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Hollisss

unwanted conversations at the gym

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I am needng advice on how to deal with an older man at the gym who keeps talking to me. there has been multiple occasions where he comes up to me while i’m in the middle of lifting weights and he just stares at me until I put my weights down to speak with me (I have headphones in). I have to take them out to see what he wants. When he first started approaching me it was simple questions asking ab my workouts but now they are personal, name, where I work and where I live. He even told me he was going to bake me a cake and bring it to the gym for me but I didn’t show up that night bc I was scared. Every time he sees me he gives me some type of candy that I never eat. I tried coming at different times but then he started coming when I changed my times. so I told him I didn’t like to talk at the gym, and that I was just there to workout and get out. But he still comes up to me all the time. I’m not sure what to do at this point. I just wish he would leave me alone. I really don’t want to have to move gyms just bc of a man that makes me feel uncomfortable. any advice on how to deal with this would be greatly appreciated. 

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That's totally unacceptable and wrong for him to do that to you.

 

He's already showed that he will ignore your boundaries, so there's nothing more you can do by talking to him directly. Frankly, you shouldn't have to do anything else, he's the one who is wrong. Tell the gym staff he won't leave you alone. If they deal with it in a way that fixes it, good. If not, that gym doesn't deserve your membership. It's totally unfair that you would have to change gyms because of it. Also, I don't know where you live and what the local laws are about harassment, but it may be worth looking into to see if what he is doing is something the police can help with. What he is doing is clearly wrong, but unfortunately that doesn't always mean he's breaking laws the way they are written.

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thank you for this info. I am planning on talking to the manager of the gym next time I see him. I just feel embarrassed that I can’t just take care of it myself. If that doesn’t work I will end up moving gyms. I will also look into the laws, that’s a good idea. thank you!

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No need to be embarrassed, someone is bothering you. Absolutely speak to the facility staff, and just ignore him if he approaches you. Don't hesitate to raise your voice if he comes too close for comfort though, and you can also ask staff to walk you to your car as well if that's a concern.

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