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Aθena

Athena gets out of the Tutorial Zone - pt. 1

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Well. I have begun to look at traineeships and job offers based on my studies so I guess one can say I am finally on my way to leave the Training Zone. 

 

Today (8 Sep.) I made a first attempt to find a topic for my second thesis. Technical difficulties prevented me from doing so, so I did some other things instead. Tbf I gave up a little easy. Working on that.

 

At the beginning of the 2019/20 academic year, I had this lovely plan of having a job right out of my studies but when lockdown hit I still had not started looking at job offers seriously. My family kept telling me "I have a whole life to work ahead of me and I should enjoy being a student for as long as I can".

 

I gave in -  obviously I needed an INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF CONVINCING, struggling to make sense of what was/is happening around the world etc. - and took advantage of my privileged position (and overall economic spending and socialising habits). Finished the year's subjects. Finished my first thesis. Laid back for a while. Saw family. Treated my body and mind better than I had been these past 3 years. Played on the beach, swam, breathed in a bit of sea air. Finished an online novel. Read random articles on the www. Read a non-fic book off an on. Reorganised my room/the house/my head. Swam in a swimming pool and enjoyed that so much I overexerted my foot. Decided I don't want to swim in that swimming pool anymore for other reasons. Started a bullet journal. Started tracking my cash flow on paper instead of trying to get back to my digital method (program). Helping my mom with getting back on track after years of dealing with... Life stuff & spending quality time with my sis (5 y.o.) and helping her with her bilinguality.(*) (Did I mention she started to freely use any Dutch words she can think of with her teacher and class mates, and any kids she encounters at all? :) )

 

Anyway. The scoreboard is as follows:

 

Notarial law: one course left (February-April 2021) 🤩

Corporate law: one master thesis left (whenever I finish it) 🤪

 

________________

(*)Well, she understands a bit of english too and uses English words here and there so she is on her way on becoming trilingual, I think. 

________________

 

As my current focus lies with doing inner work, breath, finding my center (gravity wise and values wise), simplifying, mobility, flexibility, unplugging and all that jazz, even more than it did during my first challenge with the Druids, I believe I will stay right here. 

 

All I know about the goals I will set this challenge (beginning):

 

Spoiler

 

* I have a burpee challenge going on with my partner. 3 x 10 burpees every day for 14 days.

 

* I am (trying to) doing a 2-3 minute wall sit for my posture every day.

 

* I am (trying to) stand with my heels next to each other and feet spread out as much as I can, because they keep inching to the middle. So to remind myself not to let me become a duckling.

 

* Trying to be mindful of the way I place my feet while walking because my left foot has sunken over the years. The right probably a bit as well. I will be visiting a podotherapist to get custom soles tomorrow. My feet seem to be affecting my back/shoulders/neck area too, besides my phone and posture habits. Why is everything so damn connected?!

 

* I am in the process of making cleaning between my teeth with a (dedicated type of) tooth pick a habit. 

 

* I am using both Zero (whole week) and MFP (week days).

 

* Drinking enough water. Avoiding junk snacks. Looking to get more veggies and fruit in my system. And yoghurt. Thinking about starting to watch for more calcium and iron.

 

* (Trying to) meditate every day for 5-10 minutes (pretty succesfully) but also just taking breaths during the day. I need to stop clenching my jaw or tense up when doing things like... Cutting food???

 

* Taking care of my skin instead of infecting it with my nails - I worded it that way on purpose - and using hydrating my hands and feet as a mindfulness practice. Thanks to @Scaly Freak

for the pro tip!

 

* I also want to do more wrist and ankle mobility exercises during my day, and maybe start doing the Flexibility benchmarks & related exercises again... I miss them.

 

* Lifewise, I have started a personal (carreer) coaching program. One aspect of it has a "30 steps plan", and they email a step every day for 30 days.

 

 

After some brainstorming, I came to the following SMART-ish goals (15 September):

 

* Mobility exercises for wrists, shoulders/neck, and the fysio exercises for my feet. Every day, whatever I can get done in 10 to 35 minutes (depends on how much I have slept in).

 

Spoiler

 

I am finally feeling the absolute necessity to follow a routine with the goal of strengthening these body parts. 

 

My whys: for an immersive experience while reading/working, to be awesome at yoga and pushups and burpees etc., and having strong ankles and mobile feet will allow me to feel safe when going for my inline/roller skating goal. And... while hearing heels. 

 

 

* Posture practice. Every day.

 

Spoiler

 

This starts at the short mindful standing against a wall & standing with my feet like a ballerina and then continues during my day:

 - Do I have to use my phone? If not, use smth else or hold phone upright so I avoid text neck.

 - Be mindful of making space in my chest. And between my shoulder blades. That lets me breathe much nicer, and helps with posture.

- The cue head above heart & heart above hips has been really helping. It also immediately relieves tension I sometimes did not even know I was feeling. Keep on using this cue to walk in a way that does not put an unnecessary load on my body.

- Walking meditation + feet placement practuce can be combined.

 

 

* Procedure "cut the umbillical cord between me and my phone".

 

I really feel tons better when I do not stare at screens a lot but especially so since I have started staring at a SMALL screen less. Every day:

 

Spoiler

 

Again ask myself: Do I need to do this on a digital device? If yes, do I need to do this on my phone? Try to use the device more just for (1) calling, (2)  drawing/coloring (3) as a SPARE mobile laptop when I am out and need to write emails or so, or as a router for my sis' phone when we are out etc.

 

Have been considering buying a portable foldable keyboard to keep in my handbag & a foldable stand. So if I have to write an email or so, I can wait until I find a cafe... Or in the train. To not exert my hands while I type. Typing with one hand is weird to me, though I have been trying to do that more.  Or when I do not need to type, use one hand as a stand and the other to... Do w/e I am doing.

 

My whys:

- relief text neck and text thumbs

- relief eyes

- I forget to breath properly when I am on my phone worse than otherwise. I will feel a lot better when I do not subject myself to what the psychology dpt of mobile phone softwafe producers/social media etc  have cooked up for us weaker willed consumers lol

 

 

If I DO want to browse on phone w/o purpose:

*sort gallery

*sort Evernote inbox (50% of non-upgrade upload space used, delete old stuff esp)

 

* Mindful eating / eating intuitively (NOT I.E. but using the principles/reading up on them). Every day.

 

Spoiler

 

Will probably span over more challenges. (Well, the others probably as well. I will try to make it less boring haha) Create a system for when I have cravings for non-nutritious foods. Learn how to listen to my body. Browse IE forums.

 

My whys: 

- I want to have a better relationship with food. I eat emotionally and life's struggles/responsibilities will only increase at this point. I want to feel more like I am eating to sustain myself and OCCASSIONALLY to just really fully enjoy the taste bud experience. 

- I like the adagium Eat to live, do not live to eat.

- Sloth is a thing in my life. Eating "better" and drinking enough h2o means more energy.

- Hormonally, I think my body will work a lot better when I eat balanced. Even though I do not have major PMS symptomes or so, "let food be my medicine, because health care is a lot more expensive". Even time is a commodity right?

 

 

* Journal. That is a big part of the Carreer coaching. Also my personal self-reliance project. In that vein, I am also trying to be TRULY alone more and get comfy with myself  again.

Sidenote: Alternatively, read resources provided by carreer coaching... thing.

 

Spoiler

 

That is why I decided to e.g. catch up with everyone on NF only once a week during this challenge. I did that on Monday this week but I realised I still have to wander through the subforums to Follow everyone's new threads :)

 

My why: I want to open doors, to get in a place financially to be able to (more easily) support my family, and friends if needed, and causes I believe in. Also, empowering myself always brings a net positive! :)

 

To learn how to be more self-reliant because I believe following my intuition/gut feeling will lead to good things.

 

 

* Clean between teeth every day. And have at least 1 hour between snacks or sugary drinks, use a straw etc.

 

Spoiler

My why: less time spent on dentist appts, less painful visits, and also the confidence in my teeth.

 

Moreover, I will be using MFP and Zero and looking at yoga videos to try, trying AM and PM routines and whatnot, but they will not be goals. These are the goals that get priority right now.

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10 minutes ago, Aθena said:

* Taking care of my skin instead of infecting it with my nails - I worded it that way on purpose - and using hydrating my hands and feet as a mindfulness practice.

 

If you have a Lush nearby, their Lemony Flutter is an excellent cuticle cream, and the texture and smell makes it a very pampering experience. Avoid if you are sensitive to essential oils though. 

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Alright. I have only barely made a start with my responsibilities and I am having this feeling again (that DOES have a factual basis): that I am (re)writing to-dos and they, or my time, is slipping away.

 

I have already concluded that I am actually lazy a lot less often than I initially thought. 

 

I...

  • analyse a lot (hello!)
  • do things slower than I could be doing them because I am not truly present & multitasking is not my strong suit.
  • get lost in thought in between tasks.
  • I do things that make me tired in little ways:
    • Abovementioned things +
    • tensing up parts of my body that do not need tension +
    • suboptimal posture + 
    • standing or sitting in just-awkward-enough ways, such as at the tip of the chair + 
    • not breathing deeply regularly/deep enough +
    • fidgeting
  • can be sensitive to sound or people or areas that echo a lot etc.
  • tire my eyes with screens
  • don't always drink enough or eat the things that give me energy
  • tend to focus on what I dread when it comes to a task rather than the good that will come from doing it

 

And I'm definitely determined, right? I have direction, purpose, drive, although I tend to lose sight of them during daily stuff and thoughts. 

 

So why do I not do what I say I am going to do? Why do I let myself get sidetracked? 

 

Granted, I am trying to lose weight and consuming less calories than you burn is bound to take at least some toll on my mental energy and that is what it is.

 

I just checked and my BMI is JUST in the "overweight" category. Although the BMI is not the ultimate source of knowledge, that coincides with how I have been feeling so. I was 70 kilograms before the summer vacation, and on Sunday I weight 67. Apparently I need to be 63 kg to have a healthy BMI, alright. That's my first milestone, then!

 

Let's see. What did I do. After I encountered the tech difficulties yesterday, I guess I Started the LOOONG process of removing my gel nailpolish. Then it was lunch time. Then I started looking at aromatherapy things. So I guess... Self-Indulgence's kin is picking a "fight" with me, since I am not indulging in my usual comfort food? That sounds about right? It's getting colder again, too.

 

 I guess I need to PLAN time for those indulgences instead of actually giving into them... And/or maybe grabbing a bowl of more grapes, pleasant music, I haven't used hand cream in a couple of days. Oh and order some hot chocolate drops. I believe I have chili flakes somewhere, see if a little will achieve the same flavor that Scaly mentioned...

 

Alright. It seems I rambled long enough for me not to beat myself up & get on with my day. Let's do this! No technical difficulties in sight, knock on wood :D 

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4 hours ago, Aθena said:

Let's see. What did I do. After I encountered the tech difficulties yesterday, I guess I Started the LOOONG process of removing my gel nailpolish. Then it was lunch time. Then I started looking at aromatherapy things. So I guess... Self-Indulgence's kin is picking a "fight" with me, since I am not indulging in my usual comfort food?

 

When my personal Self-Indulgence demands comfort food, she doesn't actually want the comfort food. She wants me to spend time caring for myself and her, and for both of us feel loved and important. It's taken quite a couple of years, but we have worked out a system that helps us co-exist and work together. Small indulgences that make me feel pampered are an important part of that.

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Okay, my back/neck/shoulder stuff is a distraction as well. Especially now that I had a full month and something rest from it.

 

So I put my laptop lap...stand? and laid on the bed and browsed for topics for a bit. Annoying. It is much easier to be learning the material and get thesis topic ideas naturally rather than forcing it.

 

Going to do some yoga and take a shower. Maybe this evening. I also still need to send a couple of e-mails to the Financial sections of my universities to work out a tuition fee related thing...

 

1 minute ago, Scaly Freak said:

 

When my personal Self-Indulgence demands comfort food, she doesn't actually want the comfort food. She wants me to spend time caring for myself and her, and for both of us feel loved and important. It's taken quite a couple of years, but we have worked out a system that helps us co-exist and work together. Small indulgences that make me feel pampered are an important part of that.

 

Ah. thank you for that wording. I think that is what it is atm indeed.

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I am looking for some new room furniture (incl desk) to create more space in my room. I will try to find a better chair this time around as well.

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Oh, looking for a job and choosing the next masters thesis are big but exciting tasks! I'm also here with just-barely-overweight-BMI sympathy. 

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Oh no! I missed the teeth quest and carreer program 2 days in a row. Woke up later than planned and did not do burpees.

 

Happy with the yoga and that I pampered myself with some dark chocolate milk. I crushed an older one I had deserted when I was still listening to my cravings and melted it into the milk that way.

 

Going to pick those three up tomorrow. And go to bed on time now. And wake up on time in the morning. Ignoring other things because of simplicity.

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Did anyone see today's chin up news letter? I have been looking for the titles of those Mario films the gifs are from for aaaages. I used to have the video tapes but they disappeared between the time I watched them a lot and the time I remembered them :( haha. 

 

https://giphy.com/gifs/yoshi-dancing-mario-JkHBrePfE9PgY

 

EDIT: one of the two I watched a lot was one where mario got rackoon ears and tail. Idk if that form has a name :D But it is time for me to go sleep! 

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Flossing and carreer coaching assignments tonight. I am glad I spent time on yoga, meditation and showering mindfully yesterday. And getting to bed on time. I feel much more rested.

 

That being said, I spent the morning on cleaning our couch and the ground under it, taking apart the segments and repositioning it in the living room with mom. The living room looks a lot better. More spacious. The change is also welcome. Looking forward to revamping my room. It was also some moving. I made sure not to sit down in between tasks and be active while vacuuming etc.

 

Changed my passwords for my uni accounts. Now time for some more exploring for treasures known as interesting legal gaps that are not too narrow nor to broad, not too complicated, perfect for a master thesis that I can write along a part time job. Allons-y! Today will be the day I find one! No more moping it is difficult!

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It was another more chill day. Spent it with my fam in a forest with lots of play opportunities. I got carried away on a bouncy thing that was not a bouncy castle so no equalising the air flow. My sis flew a couple of times. Luckily she did not get hurt. :)

 

Now I am a kid that is going to have airfried fries and chicken nuggets and just wait until I get to go to sleep haha

 

PS - can someone remind me that I need/want to send a thank you letter after (an) interview(s) when I have one/them.

 

EDIT: instead of sleeping in, I am going to do smth else guilt-free: go to bed super early... even though I could have done some stuff this evening. If I cannot get to sleep I will pamper myself with creams, smelling my perfumes, meditation,etc.

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15 hours ago, Aθena said:

If I cannot get to sleep

 

I got to sleep just fine! To finish the "childhood nostalgia" I put on a kids' story from Insight timer and I was off to dream land.

 

Moreover, I have a muscle ache in my legs/body from all the walking/running in a hilly area haha. It was so fun. Good times.

 

In the mean time, a goal list has been forming in my mind:

 

* Mobility exercises for wrists, shoulders/neck, and the fysio exercises for my feet.

 

I am finally feeling the absolute necessity to follow a routine with the goal of strengthening these body parts. 

 

My whys: for an immersive experience while reading/working, to be awesome at yoga and pushups and burpees etc., and having strong ankles and mobile feet will allow me to feel safe when going for my inline/roller skating goal. And... while hearing heels. 

 

* Posture practice. This starts at the short mindful standing against a wall & standing with my feet like a ballerina and then continues during my day:

 - Do I have to use my phone? If not, use smth else or hold phone upright so I avoid text neck.

 - Be mindful of making space in my chest. And between my shoulder blades. That lets me breathe much nicer, and helps with posture.

- The cue head above heart & heart above hips has been really helping. It also immediately relieves tension I sometimes did not even know I was feeling. Keep on using this cue to walk in a way that does not put an unnecessary load on my body.

- Walking meditation + feet placement practuce can be combined.

 

* Procedure "cut the umbillical cord between me and my phone". I really feel tons better when I do not stare at screens a lot but especially so since I have started staring at a SMALL screen less.

 

Again ask myself: Do I need to do this on a digital device? If yes, do I need to do this on my phone? Try to use the device more just for (1) calling, (2)  drawing/coloring (3) as a SPARE mobile laptop when I am out and need to write emails or so, or as a router for my sis' phone when we are out etc.

 

Have been considering buying a portable foldable keyboard to keep in my handbag & a foldable stand. So if I have to write an email or so, I can wait until I find a cafe... Or in the train. To not exert my hands while I type. Typing with one hand is weird to me, though I have been trying to do that more.  Or when I do not need to type, use one hand as a stand and the other to... Do w/e I am doing.

 

My whys:

- relief text neck and text thumbs

- relief eyes

- I forget to breath properly when I am on my phone worse than otherwise. I will feel a lot better when I do not subject myself to what the psychology dpt of mobile phone softwafe producers/social media etc  have cooked up for us weaker willed consumers lol

 

* Mindful eating. Will probably span over more challenges. (Well, the others probably as well. I will try to make it less boring haha) Create a system for when I have cravings for non-nutritious foods. Learn how to listen to my body. Browse IE forums.

 

My whys: 

- I want to have a better relationship with food. I eat emotionally and life's struggles/responsibilities will only increase at this point. I want to feel more like I am eating to sustain myself and OCCASSIONALLY to just really fully enjoy the taste bud experience. 

- I like the adagium Eat to live, do not live to eat.

- Sloth is a thing in my life. Eating "better" and drinking enough h2o means more energy.

- Hormonally, I think my body will work a lot better when I eat balanced. Even though I do not have major PMS symptomes or so, "let food be my medicine, because health care is a lot more expensive". Even time is a commodity right?

 

* Journal. That is a big part of the Carreer coaching. Also my personal self-reliance project.

 

In that vein, I am also trying to be TRULY alone more and get comfy with myself  again.

 

That is why I decided to e.g. catch up with everyone on NF only once a week during this challenge. I did that on Monday this week but I realised I still have to wander through the subforums to Follow everyone's new threads :)

 

My why: I want to open doors, to get in a place financially to be able to (more easily) support my family, and friends if needed, and causes I believe in. Also, empowering myself always brings a net positive! :)

 

To learn how to be more self-reliant because I believe following my intuition/gut feeling will lead to good things.

 

* Clean between teeth every day.

And have at least 1 hour between snacks or sugary drinks, use a straw etc.

 

My why: less time spent on dentist appts, less painful visits, and also the confidence in my teeth.

 

This seems like a lot but I am already kind of practicing it all somewhat. So. Let's go!

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5 minutes ago, Aθena said:

In that vein, I am also trying to be TRULY alone more and get comfy with myself  again.

 

Your entire post is a list of badass, but this is the most badass of all.

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Thanks for reminding me. @Defining posted an interesting article on the topic in the IE thread:

 

https://www.self.com/story/intuitive-eating-myths

 

I kind of common-sense'd most things on that list but the fact that capital I capital E is trademarked as that set of principles by those nutritionists, and not "just" eating intuitinvely 

 

And also that it cannot be summarised as eating when you are hungry and stopping when full. Although that makes sense too. Huh. 

 

Also, I don't have a medical condition that needs monitoring but I do preventatively have to get my weight down. So I will go ahead and put "consume less than I burn if possible" in the exception category for diets?

 

Also, I do not aim to follow the philosophy to a T and it says you do not have to check off all principles to follow the philosophy so. I am going to resume as intended :)

 

An article that explains the principles more for reading at a later point: https://www.intuitiveeating.org/10-principles-of-intuitive-eating/

 

Time for bed again!

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My mobility etc. routine takes about 30-35 minutes back to back. It's nice though a bit stretchy-painful at times. I am grateful I am taking the time to do this. Doing some affirmations while at it. No burpees or other explosive exercise: I overexerted my foot Friday - did I say so? am I nagging? - and it is still annoying today. 

 

I am using a cream with active ingredient "aceclofenac". It worked last time I had this after the swimming as well. Smeared some on yesterday evening, now morning and evening for 2-3 days.

 

 

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I think I overdid it on one of my new ankle stretches. I will stick with the ones given by the fysio haha

 

1,5-2 hours until bed time. I will:

 

* plan next week

* brush and "floss" teeth

* go over subforums and follow threads.

* read the ebook my career coaching thing told me to read. I have not journalled days 2-6 and 7 was a rest day. I think the ebook will give me a little push. It is written with the aim of setting the scene.

 

No getting lost in thought. Gently pull my focus back to mindfully doing what I said I would do.

 

Today's mantras were: I am bendy. The neighbour lady, and in fact no one, holds power over my emotions. Nothing makes me uncomfortable.

 

EDIT: Followed so. many. threads! That's okay. That will kind of also keep me from clicking on ALL the notifications until I am having my weekly "support and interact" time.

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Ankle rest day. Only did the wall stand + a regular meditation in the morning.

 

The scale showed 67,4 kg again today. (Suspected because the mirror is not showing much change towards less BF even though I do not mind what I see. It is my old-new clothes and moving-comfort that I am trying to regain. ) Hmm.

 

What to do what to do. 

 

Cannot say I have removed ALL junk snacking from my diet. So there is always that to improve.

 

Especially today haha

 

And am not doing any active exercise. But I do not want to attack that goal yet. I want to focus on my mobility stuff and that takes time.

 

Maybe go back to my more-intense yoga plan. And not push my ankles/feet too much.

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21 hours ago, Aθena said:

I think I overdid it on one of my new ankle stretches. I will stick with the ones given by the fysio haha

Haha common overachiever trap. :P Yes listen to your physio!

 

On 9/12/2020 at 11:31 PM, Aθena said:

Also, I don't have a medical condition that needs monitoring but I do preventatively have to get my weight down. So I will go ahead and put "consume less than I burn if possible" in the exception category for diets?

Dieting and IE are per definition not compatible. If you're in a caloric deficit you're denying your body food, meaning you're overriding your body's signals. Not saying that you can't use aspects of IE to inform your eating or even to diet, but they're two very different things. The idea with IE is that when you listen to your body and feed it healthful foods your body will naturally stabilize at your set point, which could be both higher and lower than it is now, and that that is your healthy weight, whatever your BMI score is. Not saying that dieting is wrong, or that IE is the holy grail, only that the ideas are directly contradicting each other. The important thing is that you do you and feel good about it.

 

On 9/12/2020 at 9:59 AM, Aθena said:

Procedure "cut the umbillical cord between me and my phone"

I need to do this too, it's become so much worse lately. 😕Thanks for reminder!

 

What's this career coaching/journaling thing that you're doing? Asking for a friend. 😉

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2 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Not saying that dieting is wrong, or that IE is the holy grail, only that the ideas are directly contradicting each other. The important thing is that you do you and feel good about it.

 

2 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Not saying that you can't use aspects of IE to inform your eating or even to diet, but they're two very different things.

Gotcha!

 

2 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

What's this career coaching/journaling thing that you're doing? Asking for a friend. 😉

 

Ohhh I need to share this with you, yes. It's in Dutch but I can summarise some stuff for you / see if the founder of the coaching bureau has done stuff in English. Will get back to you on this! 

 

It is not super ground breaking but it has a nice set of questions that have made me think, and that is sometimes all you need right? 

 

The other journalling project I have is the 30 (or 31?) days to self-reliance by the Art of Manliness. It has a journal prompt a day and is mostly based on this essay by the American R.W. Emerson. I have done 16 of the days so far and it has been a fun exercise. Some spark more in me than others. 

 

https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/31-days-greater-self-reliance/

 

You sound like you are pretty self reliant already, though I think some of them might sound fun nonetheless :) If you are looking for some directed journalling ideas.

 

And I guess everyone can use a bit of reflection on outer influences in one form or another lol

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11 hours ago, Aθena said:

 

The other journalling project I have is the 30 (or 31?) days to self-reliance by the Art of Manliness. It has a journal prompt a day and is mostly based on this essay by the American R.W. Emerson. I have done 16 of the days so far and it has been a fun exercise. Some spark more in me than others. 

 

https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/31-days-greater-self-reliance/

 

Oh, I just read the first few and it looks great! I, too, wish for manly self-reliance. 

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