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Salinger's thirty third challenge!


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I will sound cold, but look at it this way - the only pain now is one you feel. He isn't in pain anymore... he found his peace. 

 

What you will do with your pain is only your decision - you can dwell in it, let it poison you and fester. But this will bring only more pain and sorrow. As I see it, try to focus on good memories, happy times with your Dad, moments of joy. This won't negate your loss, but it may (in time) help you deal with it, live through it, understand and accept. 

 

The pain will always be there, but it's up to you what will you do with it. But we, as I said times before - will always be here for you. 

 

This time, more than ever before, I wish I could hug you in person. I know it might be awkward considering I'm just a stranger over internet, but...

 

HUGS ❤️

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I'm so sorry Liz. Please know that you have many friends all over the world that are grieving with you. I'm glad you could be there... for you and for your family. 

 

It may seem dark right now, but that is only because he had so much light. Remember that your light comes from him as well. Be sad, but do try to find space for the good memories as well. Take care of yourself and the rest of your family.

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On 8/11/2020 at 4:09 PM, GoodDoug said:

I'm so sorry Liz. Please know that you have many friends all over the world that are grieving with you. I'm glad you could be there... for you and for your family. 

 

It may seem dark right now, but that is only because he had so much light. Remember that your light comes from him as well. Be sad, but do try to find space for the good memories as well. Take care of yourself and the rest of your family.

 

Can't say it better than this. We love you so much and we're sending all that love and all our prayers and thoughts, from all over the world. Your dad was literally known all over the world. And we're thankful that we get to help carry his memory.  ❤️ 

 

We'll keep checking in but you know you can reach out to any of us, anytime. We're here.  ❤️ 

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Heyguys thanks again for kind thoughts and love. 

 

Spent last couple of days with my mum and sister. Now im back in manchester, sitting up in bed with Jackson purring next to me. 

 

Really hard to process what has happened and i feel a constant sickness. Dad was my best mate, my hero. We are such a close family, its like being ripped apart :(

 

i am trying to accept im grieving, and be kind to myself. 

 

Thanks  - it is nice to be able to talk here xx

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59 minutes ago, Salinger said:

Heyguys thanks again for kind thoughts and love. 

 

Spent last couple of days with my mum and sister. Now im back in manchester, sitting up in bed with Jackson purring next to me. 

 

Really hard to process what has happened and i feel a constant sickness. Dad was my best mate, my hero. We are such a close family, its like being ripped apart :(

 

i am trying to accept im grieving, and be kind to myself. 

 

Thanks  - it is nice to be able to talk here xx

Im happy that you come here to talk! Am thinking of you! 

 

giphy.gif

 

 

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Just hang in there, we are thinking of you, sending our love and compassion. Take your time, try to process last days. And to (at least slightly) ease your pain and loss - I strongly believe your Dad is now in some better place. Free of pain, free of physical body limitations. He's at peace now. 

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I agree with Fearless, I'm so glad you came here to talk.  ❤️  We have been thinking of you and praying for you so much over the last few days and our hearts are hurting with you. You can share or discuss anything at all that makes you feel better or work through all you've lost - we are here to listen.  ❤️ 

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hi its 5am. ive been sleeping a lot, most of the day really and night. I got up to make a cup of tea. Jackson is laying next to me purring quietly. 

 

Its Sunday, i may be seeing a friend later today (6pm) i should really, get out of the house. 

 

Tomorrow ill be going to mums and my sister is too. We will be discussing funeral stuff :( i dont think we want a proper funeral ... none of us are religious and it seems a bit morbid to have the coffin there as everyone cries. Also there are restrictions due to covid...

 

We discussed going Wales to a beach we went to a lot...maybe burying some ashes there. Have a picnic and talk about my dad etc. I dont know. Feels surreal. To be thinking about this. 

 

Its so silent here right now apart from the clicking of the laptop keys and Jacksons purr. Its pretty cold too. So im wrapped in my blanket. Ill go back to sleep shortly i hope. 

 

Nothing feels real, my lovely dad. I miss him so so much. xx

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On 8/15/2020 at 9:00 PM, Salinger said:

Have a picnic and talk about my dad etc.

My father was very specific that he didn't want a funeral, but wanted a barbecue with friends coming over and sharing stories. So that is what we did. It was nice, and there was a lot more smiling and laughing than I thought there would be.

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Thank you guys. 

 

Its 6:30am, just made a cup of tea and back in bed (at parents house) I watched the sun rise too, from my bed. 

 

I feel exhausted i really do. I didn’t sleep great last night.

 

yesterday was hard one. We registered the death of my dad officially. We held hands as the registrar read out the certificate and then we drank some prosecco and raised a glass. 

 

I cried. We all did in bits.

 

we have decided to have a cremation but a direct one, so me, mum and Emily will be there but probably outside, no service or anything. And then go to wales the following week. 

 

We are trying to find some cottage to stay at (that’s today’s task) 

 

i think we are all being brave and looking after each other. I miss Jackson and will go back home to Manchester tmoro. 

 

Think ill try and tidy the flat - a good deep clean. Hoover, wash, polish, bins out, go to the tip, dishes.... also do a couple of clothes washes as I have nothing clean. 

 

I think I will feel more settled if that’s done. 

 

Then spend a few days alone perhaps...maybe go for a walk somewhere ? To the Peak District maybe? One day. Friday maybe.

 

it feels like I’ve lost a limb ... keep forgetting and going to text him. Especially about sport stuff. :( 

 

i need to just be kind to myself and take care .... thanks a lot for being here and allowing me to write this down xxx

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you are doing great! In horror situations like that the only option for me to survive is to ask myself what needs to be done just now. then I take little steps forward . I cant bear to think about the long term, so I just put one foot in front of the other like you are today. Sending you hearthugs and thinking of you! ❤️

 

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Hi all. I got back to Manchester around 2 ... it is now 5.45pm. 

 

this morning we decided on stuff for cremation, i had to leave room after and lay in the spare room and sobbed. A real guttural sobbing. Horrible. Felt like i was going to throw up .

 

im back now. I made a list of cleaning. the flat is/was a disgrace. i have hoovered everywhere, cleaned the floor in kitchen, put a clothes wash on, and then on maiden to dry, fed Jackson, wiped surfaces, bleached the bath and toilet....

 

Then lit some smelly candles and im sat up in bed, listening to Stone Roses, Jackson by my side. 

 

I am VERY weepy. I just keep bursting into tears. 

I miss my mum and sister already and i worry about my mum being on her own. She said she is ok though. and i can call her later perhaps. 

 

One good thing yesterday i bought a toastie maker! Its also 3 in one, waffle maker AND a grill for chicken/meat or veggies. Which is quite exciting. Ive been dreaming of cheese toasties  for days. I will have one soon. 

 

I may watch the football later (8pm) and have a bath, then early night. 

 

Every day blurs into one lately, i have no clue what to do day to day...but perhaps just getting THROUGH the day is enough?? Im grieving, its ok to do nothing. 

 

Of course the self hatred, self image body dysmorphia is bad and i worry about not really exercising. Stupid really. To have that on my mind also. 

 

Tomorrow or Friday i may go for a walk somewhere...its sunny (ish) the next few days, not that rain matters. 

 

Anyway. Hope everyone is ok. Sorry ive not been posting or catching up with you all. Its quiet on here....??

 

xx

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I find the "Ball and the Box" analogy for the grief strangely reassuring, even... comforting? 

If you don't know it, here's an article about it. As I see it, it gives hope for "normal" life after initial grieving that engulfs all your world, explains what will happen next and frees from guilt of "not-grieving-enough". 

I wish your grief ball get smaller soon. 

 

giphy.gif

 

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11 hours ago, fearless 2.0 said:

you are allowed to do absolutely nothing and grieve in whichever form comes naturally! Thanks for still writing here. Its good to read how you are! ❤️

 

*sending supportive thoughts and feelings*

 

Thank you FL ❤️ xx

 

9 hours ago, aramis said:

I find the "Ball and the Box" analogy for the grief strangely reassuring, even... comforting? 

If you don't know it, here's an article about it. As I see it, it gives hope for "normal" life after initial grieving that engulfs all your world, explains what will happen next and frees from guilt of "not-grieving-enough". 

I wish your grief ball get smaller soon. 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for the link Aramis, that analogy makes sense yes. Thank you xx

 

_____________

 

Hello, morning. Its 6.30am. I am glad i cleaned yesterday, because its much better waking up in a cleaner space. I still need to sort the bins out and go to the tip but its LOADS better. 

 

I have a list of chores, including going to the shops for milk and tomatoes, getting petrol, pumping the car tyres up, sorting bins, watering plants (unless they have all died) washing dishes....blah blah. 

 

I will also nap, try to go for a walk if i feel up to it, eat something nice/wholesome, play with Jackson and call my mum. 

 

xx

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