Tateman - Time to fight back against the 2020 beatdown

[Tateman]

The 2020 beat down continues for me and my family, but I have to find a way to stand back up.

 

My father in law died late 2019. 2020 started with his funeral. Then my Grandpa died. We had to put down our dog Nemo just before California started shutting down for Covid-19.  No bowling, no school for kid, everything shut down from Covid-19. (Much still is here) Sister in law's fiance's mother died. My little brother is now homeless. He got kicked out of his long time girlfriends place. I've found out more and more what happened, and feel disgusted at his actions. He's also trying to throw big guilt trips towards my Sister and I. Two days ago, my Wife's Aunt died. Her Uncle was diagnosed with ALS this year, and is being set home with hospice care. He isn't expected to live longer then one or two weeks. All this and more in just the first half. Can't wait for part 2 of 2020!

 

With all this, and all the other stuff I didn't list, I have gained so much weight. I've started back to better eating, but it seems like each time I do, there is yet some other disaster happening. This it just becomes easier to not deal with anything else. 

 

I am 381 lbs today. I am almost back up to my heaviest recorded weight ever. I haven't had a good challenge in a long time. Still I need to fight my way back. I have to just stick to what I know will work for me, despite whatever else 2020 is going to throw my way. I know my body is at the point that it can not maintain this unhealthy weight. I'm back to being sore all the time. I can't sleep for longer period, because I hurt.

 

I am going to try going a little easier this challenge. I want to build up the habits, then I can add in more difficulty later.

 

Let's get this challenge going.

 

Goal#1 -  Get back to Keto

Tracking under 20 net carbs in Chronometer. I'll probably add in fasting, but the only requirement this challenge to start is getting to under 20 net carbs. Maybe after a couple of weeks, I can kick in some other requirements. Will see.

 

7 points per week. 1 point for being under 20 net carbs per day.

 

Goal#2 - Sleep

I really have not been getting a good amount of sleep. Going to bed at 3-4 am doesn't help. I want to head off to bed at 11:30 PM. No reading requirement yet, but I will add that in soon. For now, I just need to get to bed at a consistent time.

 

7 points per week. 1 point per day for heading to bed at 11:30 PM. 

 

Goal#3 - Move more

With the lockdown, I barely leave my place. Adding on more weight, plus doing nothing has made it a struggle to do almost everything. So, I want to start moving more. Last challenge, I did try to do some exercises. I found out my right arm is pretty messed up. I knew something was up with it, but trying to exercise using it really hurt. For now, I am avoiding workouts, and just focusing on moving. At least once a day, I need to go out of the house. Go walk to the mail box, taking out the trash, whatever.  The point is to move more. Eventually, I might adjust this to moving more each couple of hours or something.

 

7 points per week. 1 point per day for getting up and moving more.

 

I was thinking of adding more, but I just want to keep this challenge simple. Hopefully, I start losing weight by changing back to healthier eating habits. Then that helps me sleep better. Also gettign out for a bit of a walk each day will also help my mental state. 

 

Measurements:  Day 1 / End of challenge

Chest: 57.16 in / 

Waist: 62.67 in / 

Bicep (L): 18.22 in / 

Bicep (R): 17.63 in / 

Thigh (L): 31.18 in / 

Thigh (R): 29.68 in / 

Weight: 381.6 lbs / 

 

Points per week:

Week 1 (6/21 - 6/27) - 

Week 2 (6/28 - 7/04) - 

Week 3 (7/05 - 7/11) - 

Week 4 (7/12 - 7/18) - 

Week 5 (7/19 - 7/25) - 

 

[Lateral Planet]

Welcome back my dude. I'm sorry there's so much awfulness going on but glad you're still looking after yourself. I think you've got a great approach by cutting back to a few crucial goals, and they're definitely goals that help one another and hopefully will create a positive feedback loop for you. Best of luck!

[Tateman]

13 hours ago, Lateral Planet said:

Welcome back my dude. I'm sorry there's so much awfulness going on but glad you're still looking after yourself. I think you've got a great approach by cutting back to a few crucial goals, and they're definitely goals that help one another and hopefully will create a positive feedback loop for you. Best of luck!

Thanks

 

Yesterday went fine. Under 20 net carbs. I got out and walked to the package room. I went to bed at 11:30 last night, and was pretty tired. Had no problem falling asleep. I did wake up about 3:30 am. I was a bit sore, and went to the bathroom. Then it seemed like it too 2 to 3 hours to fall back to sleep. I think I was doing some light sleep, but I kept seeing the time. Alarm got me up this morning, but I felt like I needed more sleep haha. 

 

Hopefully, sleep tonight will be better. I expect it will take awhile though. 

[ZachPSU]

Never too early to fight back against 2020.  Not even halfway through it yet, plenty of time to turn it into a good year.  Here for the wins!

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Following again. I think I might finally have stopped gaining weight this year.

[Tateman]

6 hours ago, ZachPSU said:

Never too early to fight back against 2020.  Not even halfway through it yet, plenty of time to turn it into a good year.  Here for the wins!

That is what I hope. I want to get in a good spot to get into 2021 in a much better place

 

6 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Following again. I think I might finally have stopped gaining weight this year.

Yeah, it can run away from you quick. Especially if you had been heavy before. I am amazed at how fast I can gain weight back haha. I've had a good couple days so far, even with the wife having me scoop her ice cream, and both days being asked if I want fast food. I know this will be my everyday haha.

[Tateman]

Quick check in. 

 

Doing well on all parts of the challenge so far. Only blemish was Tuesday I didn't get outside.

 

In other 2020 going keep trying to beat you down, my wife's uncle died last night. We all knew it was coming in the next couple of weeks. Seems like he held out long enough to have a say in his final services.  

[JessOfAllTrades]

Oof, I am sorry to hear 2020 is off to such a rough start for you and your family. It can be really hard to take care of ourselves in the middle of so much, so I am glad you are here to take those steps. 

[Bean Sidhe]

*Hugs* I am so sorry you have had such a rough go and things are so against you and have so many losses. I can totally understand how that would throw you off track.

Here to follow and lead an ear if you need it. Start small and do what you can, when you can.

[mom2sjm]

In a previous challenge one of my goals was to move every hour on the hour (MEHOTH) and it was very simple movements.  Taking a break to walk was the goal but sometimes I just went in the backyard and did some squats.  It was more for mental health than exercise which I really needed at the time.  Probably need it now too, it's been a stressful 3 months of remote teaching    I like your stripped back goals and I'll be checking in to see how you do!

 

 

 

[Waanie]

I'm so sorry to hear what 2020 has been like for you so far . I think it's wise of you to start with the habit building again, and if you have a good challenge, to add in again the other stuff.

 

22 hours ago, mom2sjm said:

In a previous challenge one of my goals was to move every hour on the hour (MEHOTH) and it was very simple movements.  Taking a break to walk was the goal but sometimes I just went in the backyard and did some squats.  It was more for mental health than exercise which I really needed at the time.  Probably need it now too, it's been a stressful 3 months of remote teaching    I like your stripped back goals and I'll be checking in to see how you do!

I've had something similar when I was at a low point in the past, but instead of moving, I'd make a todo list that had about 9 items on them, and did a thing every hour on the hour. It worked very well for me. Of course, since I was depressed at the time, I also put on things like "getting dressed" and "eat lunch", but also more movement oriented stuff like yoga. I'm glad it's working for you as well .

[Tateman]

Thanks all. I've been bad about checking in this last bit of the week. 

 

As far as the challenge, I think week 1 went well. Only Tuesday I didn't go out to do something. Also down to 372.4 lbs. 9.2 lbs this week.

 

Week 1 wrap up:

 

Goal#1 -  Get back to Keto

6/21 - 15.1 net carbs

6/22 - 14.8 net carbs

6/23 - 16.9 net carbs

6/24 - 19.3 net carbs

6/25 - 17.6 net carbs

6/26 - 17.8 net carbs

6/27 - 17.2 net carbs

 

This week I did try to pay attention more to if I was actually feeling hungry. Overall, I didn't feel hungry much after the first couple of days. I still ate when I wasn't so much hungry, but I knew I probably needed a little something extra. I started fasting a bit too. Nothing official yet, but doing at least 14 hours each day. Only one day I didn't track haha. Week 2 I am just going to continue tracking under 20 net carbs. Maybe next week I'll add in IF. 

 

Full 7 points.

 

Goal#2 - Sleep

Each night I got to bed with in like 10 minute of my goal. Really though, only 2 nights felt like I slept well. Overall, it does seem to be getting better. The two nights I slept well, I don't recall really waking up much. The other nights I do remember waking. A couple of the nights I woke up, then couldn't get back to sleep for a long time. My brain was just running into overtime mode, and I couldn't settle down. A couple of times I struggled to get to sleep. One night I was just about to get into sleep mode, and one of our cats decided that wanted to headbutt me and check out the hose on my CPAP haha. That hit right at the wrong time. Brain was firing, and it took like 3 hours before I actually fell asleep. I know some of the waking up, is from losing body weight. I am flushing that water out, so I have to get up and go. Another reason is that I can only sleep in certain ways. With my right arm, it limits how many positions I can get into to get comfortable. 

 

I think I won't add anything more to it this week. I might start trying to add back in reading again soon to see if that will help me out. As I lose weight, sleep should also get better. 

 

Full 7 points.

 

Goal#3 - Move more

Nothing super outstanding here. I did get myself out all days but Tuesday. There was a couple of days I went out for shopping stuff. Multiple trips up and down the the stairs carrying groceries can be quite the workout haha. Most days was just walking to get the mail from up at the front, or walking the trash to the dumpster. Still, I only wanted to make sure I got out a little at least.

 

This week, I am going to step it up a bit. My goal this week, is to go out and be active for 15 minutes. I am going to leave it vague this week. Like today I went out and did some stuff to the car. Yesterday we went out shopping. So I was out and about.

 

6/7 points this week

 

20/21 point total for week 1. 

 

We are going to be heading out of town on Thursday. My wife has her Birthday on the 5th, and we are heading down south to visit her sister. We will likely be gone for the weekend. I will have to navigate all my stuff there. Plus saying no to cake and all the other not keto food that will be around. In fact, I will probably bring a few things with me.

[Tateman]

Hey 2020, could you give me some more shit to deal with? Cool. haha

 

Went out today to get a few things. My wife had to run into her office for a bit, so I tagged along. We have two cars, we took the red one. Our Orange Saturn Vue was still at home. We park on the street by our apartment. Apparently, someone decided it would be cool to hit the Vue. No note or anything. There isn't a lot of damage, but a small dent in driver side rear quarter panel, and some night white paint streaks along that and part of the bump. 

 

Two nights in a row I was up late. Last night was because of dealing with my brother's shit. His ex-girlfriend sent me a texts asking me to try to call him. Saying she can't keep trying to talk him down, because this is happening like every night. We text back and forth talking about how my brother really is just looking for someone to bail him out. Trying to guilt trip the hell out of us etc. 

 

I send my brother a quick message asking how his work was going (He actually got a job, which I took as very positive sign!). Then I said his ex wanted me to talk him down, because she can't deal with it and needed to focus on their daughter. His response back to me was a thumbs up in facebook messenger. Like ok, thanks for that riveting discussion ass. He asked me the other day why my sister and I have been ignoring him. I told him I wasn't ignoring him, but him sending me his go fund me page, or whatever other crap asking for money, I'm not responding to that shit. His thoughts are that I should be checking in on him every day, because that is what he would do. (He is full of shit) But the way he talks to us, I wonder why we don't talk to him much. 

 

Anyhow, not going to let that crap pull me down. Just have to keep moving forward. Got a bit of a workout dragging a 40lb bag of litter across the street, and up the stairs. Plus the rest of the groceries haha

 

Tonight, I shall get myself to bed on time! 

[Emma]

Holy crap, Tateman. This has been a really sucky year for you. I just now saw your thread, don’t know how I missed it before. Keep moving, keep walking, however you make it happen. You need to do that for yourself and for your wife. Your brother sounds like a mess. Don’t let him guilt you into anything you don’t really want to do. Good luck and I’ll be checking in.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

That sounds like more than just addiction your brother is dealing with, it sounds like there is some sort of personality disorder going on there too.

[Waanie]

I'm sorry about the stuff with your brother . Those 20 points in week 1 are amazing though, and I'm glad you're going in the right direction again. 

[Tateman]

On 7/1/2020 at 12:56 AM, Emma said:

Holy crap, Tateman. This has been a really sucky year for you. I just now saw your thread, don’t know how I missed it before. Keep moving, keep walking, however you make it happen. You need to do that for yourself and for your wife. Your brother sounds like a mess. Don’t let him guilt you into anything you don’t really want to do. Good luck and I’ll be checking in.

Yeah, it's been pretty nasty. Of course there have good stuff happen too. Went through a lot with my brother today. Kinda my mood off the whole day. I'll get through it, and I hope he can too.

 

On 7/1/2020 at 11:49 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

That sounds like more than just addiction your brother is dealing with, it sounds like there is some sort of personality disorder going on there too.

Yeah, I would not doubt it. Today was a whole other storm of crap. My sister pretty much blocked him on Facebook over similar crap he is pulling to her. He is doing a lot of inappropriate text's with people. I have been pretty embarrassed by the way he is acting with people we know. I decided tonight though, that I can't apologize for him. His actions are his own, no matter how. There is just a lot I have said here, and probably shouldn't get too deep into it. I did tell him that talking to a therapist isn't a bad thing. There is numbers he can call for help too. 

 

On 7/1/2020 at 11:23 PM, Waanie said:

I'm sorry about the stuff with your brother . Those 20 points in week 1 are amazing though, and I'm glad you're going in the right direction again. 

Thanks. 20 points was a good start. Not happening this week though! haha.

 

3rd late night tonight. We went out of town, and left my oldest kid home. (he's 21) Last item we went to my Sister in law's, the people below our apartment set off the smoke detectors. That freaked my kid out a bit. He decided he was fine went we left, but sent us a text that he was freaking out some. Fireworks, party's downstairs. All kinds of stuff I guess. So I drove home tonight to get him. Got home about 11:45 PM. Spent some time talking to him, and decided to jump on here for a minute. 

 

Had a conversation with my brother today. He was full on I'm going to kill myself mode. Saying I was the last thing keeping him here. Telling me to just let him go. All kinds of shit. It really just put me in "I don't want to do anything mode" So I did not even try to go out to walk at my Sister in laws. I played a like Pokemon Go, and a little pokemon on the switch. 

 

Eventually, my brother got back to me again. I sent him more links to look for help. He claims he has done all the things. He got a job, but it is only 20 hours, so he can't rent a place. I told him to look into section 8 housing. I know you can't really survive on working 20 hours. So either you need more hours, or you need to find more work. No one is going to be there to bail him out.

 

So yeah, lots of that. I am back home now. We leave out in the morning to head back down south for a few days. These last couple of days, I really wanted to give in and eat whatever. Wife made sesame chicken. It's really good. It was calling my name. I almost gave in, but instead I just put it away in the fridge. I was happy with myself for not giving in. Being up now, I am tempted to turn to it again, because shit day. I'm not going to though. No need to emotionally eat haha

[Tateman]

I got this from my brother tonight. 

I want to be cremated and DNR OK  please I don't want to live if I surgive this I love u

 

I sent him the national suicide number again and told him to call it.

 

I guess I'll see if I can sleep. Who knows if I get word he actually did something. (I have called the police local to him before. They can't do much if they don't think he will hurt himself. Also, I have no idea where he would be now.)

[Emma]

Shortly after my divorce, my youngest called me at school and said dad had a gun and was threatening to kill himself. I was pretty sure it was just a ploy to get me to come running back to him. A classmate recommended that I call the sheriff. Deputies took him in for mental health evaluation. Dad never tried it again. I am suggesting that your brother might just be wanting your attention. Keep up with the distance, keep calling law enforcement if you are concerned but don’t get personally involved. If he does get into treatment and seems serious about it, if doctors suggest your support would be helpful give all the support you can, but otherwise I would say keep your distance.  Don’t accept any guilt or responsibility for his actions. There’s only so much you can do if your brother refuses help. If he isn’t mentally ill he is just trying to manipulate you.
Good luck.
 

[Tateman]

On 7/4/2020 at 9:51 AM, Emma said:

Shortly after my divorce, my youngest called me at school and said dad had a gun and was threatening to kill himself. I was pretty sure it was just a ploy to get me to come running back to him. A classmate recommended that I call the sheriff. Deputies took him in for mental health evaluation. Dad never tried it again. I am suggesting that your brother might just be wanting your attention. Keep up with the distance, keep calling law enforcement if you are concerned but don’t get personally involved. If he does get into treatment and seems serious about it, if doctors suggest your support would be helpful give all the support you can, but otherwise I would say keep your distance.  Don’t accept any guilt or responsibility for his actions. There’s only so much you can do if your brother refuses help. If he isn’t mentally ill he is just trying to manipulate you.
Good luck.
 

Yeah, pretty much the approach I am going with. I saw my sister this weekend while we were down at the sister in law's place. We did some talking, and all pretty much have come to similar conclusions. As much as I know this, it still is throwing me off when I see this crap from him.

 

I watched the facebook messenger and saw he was online a few hours later, then again a bit after that. Just now I looked and saw he posted on facebook a couple of times now too. He hasn't contacted me back. 

 

Up super late, and I ate some stuff that is not close to being Keto. But tomorrow (later today at this point) is another day, and I will be better. 

[Emma]

You are forgiven for the non Keto eating.   

[Tateman]

4 hours ago, Emma said:

You are forgiven for the non Keto eating.   

haha I told myself pretty much this same this morning. That stuff I ate last night made me feel horrible this morning. Maybe that will be a reminder for why I need to not eat that sugar stuff. 

[fleaball]

Holy shit dude, you've had a hell of a year already. Sending sympathy and good vibes your way. ❤️

 

How do you like Cronometer? I downloaded it a while ago for the micronutrient tracking but I haven't actually used it yet.

[Tateman]

On 7/10/2020 at 11:21 PM, fleaball said:

Holy shit dude, you've had a hell of a year already. Sending sympathy and good vibes your way. ❤️

 

How do you like Cronometer? I downloaded it a while ago for the micronutrient tracking but I haven't actually used it yet.

I actually like it quite a lot. I do wish I could share my diary like I could with MFP, but I feel like there are more features on Chronometer. Like you can track net carbs without having to pay a fee. I did subscribe to the gold membership for awhile. I'm not now, because money is tight haha. I think there is probably a better database of items on MFP, but Chronometer is right up there too as the userbase grows and adds more food. I've added some too, and it is real easy. It can auto read the labels when you take a picture of it. I always like to double check before submitting though. It does work with fitbit too. 

[Tateman]

So, things pretty much went down the can again. Everything is off again. The NF virtual 5k is here in a couple of days. I haven't trained for squat haha. Still, I am going to attempt to walk it around my apartment complex. I'll be working on getting back to plan here soon. 

 

My brother finally messaged me a few days ago. Just saying he was cold, and I love you. I told him I loved him back. That was the last time we have communicated. I thought about sending him a message yesterday. Just to say something. I just haven;t though.