Snarkyfishguts: Good Enough

[Stronkey Kong]

 

If kids were diagnosing parents, I think 90% of Mom's would have BPD and 90% of Dad's would be narcissists. The other 10% of each have something else that was actually diagnosed by a professional.

[Snarkyfishguts]

13 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

This is your thread. You don't have to be worried about burdening others ON YOUR OWN thread. If you are concerned about betraying confidence of your parents, that's a different matter and direct messages can solve that problem. I am willing to listen in either place. This isn't about diagnosing your parents, it's about giving you support to help you process things. 

ah, I understand now. i’ve been thinking a lot since you posted this and did a lot of writing. And I think one of my frustrations about my parents  is their inconsistency and anxiety. They get anxious and lash out, get emotional, refuse to take action, blame others. If the consequence is being hit or ridiculed, I can see how that would happen. But through that, they taught me to consider how my actions affect other people. My mom was focused on avoiding criticism and being compassionate because you may not know what the other person is going through. She discouraged me from breaking up with bad boyfriends because they just needed someone to love them. My Dad was focused on being pleasant and getting people to like you so they would help you. As a result, I feel this need to win people over, make them feel important and then when they are mean, look at them and think “what hidden burden do you have that excuses this behavior, and how can I Love you so you love me?” I think this was exploited in toxic work environments that demanded all my time and energy and pushed that mindset to a breaking point.

 

when I look back at my life, I felt loved as a kid, cared for, and was happy a lot. My parents did a good job, considering they had to figure it out on their own. But when you live with adults who were neglected and abused, there is this hole where a parents love should be, and a child cannot fill that hole. I’ve tried. And as an adult, I think I still try and my mom is the one who says “its time to stop doing this, go live your life” my dad would be happy if I took care of him. 

Frankly, I find it difficult to know what to do with myself if no one is telling me what to do, or I’m not trying to help someone else. I have to build up a different approach to the world, and its hard. I want to do it. I’m just really angry about it right now. Transitions are hard, Tank! 
 

thanks for listening and helping me process. This was better than eating all the cookies. 
 

9 hours ago, Chris Tarly said:

 

If kids were diagnosing parents, I think 90% of Mom's would have BPD and 90% of Dad's would be narcissists. The other 10% of each have something else that was actually diagnosed by a professional.

Why kids don't diagnose parents  🤪😂

[Snarkyfishguts]

Last week I didn't fast, and I exercised four days. Four dollars! 
 

yesterday I earned a dollar and my back aches just a little. Nothing painful, just this kind of warning bell to take it easy today.Today I am going to do some crunches just to strengthen my core support, stretch and rest. 
 

i cant believe this is the last week! I’m gonna start planning the next challenge 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

3 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

ah, I understand now. i’ve been thinking a lot since you posted this and did a lot of writing. And I think one of my frustrations about my parents  is their inconsistency and anxiety. They get anxious and lash out, get emotional, refuse to take action, blame others. If the consequence is being hit or ridiculed, I can see how that would happen. But through that, they taught me to consider how my actions affect other people. My mom was focused on avoiding criticism and being compassionate because you may not know what the other person is going through. She discouraged me from breaking up with bad boyfriends because they just needed someone to love them. My Dad was focused on being pleasant and getting people to like you so they would help you. As a result, I feel this need to win people over, make them feel important and then when they are mean, look at them and think “what hidden burden do you have that excuses this behavior, and how can I Love you so you love me?” I think this was exploited in toxic work environments that demanded all my time and energy and pushed that mindset to a breaking point.

 

when I look back at my life, I felt loved as a kid, cared for, and was happy a lot. My parents did a good job, considering they had to figure it out on their own. But when you live with adults who were neglected and abused, there is this hole where a parents love should be, and a child cannot fill that hole. I’ve tried. And as an adult, I think I still try and my mom is the one who says “its time to stop doing this, go live your life” my dad would be happy if I took care of him. 

Frankly, I find it difficult to know what to do with myself if no one is telling me what to do, or I’m not trying to help someone else. I have to build up a different approach to the world, and its hard. I want to do it. I’m just really angry about it right now. Transitions are hard, Tank! 
 

thanks for listening and helping me process. This was better than eating all the cookies. 

This makes a lot of sense. They didn't mean to, but they did kinda program you to take care of them in their old age. I'm not saying they knew what they were doing, nor that they had a plan, but to raise you with the idea you don't set boundaries with others, they taught you not to have boundaries with them, and so you defaulted into the caregiver role. No wonder you are frustrated with them. I love my parents too, and they love me, and yet the scars of their childhoods affected me and gave me my own scars to work through.  Leon Uris, a historical fiction novelist, put a line in a lot of his later novels to the effect of "We spend the second half of our life getting over the first." I'll be here for you.

[Snarkyfishguts]

20 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

This makes a lot of sense. They didn't mean to, but they did kinda program you to take care of them in their old age. I'm not saying they knew what they were doing, nor that they had a plan, but to raise you with the idea you don't set boundaries with others, they taught you not to have boundaries with them, and so you defaulted into the caregiver role. No wonder you are frustrated with them. I love my parents too, and they love me, and yet the scars of their childhoods affected me and gave me my own scars to work through.  Leon Uris, a historical fiction novelist, put a line in a lot of his later novels to the effect of "We spend the second half of our life getting over the first." I'll be here for you.

You get it! Thank you!  I’m sorry you get it, But I am also incredibly grateful you get it. I am here for you as well. 
 

🙏 thank you

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

6 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

You get it! Thank you!  I’m sorry you get it, But I am also incredibly grateful you get it. I am here for you as well. 
 

🙏 thank you

You are welcome, and thank you in turn for your support. 

[Snarkyfishguts]

Yesterday was good!  Yesterday Mom wanted to try out Zumba, so we did, and it was fun. And I earned my dollar. We’re adding it to our arsenal of fun exercises.

My buddy called me last night and it was so good to hear his voice. I really miss him during this pandemic. He has the best laugh, and sometimes he just laughs at the weirdest stuff and it makes my day to hear it. he’s doing really well, everyone in his family is healthy.  

This morning my back ached, and my legs are swollen, and I’m just doggone tired so I’m taking the day off and keeping my feet up. i’m cooking chicken tortilla soup for dinner. I’m really looking forward to making it. Mom is making stuffed mushrooms to serve with it. I would like to eat vat of ice cream. Lol. How big is a vat, would you say? 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

2 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

How big is a vat, would you say

When you stop eating, however much you ate is a vat.

[Snarkyfishguts]

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

When you stop eating, however much you ate is a vat.

That works! 

[Snarkyfishguts]

 

I HAD TWO CUPS OF COFFEE @Chris Tarly AND I REGRET NOTHING.

 

 

off to a late start. Enjoy the geese, y’all, I’ll be Back with a proper report

[Snarkyfishguts]

Okay y'all. I am getting EXCITED at starting a new challenge, even though I have been overthinking these goals like a LOT.  Doesn't matter, I'm looking forward to it.

 

Hey, remember that Chicken Tortilla Soup I said I was making? It was disgusting. I mean like Throw it out and make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich disgusting. Ew. Ew. My folks ate it because they didn't want to waste food, and I was like "Does this really qualify as "food?" Questionable!"  Soon the soup and offending recipe were thrown out. 

 

(shrugs) they're not all winners. I had fun making it. Tonight we're making burgers and fries, and it WILL be delicious.

 

My brother and his family feel really good and haven't shown any Covid Symptoms. The family that did get it is feeling better and talking about going to a lake this weekend, and I'm like "Is it a private lake where only you can swim because STAY HOME COVID"

 

 

[deftona]

Absolutely! Not all recipes work and I think you should go ahead and waste food in this scenario - life is too short for shitty food. 

 

I'm glad your brother and his family are all still well! And yeah... that lake idea is not a good one. People should think of others more. 

 

 

[Emma]

41 minutes ago, deftona said:

 life is too short for shitty food. 

 

I want this for my motto!

[Snarkyfishguts]

2 hours ago, deftona said:

Absolutely! Not all recipes work and I think you should go ahead and waste food in this scenario - life is too short for shitty food. 

Amen, sister!

 

2 hours ago, deftona said:

I'm glad your brother and his family are all still well! And yeah... that lake idea is not a good one. People should think of others more. 

 

 

Seriously. I really thought this was beyond thoughtless. 

1 hour ago, Emma said:

I want this for my motto!

YEAH! I need this on a tank top!  

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

 

15 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

My folks ate it because they didn't want to waste food

From the grave the cold, dead fingers of the Great Depression reach out and touch someone.

[Snarkyfishguts]

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

 

From the grave the cold, dead fingers of the Great Depression reach out and touch someone.

Yes! And my mom grew up poor, so it's especially ingrained that NOTHING goes to waste. My dad's parents were more like "everything is replaceable, even you." but they hoarded food just like everyone else!

 

But in these Covid times, I can't judge. I'm the one who stocks up on paper products, canned goods and tequila around here. 

 

 

[Snarkyfishguts]

Today I earned my dollar doing a Tae-bo workout with my mom" and dammit, it was a good workout. My muscles wore out a few times and I spent a LOT OF TIME STRETCHING and getting in some yoga.   20 minutes of each. My eyelids were sweaty ew.

 

But it's worth it. My tie dye dress came in the mail today and it FITS. It's a little snug, but it fits, and by next month it will really fit well, and I'm just like. This is amazing, and it's working! Tomorrow is my weigh day, but no matter what the scale says, that dress says I'm making a lot of progress. 

 

So my brother and sister in law decided that my nephews are staying home for the first quarter of school and learning remotely. My oldest nephew is a senior and he's not thrilled about it. Both sets of grandparents have offered to let the youngest do his online school work at our houses because it's less distracting, and he behaves better when it's not just his mom. Plus it would give my brother and older nephew some peace while they're getting their work done. I like it because we have a nice backyard too so he has a place to really RUN around during breaks, and we'd all benefit from running around outside and playing. I hope we get him at least two days a week. I know it will be tiring for all of us, but I think it will be good for all of us too. 

 

There's a handyman here fixing the hole in the ceiling. He's super nice, and today he's wearing a mask. It'll be really nice to have some things fixed, and my folks are totally taking care of it, so I'm hiding in the basement until he leaves because I'm an adult.  Awwwww yeah

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[deftona]

1 hour ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

"everything is replaceable, even you."

 

Wow...

[Snarkyfishguts]

9 hours ago, deftona said:

 

Wow...

Yeah. But they are dead now and cannot hurt anyone else. 

[deftona]

5 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

Yeah. But they are dead now and cannot hurt anyone else. 

 

I'm very glad he made a better family for himself. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

11 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

Yeah. But they are dead now and cannot hurt anyone else. 

As a seminary professor once said of troubled churches, "There's nothing wrong that can't be fixed by a few good funerals."

[Snarkyfishguts]

7 hours ago, deftona said:

 

I'm very glad he made a better family for himself. 

You and me both.

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

As a seminary professor once said of troubled churches, "There's nothing wrong that can't be fixed by a few good funerals."

I really like this statement. I feel like cross stitching that somewhere  

[Snarkyfishguts]

Well today was a weigh day!

 

I weighed 266 today, which is a three pound gain from last week, but a three pound LOSS since the beginning of the challenge. Is part of that gain about hormones? A little. Part of it is salty food, but mostly my diet was totally emotional and not healthy this week. I'll be back on track in no time.

 

I earned my dollar today which means, DOUBLE DOLLAR TIME!  That's right, I've earned 10 dollars this week, and I'm really happy. Tomorrow is a rest day and the end of the week and CHALLENGE. So overall...

 

1. Earn that dollar!  I earned 34 dollars during this challenge, bringing my total dollar amount saved to 77 dollars. I'm gonna get a NICE coat for winter! I've found other motivators to keep exercising beyond earning my dollar this challenge. Staying Healthy: I really want to lose weight because I don't want to be one of those fat people on TV who die or gets so ill with Covid and everyone looks at and says "She was fat. Fat people just don't do well with Covid." And also: PRIDE. I'm really proud of my progress, and I'm like "I can do MORE!" and I love the challenges of different exercises right now. I will master all the warrior poses! yes I will!

 

2. Fasting: Every day doesn't work for me when I'm exercising like I am. I think I'm going to move forward with every other day. Also, I need to eat healthier foods. This last week I ate a lot of deli sandwiches with fatty meats and oh my gosh, my guts were MAD. So I just need to listen to my body and respect its wishes when it comes to nutrition.  But I do love how my guts feel less stressed when I fast so I'm definitely going to keep it up. 

 

3. Clapping Back at my Inner Critic. This was a transformative month for how I think about things, and just opening up to new ways of thinking. I'm so proud of my progress, and I'm so GRATEFUL for my friendships here and the support in working through heavy stuff, and am aware this is definitely going to be an ongoing journey. However, I'm taking a break from mental wellness as a NF goal before I strain my sanity muscles. 

 

It's a good day, y'all.