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deftona

Deftona - Back to School (Mini Maggit) Deffy #62

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5 hours ago, deftona said:

I've given up hope on that.

That's the 'Rona Stress talking.  You WILL win that Best Butt in Britain award someday, I just know it

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8 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Dammit girl. If anyone is supposed to have a juicy behind, it’s you (and me).

 

6 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

That's the 'Rona Stress talking.  You WILL win that Best Butt in Britain award someday, I just know it

 

Thanks guys. Due to this unwavering support of my and my arse I will try once again to make my arse nice and juicy. 

 

FOR THE REBELLION! 

 

Jen Selter split on Make a GIF

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Thursday Update

 

Another batcrap mad day. I went in super early to get started but everything got sorted. I fasted until midday when I ate a salad with cheese, then went straight through until I got home. TH made chicken chargrills, chips and peas and I had a couple of beers in the garden which finally sorted my face out because I felt like I was looking like Nicholas Cage all day. 

 

Vampire's Kiss Official Trailer #1 - Nicolas Cage Horror Movie ...

 

When I get Nic Cage face I know I need to chill out. 

 

Calories were a little higher - around the 1600 mark but because I was so busy my burn was high so I can totally deal. 

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Friday Update

 

I was off work so I spent the morning shopping for TH's birthday. A plan is starting to come together! I am still pretending like I have no clue what I am getting for him so he won't be expecting anything. 

 

Hand Rubbing GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

 

I spent the morning applying for some jobs, one of which is actually in my field so I had to write an essay to support my application. I wrote the bare bones of it and then just gave up. I might go back to it. Or I might not bother. Who knows. I went grocery shopping in the afternoon and it was super duper hot so the long drive across the busy roads to my parents to drop off their groceries was wonderful with my windows open and Tool blaring out. I got back home and had some fruit and yoghurt to break my fast around 2, then jumped straight in the shower because I felt hot and gross, and I spent the rest of the afternoon playing Assassin's Creed. When TH finished we had a beer in the garden and then I made us chicken shawarma and salad for dinner. 

 

lyu9wZK.jpg

 

It was a refeed day so I got a little over 2,500 calories because there was dessert! (cookie dough and ice cream) Back on the eating super low again today. 

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I definitely need to step up my cooking. Between you and Tank, I’m feeling like a total rookie in the kitchen.

 

this is not a bad thing. Progress rocks. 
 

I dont know much about your butt, however, I never worry that your butt is anything less than bootyfull. 

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15 hours ago, fearless 2.0 said:

the food looks amazing!!!! ❤️

 

Thank you! 

 

10 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

I definitely need to step up my cooking. Between you and Tank, I’m feeling like a total rookie in the kitchen.

 

this is not a bad thing. Progress rocks. 

 

Oh that meal was certainly delicious but I can't take too much credit for it since the meat and flatbreads were shop bought - both were just shoved in the oven.

 

10 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

I dont know much about your butt, however, I never worry that your butt is anything less than bootyfull. 

 

Even in the heady days of 2017 when I was doing Strong Curves and it was at it's assy peak it was never bootyfull. Now I am chubbier the extra fat seems to have gone to the top of my ass serving to just flatten it out. It's an uphill battle but I'm going to work on it. 

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Saturday Update

 

Another really busy day yesterday. I didn't get anywhere near as much as I wanted done, but I couldn't have worked any harder so it will have to do. I got home and had a beer in the garden with TH, then I cooked us veggie burgers and we watched TV for a bit before coming to bed super early because I was exhausted. 

 

On the drive to work I saw a dead squirrel in the road and burst into tears. I cried for twenty minutes. So on Monday I will be calling my doctor because 2020 has ravaged my nerves, emotions and my spirit and I am going to make my pharmacist sort me out. 

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Its a good plan. I take a generic prozac, and its like...a safety net for when I fall down the depression/anxiety pit. 2020 feels like its pushed me into the pit and steps on my hands when I’m trying to climb out. It is a JERK. I hope you get some relief!
 

AD937532-BFD2-4249-BC11-3D2BE1920E31.jpeg

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Good shout on calling the doctor, hope they can sort out a good solution for you.

 

Following along to see you crushing this challenge (and also because Deftones).

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On 7/29/2020 at 2:22 AM, deftona said:

learning shit was/is like crack to me.

It still is for me: it's the format and grading and other b.s that's *tied* to it that I hated.  I was supposed to do research for Alzheimer's for a group project and I stumbled down a rabbit hole and was reading articles for fun about neurofibulary tangles.  Problem was it wasn't relevant to the group project by the time a few hours passed.  That's my issue.

 

On 7/30/2020 at 6:33 PM, Sloth the Enduring said:

Dammit girl. If anyone is supposed to have a juicy behind, it’s you (and me).

 

I'm entirely juiceless.

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Good call on calling a doctor. Depression sucks. I went down the hole after loosing my dad last year, which was the last drop i needed to lose it but it was in the works for months prior. Got prozac, on a minimal dose, seems to work well enough to keep me fine. The doctor wanted to wean it off this summer, but then covid happened, so i'll keep it till it's alle better. Or keep it forever because, prozac works ya know !

 

Hope the doctor helps you 

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16 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

Its a good plan. I take a generic prozac, and its like...a safety net for when I fall down the depression/anxiety pit. 2020 feels like its pushed me into the pit and steps on my hands when I’m trying to climb out. It is a JERK. I hope you get some relief!

 

I imagine I'll be prescribed that good old gateway Citalopram but we'll see. I've never had to take anything for it before but desperate times call for desperate measures. 

 

14 hours ago, Jarric said:

Good shout on calling the doctor, hope they can sort out a good solution for you.

 

Following along to see you crushing this challenge (and also because Deftones).

 

You Got It GIF by E! - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

13 hours ago, Teros said:

I stumbled down a rabbit hole and was reading articles for fun about neurofibulary tangles.  Problem was it wasn't relevant to the group project by the time a few hours passed.  That's my issue.

 

I did this so many times when I was researching for my dissertation.

 

13 hours ago, Edigo said:

Good call on calling a doctor. Depression sucks. I went down the hole after loosing my dad last year, which was the last drop i needed to lose it but it was in the works for months prior. Got prozac, on a minimal dose, seems to work well enough to keep me fine. The doctor wanted to wean it off this summer, but then covid happened, so i'll keep it till it's alle better. Or keep it forever because, prozac works ya know !

 

Hope the doctor helps you 

 

Yeah I feel like we need all the help we can get to deal with this particular annus horribilis.  It's nice to see you again Edigo! 

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Sunday Update

 

Another day spent in a puddle of anxiety. Hopefully these days are coming to an end. I made us sausage crolls for breakfast, then we played Hello Neighbour but it kept making us sea sick so we came to bed to nap for a while but because we didn't realise it was the game making us feel terrible we played it again when we got up and then had to come back to bed again. Not complaining, being in bed is always fun. 

 

I made us chicken kievs, croquettes and peas for dinner as it was another re-feed day. I ended the day on 2182 calories so it wasn't as refeed-y as I would like (I prefer to get over 2,500 cals) but I am not going to throw food into myself that I do not want or need. Eating higher calorie foods is the only acceptable way to do this, I am not a rubbish dump. I slept for hours last night and I still feel exhausted which I am putting down to the depression which may or may not be fair but whatever. 

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Week One Update (Week Zero if you're into that)

 

 

Biology Focus on nutrition. I shouldn’t have any meals that are utterly devoid of nutrition. Like pepperoni pizza and chicken dippers. Why the fuck wasn’t there a vegetable on that plate I mean really. Bonus points if I post food porn because, and this is a secret so don’t go telling everybody, if I am not posting pictures it’s because it ain’t a thing to brag about.

 

This has been pretty decent. I'm back at work which serves to naturally sort out my eating by making fasting make the most sense and that is what I am doing. I tend to fast until lunch in the mid afternoon where I eat around 300 calories, and then have nothing until dinner which tends to be a lot bigger - around the 800 - 1000 mark. 

 

Physics Cals in/Cals out. Nothing demanded, except everything being tracked.

 

This has been completely on point. 

 

Chemistry Skin care, or some other cosmetic way of helping me pretend I look better than I actually do.

 

Eh, sometimes yes sometimes no. I have stopped wearing make up to work for the time being because I just don't care enough but I am still doing a lot of skincare stuff so I'm not too worried and I don't think I look too horrifying. 

 

Maths - Financials! Be wise with money with a view to squirreling as much away as possible because I hit my savings goal and then had to spaff some of it on a car which dropped me below my goal and made me sad. Game on.

 

Yes this is going well too. I put a good chunk in savings this month and I should have replaced the car money by the month after next. It would have been next month but I am spending a lot on TH's birthday. Which reminds me, I am keeping up the facade of not being able to think of anything to get for him so he has resolved himself to trying to think of something special he wants which means I'll have to buy him that too if he thinks of anything so it might be hella expensive.

 

English - Reading! I want to hit my goal of 25 books this year yet I am lagging woefully behind. In fact, I haven’t hit my reading target since 2017. FOR SHAME. I would like to finish at least three books this challenge. Which shouldn’t be hard since I am part way through 7.

 

I don't think I have done any reading this week which is poor. 

 

Modern Languages I caught myself thinking in French the other day. And I noticed I was doing this when I got a bit stuck and then literally thought the sentence “Je ne sais pas comment dire ca en Francais” to myself. I am taking this Frenchception as an indication that something is going well with this, and also that I might need to stop speaking to myself in my head using full sentences because it’s probably above and beyond.

 

Not too great on this too. My streak saver stopped me dropping this goal but I am only doing the bare minimum of a single lesson a day when I used to do at least a chunk of five but at least I am keeping it up. 

 

History  Finish the main story of Assassin’s Creed Odyssey

and 

Geography 100% everything on the AC Odyssey map.

 

I did work on this one of the days. I have less time now but I am still working on this. 

 

P.E Fitness testing! I am working my way through the built in programmes on the elliptical and seeing how many infractions I get. Infractions are when I drop below the required RPMs. I tested out of the first one with flying colours so I want to get further through this and see where I am at. I want to do at least one fitness test per week. Baby steps, being back at work is going to knacker the actual fuck out of me.

 

I did one fitness test and realised I have lost a lot of fitness but I did drop a fair amount of weight last week so if I don't get this done and have to prioritise relaxation on my days off, so be it. I have a very physical job so I am not worries about calories burnt for the most part. 

 

All in all I am happy with my progress so nothing needs changing for next week except that sweet, sweet pharma. 

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1 hour ago, deftona said:

I am keeping up the facade of not being able to think of anything to get for him so he has resolved himself to trying to think of something special he wants which means I'll have to buy him that too if he thinks of anything so it might be hella expensive.

 

I used to ask WW what she wanted for birthdays, then tell her flat out that I couldn't afford it. That way when I bought it she got what she wanted and was surprised that I'd actually got them. I may have exhausted that technique by now though.

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Monday Update

 

Even though I am sleeping a lot, I still feel really exhausted which is weird. Probably down to how batshit things have been. Today should be the last batshit day for a while. Fingers crossed. 

 

I was feeling really low in the morning so I went and picked up that book Snarky recommended on her thread with the idea of reading it on my lunch break but lol, like I get lunch breaks these days. When I got into work my manager asked if I was ok, just in a conversational way, and I immediately burst into tears so I am guessing that was a no. We had a really long chat and we both agreed a bit too much is being asked of us right now after we've sat on our arses for four months and it's nice to know she has my back with all the work related contributing factors, although there are many, non work related ones. She suggested I take some time off which I am going to avoid. I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for today. 

 

Work was batcrap. Nothing more to say on that. I deliver my third and final training session today and then all that's out the way. Hopefully things are going to let up soon. I listened to Idles really loud on the way home and I felt better. Although I broke my favourite bra which not only indicates I need to replace that bra, but if my bras are breaking I am not treating myself to lingerie enough am I. Can't remember the last time I wore one until it broke, so that's on the cards for some time this week. That should cheer me up. 

 

I got home and warmed some turkey chilli and whole grain rice for dinner. We spent a little time in the garden with the cat then watched a history programme on TV. My calories were in the 1400 range which is fine. I fasted until lunch which I had earlier than normal but just because I needed to be in the office sitting in front of my computer doing something, so in order to save time for the other stuff I needed to do I just ate food then so I had the rest of the afternoon to work on the other stuff. It was a peppered salmon salad with ginger honey soy dressing and it was amazing. I also had a yoghurt that I probably didn't need but I wanted to put my lunch bag in my bag instead of the fridge so I didn't forget it so I had to eat it. I had some chocolate in the evening too which I definitely did need. My burn was nice and high given how crazy work is. 

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I'm sorry to hear about all of the anxiety and stress tears, but I'm not really surprised it's coming to the surface now.  You've been near the limit for months and going back to work is likely pushing you over.  I hope that things will settle into a less nerve wracking routine for you soon.

 

Good work on your goals!  All things considered, it's amazing what you can still accomplish.  Keep up the good work!

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9 hours ago, deftona said:

It was a peppered salmon salad with ginger honey soy dressing and it was amazing.

 

It sounds amazing!

 

Glad your boss has your back. Hopefully work lets up soon, but either way having backup makes a big difference.

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9 hours ago, Cheetah said:

I'm sorry to hear about all of the anxiety and stress tears, but I'm not really surprised it's coming to the surface now.  You've been near the limit for months and going back to work is likely pushing you over.  I hope that things will settle into a less nerve wracking routine for you soon.

 

Good work on your goals!  All things considered, it's amazing what you can still accomplish.  Keep up the good work!

 

I am not surprised either, although I did a lot of work through May and June to get myself in a good place, it didn't last all that long. A lot of my staff have come to me about mental health issues they experienced over the furlough period so I am definitely not alone. There's only so much a person can take and it seems sometimes you just have to let the mental breakdown happen before you can rebuild. Thanks, Cheetah. As always. 

 

5 hours ago, Jarric said:

Glad your boss has your back. Hopefully work lets up soon, but either way having backup makes a big difference.

 

I feel a great deal better now we're not at loggerheads any more because we had massively misunderstood each other until this last week, I think. 

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8 hours ago, deftona said:

we're not at loggerheads any more

This hopefully will take a bit of the emotional/mental load you are under.

 

8 hours ago, deftona said:

sometimes you just have to let the mental breakdown happen before you can rebuild

I like this mindset.

 

23 hours ago, deftona said:

I still feel really exhausted which is weird

Doesn't seem weird at all to me.  Emotional stress is really tiring, and 2020 has been slamming us with overload levels of emotional stress inducers.  

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6 minutes ago, WhiteGhost said:

 

23 hours ago, deftona said:

I still feel really exhausted which is weird

Doesn't seem weird at all to me.  Emotional stress is really tiring, and 2020 has been slamming us with overload levels of emotional stress inducers.  

What he said. Being a human in the world is tiring these days.

 

23 hours ago, deftona said:

Although I broke my favourite bra which not only indicates I need to replace that bra, but if my bras are breaking I am not treating myself to lingerie enough am I.

I can't just let this go. How are you breaking them? My mind has a picture of it snapping like an elastic band. I've only ever had bras die slow deaths from failing elastic or underwires coming out in unrepairable ways - no drama at all.

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13 minutes ago, WhiteGhost said:

Doesn't seem weird at all to me.  Emotional stress is really tiring, and 2020 has been slamming us with overload levels of emotional stress inducers.  

 

Very true. And even when I feel like I am doing fairly normal things, the whole world is masked up and socially distanced. It's like a dystopian novel. And it's hard not to be affected by this. 

 

4 minutes ago, juliebarkley said:

I can't just let this go. How are you breaking them? My mind has a picture of it snapping like an elastic band. I've only ever had bras die slow deaths from failing elastic or underwires coming out in unrepairable ways - no drama at all.

 

Nothing too dramatic this time, although once I had a shoulder strap completely snap, but that was entirely my fault for wearing a bra far too small just because it made my boobs look amazing so the weight of the boobs was too much for the bra to handle. This time it was just the dreaded underwire poke, but we both know once an underwire escapes that's pretty much it for the bra, even fixes are short term ones because once it's popped it just won't stop. 

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