of my book earlier, but the library book, inbox item, second prayer, and repair work haven't happened yet. Some of them could still happen. But the more time I spend on this post, the more likely that they will not.

 

Recording/practicing was done and took just over an hour, yay! It felt like a really productive session in terms of the techniques I've been working on. Also tried out my modded blankets; I still need to tweak one or two things in the setup, but I think it's going to work out really well. So all that hard work sewing (and the still-numb spots on my thumb and index finger) were worth it. Editing is not done; I have decided to leave that till tomorrow. The mountain of unfolded laundry that I had to move to make a stable place to put my computer during recording demands my attention instead.

 

Edit: Just realized that today was supposed to be an exercise day. Oops.

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5 hours ago, DoubleTrouble said:

How do you know if you're on the right track for VO practice? Do you listen to it as you record?

I should be recording my practice session, but I haven't been. But yeah, that's one way. I am usually trying to improve one thing per session, like speed or conveying character. I can hear the difference if I read the same script multiple times while working on that one thing. If I want to hear overall performance, I really should be recording them.

 

3 hours ago, GoodDoug said:

I like how consistent you are in reporting your day. Does it help keep you on track?

Thanks! It does for sure. This challenge and my last one were all about trying to build daily habits, and posting on here has rolled right into that. I've never been this consistent about posting before. I still can't believe that this thread is on page 3; by the end of a challenge I'm usually barely on page 2. That whole not going to work thing really makes it easier to do things at consistent times, lol.

 

Walk and prayers done. The rest will have to wait until after the business accountability group meeting.

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7 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

I still can't believe that this thread is on page 3; by the end of a challenge I'm usually barely on page 2.

It's been nice having you around more consistently :)   

 

Also, good job with the actual challenge goals, it seems like things are going generally well

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5 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

It's been nice having you around more consistently :)   

 

Also, good job with the actual challenge goals, it seems like things are going generally well

Aw, people want me around. Yay! That means a lot to me. Seriously.

 

It's been pretty decent. It helps a lot that I'm building on a relatively successful challenge, and that all the stuff is put together to remind me of the other stuff. Chained goals for the win!

 

We are back to jacket weather in the mid-teens after hitting 35 on Tuesday (or was it Wednesday?). We actually put the heat back on today. These huge temperature swings can't be fantastic for our health.

 

Post-walk routine was cut off in the middle due to the meeting mentioned above. The meeting was shorter than usual, so I got back into the routine stuff about half an hour later. However, I forgot to do the handstand practice. I also forgot that I should have done the abs outdoors. Not doing so well on the exercise portion of the challenge the last couple of days. However, I have started a mini-chat with someone in Spanish, so that's fun. My Spanish level is very low, but I managed a few short sentences at least!

 

After supper, I went through our seeds and picked out what gets planted this year. The actual planting is probably a tomorrow job. Then I sat down and did the editing I needed done for tomorrow afternoon (lastest of last minutes again). Well anyway, it's done and sent in. I didn't do any of the post-supper habits though, as I knew I needed to get this done as a priority. I'll go do what I can now. No wait, that's not true - I did do the library book reading and the Harry Potter reading. Darn, I was hoping to do more reading, but it looks like I'm going to do some repairing instead. Then more reading. ;)

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The day started happily. I went for my walk, did prayers and Quran while I waited for my coaching session to start, which was great, tried some handstands by walking up a tree - everything going swimmingly.

 

Then I found out that today was the last day to submit taxes this year. Sigh.

 

Luckily for me, early on in the pandemic times I got the bulk of the forms filled in and ready to go. I had been waiting on a few bits of paperwork from a sender who is often slow. It's all in for this year, the last lingering demons wrestled (or at least made peace with) in their poorly programmed forms. But, while preparing said tax forms in the long long ago, I made a most unpleasant discovery: I had made an error in last year's taxes. Two, actually. One was good - I double reported one source of income, so I should owe slightly less tax. The other - well. I missed a form. Not so much missed, as thought I didn't need it then realized this year that I did. It makes no difference to the amount of tax I owe and adds no new information. But the penalties for not sending it in are high. Like, four figures high. However, there is a form with which one can beg mercy from the taxman, but only if the error is admitted to at least one year AFTER the date that it was due. So I have been sitting here waiting for the time to arrive when I could send my mercy-pleading form, confess my error, and hope that I will not get clouted with a huge bill WHEN I TOLD THEM EVERY PENNY I MADE AND HID NOTHING. It's ready to drop in the mail tomorrow, when I will finally banish the tax demons to the hell from whence they came for another year.

 

Exercise is done. Man I suck at pullups. But I'm pretty awesome at planks. Them's the highlights of the session.

 

I'm polishing up the last few habit items now, long after they were supposed to happen. My repair item was particularly odd today: a shirt whose shape I love, but which had a tie which snapped in the middle when it got caught in the washing machine. Stitched it back together and then realized that a decorative front panel, made of the same fabric as the ties, is disintegrating. On closer examination, the ties are too (probably why they snapped). However, the main shirt fabric is in great shape, and the disintegrating panel is merely an overlay. Now I have to decide how much I like this shirt and whether I want to have an experimental beading project on my repair shelf.

 

And now I'm going to make popcorn and read Harry Potter.

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Once again, the habits have rather drifted out of their usual times and are taking way too damn long to finish up. Not going to get any VO done today that I haven't already done.

 

Of course, the core of the problem today is that I went to bed very late, woke up after only four hours of sleep for the weekly workplace update and socializing, then went back to sleep and didn't wake up till 5. I wasn't expecting to sleep for so long.

 

Still, got walk and post-walk habits done (except the handstands, not sure why). I even did the abs outside today. Since I got up so late, I wasn't going to make the mail pickup for the tax form anyway, but when I got around to it, I remembered that when I filled it out, I hadn't realized I was going to have to wait to send it in and I'd already dated it, so I had to fill it out again and figure out where to send it. I worked on copying the information over while the Saltmarsh campaign advanced a little (until our DM left us on a cliffhanger; darn you @Strickland5!). I went out for a walk to mail it at 1AM, and I'm glad I did. The walk was magical. Dead silent, not even insects - very unusual. Very dark (we have only one rather dim streetlight, right by the mailbox), but somehow things like the banding in the gravel that you cannot see in daylight show up in the dark. Walking away from the light, you walk through what looks like a literal wall of darkness. The other senses get a chance to really take control. Complete solitude. And it's just so beautiful. I really need to start taking night walks again, I love them so.

 

Finished the library book, so the next one up is It's Not About the Burqa: Muslim Women on Faith, Feminism, Sexuality, and Race, a collection of essays on the themes mentioned. I've only heard of one of the writers, so I'm hoping to hear a lot of different perspectives. Seems appropriate to the times, has a lot of holds, and strikes my fancy right now. Perfect. Now, time to do some Harry Potter reading and maybe after that, repair work.

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2 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

The walk was magical. Dead silent, not even insects - very unusual. Very dark (we have only one rather dim streetlight, right by the mailbox), but somehow things like the banding in the gravel that you cannot see in daylight show up in the dark. Walking away from the light, you walk through what looks like a literal wall of darkness. The other senses get a chance to really take control. Complete solitude. And it's just so beautiful. I really need to start taking night walks again, I love them so.

Wow, I can't even imagine what that kind of darkness would be like.  I don't think I have ever been a place like that

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6 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

I went out for a walk to mail it at 1AM, and I'm glad I did. The walk was magical. Dead silent, not even insects - very unusual. Very dark (we have only one rather dim streetlight, right by the mailbox), but somehow things like the banding in the gravel that you cannot see in daylight show up in the dark. Walking away from the light, you walk through what looks like a literal wall of darkness. The other senses get a chance to really take control. Complete solitude. And it's just so beautiful. I really need to start taking night walks again, I love them so.

 

I love being outside at night. It's magical and quiet and serene. I miss night walks.... I do not currently live in an area where it is quiet at night, and the places that are are, well, let's just say I do not feel safe walking there.

 

6 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

Finished the library book, so the next one up is It's Not About the Burqa: Muslim Women on Faith, Feminism, Sexuality, and Race, a collection of essays on the themes mentioned. I've only heard of one of the writers, so I'm hoping to hear a lot of different perspectives.

 

Oooh, this sounds super-interesting! Please let me know what you think of it.

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16 hours ago, Scalyfreak said:

I love being outside at night. It's magical and quiet and serene. I miss night walks.... I do not currently live in an area where it is quiet at night, and the places that are are, well, let's just say I do not feel safe walking there.

I would invite you to come and enjoy my perfectly safe street*, but I have a feeling you are too far away to take me up on it. :P

*except for coyotes in winter, and hunters in duck season

 

21 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

Wow, I can't even imagine what that kind of darkness would be like.  I don't think I have ever been a place like that

Next you'll be telling me you never see the stars. No, don't tell me if that's true. It makes me sad that such a fundamental human experience is absent from the lives of so many nowadays.

 

I forgot to mention another cool thing from that last walk. I took a little detour to the old bridge on the way back. This is no longer part of the main road, so it is just tire tracks in the dirt to get there. There were some shadows and darker bits under the trees, but I couldn't figure out why parts of the ground looked black. Not just dark, but so black that it looked like a deep hole and I couldn't tell where the actual ground was at all. Turns out that is what grass looks like in very low light. :)

 

Sleep was cut short when I got four phone calls in an hour and then just gave up. Unfortunately, this meant that a desperately needed nap later in the day took too long and I'm not going to hit my VO goal for the day yet again. Sigh.

 

Handstands didn't happen today as I didn't want to smush my cat and she was not inclined to move after the prayer ended, and I never got back to it. Everything else happened eventually except repairs. I'm going to try to get some website work done now. I'd really like to have a functioning (if not pretty) site by the end of the week. I've got everything scheduled now so that I should be able to get my demo recorded by June 22 (fingers crossed) and I want to have all the foundational pieces in place so that I can just get on with it once it's done.

 

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3 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

Next you'll be telling me you never see the stars.

I can usually see 3 or 4 on a clear night.  If I get outside the city I can probably see maybe 20 or so.  Have not seen more than say a hundred or so at a time in the last 20 years.  

 

I got to see the stars a lot as a kid, though, so at least I know what I'm missing?

 

3 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

There were some shadows and darker bits under the trees, but I couldn't figure out why parts of the ground looked black. Not just dark, but so black that it looked like a deep hole and I couldn't tell where the actual ground was at all. Turns out that is what grass looks like in very low light

WOW!

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Today was like 90% successful, which seems to be my pattern more or less. Missed handstands again - must stop this pattern, but the cat is being super annoying about taking up the space. Picked a paper item that was going to take too long to deal with tonight, so it's on the schedule for tomorrow. Didn't end up doing exercise - the only large miss today. Did everything else. Even got through a little email. And that's about it. Oh and I finished the second Harry Potter. Spoiler, he survives the Chamber of Secrets. Shhh.

 

For VO work, I cleared out a space to put the blankets more permanently, since the couldn't just stay on a chair in my living room forever. This meant moving my old Mac Mini into said living room so that I can hook it up to the TV. It has a much bigger hard drive than my Air, and the long-term plan is to get another external drive or two for specific purposes, then set up that computer to be a remote backup station for the laptops and the drives. And if it's hooked up to the TV, we can use it to play movies too, since our DVD player isn't working right. I just haven't quite figured out what I need to do to pull it off. Then I cleaned up the space a little and worked on the website. I think I have something super bare bones that I could theoretically publish now. It came together faster than I thought, probably because I haven't put in the effort to make it pretty. But it's functional. I'm not trying to advertise my web design skills, after all.

 

My neighbours have been getting together with their friends every day, a group of five (our current group limit) to exercise. They do like a mini class, pull dip bars and other equipment outside, walk down the road carrying medicine balls over their head... It's so joyful. I love seeing them come together to enjoy the weather and get healthy while having fun. :)

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20 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

Spoiler, he survives the Chamber of Secrets. Shhh.

Come on, they have spoiler boxes just for these!  Way to ruin it for everyone :P 

 

20 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

Today was like 90% successful, which seems to be my pattern more or less.

90% success consistency rate is pretty darn good! 

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Largely successful for the past two days. Missed handstands again today, sigh. Also couldn't walk as whenever I tried, a thunderstorm would start up or the rain would pick up again.

 

VO: I now have all of my scheduled sessions booked except for the actual recording time. I need to get in touch with the studio again about that. Finally got around to actually putting together the full recording booth structure to figure out how long it takes, the best order to put all the pieces in, and what tweaks it might need. Made some tweaks, but it's looking good! I have a couple of recordings to make tomorrow, so it will get tested then. Moving, lifting, and folding/unfolding the blankets had better count as some kind of improv weightlifting - they weigh almost ten pounds each, and there are four of them.

 

Found out this evening that there was a protest a couple of days ago in the little bitty town (maybe 1000 people?) across the river from my house that I somehow didn't know about until now. Sounds like they gathered people from all of the other little bitty towns in the area and everything went well. I'm sure it's partly just because people want a chance to get out and do something after being locked up for so long, and partly to demonstrate to others (and maybe themselves too) that they care (virtue signalling, if you like), and that it doesn't mean that any actual change will happen. But. I knew that there would be (and was) a large protest near Parliament Hill, that was expected, but this is the first time we've ever had a protest way out here. Ever. So maybe it does mean something. It's a shame that it took police brutality in another country to make people care, when our own indigenous people have been trying for years to get our attention about how crappily they are treated by the justice system, and their protests never took hold. I do hope that current events will have a lasting effect on how people view the police. Maybe they will even get a glimmer of the parallels between police brutality at home and how the military brutalize innocent people in other countries with impunity and feel some empathy for them as fellow humans? Nah, probably not. But I can dream.

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Yesterday I got probably half of the things done, mostly kind of half-assed. I was half an hour late to the accountability meeting that I host for the first time ever, and I totally forgot about it till I looked at the clock (plus I was outside trying to figure out how to sharpen a lawn mower). I was struggling to stay awake after being up for only five hours or so, but didn't want to nap as I was trying to get to bed a little early (spoiler: didn't happen) and it didn't get much better as the day went on. I got a lot of book work done though. That's something.

 

Today, I am still working on the post-walk habits many hours after said walk happened, and haven't even started the post-supper habits. Yet I feel like I have been busy all day, what the heck?! I had a coaching session today, and also got a recording sent in for a studio evaluation tomorrow. I got in some good handstand practice outside too. I can get nearly vertical if I walk up a tree, but I am afraid to transition away from the support. I got my son to support my ankles, but he didn't really understand what I wanted so it wasn't very successful. I still can't get any progress to getting up to handstand position by kicking off from the ground, so I can't practice removing the support with the wall behind me for security. I can barely even get to parallel with the ground. Certainly can't press up from a crow position. I feel a bit stuck on how to make progress from here.

 

I have a script for a fantasy book to audition that I really should record tonight, but I may settle for just working the script tonight and recording tomorrow. I have to do some school work with my son and I would also quite like to read some Harry Potter and maybe fix a thing. I really do have to get to bed early this time, as I have the weekly social/news-sharing meetup with work colleagues followed almost immediately by the home studio evaluation. No going back to sleep for me tomorrow! Now if only my brain will cooperate by not bringing up all my insecurities and send me to poor sleep in tears like the last two nights. Thanks in advance brain, would appreciate.

 

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12 minutes ago, juliebarkley said:

No going back to sleep for me tomorrow! Now if only my brain will cooperate by not bringing up all my insecurities and send me to poor sleep in tears like the last two nights. Thanks in advance brain, would appreciate.

 

Are you sure that's your brain? Is it possible it is Self Sabotage or one of her relatives?

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2 minutes ago, juliebarkley said:

What do you mean?

 

I re-frame my negative self-talk into video game bosses. Self-Sabotage is the one who tells me I'm not going to succeed at making changes to my diet, why bother trying? She is also the one who tells me that since I made one single mistake, the whole thing is now a lost cause and I should just give up.

 

Procrastination is the one who reminds me that I don't have to do that not-entirely-critical-thing right now. It can wait.

 

Self-Indulgence has agreed to work with me on making life more pleasant for both of us, now that we have agreed that lots of ice cream and alcohol are not really what makes life pleasant. A brand new lipstick on the other hand, makes Self-Indulgence purr and enjoy life more.

 

So I'm wondering if re-framing the insecurities into something that resonates and is easy to take a stand against, might make them easier to ignore?

 

 

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19 minutes ago, Scalyfreak said:

I re-frame my negative self-talk into video game bosses.

I know them. I thought they were demons bitches though. Perhaps that was an earlier incarnation. :)

 

19 minutes ago, Scalyfreak said:

Self-Sabotage is the one who tells me I'm not going to succeed at making changes to my diet, why bother trying? She is also the one who tells me that since I made one single mistake, the whole thing is now a lost cause and I should just give up.

Ah. This isn't quite the same kind of insecurities. These are, without giving up too much on a public forum, the kind that convince you that terrible things will happen because of your fundamental traits, then feeling even awful for thinking that way because it assumes terrible things of other people. Then awful for not being strong enough to face the potential for terrible things. Running in a nasty self-reinforcing loop that rips up your self-esteem, with no real evidence to back any of it up.

 

I faced a similar problem about eight years ago, and hated it, so I made a significant life change that fixed it for me. There is no comparable change I could make now and I don't really know how I'm going to handle it.

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11 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

I know them. I thought they were demons bitches though. Perhaps that was an earlier incarnation. :)

 

 

Oh, no, they are still very much demon bitches. I just take the NF analogy of life as a video game quite literally at times. :) 

 

11 hours ago, juliebarkley said:

Ah. This isn't quite the same kind of insecurities. These are, without giving up too much on a public forum, the kind that convince you that terrible things will happen because of your fundamental traits, then feeling even awful for thinking that way because it assumes terrible things of other people. Then awful for not being strong enough to face the potential for terrible things. Running in a nasty self-reinforcing loop that rips up your self-esteem, with no real evidence to back any of it up.

 

Ah, okay. And ouch. That sounds painful and exhausting.

 

This is sometimes how my anxiety works, and I have no idea how to fix it for myself, let alone what kinds of advice I could give that could possibly help someone else dealing with it. I can listen though, if you need to vent, and I will lend whatever support I can. You are so much greater than those insecurities want you to think.

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On 6/9/2020 at 12:44 PM, juliebarkley said:

Ah. This isn't quite the same kind of insecurities. These are, without giving up too much on a public forum, the kind that convince you that terrible things will happen because of your fundamental traits, then feeling even awful for thinking that way because it assumes terrible things of other people. Then awful for not being strong enough to face the potential for terrible things. Running in a nasty self-reinforcing loop that rips up your self-esteem, with no real evidence to back any of it up

Ugh, I don't have any suggestions to help other than maybe trying focusing on more positive things to drown out these negative ones?  Some things that I have found useful in the past is to try listing things I am grateful for or coming up with things I can to help someone else (it doesn't matter who, just someone to take the focus off of myself).

 

At any rate, I am here to provide full digital emotional support, for whatever that is worth.

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On 6/9/2020 at 1:04 AM, Scalyfreak said:

I can listen though, if you need to vent, and I will lend whatever support I can.

 

7 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

At any rate, I am here to provide full digital emotional support, for whatever that is worth.

Thank you both. Your digital support is actually worth a lot - more than you know.

 

Now, because I'm SUPER bad at vulnerability, I'm going to publicly pretend like none of that ever happened.

 

Yesterday ended up being a shorter day than usual. I had to get up early for the work stuff, but though I had managed to get to bed earlier than usual, it wasn't early enough and I was still pretty tired (but not primarily due to unhelpful thoughts, thank goodness). I ended up having a long nap, then found out I had to go to bed early to an early morning black market hair appointment the next day (my 70-year old mother decided enough was enough and she was comfortable with the risk, and I joined in. My cousin is a hairdresser, and makes house calls. We've always done it that way, so it's always been a bit cash under the table grey market. Her salon is opening back up on Tuesday, but she's not sure if it'll be worth it due to the significant additional cost for PPE and disposable supplies.).

 

Habit work was kinda all over the place and out of the usual order. Handstands, once again, didn't happen. I skipped abs as well because I was certain I had missed exercise day on Monday and so I was going to shift it over, but my son insists that we did in fact do exercise on Monday. So now I don't know if he's misremembering or if I'm really losing it. Other than the studio check (it was good except for one known and manageable issue - very good to hear!), did no VO work. Really should get stuck into it today, and it may already be too late to audition for that book. I'll do it anyway though - the chances of getting it were low anyway, and it's good practice really. Also found out that the studio I was booking with to record is moving. It's actually moving much closer, which is good for me, but it does throw my timing off since they're not reopening till early/mid July and I'll need to get another sound check off them. More time to build the foundations, I guess.

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