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Salinger's thirty third challenge!


Salinger

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Hey ... 7pm. 

Did some things on my list, shops, Jacksons stuff, car tyres.... didnt sort bins out OR look at the yard/garden. Will try tmoro. Feels like a BIG task to sort bins out :( 

 

I napped, and i picked up 8 lovely photos of my dad and family, that my friend who works at a printers, got sorted for me. Frames will arrive tomorrow or Saturday! Will send photos when done. 

Im hungry, barely eaten today. 

 

Just put a lasagne in the oven - takes 45 mins. Will have a little salad too. Im sipping water also. 

 

I feel a bit lonely tonight. Im meeting a friend on Saturday. But hard on my own - with my own thoughts. 

 

I am thinking of getting a bit of a workout schedule sorted. Looking after my mental health is MORE important than ever right now and i think exercise will help a bit. Unsure where to start. Maybe a walk 2/3 times a week? I could research if the gym is back open...

 

hmmmmmm. 

 

Thanks for reading xx

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1 hour ago, fearless 2.0 said:

walking in nature sounds great to me. make sure the gym is secure in covid19 times! 

Thinking of you! ❤️

 

 

Yes, they are reopen but only the bigger ones where they can have less machines to make social distancing rules etc. 

 

Im actually thinking of joining a more expensive one (£10 more per month) and it has a pool. 

I used to love swimming, i found it peaceful as well as good on my joints and my lower back. (which i get issues with)

 

Id be very embarassed going from changing room to the pool...with my body :(  but once in the water, i guess im 'hidden' ...

 

What do you think? 

I also feel it will help my mental health... swimming is calming in my opinion. 

 

xx

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Swimming is overall great option! All you mentioned, PLUS it's helluva training due to water resistance - you may not notice it, but moving around in water greatly challenges your muscles. And all this in a way safe for your joints :) 

 

16 hours ago, Salinger said:

going from changing room to the pool...

Err... is it a catwalk on a fashion show, or place for rather unfit people to GET FIT? I know your dysmorphia issues, but maybe try to cover all the inner demon talk with facts and reason - who knows, maybe you'll be able to convince yourself? And if not, just pretend you're alone, and all the other people are just paintings or posters (like... full size David Bowie cutout...?). 

 

But even starting with just twice a week walks will be great - even small something is way better than nothing. Don't rush, take your time. 

 

Hugs!

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4 hours ago, aramis said:

 

 

Err... is it a catwalk on a fashion show, or place for rather unfit people to GET FIT? I know your dysmorphia issues, but maybe try to cover all the inner demon talk with facts and reason - who knows, maybe you'll be able to convince yourself? And if not, just pretend you're alone, and all the other people are just paintings or posters (like... full size David Bowie cutout...?). 

 

But even starting with just twice a week walks will be great - even small something is way better than nothing. Don't rush, take your time. 

 

Hugs!

 

&1 :)

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be fearlessly yourself! :onthego:

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On 8/21/2020 at 1:47 PM, aramis said:

Swimming is overall great option! All you mentioned, PLUS it's helluva training due to water resistance - you may not notice it, but moving around in water greatly challenges your muscles. And all this in a way safe for your joints :) 

 

Err... is it a catwalk on a fashion show, or place for rather unfit people to GET FIT? I know your dysmorphia issues, but maybe try to cover all the inner demon talk with facts and reason - who knows, maybe you'll be able to convince yourself? And if not, just pretend you're alone, and all the other people are just paintings or posters (like... full size David Bowie cutout...?). 

 

But even starting with just twice a week walks will be great - even small something is way better than nothing. Don't rush, take your time. 

 

Hugs!

 

Thanks Aramis :) you are totally correct as well. Thank you ... a Bowie cut out would be great hehe xx

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Hey all, midday on Sunday. Im still lazing about in bed but i have a list of chores to do. 

 

I HAVE to go to the tip 100% as the boxes are getting out of control now. Rubbish bags too...

 

I have to clean the kitchen a bit...

 

Put my dry clothes away

 

Sort out the desk

 

Speak to a friend over the phone (if i feel up to it)

 

Sort the bloody bins out ugh. 

 

But i know ill feel better once its all done. 

 

It is pouring with rain so that makes these tasks harder :o (as i need to be outside!)

 

___

 

Last night i decided on a whim, to book a cottage in the Lake District for 3 nights (6th September)... im going alone. I feel that spending some time in the mountains, with fresh air, will be nice for me. I can go on walks and relax a bit. 

 

I am thinking it was a stupid idea but thats just the negative self doubts hanging around. Frustrating. 

It is nerve wracking doing stuff alone but ive done it before so...

 

Here is the area ill be close to:

 

photo3jpg.jpg

 

Morning%20Sunlight%20Buttermere-lowres.jpg?itok=kp1DDqC2

 

1431745577343-rannerdale-bluebells-john-malley.jpg?width=1920&auto=webp&crop=16:7

 

Very pretty isnt it!!!!

 

Hope the weather will be ok ...

 

So yes, today i need to do tasks. Cleaning stuff mainly. Then tonight i will watch the Champions League Final. Then bed. And im up at 8am to pick up my friend from the train station (9am) she could only get the morning train as she booked it last minute. 

 

Ill no doubt have a nap or two today as well. Feel exhausted. NEED to take my meds as well. Priority. 

 

xx

 

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Hi guys. Tuesday (i think) 6pm. 

 

Having a tough evening ... real sad, desperately sad. 

 

Trying to plan in things, looking at diary and seeing when i can settle a bit. Im back and forth to my mums, (im heading there in the morning) back to Manchester Thursday perhaps. Thursday evening. 

 

I feel very VERY anxious. Having a lot of things to do. I will get my diary plan done in a moment as it helps to have stuff written down. 

 

My eyes are raw from crying and my head aches. Prob need water to drink. 

 

I will have a bath soon i think! Just before bed, helps me sleep. 

 

My friend from London stayed last night, and her wonderful, little dog came along. It was a nice time and so good to see her. 

 

I want to join and start the gym. Swimming too. But i feel like im putting it off due to nerves/anxiety. (as mentioned before)

 

Also not having set days because of last min plans to see my mum/sister etc. 

 

I think i will join tonight, then try to go Friday morning for my first session...

 

Hoping everyone is ok? Miss chatting to you guys xx

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Im so glad you still pop in here!

 

Have nothing smart to say.... but feel like telling you to be very nice to yourself during this hard times. If you don't make it to the gym... this is not the time to ace challenges, go there if it makes you feel better but no pressure...

 

have a good evening without to much inner pain! ❤️

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be fearlessly yourself! :onthego:

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Morning, 8.15am. Its sunny, after yesterday which was shitty. Rain and wind. 

 

in about an hour or two ill drive back to Yorkshire. Meeting at the crematorium this afternoon. Not nice. 

 

Then i will stay the night tonight at mums. Looking forward to seeing her, and my sister. 

 

Tomorrow me and my sister are going to put some flowers down for my dad, outside Everton's stadium. Meeting my dads best mate too. Another difficult thing to do really. 

 

Then ill come home probably. 

 

I wrote out the diary for the upcoming week. Better to have things written down, just feels a bit easier seeing it written and planned out. 

 

Ill no doubt walk the dogs later. So a bit of exercise. 

 

Anxious about Friday (swimming) !!! But also hoping i like it...

 

xx

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On 8/21/2020 at 6:47 AM, aramis said:

just pretend you're alone, and all the other people are just paintings or posters


Or imagine them all naked & uncomfortable.......

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On 8/23/2020 at 7:14 AM, Salinger said:

Hey all, midday on Sunday. Im still lazing about in bed but i have a list of chores to do. 

 

I HAVE to go to the tip 100% as the boxes are getting out of control now. Rubbish bags too...

 

I have to clean the kitchen a bit...

 

Put my dry clothes away

 

Sort out the desk

 

Speak to a friend over the phone (if i feel up to it)

 

Sort the bloody bins out ugh. 

 

But i know ill feel better once its all done. 

 

It is pouring with rain so that makes these tasks harder :o (as i need to be outside!)

 

___

 

Last night i decided on a whim, to book a cottage in the Lake District for 3 nights (6th September)... im going alone. I feel that spending some time in the mountains, with fresh air, will be nice for me. I can go on walks and relax a bit. 

 

I am thinking it was a stupid idea but thats just the negative self doubts hanging around. Frustrating. 

It is nerve wracking doing stuff alone but ive done it before so...

 

Here is the area ill be close to:

 

photo3jpg.jpg

 

Morning%20Sunlight%20Buttermere-lowres.jpg?itok=kp1DDqC2

 

1431745577343-rannerdale-bluebells-john-malley.jpg?width=1920&auto=webp&crop=16:7

 

Very pretty isnt it!!!!

 

Hope the weather will be ok ...

 

So yes, today i need to do tasks. Cleaning stuff mainly. Then tonight i will watch the Champions League Final. Then bed. And im up at 8am to pick up my friend from the train station (9am) she could only get the morning train as she booked it last minute. 

 

Ill no doubt have a nap or two today as well. Feel exhausted. NEED to take my meds as well. Priority. 

 

xx

 

HOLY cow those look BEAUTIFUL!

 

I really REALLY love the lower picture.  its so artistic! if I had time I'd draw it...

but I have a REALLY busy schedule

 

anyways. I think being in some place beautiful is good for you, mentally and spiritually.  may it ease your soul a little.  your friend, Jason ❤️

 

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Thank you @TGP :) perhaps I can try and take a nice photo whilst I’m there, for you to draw some time :) 

 

thanks for the love. And to you @fearless 2.0 I am so glad you joined the rangers family.

 

__________

 

today was hard, Dad’s cremation is booked for next Thursday. 8:30am.

 

we all picked some flowers from mums garden, to go in his coffin. As I was picking some daisies a tiny little frog jumped onto my hand!!!!! 

 

Mum and emily are sleeping having a nap and I am cooking dinner for us. Stuffed peppers :) with a salad.

 

its been busy and I’m looking forward to bed. 

 

X

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Wow today was tough again. 

 

My sister drove us to Everton and we met my dads best mate. We met outside the stadium at the statue (which has turned into an unofficial memorial place, with lots of flowers for loved ones) 

 

mum had picked flowers from the garden for us both.

 

my sister burst into tears and my dads friend held us as we cried. He was very emotional also.

 

we then had a beer. Talked about my dad etc.

 

was there 2 hours then drove home.

 

im now lying on the bed in the spare room drinking a tea. 

 

Ill set off to manchester in 30 mins or so. 

 

Going to get home And have a bath and an early night I think. 

 

So desperately sad this evening. Missing dad so fucking much. 

 

It was difficult but I wanted to do it and it was lovely to see my dads best mate. Important for him too I think.

 

more later if I can xx

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7 hours ago, Salinger said:

My sister drove us to Everton and we met my dads best mate. We met outside the stadium at the statue (which has turned into an unofficial memorial place, with lots of flowers for loved ones) 

 

mum had picked flowers from the garden for us both.

 

my sister burst into tears and my dads friend held us as we cried. He was very emotional also.

 

we then had a beer. Talked about my dad etc.

What a great way to remember him. I'm so glad you got to do that.

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12 hours ago, Ranger Hal said:

Sad is okay (and normal I think).

 

I'm glad you got to see your dad's friend.

 

Thank you Hal, I am glad too x

 

8 hours ago, GoodDoug said:

What a great way to remember him. I'm so glad you got to do that.

 

Thanks GD....x

 

 

Here is a photo of the flowers, and the statue. 

 

118580611_10158251451836201_4328185979739085986_n.jpg?_nc_cat=111&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=u_hFN-ZeLdEAX8fuzpL&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr8-1.xx&oh=2ffce1716c3b66832651490e29a2ddcb&oe=5F6DB3D8

 

118523229_10158251451876201_691174404804

 

 

 

❤️ love you Dad. 

 

 

 

_____________________

 

 

Morning then, its 11am. Been up since 9, had some toast, should have had an egg too but couldnt be  bothered!

 

Taken my meds, and wrote out my plans for the week. 

 

In 30 mins, i go to the gym. Im kinda putting it off and thinking i should go back to bed :(  its so scary for me. 

 

But i bet i feel good if i do go?!

 

Its scary cos its first time in a new gym, i dont know where to go, or what to do. I dont know how to get to the pool...im terrified people will see my body...im worried ive forgotten how to swim hahaha (its been about 10 years) etc etc

 

Anyway, will try to relax a bit. 

 

x

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