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iatetheyeti

iatetheyeti: emergence iii: the sprout

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4 hours ago, iatetheyeti said:

And on a less happy note... I've recently had it confirmed that a good friend of mine is dealing with domestic abuse. It's something I've never actually dealt with before, so if anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. Specifically, I want to talk to her about it but don't know how to go about it, and I want to be able to actually help her get out of the situation if that's what she decides to do (and I hope it is). Any advice is welcomed. I don't know what to do, but what I do know is that I have to be careful and I do not want to make things worse for her

Domestic violence is really tricky for helping people. The dynamic between abuser and victim is really hard to understand for those of us not in the midst of it, and it is very hard for people to leave their abusers. The most important thing to know is that the world looks very different to your friend than to you.

Here are some guidelines:
https://www.thehotline.org/help/help-for-friends-and-family/

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Hey Yeti, one of my best friends went through very violent domestic abuse, as well as emotional abuse. 

 

I met her just as he was arrested/she was coming out of the relationship so i didnt know her when the worst was happening but i am happy to ask her for any advice she could give you? 

 

She went through things i couldnt even imagine :(

 

She is an incredible woman, and ive seen her gain strength and confidence throughout the past 3 years. I am so proud of her. 

 

I am sorry your friend is going through this. Its very difficult, like Tank says, because of the manipulation of the abuser. Please lean on us when you need to xx

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I am so glad to see all the great amazing things going on in here.  So happy for you!  Sucky stuff about work suck, of course, but loving all of the personal progress

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7 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Domestic violence is really tricky for helping people. The dynamic between abuser and victim is really hard to understand for those of us not in the midst of it, and it is very hard for people to leave their abusers. The most important thing to know is that the world looks very different to your friend than to you.

Here are some guidelines:
https://www.thehotline.org/help/help-for-friends-and-family/

 

Thanks Tank. That tricky dynamic is exactly why I'm being so careful and asking for advice. Thanks for sharing the guidelines.

 

 

2 hours ago, Salinger said:

Hey Yeti, one of my best friends went through very violent domestic abuse, as well as emotional abuse. 

 

I met her just as he was arrested/she was coming out of the relationship so i didnt know her when the worst was happening but i am happy to ask her for any advice she could give you? 

 

She went through things i couldnt even imagine :(

 

She is an incredible woman, and ive seen her gain strength and confidence throughout the past 3 years. I am so proud of her. 

 

I am sorry your friend is going through this. Its very difficult, like Tank says, because of the manipulation of the abuser. Please lean on us when you need to xx

 

If you could, that would be wonderful. Of course, I would fully understand if she doesn't feel comfortable doing so. If she does, and if she doesn't want things said in a public forum, by all means PM me or get me over on FB or Instagram. Any advice she might have would be very much appreciated, especially given that she's been there and can understand exactly what's going on, more so than we could. Thank you.

 

 

1 hour ago, WhiteGhost said:

I am so glad to see all the great amazing things going on in here.  So happy for you!  Sucky stuff about work suck, of course, but loving all of the personal progress

 

Thanks! I'm happy too :D Work stuff aside, that is, but work will always be work, and so long as I'm doing my best not to bring it home with me, I think I can cope with it.

 

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best wishes in dealing with your friend! I agree with the Tank. ❤️

Glad week 0 rocked for you and your goals for this week are rock solid! Have fun crushing them!!!!! :)

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6 minutes ago, fearless 2.0 said:

best wishes in dealing with your friend! I agree with the Tank. ❤️

Glad week 0 rocked for you and your goals for this week are rock solid! Have fun crushing them!!!!! :)

 

I don't know when I'll next see her, but I'm hoping it's going to be soon and that it will go as smoothly as it can.

 

Thanks! Here's hoping for some crushing then!

 

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WEEK ONE DAY ONE

I'm tired, I hurt, and I am in a peevish mood. But at least I know why! Shark week. The fun. It did upset my plans for today, but I'm already working on putting things back on track. I almost feel bad about not doing a workout, but considering I have walked six miles today, I don't think I've done too badly, really! Other than that, not much to report for today. Not got much planned for tonight other than some rest and relaxation. I'll get my rest, then get going properly tomorrow.

 

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I had a hysterectomy and partied so hard when I gave away my tampons!!! Women should be allowed to take time off when they bleed. Sending you strength and happy thoughts! ❤️

giphy.gif

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2 hours ago, fearless 2.0 said:

I had a hysterectomy and partied so hard when I gave away my tampons!!! Women should be allowed to take time off when they bleed. Sending you strength and happy thoughts! ❤️

 

 

I would have a hysterectomy in a heartbeat if I could. Trying to persuade the doctors, though...

 

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24 minutes ago, iatetheyeti said:

 

I would have a hysterectomy in a heartbeat if I could. Trying to persuade the doctors, though...

 

a harmless tumor like I had helps a lot! :) I hear you!

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3 hours ago, Salinger said:

Hey, hope youre ok. wow 6 miles is loads :o thats defo a workout!! Rest up this eve :) xx

 

I'm getting there, just suffering through some rough cramps... I actually quite enjoy my commute walks, and to be fair, I've been a walker for the majority of my life and spent a good chunk of it having full days in the mountains, so I need to keep in mind that what's a breeze for me can be a lot for others. Still, I am most definitely resting this evening!

 

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WEEK ONE DAY TWO

The cramps are raging and I have a rather large blister on the back of my heel (old shoes are a curse...), but you know what? I'm in a good mood. I got to see Sunshine for a little while today, I was on shift with good people, and I got some good news. I spoke to the friend I was worried about, the one suffering through domestic abuse, and she's left him. I was surprised, but so happy, and I made sure she knew I was there to help and support her. It's a case of one step at a time, but with the conversation we've had, it turns out this was a long time coming. Far better now than later down the line.

 

Aside from all of that, I've done bits and pieces here and there. I have approximately zero energy today, so I've been careful not to push it too far. A little bit of studying, a little bit of cleaning, a lot of work, unfortunately, and now a lot of relaxing.

 

Tomorrow's going to be a bit of a weird one. My parents are coming down in the morning with what I hope is the last lot of stuff I left up there. Don't know how long they're staying, but I'm hoping to catch a lift to work to give my heel a bit of a break. The real test will be keeping things civil. I'm incredibly irritable right now, but if I can hold my tongue with problem customers at work, then I hope I can do it with problem parents. And then after work I'll have Sunshine coming over. She's promised to bring chocolate! I reckon it'll just be a case of playing things as they come and seeing what happens.

 

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29 minutes ago, iatetheyeti said:

I spoke to the friend I was worried about, the one suffering through domestic abuse, and she's left him. I was surprised, but so happy, and I made sure she knew I was there to help and support her. It's a case of one step at a time, but with the conversation we've had, it turns out this was a long time coming. Far better now than later down the line.

 

Fantastic. I hope she has somewhere safe to stay. 

 

29 minutes ago, iatetheyeti said:

Aside from all of that, I've done bits and pieces here and there. I have approximately zero energy today, so I've been careful not to push it too far. A little bit of studying, a little bit of cleaning, a lot of work, unfortunately, and now a lot of relaxing


Good job. A little is better than nothing, and also better than too much. 

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46 minutes ago, iatetheyeti said:

The cramps are raging and I have a rather large blister on the back of my heel (old shoes are a curse...), but you know what? I'm in a good mood. I got to see Sunshine for a little while today, I was on shift with good people, and I got some good news. I spoke to the friend I was worried about, the one suffering through domestic abuse, and she's left him. I was surprised, but so happy, and I made sure she knew I was there to help and support her. It's a case of one step at a time, but with the conversation we've had, it turns out this was a long time coming. Far better now than later down the line.

Don't be surprised if she goes back to him a time or two before staying gone for good. I hope it doesn't happen, but it's not uncommon for people in domestic abuse situations to go back to the abusers a few times.

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1 hour ago, Harriet said:

Fantastic. I hope she has somewhere safe to stay. 

 

She's got family in the area, so she's able to stay with them, and there's no lack of friends willing to offer a spare room or sofa.

 

1 hour ago, Harriet said:

Good job. A little is better than nothing, and also better than too much. 

 

True, very true.

 

 

50 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Don't be surprised if she goes back to him a time or two before staying gone for good. I hope it doesn't happen, but it's not uncommon for people in domestic abuse situations to go back to the abusers a few times.

 

I hope not, I really hope not, but I will consider myself forewarned now, thank you.

 

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Caught up! I'm happy to read about all the good things you have going on. I like your realistic goals for this challenge.

 

On 9/11/2020 at 1:55 PM, iatetheyeti said:

It's so weird being able to keep talking, and to different people, and not feel that familiar exhaustion creep up after a post or two. I'm riding this particular wave as far as it'll go, and when I feel it begin to fade away, I'll take a short rest to recover.

 

Back to work again tomorrow, and with every chance I'll get rained on during my commute. The temperature is dropping, the days are grower shorter and duller, and I don't feel that usual feeling of impending doom and despair and general depression that could usually be in full swing. That is, without a doubt, MAJOR. I don't say that lightly. I have never ended summer and gone barrelling into a driech Scottish autumn without a significant drop in mood. Never. In my life.

 

Guys, I'm getting better. I am well and truly on the road to recovery. There's knowing, and then this, truly understanding.

 

On 9/12/2020 at 1:58 PM, iatetheyeti said:

What's getting me is that this is how I want to be seen. I want to be seen as someone positive and honest, and somehow, without me realising it, now I am. It's something of an achievement even if I never noticed it happening.

 

It's funny, I can already tell there's going to be a whole lot of self-reflection in this challenge, especially in light of the past couple of days. For now though, I'm going to relax and wind down with my moon. I've got it half done now!

This is AWESOME!

 

 

On 9/14/2020 at 2:48 PM, iatetheyeti said:

I almost feel bad about not doing a workout, but considering I have walked six miles today, I don't think I've done too badly, really! Other than that, not much to report for today. Not got much planned for tonight other than some rest and relaxation. I'll get my rest, then get going properly tomorrow.

 

I agree with everyone else that walking six miles counts. It may not be a stretch for you because you do it all the time. It still counts for getting some movement and keeping your heart rate up. You can do more challenging workouts on other days. :D

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20 hours ago, Mistr said:

I agree with everyone else that walking six miles counts. It may not be a stretch for you because you do it all the time. It still counts for getting some movement and keeping your heart rate up. You can do more challenging workouts on other days. :D

 

Hey! Great to have you here :) And thanks, I'm happy with things myself! And you're all right, a six mile walk definitely counts as movement!

 

 

16 hours ago, fearless 2.0 said:

sending you endless patience for today!!! :)

 

Thanks :) 

 

 

11 hours ago, Salinger said:

Hope today goes as well as possible Yeti ❤️ xx

 

You know, it actually went far better than I expected it too.

 

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WEEK ONE DAY THREE

The visit went far better than I expected. Just my mother showed up, and with her came over a hundred unwanted books, a TV stand, and a trio of bins (I've been using cardboard boxes with bin-liners, that offended her 'what will people think?' sense deeply). She didn't stay long. Work was work, it went by very slowly as I was on my own, neither of my new starts was in today. And then Sunshine turned up at the end of my shift, we did some food shopping, and I cooked dinner. We're continuing our Buffy marathon at the moment, and I'm feeling very relaxed and very happy.

 

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Sounds like your day went pretty well overall! I’m glad you got to relax :) 

Is Sunshine your partner? (Hopefully that’s ok to ask, I just wanted to check so I don’t say anything dumb lol)

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3 hours ago, Salinger said:

Relaxed and happy is so wonderful to read Yeti - Proud of you ❤️ xx

 

Wonderful to be it too! Thanks :)

 

 

2 hours ago, fearless 2.0 said:

giphy.gif

 

Definitely the mood for today!

 

 

24 minutes ago, Dusk said:

Sounds like your day went pretty well overall! I’m glad you got to relax :) 

Is Sunshine your partner? (Hopefully that’s ok to ask, I just wanted to check so I don’t say anything dumb lol)

 

It's perfectly fine to ask, I'm open to most questions and if we find one I'm not open to, I will say so :) And yes, Sunshine is indeed my partner.

 

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