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delalana

Delalana keeps floating

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For the past few days I’ve been in a... generally resentful state of mind. It’s had a couple targets so far, but I don’t think either of those are the underlying issue. In the meantime, it’s really hard to make any goals when my mind immediately snaps back at me that there’s no point or redeeming qualities in anything I look at. Negative brain can’t say anything about stability, though, so that’s where I’m headed. Specifically,

 

1. Get back to the food planning and cooking routine I had going last winter.

2. Get back into the routine of only getting restaurant food on the weekends. Hopefully I can use some of the recipes I found last challenge to decrease even this, but I’m not seeing the bar that high for now.

3. Get out in “nature” (read: mostly city trails) for at least an hour on the weekends.

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5 hours ago, delalana said:

2. Get back into the routine of only getting restaurant food on the weekends. Hopefully I can use some of the recipes I found last challenge to decrease even this, but I’m not seeing the bar that high for now.

 

I think you are smart not to completely restrict the restaurant food. It seems like a treat that you enjoy. The mental break could be important.

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This week was exhausting. Work stress, lack of sleep, doing the annoying three hour task at the end of the long weekend. And the weather might have something to do with it. Temps dropped about 25 degrees pretty much overnight.

 

I am behind on the whole meal planning thing. Really, I haven’t actually started. I’m counting zero week as a freebie and will try to get my act together over the weekend.

 

November is starting to solidify a teeny bit. I’m probably going to be staying in Minnesota instead of going home for Thanksgiving. Social distancing doesn’t seem to be a big priority for some of the more extended family who’s normally there. And I need to be especially careful around that time as I’ll almost certainly end up babysitting the kiddo I watched for a couple afternoons last month again. I can live with doing Thanksgiving here - whatever that ends up looking like - and it’s a huge relief to have it decided.

 

And just because I can, here’s a picture of my cats pretending they get along much better than they actually do.

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On 9/13/2020 at 4:59 PM, Xena said:

Kitties look sweet, and I gotta say, the room looks completely immaculate too.

Thanks! The clutter is artfully arranged in/around the closet on the other side of the room :)

 

Over the weekend, I got my act together enough to plan out birthday desserts and a week’s worth of cooking. I also got a batch of meatballs made, so that’s six meals.

 

But I need to eat more than six times between now and whenever I get around to cooking (likely the weekend) and there’s not much other food in the house. So the plan is to get pizza tonight and eat that and meatballs until I get around to shopping and making food. Also, getting out of the takeout pattern is ending up really hard this time around.

 

Still, even if I’m not actually meeting my no takeout during the week goal, I at least feel more on top of things than I did a week ago and even having a plan is measurable progress.

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7 minutes ago, delalana said:

Also, getting out of the takeout pattern is ending up really hard this time around.

 

Once you get a few things cooked, it will be a lot easier. But yeah, once you get into a patttern and/or behind on cooking, you need a chunk of time and energy to catch up. You'll get back there.

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So one monkey wrench that I’ve not mentioned yet is that my pool is currently closed for a month. They badly need to replace the hvac and back in March were still waiting for the parts to be manufactured.

 

To make up for being closed, they’re giving free access to the community center pool one city over until the open up again. The drive isn’t horrible (15 minutes) and the pool sounds nicer than the one I currently swim at. (Their website,  on the other hand, is abjectly terrible. It took me 20 minutes of searching and manually fixing a broken link to find the sign up.)

 

About a week in, laziness is rearing its head and I really don’t want to drive that far. I think for the next few weeks I’m going to focus on walking and strength training instead. At least until I start experiencing pool withdrawal. :)

 

I got a good, long walk in with my cousins yesterday, so today I’m going to do some body weight stuff after work. go for a walk because the temperature is dropping 24 degrees over the next two days.

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oh, I'm so sorry to hear that...the pool has been really great for you. Sounds like a good plan to focus on walking and strength training, but also give yourself permission to re-assess that.

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On 9/15/2020 at 6:28 PM, Xena said:

oh, I'm so sorry to hear that...the pool has been really great for you. Sounds like a good plan to focus on walking and strength training, but also give yourself permission to re-assess that.

You’ve got a good point... I think I’ll at least try to make it to the pool on the weekends.

 

Today did not go according to plan, but I’m happy with how things turned out. The plan was to sleep in a bit, do some cooking so I would have more healthy food in the house, and check out the temporary pool. The sleeping in happened, but none of the other things. Instead, I made a couple of adjustments under the sink to remedy some things that had been annoying me for a while, got 80% of the way to an organized closet, and fixed the shrieking toilet. And I’m overall in a lot better mood than I was this morning.

 

My tentative plan for tomorrow is to do the cooking I didn’t get around to today, spend some time with family and/or go for a walk, maybe do one more small home improvement project, and hopefully at least start baking some cookies for a friend’s birthday.

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Finally got a meal cooked and will have birthday cookies for a friend by the time I go to bed.

 

My second batch cook of the week will be getting changed up a bit. My cousin gave me a 3 lb 11 oz, 15” (1.67 kg, 38 cm) zucchini on Sunday and I need to make some headway into that. I’ve got a plan for the first pound or so, but still need to pick up a couple ingredients.

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I didn’t wake up in a great mood today, but it ended up being a good birthday nonetheless. My cake did not melt (it was more mousse than cake so there was a moment of panic) and I spent a good part of the afternoon at my cousin’s where they made dinner and I chased their five year old around for a while.

 

In therapy news, this upcoming week I’m going to try emdr to deal with some of my food issues. It sounds intriguing and I’m interested to try it. I’m hoping it helps.

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Sorry I messed that up. Tried to post a gif, and then it wouldn't let me edit the post. Here's a picture instead (for our most aquatic Scout) 🙂

 

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It’s been a minute...

 

I got to a good place in therapy where I’m genuinely fine with who I am. There’s been some floundering and unhealthy choices in that I don’t know yet where to go from here, but I’ll figure it out eventually.

 

I survived corporate restructuring last Friday with my job intact. My department, in particular the management portion, took the brunt of it. What’s left is refocusing on a very different strategy and none of us really know what that means yet.

 

The pool opened back up last week. I had planned to go on Friday, but by the time I got out of work I didn’t really want to spend 45 minutes staring at a black line with nothing but my thoughts. I didn’t hop on the sign up quickly enough this weekend, so I’ve got a lane reserved for Thursday.

 

Food - in particular deciding what to eat - has been a stress point lately, which is not something I’m used to. As a result, my diet has been swinging back and forth between a couple of bad extremes. New goal for today is to batch cook tonight, which I’m putting here so I actually have a prayer of doing it. And maybe think about putting a meal schedule together so I concentrate all of the food decisions into one instance.

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And now for a less depressing, more fitness focused update.

 

Getting out into nature has been going well. I’ve spent 4ish hours the past couple weekends exploring parks. As a bonus, I wasn’t alone and got to spend some extra time with family and friends I haven’t seen in a while.

 

Food did get cooked last night. Specifically, the family chili recipe, which always seems to take less mental energy than pretty much anything else. Next goal is actually eating that instead of fast food.

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wow, that sounds majorly stressful with work. I'm glad you still have a job and are thinking about how best to move forward.

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Today’s adventure was a flat tire that wasn’t there when I parked my car yesterday. So, on the one hand, I missed my after work walk. But on the other hand, I am definitely eating at home tonight because I’m too cheap (and impatient) to pay for delivery.

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