Jump to content

Emma and the new normal


Emma

Recommended Posts

19 hours ago, Emma said:

OMG I love these! These are so pretty! That dress is really nice! YAY for non-yoga pants! :D 

 

Mine are 

799384759_blackdress.jpg.95e006e9399b435d50ecff9ef365f363.jpg1878843276_RedDress.jpg.0c40a7b45a2a8ecec9dc6284ed33afec.jpg

I love the black one, and it's a little big, but I can cinch the waist and having a little room isn't so bad on a sweaty hot day. 

The red one is just okay, but it was only $10 dollars and is really comfy so I think I'll live 😂 I may embroider flowers on it.

  • Like 2
Link to comment

Friday: lots of driving and sitting. Got to son2 ‘s place and watched Guardians of the Galaxy pt 2.

Saturday: more driving to meet Son1. All three of us got together for dinner and a movie at the hotel room. Talked until midnight. More sitting. 
Sunday: breakfast with the boys and then they left to drive further south to meet their sperm donor and grandpa.

I am staying one more night to rest up and do PT for my poor back before heading home. Should be an 8 hour drive. Lots of sitting. 
My back is sore and my knee aches. I sprained my knee months ago and have been fearing my knee would never heal. The past two weeks there has been no pain! I started exercising it and it is very stiff. I did 5000 steps already today and the knee aches, but it is a dull ache, not a sharp pain. I am dropping NF Academy and switching to rehab exercises for my knee. So my exercise routine will now be PT for my back, shoulders and knee. I’m too young to be falling apart!

  • Like 5
Link to comment
18 hours ago, Emma said:

Guardians of the Galaxy pt 2.

 

"I'm Mary Poppins y'all!"

  • Haha 3

Who am I? -- My NF Character

Current Challenge: WolfDreamer Enters Spartan Training

Past Challenges: 

Spoiler

Winter is ComingWolfen Strengthens His Heart, Body, Mind, and Spirit, Wolfen Becomes One of the PeopleWolfen Strengthens His ChakrasWolfen Welcomes Summer and Gets Primal, Soulcon and Spartan, Wolfen Develops Mental ToughnessWolfen Joins the Wander SocietySoulcon, Spartan, School, and Stranger ThingsWolfen Becomes a Warrior EliteWolfen Goes Here and There and Back AgainWolfen Becomes a Soulcon Warrior EliteWolfen Returns to His RootsWolfen Wanders in Soul, Spirit, and BodyWolfen Owns the DayWolfen Searches for His Wild Heart, Wolfen Runs for His LifeWolfen Hits the TrailsWolfen Becomes an Explorer and Joins the ResistanceWolfen Goes Back to the SourceWolfen Begins the Hero's JourneyWolfDreamer Returns to the People,  WolfDreamer Pushes BackWolfDreamer PrioritizesBurpees, Books, and BrainworkBurpees, Books, Brainwork, and BodyworkWolfDreamer Masters the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Continues to Master the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Returns to SpartaWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Continues His Middle Earth AdventureWolfDreamer and the FallWolfDreamer Forges His Own PathWolfDreamer Has HopeWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Reads Harder, Breathes Harder, and Journals MoreWolfDreamer Embraces His Wild PoetThe Mad Poet Becomes SupernaturalWolfDreamer, The Mad Poet, Becomes SuperhumanWolfDreamer ElevatesWolfDreamer Becomes IronBornWolfDreamer Wakes the White WolfThe Mad Poet Recovers by Keeping it SimpleWolfDreamer Clears His Mind to Find His Wild HeartWolfDreamer ResetsWolfDreamer Strives to Become an Eminently Qualified Peaceful WarriorWolfDreamer Springs ForwardWolfDreamer Returns (For Real This Time)WolfDreamer is RespaWinningWolfDreamer RebootsWolfDreamer Thinks About the Roman Empire

I'd rather sing one wild song and burst my heart with it, than live a thousand years watching my digestion and being afraid of the wet.” -- Jack London

“I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love.” -- Leo Tolstoy

"I feel love rising in my chest again
Rising like a burning sun into the day..." -- Gungor, "Hurricane"

"...wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17b

 

Link to comment
19 hours ago, Emma said:

I am dropping NF Academy and switching to rehab exercises for my knee. So my exercise routine will now be PT for my back, shoulders and knee. I’m too young to be falling apart!

Good choice!  I tried to "work through" a hip injury a while back with disastrous results.

  • Like 1

“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.” John Steinbeck

“Do I dare disturb the universe?” – T.S. Eliot

“You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.” – Toni Morrison

"All we have to do is decide what to do with the time given to us" JRR Tolkien

 

Human Bard: CON 2, WIS 5, INT 1, CHA 2

 

Current Challenge: Nova Levels Up (and maybe doesn't abandon a challenge...)

Link to comment

Sunday: I had plans . Good plans. Ambitious plans. What did I do? I slept. I did go to the bookstore nearby, the first time in a bookstore since the lockdown. Of course I bought some books.

Monday: hit the freeway at 6am. I was able to relax and breathe once I hit the Grapevine and the open fields and blue sky. I really hate Southern California. Got home a few minutes ago and finally (FINALLY) have a nice cup of tea. Going to relax a bit and plan the rest of the week.

And my covid test was negative. Yay!

  • Like 7
Link to comment
2 hours ago, Emma said:

I slept. I did go to the bookstore nearby

 

Sleep and a bookstore... doesn't sound so bad to me.

 

2 hours ago, Emma said:

And my covid test was negative. Yay!

 

Awesome!

 

  • Like 2

Who am I? -- My NF Character

Current Challenge: WolfDreamer Enters Spartan Training

Past Challenges: 

Spoiler

Winter is ComingWolfen Strengthens His Heart, Body, Mind, and Spirit, Wolfen Becomes One of the PeopleWolfen Strengthens His ChakrasWolfen Welcomes Summer and Gets Primal, Soulcon and Spartan, Wolfen Develops Mental ToughnessWolfen Joins the Wander SocietySoulcon, Spartan, School, and Stranger ThingsWolfen Becomes a Warrior EliteWolfen Goes Here and There and Back AgainWolfen Becomes a Soulcon Warrior EliteWolfen Returns to His RootsWolfen Wanders in Soul, Spirit, and BodyWolfen Owns the DayWolfen Searches for His Wild Heart, Wolfen Runs for His LifeWolfen Hits the TrailsWolfen Becomes an Explorer and Joins the ResistanceWolfen Goes Back to the SourceWolfen Begins the Hero's JourneyWolfDreamer Returns to the People,  WolfDreamer Pushes BackWolfDreamer PrioritizesBurpees, Books, and BrainworkBurpees, Books, Brainwork, and BodyworkWolfDreamer Masters the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Continues to Master the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Returns to SpartaWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Continues His Middle Earth AdventureWolfDreamer and the FallWolfDreamer Forges His Own PathWolfDreamer Has HopeWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Reads Harder, Breathes Harder, and Journals MoreWolfDreamer Embraces His Wild PoetThe Mad Poet Becomes SupernaturalWolfDreamer, The Mad Poet, Becomes SuperhumanWolfDreamer ElevatesWolfDreamer Becomes IronBornWolfDreamer Wakes the White WolfThe Mad Poet Recovers by Keeping it SimpleWolfDreamer Clears His Mind to Find His Wild HeartWolfDreamer ResetsWolfDreamer Strives to Become an Eminently Qualified Peaceful WarriorWolfDreamer Springs ForwardWolfDreamer Returns (For Real This Time)WolfDreamer is RespaWinningWolfDreamer RebootsWolfDreamer Thinks About the Roman Empire

I'd rather sing one wild song and burst my heart with it, than live a thousand years watching my digestion and being afraid of the wet.” -- Jack London

“I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love.” -- Leo Tolstoy

"I feel love rising in my chest again
Rising like a burning sun into the day..." -- Gungor, "Hurricane"

"...wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17b

 

Link to comment
13 hours ago, Emma said:

What did I do? I slept. I did go to the bookstore nearby, the first time in a bookstore since the lockdown. Of course I bought some books.

This sounds like an awesome Sunday!!!  

 

13 hours ago, Emma said:

And my covid test was negative. Yay!

Woohoo!!!

  • Like 1

“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.” John Steinbeck

“Do I dare disturb the universe?” – T.S. Eliot

“You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.” – Toni Morrison

"All we have to do is decide what to do with the time given to us" JRR Tolkien

 

Human Bard: CON 2, WIS 5, INT 1, CHA 2

 

Current Challenge: Nova Levels Up (and maybe doesn't abandon a challenge...)

Link to comment

The dresses arrived last night but they’re too small. Boo. I will keep them for inspiration and order something in a larger size.

I need some advice from those more socially adept than I am.
Last week I got an email from one of the choir members saying she hoped I was doing well and inviting me to the zoom meeting they do every week. Which I tried once but felt even more lonely afterwards so never did it again. I read somewhere that is pretty common. Today I received a card in the mail from another choir member telling me I was missed she wants to hear me add my voice to the virtual anthems. I have a decent voice. She added a couple of cute bookmarks made  by a member of the church.
I don’t know if they actually miss Emma or just want Emma’s voice. Cynical me thinks they finally noticed I was missing.  It’s only been four months. What do you guys think? Should I try to join up again? My feeling is I don’t want to. They really weren’t there for me when I needed them. What response should I give them? 

  • Like 5
Link to comment
22 hours ago, Emma said:

My feeling is I don’t want to.

I wasn't around to hear what happened originally, but this says a lot.  If you have a feeling in your gut, trust it.

  • Like 1

“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.” John Steinbeck

“Do I dare disturb the universe?” – T.S. Eliot

“You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.” – Toni Morrison

"All we have to do is decide what to do with the time given to us" JRR Tolkien

 

Human Bard: CON 2, WIS 5, INT 1, CHA 2

 

Current Challenge: Nova Levels Up (and maybe doesn't abandon a challenge...)

Link to comment
On 6/23/2020 at 9:43 AM, Emma said:

My feeling is I don’t want to.


I think this says it. 
 

This whole thing has been a mess. The disease and anxiety and fear and upended economy.
 

But I’ll tell you what else. It’s really put into perspective the people who care. It has generally brought a lot of people together in ways that weren’t possible before. Everyone has had a lot going on. So I’d understand if a particular group didn’t zoom for choral purposes around that chaos. But it seems a little telling that nobody checked in with you until last week. 
 

Now full disclosure, I’ve a strained relationship with most churches at best. I don’t believe in the supernatural at all. I think that healthy ones do a great service to members and their communities. But there are a lot of churches that mostly just take from you and exploit the downtrodden. I’ve an issue with that. And it can be structural as well as an issue with groups of individuals. 
 

I received a call from an older couple that we usually sit by at church less than 3 weeks after we went into lockdown, to see how we were doing and if we needed anything. Several people have checked in with us and we’ve checked in several others. It’s been a great experience. Which contrasts to me your experience, 4 months of silence and then ‘let’s start the group again.’ Personally, I feel lonely and judged in a lot of churches so I always weigh in how much “us” and “helping the community in ways besides generic evangelizing” a given community has. The connected groups that work to help people in their communities are where I feel most welcome.

Trusting your instincts is always a good default. 

 

  • Like 2

Adventurer, Half-Dwarf Chaotic-Good Paladin

Ne me dites jamais les chances!  ¡Nunca me digas las probabilidades!

Character Sheet Training Logs Challenges Prepping for Adventure PrepAdventure Prep Fall BabyWhen Are We Again, Anyway?WhirlwindThe Leaf's LocusHarnessing Hamingja New Roots More Beginnings, More Roots Cleaning Up Facing The Hailstorm Yo Ho Yo The... Keto Life For Me? Taming the Beast Another Step Towards the Future Baking, Suburban Homesteading, and Health, The Adventurers of the Lucky Vale IIIIIIIVVVI, VII VIIIIX

Spoiler

Perennial goals: Sleep 7+ hours a night, retain (and continue to learn) French and Spanish as a family, increase Spanish Proficiency for work and play,  read like a maniac on my own and with my kids, carry heavy stuff

Long term goals: Cut to 13-15% bodyfat, And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs, so I'm roughly the size of a baaaaarge! -> Someday I'll challenge a Disney world Gaston to a push up contest and win

Link to comment
On 6/23/2020 at 10:43 AM, Emma said:

I don’t know if they actually miss Emma or just want Emma’s voice. Cynical me thinks they finally noticed I was missing.  It’s only been four months. What do you guys think? Should I try to join up again? My feeling is I don’t want to. They really weren’t there for me when I needed them. What response should I give them? 

 

I definitely agree that if you don't want to, then don't. But I'm going to play devil's advocate - just to maybe give you some things to think through.

  • Would you get any benefits out of re-joining? I hear you on Zoom being difficult to connect through (there are always those people who monopolize those things and the rest of us sit around twiddling our thumbs). But if you'd get any benefits, I'd encourage you to give it another try or two. 
  • How active has your church been over the past few months? I know a lot of groups that were super active when everything began, fizzled out, but are now trying to reboot things. If your church hasn't been consistently active, this might be their try at a reboot (which could also explain the multiple recent tries at connecting). 
  • (This kind of goes along with the first point) Do you miss singing and would rejoining help you to alleviate that?

Again, please don't think of this as me trying to convince you to do something you don't want to do. You might be able to quickly answer these questions and reaffirm your feeling that you don't want to - and that is totally okay! 

  • Like 2
Link to comment

Thanks for the responses. The choir has been doing zoom meetings weekly and has done virtual choir several times. Some record their parts and tech wizard puts it all together. The newsletter says that other groups have also been doing zoom meetings and checking in with everybody. But no one has reached out to me until now.

At the beginning of the lockdown I was severely stressed at the idea of being out there doing xrays of people coughing in my face and after a spectacularly bad week I reached out to several people. The response was less than optimal, shall we say. I’m out of there.

  • Like 4
Link to comment

Wednesday: PT for back and knees. Shoulders don't need it every day. Walking 4400 steps. Knees hurt some so I'm going to hold the goal at 3-4000 for a few more days.

Slept, watched Netflix, cooked my favorite dishes. I don't really like eating meat and I really don't like cooking it, so yesterday turned out to be vegetarian and I managed to keep my blood sugar under control, which I have found difficult to do on vegetarian meals in the past. I want to be mostly vegetarian but I will need the occasional hamburger. My body starts to feel like crap if I don't feed it a certain amount of red meat.

Ordered some new clothes a size larger.

I am sad to say goodbye to church. They do a lot of good things in the community: feeding the homeless, adopting a low income school, supporting a shelter for domestic violence victims. They have been supportive in the past but I am hurt and angry that I wasn't getting support when I needed it and asked for it. My biggest joy (and main reason for joining) was singing in the choir but it will be a long time before I get to do that again because of the virus. The lack of support from church is why I have been trying to get more involved here on the forum. 

Back to work tomorrow and I have done very little of my vacation list. Took the trip to SoCal to say goodbye to my kid and that's about it. Back is still sore and I am a bit worried about that. I found some metal plates (some kind of holder that was designed for a different style of X-ray plate) that I can take off the X-ray machine and it should help with the weight some. 

  • Like 5
Link to comment
2 hours ago, Emma said:

I am sad to say goodbye to church. They do a lot of good things in the community: feeding the homeless, adopting a low income school, supporting a shelter for domestic violence victims. They have been supportive in the past but I am hurt and angry that I wasn't getting support when I needed it and asked for it. My biggest joy (and main reason for joining) was singing in the choir but it will be a long time before I get to do that again because of the virus. The lack of support from church is why I have been trying to get more involved here on the forum. 

I feel this.  I used to have a great relationship not only with my own church, but with state level religious organizations.  I had a falling out with my church over a difference of political opinions, and views on what the love of Jesus should look like in a community.  I miss the feeling of that church community, but I still have a relationship with God and that's what matters.

 

We like having you around :) 

  • Like 1

“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.” John Steinbeck

“Do I dare disturb the universe?” – T.S. Eliot

“You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.” – Toni Morrison

"All we have to do is decide what to do with the time given to us" JRR Tolkien

 

Human Bard: CON 2, WIS 5, INT 1, CHA 2

 

Current Challenge: Nova Levels Up (and maybe doesn't abandon a challenge...)

Link to comment

Thursday, last day of vacation: did PT. That is all.

Watched Netflix, did a bit of cleaning. Really that’s about it. I did get back to my normal (for me) sleep schedule, only one nap in the afternoon. And I did make a point of getting up and doing something physical at least every episode break.

Back to work today. Back is still a bit sore.

  • Like 4
Link to comment

Rant ahead

just got off frustrating phone call

two months ago when my backpack was stolen, my checkbook was stolen as well. I was advised to shut down the account and open a new one. So I have three accounts now but I can’t transfer money between them, like I used to, and my IRA has vanished. Nobody can find it. I have done everything they told me to, register the new account, aggregate the accounts, wait for the investment people to find my IRA and it’s been two fricking months. I’ve been calling every two weeks. I have an appointment Wednesday to go see a real person and this is their last chance to get everything straightened out and find my money. I have paper copies, thank god, with account numbers and recent amounts on them. If they can’t fix it this time, I’m taking my money to another bank, IF THEY CAN FIND IT!  AND THEY BETTER FIND IT! I am so glad that I  don't trust institutions and keep paper copies of important stuff.
 

  • Like 1
  • Angry on your Behalf 2
Link to comment

Friday update: A little more energetic. Slept late in the morning. Got dressed. Work was okay, back okay. Overtime meant bedtime was 2:30 a.m. Was planning to take shower after work,  but tired. Sat with massage pillow for a bit though. PT done, walk not. Weather got hot before I could get out for the walk. 
Today:

walk!

PT

Plan meals for a couple of days and go to store. 

Shower
Not think about bank screwup until Monday.

  • Like 3
Link to comment

I remember going to bed hungry a lot when I was a child. My mother didn’t believe in snacks or desserts. She cooked for five of us (and daddy was a big eater) using recipes that made four servings so second helpings or leftovers never happened. I never quite got all I wanted to eat. When I was in high school I was 5’8” and 112 pounds. I finally looked that up on the charts and my BMI was less than 18. Underweight.
I had a year on my own before marriage and I ATE! I gained thirty pounds in one year and LOVED IT! I had curves instead of angles. I could wear a bikini without looking down and seeing all the way to my crotch. When the (now ex-)husband started getting abusive I was definitely comfort eating but I haven’t been able to totally figure out why I haven’t been able to get my eating back to normal.

I think my constant hunger as a child is an important part of my overeating (especially of desserts) and why I can’t let go of the idea that restricting my food intake is deprivation. I think I am trying to make up for the hunger I experienced as a child. And I want dessert.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
2 hours ago, Emma said:

I remember going to bed hungry a lot when I was a child. My mother didn’t believe in snacks or desserts. She cooked for five of us (and daddy was a big eater) using recipes that made four servings so second helpings or leftovers never happened. I never quite got all I wanted to eat. When I was in high school I was 5’8” and 112 pounds. I finally looked that up on the charts and my BMI was less than 18. Underweight.
I had a year on my own before marriage and I ATE! I gained thirty pounds in one year and LOVED IT! I had curves instead of angles. I could wear a bikini without looking down and seeing all the way to my crotch. When the (now ex-)husband started getting abusive I was definitely comfort eating but I haven’t been able to totally figure out why I haven’t been able to get my eating back to normal.

I think my constant hunger as a child is an important part of my overeating (especially of desserts) and why I can’t let go of the idea that restricting my food intake is deprivation. I think I am trying to make up for the hunger I experienced as a child. And I want dessert.

 

This is really interesting, Emma. I think the first step to resolving these things is to figure out why it's happening to begin with. 

  • Like 1

If it's not siesta or fiesta, I'm not interested. 

Profile picture credit : NF's resident super artist - NinjaKitten

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

New here? Please check out our Privacy Policy and Community Guidelines