Snarky tries again

[Snarkyfishguts]

 

 

 "But if you can survive mentally tearing yourself apart for decades, you can survive confronting that, in whatever form that takes."

Mark Bradley, Creator of Bugbops

 

 

 

I had posted a challenge last night, and Tank and Deffy pointed out that I was projecting. I had to admit that I wasn't feeling very genuine in my first topic, and I took some time to really assess what I was trying to say. Mark Bradley, creator of Bugbops posted a thread on Twitter about suicide awareness and it really resonated. Not the suicide part, but the depression and how sometimes the way we look at things isn't what's actually happening. Here we see Bumble and Gloomer, and there's also a character named Snug who gets anxious that I also love. You look at this comic, and you can feel the compassion radiating off the page. I love it so much. 

I'm not okay right now. I need to do more in my life, and the idea of actually doing any of it makes me want to cry and go back to bed. I'm sad, it's fogging up my worldview, and I need some time (and glitter) to work through it.

 

For this challenge, my goals are:

1. Keep a throwaway journal. When I was a teenager, I had a journal for keeping, and a journal for throwing away. The journal for keeps was about things that happened that I wanted to remember later, and the throwaway was all the thoughts and feelings and where the real work happened. I usually held onto it for a while just to remind myself, and I could go back and write notes about how I felt looking back and the reality of the situation. And when I was done with it, I'd throw it away and get a new one. I stopped doing this in college, because roommates, and never really picked it back up. I'm going to start again. 
2. Meditate. I sit in this chair and stare out the window, so I can easily set down my laptop, close my eyes and meditate for a while. I think it will be helpful, and the days I can't get through it, I have the Balance app to guide me. 
3. Make the Bed every day. My dad always says that making the bed preserves civilization and prevents its collapse. If he waits until the afternoon, he says "I must go restore civilization as we know it!" and we all know he's going to make the bed.  I love this. I don't make my bed. I find it too much. But if I can make the bed, then civilization will be saved for another day, and we cannot let it collapse because I'm feeling sad. 

 

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

7 minutes ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

I'm not okay right now. I need to do more in my life, and the idea of actually doing any of it makes me want to cry and go back to bed. I'm sad, it's fogging up my worldview, and I need some time (and glitter) to work through it.

Always here for you friend.

8 minutes ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

1. Make the Bed every day. My dad always says that making the bed preserves civilization and prevents its collapse. If he waits until the afternoon, he says "I must go restore civilization as we know it!" and we all know he's going to make the bed.  I love this. I don't make my bed. I find it too much. But if I can make the bed, then civilization will be saved for another day, and we cannot let it collapse because I'm feeling sad. 

 

 

[Aquarii]

1 hour ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

 

 

 

This makes me want to buy some glitter to use every time I am feeling discouraged (...I might need a lot of glitter, lol). 

 

I saw both of your thread iterations, and I can definitely relate to both. I know it can be frustrating when you feel stuck. I am a frequent traveler in the Land of Stuck. Hang in there, Snarky. Even little bits of progress, even development that feels slower than molasses sometimes, is still a part of the journey forward. You got this

 

I love your goals, by the way. I have never heard of a throwaway journal. It is a very interesting idea.

[Snarkyfishguts]

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Always here for you friend.

I really appreciate that, Tank. Your friendship is invaluable.

 

 

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

 

This guy gets it. 

 

52 minutes ago, Aquarii said:

 

This makes me want to buy some glitter to use every time I am feeling discouraged (...I might need a lot of glitter, lol). 

Right? Me too! I was thinking "Y'know. Glitter art could totally be a thing." I'm sure my family will totally appreciate it! 

 

52 minutes ago, Aquarii said:

I saw both of your thread iterations, and I can definitely relate to both. I know it can be frustrating when you feel stuck. I am a frequent traveler in the Land of Stuck. Hang in there, Snarky. Even little bits of progress, even development that feels slower than molasses sometimes, is still a part of the journey forward. You got this

Thanks a bunch! I really appreciate the support. The Land of Stuck really Sucks. I feel like that's their slogan. 

52 minutes ago, Aquarii said:

I love your goals, by the way. I have never heard of a throwaway journal. It is a very interesting idea.

I feel embarrassed by just the emotional process sometimes. sometimes I just have to try out thoughts and ideas and realize, "No, I don't really feel that" or I DO, but I need to just need to get it out.. It kinda helps to think of it as a workbook. Throwing it away when its filled up feels really, really good to me. 

[deftona]

THAT'S BETTER! 

 

This challenge just feels more.... you and I am looking forward to following! I love the idea of the throw away journal - having a place to shove all your thoughts and feelings before you burn them down is just a lovely idea. 

 

Also, your dad is very wise.

[deftona]

3 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

I feel embarrassed by just the emotional process sometimes. sometimes I just have to try out thoughts and ideas and realize, "No, I don't really feel that" or I DO, but I need to just need to get it out.. It kinda helps to think of it as a workbook. Throwing it away when its filled up feels really, really good to me. 

 

Everything you are, everything you think, everything you do and everything you feel is completely and totally ok. Accept yourself in your entirety because we all have good bits and bad bits, and it's all part of the fabric of who we are. There's nothing wrong with any part of you. 

[Teros]

6 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

Keep a throwaway journal.

Hrmmm never heard of this idea.

 

4 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

I feel embarrassed by just the emotional process sometimes. sometimes I just have to try out thoughts and ideas and realize, "No, I don't really feel that" or I DO, but I need to just need to get it out.. It kinda helps to think of it as a workbook. Throwing it away when its filled up feels really, really good to me. 

 

See, I'm curious as to *why* being embarrassed about the process.  I see the 'how the sausage is made' to be important.  A few of my journal entries start off with me arguing with myself.  Shit like, "Really man, you're going to be bitching about this again. why the hell are you bothering?"  But then after a paragraph or so, my brain starts to get on board instead of being a jackass.  As much as we might want to, I don't think it's possible to just omit the grimy parts that make us who we are.

 

There have been many times that I have looked back on things and wish I could re-do stuff, or kick myself in the ass, or wish that something bad never happened to me.  The thing is, as much as I might resent some of that- it's still *me*. 

 

When I talk to a homeless guy in a session and he tells me about his heroin addiction, his time in prison, or the people that he saw die in front of his eyes, I'm able to communicate with him BECAUSE of that dark part of me that I don't like.  All the negative shit:  the fear, depression, self-loathing, feeling I'm not good enough, feeling like I'm a failure, etc - all of that I lump together as my Dark Passenger.  And that Dark Passenger allows me to talk to other's Dark Passengers.  So when someone tells me about their parent making them feel like a failure, or someone telling me that they are all alone - I identify with that.  My Dark Passenger identifies with that.  And because of that shared mutual 'badness', I'm able to build rapport and connect with people and help them move forward.  So as much as I hate the 'bad' of me, I also love it, in a sense. 

 

Hopefully I'm making sense with this; but the point is that you're awesome and you got this but it's a matter of *you* seeing that and I'll give an extra helping of:

 

[Aquarii]

6 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

Right? Me too! I was thinking "Y'know. Glitter art could totally be a thing." I'm sure my family will totally appreciate it! 

 

Can you imagine someone throwing glitter everywhere every time they were frustrated or discouraged? lol, it would be glorious. A nightmare to clean up, but glorious.

 

6 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

I feel embarrassed by just the emotional process sometimes. sometimes I just have to try out thoughts and ideas and realize, "No, I don't really feel that" or I DO, but I need to just need to get it out.. It kinda helps to think of it as a workbook. Throwing it away when its filled up feels really, really good to me. 

 

I think it is an interesting idea because I have always approached journaling from a totally different mindset. In the past, I have told myself "why bother journaling, it isn't like I am going to want to read back over this nonsense later?" But to approach it from the mindset of just getting things out of your head, not for the purpose of reading it later, but for the purpose of just getting.it.out. I feel like that could be interesting. Especially if you could attach a ritual to it, like have a little ceremony and burn it in a firepit when you are done or something XD 

[Snarkyfishguts]

3 hours ago, deftona said:

THAT'S BETTER! 

 

This challenge just feels more.... you and I am looking forward to following! I love the idea of the throw away journal - having a place to shove all your thoughts and feelings before you burn them down is just a lovely idea. 

 

3 hours ago, deftona said:

Also, your dad is very wise.

It feels more like me too.  

 

I have a fire pit in the backyard, and it's totally gonna burn when I'm done writing in it. Although I did this once with a sketchbook full of ugly sketches, and you really need to rip the pages out and burn them or the middle stays protected and you're stuck staring at this weird troll sketch that looks possessed. 

 

My dad is wise. He knows it, though, as wise people tend to know things. 

3 hours ago, deftona said:

 

Everything you are, everything you think, everything you do and everything you feel is completely and totally ok. Accept yourself in your entirety because we all have good bits and bad bits, and it's all part of the fabric of who we are. There's nothing wrong with any part of you. 

I know what you're saying, and I know I would say it to someone else too. But I'm not there yet. That's probably going to be a big part of the challenge. 

 

 

2 hours ago, Teros said:

Hrmmm never heard of this idea.

It's very freeing. 

 

2 hours ago, Teros said:

 

See, I'm curious as to *why* being embarrassed about the process.

 

When you grow up in a codependent household, you're not allowed to have bad days because that brings everyone else down and reflects on your entire family to the outside world. Also, we live in a region where you don't talk about problems. And if you do, you just say "Eh, what are you gonna do? it is what it is, no use complaining about it" 

 

Like, people who say stuff like "I have anxiety and take medication for it" are seen as drama queens.  There is some change happening with this, but not a lot. I have a friend from the south and she's like "I feel like I'm annoying everyone" and she was worried she had offended the waitress (this was pre-covid days) and that the waitress was mad at her. Growing up here, the waitress seemed really charmed by my friend and extra nice to her.  

 

2 hours ago, Teros said:

 

 

So as much as I hate the 'bad' of me, I also love it, in a sense. 

I get this. For me, my past pain has let me become empathetic, and able to at least appreciate, if not understand, someone else's struggle. It's definitely ensured that I will never be the person who says "Just think happy thoughts, and good things will happen!" 

 

 

2 hours ago, Teros said:

 

Hopefully I'm making sense with this; but the point is that you're awesome and you got this but it's a matter of *you* seeing that and I'll give an extra helping of:

 

I appreciate it, buddy. Glitter always helps  

 

 

46 minutes ago, Aquarii said:

 

Can you imagine someone throwing glitter everywhere every time they were frustrated or discouraged? lol, it would be glorious. A nightmare to clean up, but glorious.

YES! That's why I love internet glitter. No mess.  But it would be magical.

46 minutes ago, Aquarii said:

 

I think it is an interesting idea because I have always approached journaling from a totally different mindset. In the past, I have told myself "why bother journaling, it isn't like I am going to want to read back over this nonsense later?" But to approach it from the mindset of just getting things out of your head, not for the purpose of reading it later, but for the purpose of just getting.it.out. I feel like that could be interesting. Especially if you could attach a ritual to it, like have a little ceremony and burn it in a firepit when you are done or something XD 

I TOTALLY HAVE A FIREPIT. 

 

And yeah, I have to get it out or it multiplies and suddenly I have a head full of tribbles making all sorts of trouble and ruckus.   

[Snarkyfishguts]

I made the bed, meditated, and journaled. After making the bed, I cleaned my room, and played Link's Awakening, finally defeating the Face Temple. I really appreciate the supportive messages and word glitter. Y'all make a huge difference in my life, and while I still feel super crappy,  it feels temporary now, and that's because of you. So..Thank you.

 

 

 

[echoesofwonder]

12 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

Keep a throwaway journal. When I was a teenager, I had a journal for keeping, and a journal for throwing away.

Okay,  not the same thing,  but I just threw away a journal that meant a lot to me at the time.  It was super freeing.  
 

I love, love, love the idea of this.

 

I’ll keep following along,  and hey,  maybe I’ll make my bed too! 
 

Also,  this song always gets me going before work.  Seems fitting.  
 

Rise up like glitter. 
 

 

[Terah]

Here to add some more glitter

You know: once you have glitter in your house it's impossible to get rid of it. You'll find pieces of glitter years later. I hope this challenge adds tons of glitter to your house that you can't get rid of ❤️ 

 

20 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

I need to do more in my life, and the idea of actually doing any of it makes me want to cry and go back to bed.

I feel this way sometimes. This mantra from a yoga class I once followed really helped me with this:

[Snarkyfishguts]

10 hours ago, echoesofwonder said:

Okay,  not the same thing,  but I just threw away a journal that meant a lot to me at the time.  It was super freeing.  
 

I love, love, love the idea of this.

 

I’ll keep following along,  and hey,  maybe I’ll make my bed too! 
 

Also,  this song always gets me going before work.  Seems fitting.  
 

Rise up like glitter. 
 

 

“ting ting” is the best part of the song.i found myself waiting for it. 
 

 

3 hours ago, Terah said:

Here to add some more glitter

You know: once you have glitter in your house it's impossible to get rid of it. You'll find pieces of glitter years later. I hope this challenge adds tons of glitter to your house that you can't get rid of ❤️ 

thats a nice image. Thank you!

3 hours ago, Terah said:

 

I feel this way sometimes. This mantra from a yoga class I once followed really helped me with this:

I like this. It reminds me of Stuart Smalley

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

12 hours ago, Terah said:

You know: once you have glitter in your house it's impossible to get rid of it. You'll find pieces of glitter years later. I hope this challenge adds tons of glitter to your house that you can't get rid of ❤️ 

 

[Snarkyfishguts]

3 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

 

OMG but it's so accurate, right? It's like "How are you sparkling right now? Christmas was months ago!"

 

LOL.. I love surprise glitter, I'm not gonna lie. It feels a little magical

[Snarkyfishguts]

 

I bought this journal by Aimee Chase called Present, Not Perfect: A Journal for Slowing Down, Letting Go, and Loving Who You Are

 

And even in the first page, she writes to start with the pages that move the reader, instead of starting from page one. It's this creative, pretty workbook to just let go of "should be" and embracing the flawed self.  I needed the extra help getting started back into journaling. 

 

I really liked this bugbops, because this is exactly what happened when I wrote my first topic for this challenge. Except instead of the last panel, Deffy and Tank were like "NO YOU DON'T" and I got back on track. And then y'all threw glitter everywhere, and you know that glitter IS lucky magic. I just really appreciate it and y'all are awesome. 

 

 

Okay, back to work. Civilization must be preserved.

[Aquarii]

[Snarkyfishguts]

2 hours ago, Aquarii said:

Glitter Kitten! Glitten!

[Aquarii]

25 minutes ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

Glitter Kitten! Glitten!

You cannot go wrong with glitter or kittens XD

[Leigh]

I love glitter, specifically the glitter from the one time my friend used glittery tissue paper in a Christmas gift bag... nine years ago... It is still lingering in our house and at least once a week we find a piece of it stuck to someone's arm, face or leg It makes me smile. I hope it never goes away.

 

Also, with the idea of throwing glitter around when you want to feel better about life and whatnot, may I suggest some colourful bath bombs? It's a nice way to indulge in a little self care and/or me time that is pretty to look at but much easier to clean up.

 

Also bubbles are nearly as much fun as glitter, and less clean up!

 

[Snarkyfishguts]

5 hours ago, Leigh said:

I love glitter, specifically the glitter from the one time my friend used glittery tissue paper in a Christmas gift bag... nine years ago... It is still lingering in our house and at least once a week we find a piece of it stuck to someone's arm, face or leg It makes me smile. I hope it never goes away.

 

Also, with the idea of throwing glitter around when you want to feel better about life and whatnot, may I suggest some colourful bath bombs? It's a nice way to indulge in a little self care and/or me time that is pretty to look at but much easier to clean up.

 

Also bubbles are nearly as much fun as glitter, and less clean up!

 

Bath bombs are an amazing idea...Also, bubbles!

 

Yeah, glitter really isn't practical here, especially having a blind dad who touches everything. Poor man would be totally bedazzled! 

[echoesofwonder]

I had an old roommate send me a card in the mail.  I went to open it,  and saw there were little flecks of glitter on the outside of the envelope.  
 

Never have I opened a card so gingerly,  thank goodness too because he totally glitter bombed me.  I still chuckle about it to this day.  The card never left the envelope... lol.  I peeked inside and read the note.  
 

Everything about what you’re doing is bringing joy to my life.  I’m gonna check out the journal you bought,  because writing prompts never hurt. 

 

Be well,  and ting ting,  glitter on! 

[Emma]

Personally, I think the people who are not struggling with anxiety and depression and stress right now are the ones who need to be institutionalized. 
Glitter on!

I bought some glitter once years ago for a small craft project. Was finding it in the house for yes, a couple of years afterwards. A few months ago I found some of it in the trunk of my car. That glitter never went near my car! What was that about?

[Aquarii]

Your thread is so beautiful and encouraging and peaceful and fun. You really know how to bring out the best in people

[Snarkyfishguts]

 

7 hours ago, echoesofwonder said:

I had an old roommate send me a card in the mail.  I went to open it,  and saw there were little flecks of glitter on the outside of the envelope.  
 

Never have I opened a card so gingerly,  thank goodness too because he totally glitter bombed me.  I still chuckle about it to this day.  The card never left the envelope... lol.  I peeked inside and read the note.  
 

Everything about what you’re doing is bringing joy to my life.  I’m gonna check out the journal you bought,  because writing prompts never hurt. 

 

Be well,  and ting ting,  glitter on! 

 

Thanks a bunch honestly. I laughed so hard at your glitter bomb story. That was pretty Sherlockian to notice the glitter on the outside. You might stilll have glitter in your hair today had you busted it open ! 

 

6 hours ago, Emma said:

Personally, I think the people who are not struggling with anxiety and depression and stress right now are the ones who need to be institutionalized

Glitter on!

I bought some glitter once years ago for a small craft project. Was finding it in the house for yes, a couple of years afterwards. A few months ago I found some of it in the trunk of my car. That glitter never went near my car! What was that about?

 

Omg you are so right about the way it is normal to feel like this in these abnormal times.  That made me feel a lot better! Thank you! 
 

the glitter is like Tribbles, you think you got all of it, but then....chaos. You’re gonna make up covered in glitter one day. 😂

 

1 hour ago, Aquarii said:

Your thread is so beautiful and encouraging and peaceful and fun. You really know how to bring out the best in people

Aw man, this made my grinchy heart grow three sizes. Thank you. 💚💚💚

 

 

 

 

 

Y’all are the Bumble to my Snug. I’ll update soon.