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KB Girl keeps a journal, part 2

KB Girl

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On 9/3/2020 at 5:57 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Depression sucks. No where is it written down that you have to earn the right to talk about struggles with depression. If you have it you have it, and are allowed to talk about the struggles it creates. Talking about it does not harm nor does it disrespect those who have it harder than you do. By the same token, ignoring or choosing not to talk about does not help anyone less fortunate than you. You are an important and valid person, regardless of your circumstances, and your struggles matter because you matter.

Thank you for the reminder.. especially the last sentence, I suppose I keep forgetting that bit. 

I think I kind of struggled with acknowledging what was going on because I really don't think I ought to be feeling this way x)


On 9/3/2020 at 6:55 AM, Elastigirl said:

Not rambly.Sory you are dealing with hormones and depression.Sometimes just acknowledging in, and knowing that it really is just hormones . I remember when my hormones and moods were so erratic during perimenopause, just knowing that it was the hormones was a help. 

Yea it does help! Also acknowledging helps with being a little kinder towards yourself.. and it's the first step in talking about it, which also makes it more manageable.. 


On 9/3/2020 at 6:57 AM, bigm141414 said:

Throwing weight around > cup of tea. I will die on this hill.

Yes. Yes... but.... how about... having a cup of tea after throwing weight around?! 


On 9/3/2020 at 9:45 AM, Harriet said:

Depression has material proximate causes in the body. Though it can happen in response to bad life circumstances, it can also happen to people despite good life circumstances. There is nothing ridiculous or morally culpable about you being depressed, because it's a condition, not a behaviour or character trait.

It's absolutely awesome that you're still working out! And that journal looks admirably organized and detailed. 

Right. No guilt. Get well soon ❤️ BTW is there any proven treatment for PPD, or does it just go away with time? 

Yes morally culpable- that's what I was feeling. As if I have control over the whole matter. Silly me. 

Treatment wise you can go for meds or therapy. Mine is far too mild to even consider meds. After my first baby I had therapy for a while (didn't even realise it was PPD until later, I had plenty of previous trauma to still deal with so.. win/win in the end I guess?). This time.. well.. I have all the coping strategies.. I know how to deal.. after my first I struggled with building up this exercise habit, which thankfully stuck.. but part of my dealing strategy was aggressively reminding myself what makes life worth living and for me that's good company and book stores and games with friends and all the food- none of which were available for a while and they're still somewhat difficult. 

Also this time might be milder than the first even- but it's a bit harder being depressed when you have 2 kids instead of just 1 baby. The first time I could laze around much more, take all the naps while the baby was napping etc. 

And it doesn't help that part of PPD is irrational fears. Or maybe not irrational- but overblown. Which is actually a logical evolutionary thing, because it makes you more cautious/careful with your newborn. But it doesn't work with the media these days and the pandemic etc. 

But.. yea.. it'll likely go away with time. 

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What Tank & Harriet said. 


There is space for putting things in perspective, as long as it does not get you feeling morally culpable for feeling a certain way.


(I needed to read these things too.)


Discussed this with a friend this weekend. She told me: I guess I needed to hear it from several different sources before "the quarter fell". Idem ditto. :)


I also struggle with expressing things, just in case someone will worry for lil' ol' me when other people "deserve" more to be worried about/for. Well. I have plenty of worries and cares to give for both you AND others. (Some exceptions, but I doubt I'll soon have energy for those exceptions even if did not have ANYONE else to worry about. There are some things that just make me feel helpless and act weird and I need to emotionally mature more before I can "handle it". )


So you don't worry about others worrying about you :D OTOH, I am not worried because you sound like you're doing swimmingly. Keep on doing so. :)   

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On 9/6/2020 at 2:29 PM, KB Girl said:

Thank you for the reminder.. especially the last sentence, I suppose I keep forgetting that bit. 

I think I kind of struggled with acknowledging what was going on because I really don't think I ought to be feeling this way x)


Reminder that the idea that a person ought to feel a certain way for any reason, is wrong and irrelevant, and that this idea applies to you as well. 

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“I've always believed that failure is non-existent. What is failure? You go to the end of the season, then you lose the Super Bowl. Is that failing? To most people, maybe. But when you're picking apart why you failed, and now you're learning from that, then is that really failing? I don't think so." - Kobe Bryant, 1978-2020. Rest in peace, great warrior.

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