Salinger's thirty second challenge!

[aramis]

Hey!

You sound bit calmer than last time - it's good. I hope for positive info about your Dad. 

Keeping yourself distracted (in a productive way) is great way of fighting, or at least dodging/evading your inner demons. 

And about your lower back - have you tried consulting chiropractor or neurologist? In most cases the pain is caused by something pressing against nerves in/around your spine. 

 

Hugs!

 

P.S.

give Jacks a lot of attention now, so MAYBE he will forgive you  

[Salinger]

1 hour ago, aramis said:

Hey!

You sound bit calmer than last time - it's good. I hope for positive info about your Dad. 

Keeping yourself distracted (in a productive way) is great way of fighting, or at least dodging/evading your inner demons. 

And about your lower back - have you tried consulting chiropractor or neurologist? In most cases the pain is caused by something pressing against nerves in/around your spine. 

 

Hugs!

 

P.S.

give Jacks a lot of attention now, so MAYBE he will forgive you  

 

Thanks Aramis, will let you know when i have spoken to my dad today. I also hope for better news. 

Havent thought about it much, im scared they will just tell me to lose weight?!! 

 

Jacks is getting lots of love and treats heheh xx

 

__________

 

 

Hey all. 11am here, just been pottering around the yard, taking some photos of the wildflowers! They are starting to come out now  flowering a little bit....which is mega exciting. 

 

Its cold but the sun is out, keeps hiding behind clouds but at least its out a tiny bit. 

 

Here are the wildflowers....

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jackson is playing out at the moment, im drinking tea and TRYING to plan things out. My mum wants to call soon so cant go out yet until she does. 

 

Got a meeting later this afternoon, then Everton are on at 8pm. Need a bath also.

 

But main thing is cleaning and shopping today really. Its a fucking disgrace, the kitchen right now getting me down a bit. 

 

Anyway...

 

OH MY DELIVERY JUST ARRIVED. 

 

Three new books  

 

 

 

Looking forward to reading these. Nice to dip in and out of too...

 

ok better get on xx

[Salinger]

Hey. 4.15pm here. Suns out but its cold. Madness for July. 

 

Ive done so much today, not really much on my list mind you!!

 

Im trying to put all my projects down with dates. And then look at what needs doing each day towards each one. Etc. 

Spent the past few hours working on a website build as well...connected it so now waiting for the DNS records to update blah blah ... 

 

I popped out for chicken, milk, bin bags, washing up liquid. And stupidly got a burger from Maccies. i felt so rushed like i had no time to cook. Feel bad for it tbh. Ive also cleaned the kitchen up, smells better. Still not totally clean/dishes are soaking. But its a big start !! 

 

My lower back is sort of agony. Ugh. I asked the pharmacy, she said a hot water bottle and ibuprofen. But not much to do apart from gentle stretches as well. 

 

Its already late afternoon, my meeting is in 30 mins. Discussing residency project. Hoping i get some ideas from it. 

 

Then i will get ready for the football, ill probably go to Ste's to watch it. I will drive though, so i dont drink ahah

 

xx

[TGP]

Back aches are the Worst!

 

every time I've gotten them; nothing seems to help.  they just come- make you feel miserable for many hours- then slowly disappear

 

I DO think that being a little more active (walking,etc) HELPS but I'm equally sure that no amount of exercise can guarantee you won't get them.

 

glad to see you active, keep strong Liz

 

and may your fav football club Win!

[fearless 2.0]

Oh how I feel you with the back pain!!! Ibu and warm water bottle sounds very good.It sure helped me before my back surgery. Have fun tonight!!!

[Salinger]

7 hours ago, TGP said:

Back aches are the Worst!

 

every time I've gotten them; nothing seems to help.  they just come- make you feel miserable for many hours- then slowly disappear

 

I DO think that being a little more active (walking,etc) HELPS but I'm equally sure that no amount of exercise can guarantee you won't get them.

 

glad to see you active, keep strong Liz

 

and may your fav football club Win!

 

Thanks   yes its hard. It feels a little better this eve ... but will keep stretching it and hot water bottle etc. 

 

We lost, worst game ever, only 1-0 but was BORING. xx

 

 

6 hours ago, fearless 2.0 said:

Oh how I feel you with the back pain!!! Ibu and warm water bottle sounds very good.It sure helped me before my back surgery. Have fun tonight!!!

 

Thanks Fearless  xx

 

 

______

 

 

Just got home, its midnight. I DROVE so i didnt drink, didnt feel like it at all, and tomorrow is a busy day of work. 

 

i havent eaten very well today need to do better tomorrow. I dont know how to ensure i do better at this.... maybe its just will power???

 

xx

[//Min]

52 minutes ago, Salinger said:

i havent eaten very well today need to do better tomorrow. I dont know how to ensure i do better at this.... maybe its just will power???

 

Food choice is another choice you have to make when you’re already so bogged down with the rest of life. it’s totally understandable it would add to the stress you’re already feeling, it’s not lack of will power. a way round this is to take the choice out of the decision by meal planning or eating the same things everyday? 

 

sending you healing vibes for ya back

[Salinger]

7 hours ago, //Min said:

 

Food choice is another choice you have to make when you’re already so bogged down with the rest of life. it’s totally understandable it would add to the stress you’re already feeling, it’s not lack of will power. a way round this is to take the choice out of the decision by meal planning or eating the same things everyday? 

 

sending you healing vibes for ya back

 

Thanks for being so understanding Min. 

 

Same things most of the week could work yes. planning too. I think ill have a week where i plan meals. i will write in here. To be accountable. Maybe even images of my meals so i have to show nice things hahah

 

xx

[Salinger]

Hey morning all. 9am here, shit day again, rain rain rain. 

 

Drinking tea, cosy inside at least. Should be grateful of that. Jackson is sleeping on my bed, my best mate...purring softly. Im on my sofa. 

 

In around 2 hours i have a meeting and then NEED to work on another website build...till then, i have some stuff to do for my mums business. (designing some appointment cards etc) 

 

I also need to think about a pitch for a piece of writing. And send that in this week. 

 

I feel a bit frazzled with all the work i have on, but at least its distracting?!

 

My dad had an MRI scan last night, should get the results today...looking to see if there is an infection in his spine. i will speak to him this morning or this evening. 

 

I will track food and drink lots of water/tea today. Just try to keep up with those basic things. 

 

I NEED a bath tonight too.... it should help my back, AND i need to wash my hair. it will be nice to feel clean and cosy, and hopefully ill read a little too. xx

[Salinger]

Hey all. 3.45pm. Miserable day outside. 

My sister is in Norfolk with her boyfriend, and took my parents dogs with them for the week, in a cosy cottage by the beach. Im so jealous!!!!

 

Ah well. Alone forever. 

Ive done a lot of work today already. Im flagging a bit. But need to keep going. Food is making me want to throw up....I made that chilli last week and had one bowl last week, its in the fridge and may have gone bad already what a waste. Ill check it tonight. 

 

Im trying not to spiral out of control. My thoughts are bad. Annoyingly bad. xx

[TGP]

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

Hey all. 3.45pm. Miserable day outside. 

My sister is in Norfolk with her boyfriend, and took my parents dogs with them for the week, in a cosy cottage by the beach. Im so jealous!!!!

 

Ah well. Alone forever. 

Ive done a lot of work today already. Im flagging a bit. But need to keep going. Food is making me want to throw up....I made that chilli last week and had one bowl last week, its in the fridge and may have gone bad already what a waste. Ill check it tonight. 

 

Im trying not to spiral out of control. My thoughts are bad. Annoyingly bad. xx

Hang in there Liz!

 

maybe the bad chili is your prompt to make something wonderful. (OTOH; maybe just making Anything somewhat nutritious would be a victory. some days are like that)

 

 

[foxinthenorth]

9 hours ago, Salinger said:

Same things most of the week could work yes. planning too. I think ill have a week where i plan meals. i will write in here. To be accountable. Maybe even images of my meals so i have to show nice things hahah

I will always accept food pictures.

[Salinger]

hey morning all. 8.45am. Last night was random one, i ended up going round to my friends place and we drank too much. Oh surprise surprise...! I didnt even eat beforehand. ****SIGH****

 

Must do better...

 

The thought of healthy/wholesome food makes me feel nauseous. No clue why.....awful. 

 

Todays jobs:

 

- Take medication

- Refill meds box

- Go to buy cat litter bags

- Shop for milk, salad, loo roll etc

- Work on website build

- Work on projects proposal for pitch

- Work on DADA proposal

- Track food for the day

- Eat some vegetables/salad/fruit

- Drink 3 glasses of water

- Have a bath

- Read a little

- Meditate

 

Kind of ok...busy but hopefully fine. No doubt ill need a nap later also. 

 

xx

[Novaurora]

On 6/30/2020 at 11:54 AM, Salinger said:

Makes such a difference to the cleanliness too...

We have exactly 1 rug in our house, and vacuuming that sucker and then basking in it is a joy I didn't realize I needed.

 

Sal, I'm so sorry you're going through such a stressful time.  I'm sending all my positive and healthy vibes to your dad. 

 

And remember, food changes can be SMALL and still successful.  We are in the middle of a pandemic, your family is dealing with lots of stress, and you have the right to do what you need to do to survive right now.   I am also a fan of food porn, so, if that works for you, I'm here for it.

[TGP]

12 minutes ago, Novaurora said:

And remember, food changes can be SMALL and still successful.

 

that needs emphasized

 

because its SOOOO easy to get in the "go big or go home mentality",   then life happens and people entirely give up on their goals and dreams.

not good.

 

little changes mean Everything!

[Salinger]

2 hours ago, Novaurora said:

We have exactly 1 rug in our house, and vacuuming that sucker and then basking in it is a joy I didn't realize I needed.

 

Sal, I'm so sorry you're going through such a stressful time.  I'm sending all my positive and healthy vibes to your dad. 

 

And remember, food changes can be SMALL and still successful.  We are in the middle of a pandemic, your family is dealing with lots of stress, and you have the right to do what you need to do to survive right now.   I am also a fan of food porn, so, if that works for you, I'm here for it.

 

Thank you Nova  

 

I will definitely try to remember photos...xx

 

1 hour ago, TGP said:

 

that needs emphasized

 

because its SOOOO easy to get in the "go big or go home mentality",   then life happens and people entirely give up on their goals and dreams.

not good.

 

little changes mean Everything!

 

Yes i do this alot, if i fall off the wagon, i give up completely...! xx

 

________

 

Hey, 3.45pm. Shite weather again. And im so so so so tired. 

 

I managed to drag myself to the shops, got bits of salad, chicken, steak, a moussaka and some veggies. The fridge now has a good selection of stuff for me. No excuses really to not eat well/better. 

 

I also got Jackson some cat milk and a new bowl for the milk. Lucky boy. 

 

I may need to have a 30 min nap you know...just exhausted. Can barely move / keep my eyes open. i really hate feeling this way. Probably due to not enough nutrition, not enough exercise, late night, stress.

 

Also im back on my period annoyingly, and i have some cramps. Feel like im falling apart hahaahahahha jeeeeeeez

 

xx

[fearless 2.0]

  

 

hang in there, girl!!!!

[TGP]

actually,

I'm REALLY grappling with this right now.

 

my "go big" reason to run has now dissapeared.  there is no possibility for another event this year- most are being canceled.  

 

the USA is ramping up on COVID cause some states got anxsy about the delay and felt they could not hold back the economy any more.

only states that were absolutely brutally stricken seem safe(r).  but politically, philosophically I can handle covid....... keeping up the running is much, much harder (for me). (and yes I missed my morning run. .)

 

it feels mentally like I'd been given a DNF for my marathon training.

 

ugh

 

efforts MUST remain though; but they will seem small and unimportant and that is hard for me

 

I think we are SO much in the same boat.  a crashing exercise program becoming very small very quickly and feeling uninspired and knowing that if I drop it; I'll really really REALLY regret it.

I hope we can both keep up  the small efforts.  bolder inspiration will come another day- but gosh darn it! the health is too precious to give up on.

 

 

[Salinger]

Hey, 8pm. I napped a little this afternoon, and im still so tired!! Crazy. 

 

its raining again, but kind of humid too. I nipped back to the shops as id forgotten loo roll / milk. Then i watched the football. 

 

Whilst i was watching, i made dinner - i forced myself to do this because i felt like i didnt want to eat much. 

 

But im glad i did, so tasty!!!!

 

Steak sandwich with homemade salsa and feta cheese.... with a side salad. mmmmmm and a photo to stay accountable...

 

 

 

Real tasty and wholesome. Best ive eaten in over a week now  

 

I need a bath, so i may run one soon. Hoping that getting clean and cosy will help my mood. Because im a little down tonight xx

[aramis]

21 hours ago, Salinger said:

The thought of healthy/wholesome food makes me feel nauseous. No clue why

Too much emotional load and overthinking (I've been there, I know).

Stop calling this "healthy food". Stop demonizing it. Just focus on eating stuff you prepared yourself. I bet it'll be a lot better than store bought premade stuff or take away. Even without "HEALTHY" tag all over it.

 

10 hours ago, Salinger said:

Steak sandwich with homemade salsa and feta cheese.... with a side salad.

OMG!!!!

I just ate my monitor. It didn't taste well. But that photo is sooooo tasty-looking! 

[Salinger]

4 hours ago, aramis said:

Too much emotional load and overthinking (I've been there, I know).

Stop calling this "healthy food". Stop demonizing it. Just focus on eating stuff you prepared yourself. I bet it'll be a lot better than store bought premade stuff or take away. Even without "HEALTHY" tag all over it.

 

 

 

Hey Aramis, wow....thats a really interesting thought. Im going to try this thank you !!! 

 

4 hours ago, aramis said:

OMG!!!!

I just ate my monitor. It didn't taste well. But that photo is sooooo tasty-looking! 

 

haha it was as tasty as it looks !! xx

 

 

_________________

 

Hey all. 11.30am, i slept in this morning, till 10am  i slept pretty well, i think having a bath helped. 

 

The past hour or so ive been drinking tea, and i got a delivery...

 

Last night i ordered some new bedding, a cushion, a new side table and an ARMCHAIR hhahah i got paid for a commission the other day and have been saving for this chair for a while. I will have to move some things around in the flat but im hoping i can make it really nice. Its a yellow/mustard coloured armchair. Cant wait for it to arrive. I hope it will be my reading chair?! and make me read more!

 

It will be here next week. 

 

It also means doing a proper clean of the flat, ready for it to arrive. And sketching out where to move my sofa too etc. 

 

The bedding and the side table are already here (next day delivery was available for them) so i will take  a photo of the side table when i put it together - it has a pink top!!!!

 

Today i will be working on some projects, tracking food, drinking water, and then going to Ste's to watch the football this evening. I will drive so i dont drink. 

 

xx

[Salinger]

My side table, is amazing. 

 

   

 

 

And some bedding/cushion/fleece blanket

 

 

 

And the armchair. Which will arrive by next Wednesday!!!!

 

 

Now i need to figure out how to set the room up... lots of tidying/cleaning to be done. But i recon ill feel good once its all set up. 

 

x

[Salinger]

Not much to report. 

 

My dads cancer may have spread even more, to his fucking brain. He has been having headaches for past few days, could be build up of fluid or cancer. Results later i think. He had a CT scan last night. **SIGH** 

 

Trying not to jump to the worst outcome straight away. 

 

The stress is making me ill. But in a weird way, its making me numb, and making me drink more. I drank last night again, with friends though at least. 

Anyway. Today is busy, website building. Need to eat well...need to do good with that at least!? Past two days food been fine. Maybe not enough (and obv over calories due to alcohol) but actual food been nice/homemade. 

 

Today I will ensure the same. 

 

Really, REALLY need to incorporate exercise though. Awful and embarrassing the lack of movement i do. Must try harder. xx

[aramis]

Sorry to hear about your Dad. Hope the headaches aren't due to cancer. It may be just stress or anything else. 

 

9 minutes ago, Salinger said:

Must try harder

No. You must nothing. 

More movement will do you good, no argument here. But moving more isn't a thing anybody can force you to. It is you, and ONLY you who can decide to move more. It has to be your own, voluntary decision. No outside pressure, no command, no obligation. 

You (like most people) struggle with consistency when chaos in life arises. To fight that, you can get back to calendar drawings as a little reminder to do something.

 

You are strong, probably way stronger than you think. As I see it, you just need this tiny nudge in the right direction from time to time. So... 

[fearless 2.0]