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Novaurora

Nova needs to be here, even if she's not sure what she's doing

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4 minutes ago, Maigs said:

I do feel bad for parents trying to cope with the kids being at home, whether they are STAHP, WFH, or WOotH

I'm definitely aware that parents are under a ton of stress.  I am VERY glad I'm only a dog mom right now.  I'm not trying to say they haven't sacrificed because they have.  It just seems like the current attitude is more about parents getting what they want, teachers be damned, instead of making decisions based on facts and health info.

 

I want the kids back when it is both safe for US and them to be there.  I miss my job the way it is, but it's not worth ending up in the hospital over!

 

 

 

 

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On 9/19/2020 at 11:54 AM, Salinger said:

Hope you are having a nice Saturday xx

Things are going pretty well.  School is clipping along.  Been pretty busy lately!

 

On 9/20/2020 at 4:43 AM, iatetheyeti said:

Just dropping by to see how things are going for you :)

 

Thanks for this.  I really need to commit to regular updates.  If I don't schedule things into my life, they don't appear to happen.

 

So, I suppose I should give out my totals for last week before I do anything

 

Meds: 4/7 (I'm struggling to build them into my routine because I can't just do it first thing in the morning because I have to eat.  I missed today as well because I didn't have time to eat breakfast and I got to work and got busy.  I just need to set an alarm on my phone for it for a bit)

 

Move: 1/3 (I have been really spoiled not getting up early, and my body is not wanting to get up before 6:45.  The 1 day was purely accidental.  In the great room swap I ended up moving about 20 boxes full of yearbooks and a bunch of desks for about 30 minutes, so I counted it.  Now that it's cooker in the evening I may get out after school more.

 

Vacuum: 3/3: VICTORY!!!

 

Get up early: 0/3: So, I am amending this to 6:30 for this week, and will move it back 15 minutes each week.  I want to start doing yoga again, and 6:30 gives me the 15 minutes I need.

 

30 minutes of Spanish: 3/3: Woop woop!!

 

This week so far:

Meds: 1/7

Move 1/3

Vacuum 1/3

Get up early 1/5

30 min Spanish: 0/3

 

I did get out and actually exercise today.  I took a 4 mile walk (around the same lake I bike around) with a friend who just wanted to catch up.  It was nice.

 

Our school system (and state) changed their minds again.  The state now says k-5 can go back fully, and out county decided instead of a 3 week rotation of kids that they wanted to do a rotating M/T group and Th/F group with Wednesday being a remote day for all.  I'm just rolling with it at this point because I cannot handle anymore negativity.

 

I'm enjoying setting up my room, but COVID does present challenges...like how to seat 18 kids 6 feet apart from each other while still having 36 desks in the room and not being allowed to cram the leftover desks anywhere that looks untidy (where are my physics experts...help a girl out).  It's a jigsaw puzzle with way too many pieces.  I also learned I will be sharing my room with whoever the new hire is, and I'm fine with it because I've had roommates for so long that I got used to it.  At least no more floating!!

 

IMG_20200921_144723.thumb.jpg.b4418212a0be10fa3f916d6f01c1a1d1.jpg

 

There's Cartlos living his best life as the command center of room 227.

 

I'm also going to give up facebook until the election.  I am getting WAAAAAAY too emotionally invested in politics and (worst of all) comments of local news sites about all the school drama.  I'm eventually going to go off on someone local and get fired, so I need a break.  I cannot change or control anything except by voting and donating for the candidates I like, and being the best teacher I can be, and I don't need facebook for that.  Reddit may have to go too, but we will see.  The local news has been the bigger trap lately.

 

That's really all I have from here.  Have a great night everyone!!

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27 minutes ago, Novaurora said:

There's Cartlos living his best life as the command center of room 227.

 

Yay Cartlos! I hear you on Facebook, I got way too caught up in it this weekend with all the news and election posts, so I'm not even logging in this week. I'm sorry the school schedule (and desk spacing) is still rocky. Hopefully everything will get sorted soon. *hugs* Hope you have a good week. :) 

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6 hours ago, Novaurora said:

Thanks for this.  I really need to commit to regular updates.  If I don't schedule things into my life, they don't appear to happen.

 

No worries, I'll always be around to provide a nudge or two or five :D

 

I hear you on the FB thing, it's a whole ball of stress right now, and I can only imagine what it must be like at this particular time (even I get things about the election showing up on my timeline, and I'm 3000+ miles away from the centre of drama! It can only be worse being right there...). Best it goes for now, I reckon.

 

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I had to get off Facebook too, ages ago...I hope you find it gives you some extra emotional bandwidth :) 

 

I highly recommend phone alarms for medications....I also have additional rules such as, the only valid time to mark the reminder as complete is immediately after taking the pill, if I grab the pill and realize I'm out of water I can either put it in my mouth anyway or set it somewhere super visible (on my keyboard) while I go get water...one time I dropped it into my backpack right as a call was starting so I set a reminder to look for it after the call was over...

 

Great job on the Spanish and vacuuming!

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Nicely done. I, too, hear you on avoiding news and social media. I've been doing that for a while and I think it has kept me mostly sane.

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On 9/22/2020 at 10:07 PM, Jupiter said:

 

Yay Cartlos! I hear you on Facebook, I got way too caught up in it this weekend with all the news and election posts, so I'm not even logging in this week. I'm sorry the school schedule (and desk spacing) is still rocky. Hopefully everything will get sorted soon. *hugs* Hope you have a good week. :) 

Thanks.  I'm 2 days off of facebook and taking the app off my phone was one of the better decisions of my week.  No regrets

 

On 9/23/2020 at 4:26 AM, iatetheyeti said:

(even I get things about the election showing up on my timeline, and I'm 3000+ miles away from the centre of drama! It can only be worse being right there...).

I apologize. Welcome to the shitshow.

 

On 9/24/2020 at 1:19 AM, foxinthenorth said:

I highly recommend phone alarms for medications....I also have additional rules such as, the only valid time to mark the reminder as complete is immediately after taking the pill, if I grab the pill and realize I'm out of water I can either put it in my mouth anyway or set it somewhere super visible (on my keyboard) while I go get water...one time I dropped it into my backpack right as a call was starting so I set a reminder to look for it after the call was over...

When I woulf take them at night I was pretty good at it.  I always took it at 8...but I'm notoriously not a breakfast person, so eating breakfast is as much a habit I need to build as taking my meds in the morning.  I have a bad habit of ignoring reminders (phone on silent and put away most of the day).  I need a med alarm like one of those alarm clocks with wheels that would run around your floor until you got out of bed.

 

On 9/24/2020 at 2:08 PM, GoodDoug said:

Nicely done. I, too, hear you on avoiding news and social media. I've been doing that for a while and I think it has kept me mostly sane.

I'm liking it so far.  So much less stress not worrying about local politics.

 

On 9/24/2020 at 4:25 PM, Elastigirl said:

So Carlos now has a permenant home and isn't roving the halls? That's sweet. You are doing great. 

He is very happy in his new prominent position in the front of the room.  Neither of us really wanted to roam the halls again this year.  Too much weirdness with COVID and shit.

 

So, today was weird.  I have really been struggling this semester in terms of whether I want to stay a teacher or not.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy working with my students and I enjoy teaching, HOWEVER, ever since virtual learning started, a few things have happened and some thoughts have swirled in my head.

  • I have way more time because I'm not grading and planning as much due to curriculum being provided
    • This means I have time for hubs, self care, friends, etc
    • My mental health and relationship are in the best place they have been in 6 years
  • 40 of my students are failing (my record before this was like 13 in a semester) because of just not doing their work
    • This is super disheartening and only furthers my fears about being caught in a system where my whole job is spoon feeding kids pointless things and not being able to encourage inquiry or higher level thinking
    • There is also no accountability for the kids.  They know regardless what score they earn first 9 weeks, they will get a 50 so they have a "chance to pass" (yet I'm held to very high standards)
  • There is no real upward mobility in these jobs and I will never make a bigger difference than I do now (which isn't a lot at all) or create positive change

I got REALLY stuck in my head today wondering why I'm spending my time in a system that disappoints me and ultimately consumes my life with stress and responsibilities (it's time again for my biannual career crisis where I decide I hate teaching, look at a bunch of jobs and never act on any of them, but I'm as close as I've ever been right now).  On top of those thoughts, one of our co workers was found dead in her home this morning (not COVID related).  I only kind of knew her, but she was really nice and was my age.  We don't have any details, just that she's gone.  A few of us finished up the day working together in my room because we didn't want to be alone.

 

So yeah, today was weird and I'm ready for a weekend.  

 

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On 9/25/2020 at 10:05 PM, Jupiter said:

Aw man, that sucks. I'm sorry. :( *hugs*

 

On 9/26/2020 at 1:39 AM, foxinthenorth said:

Oof, that’s tough. I hope you find some peace this weekend. 

Thanks guys!  These feelings are pretty cyclical which is the part that worries me, and I just wonder if I will ever really be happy doing what I'm doing, or if I'll always be wondering, "what if?" Especially now that I'm seeing what life is like when I'm not constantly buried by work.  

 

On 9/26/2020 at 3:29 AM, deftona said:

I'm really sorry Nova. Devote your weekend to self care as much as you can ❤️ 

 

On 9/26/2020 at 4:50 AM, Salinger said:

Bloody hell Nova. This sounds so tough. Please take care of yourself as much as possible this weekend. Will be thinking of you xx

 

On 9/26/2020 at 4:45 AM, iatetheyeti said:

That's rough, it really is. I wish I could give you advice or offer a way to help. Just make sure you take care of yourself this weekend.

 

Thanks guys.  I appreciate you looking out for my (newly stabilized) mental space. So, I spent a lot of time  yesterday thinking about what self care looks like to me, and how I can create a shifted mental space that combats my feeling of  "not good enough" and "what you do doesn't matter."  I went back through The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck again, and also revisited my challenge where I read that book, and found these two take-aways.  They were good realizations at the time, but I wasn't really ready for them then, though I think I am now.

 

1. AVERAGE IS OKAY, and also totally normal, as long as I am always working to improve

2. You always get to choose the metric by which to measure your experiences.

 

I'm going to focus on ways to make these two ideas the centerpiece of my mental space because I think they will keep me grounded.  I always want to go big and more and over the top, and for years I think I have put a lot of these feelings and pressures on my career because (unlike my relationship) it was something I controlled entirely.  I need to divorce myself from this Idea of becoming the perfect teacher that is always innovating and pushing boundaries, and be content with being a GOOD teacher  that sometimes does those things, and does them well, but does not hang her self worth on them.  I need to shift so that my life outside of work is the thing that really matters and is the place where I am pushing boundaries and focusing my excitement.  I need to be pumped (instead of begrudgingly accept) that I'm a 31 year old married woman with three dogs and a "normal" job because I can do whatever I want with this life. 

 

9 hours ago, Rurik Harrgath said:

I hope you're successfully recharging this weekend, or at the very least processing those #feels and working through them.

 

All the Ranger hugs!

Welcome to  the party and thanks for your support!  Feel free to ask for tl;drs and follow the bolding for the highlights.  I have a terrifying verbosity that knows no bounds, but I'm very aware of it. ;) 

 

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A 31 year old, cool, beautiful, kind woman, married with three excellent dogs, and a fucking great job teaching the minds of our future. Yeah, mate, i think you are doing ok :D 

 

I will take some of your advice to yourself, for me, if thats alright! I always feel i need to be the BEST artist ever, experimenting, creating and pushing myself every single day. 

Its ok to chill out, to fail sometimes, to start again with projects, to see my friends... to stop for a moment and take note of my accomplishments so far. 

 

Love you Nova xx

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2 hours ago, Novaurora said:

1. AVERAGE IS OKAY, and also totally normal, as long as I am always working to improve

2. You always get to choose the metric by which to measure your experiences.

 

Yes. Exactly this.

 

2 hours ago, Novaurora said:

I need to be pumped (instead of begrudgingly accept) that I'm a 31 year old married woman with three dogs and a "normal" job because I can do whatever I want with this life. 

 

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

A 31 year old, cool, beautiful, kind woman, married with three excellent dogs, and a fucking great job teaching the minds of our future. Yeah, mate, i think you are doing ok :D 

 

What she said!

 

And you're right. A lot of us focus on how to be the best, and it takes away our focus on being actually good at what we do. Focus on the good, take little steps forwards, and you'll get to great eventually.

 

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On 9/16/2020 at 4:54 PM, Novaurora said:

But, on a MAJOR plus side, I FINALLY GOT A CLASSROOM!!!!  One of the teachers in my department resigned because she got a new job, and I was told today that her room was mine!!

 

But don't worry all you Cartlos fans, he will still be good old Cartlos, my handy sidekick, but he gets to retire to a stationary existence, and I'll tell you that he is quite happy as well.

 

WOW! I know all kinds of difficult things are going on right now, but I'm happy Cartlos has a forever home (at least for a while).

 

On 9/22/2020 at 9:35 PM, Novaurora said:

I'm also going to give up facebook until the election.  I am getting WAAAAAAY too emotionally invested in politics and (worst of all) comments of local news sites about all the school drama. 

 

I was getting very worked up about FB the other day, and just realized it was because I recently resumed seeing posts from a couple of my more opinionated/vocal friends/acquaintances. At the very least, they are going back on snooze for a while. 

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14 hours ago, Novaurora said:

Welcome to  the party and thanks for your support!  Feel free to ask for tl;drs and follow the bolding for the highlights.  I have a terrifying verbosity that knows no bounds, but I'm very aware of it. ;)

 

Believe me when I say this, but you've come to the right place. ;) hahaha

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I like that you are really examining your current situation with a very wise lens. It sounds like you are becoming clear on what you want, if not exactly how to get it. But that is the most important step.

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On 9/27/2020 at 10:04 AM, Salinger said:

A 31 year old, cool, beautiful, kind woman, married with three excellent dogs, and a fucking great job teaching the minds of our future. Yeah, mate, i think you are doing ok :D 

Thanks Sal :)  It's always nice to have the reminder.  I'm doing my best.  

 

On 9/27/2020 at 11:34 AM, iatetheyeti said:

And you're right. A lot of us focus on how to be the best, and it takes away our focus on being actually good at what we do. Focus on the good, take little steps forwards, and you'll get to great eventually.

Thanks.  The little steps is a hard concept for me.  I have a hard time getting over that my mental health really stunted my ability to improve for so long, and I really wonder what could have happened if I had gotten the help I got 4 years ago in my early 20s.

 

On 9/27/2020 at 6:09 PM, Xena said:

WOW! I know all kinds of difficult things are going on right now, but I'm happy Cartlos has a forever home (at least for a while).

That is the bright side to all of this.  At least I have my own space.  I will have to share the room with whoever they hire (which is fine, I'm actually kinda lonely) but I get to teach in the room the whole day :) 

 

On 9/27/2020 at 9:49 PM, Rurik Harrgath said:

Believe me when I say this, but you've come to the right place. ;) hahaha

Oh I know it.  Rangers are my people.

 

On 9/28/2020 at 2:24 PM, GoodDoug said:

I like that you are really examining your current situation with a very wise lens. It sounds like you are becoming clear on what you want, if not exactly how to get it. But that is the most important step.

Thanks.  I have been trying to do less "I suck, everything sucks" and more "how can I turn this situation in my favor"

 

8 hours ago, Maigs said:

I'm bad with words, but I offer long-distance-COVID-friendly hugs

Thank you!!!  Always appreciated!!

 

The last few days have been busy, but the headspace was better.  I did have a pretty serious cheating scandal in one of my classes, but decided to use it as a teaching moment (there were still consequences, but it was more about making them pee their pants with fear about future consequences than it was about punishment).  They had to retake a series of quizzes and complete a plagiarism research project to avoid being reported to academic clubs.  One parent tried to go to an AP about it, but it was a standard copy/paste from the internet kind of thing, so I don't know what they thought it would accomplish.  I sent screenshots and hopefully it would be handled soon.

 

I'm still really struggling with getting up in the mornings, which is funny because I used to be a person who was up and in the gym at 5am...and now I'm in bed til 7 because of the virtual schedule (I have planning from 8-10, so I don't have to get to school early).  But that schedule ends in 2 weeks, soooo, I really need to start getting up early again.  I just can't get excited about any kind of exercise and I don't know why.  Someone challenge me to something lol.  I don't care what it is.  I have access to a squat rack,  bench, bar, and a bunch of weights (and am proficient in stronglifts 5x5 lifts, but am not married to that program...just don't ask me to throw the bar...I'm scared), ten pound dumb bells, and a bike.  I also like yoga and any cardio that isn't running.  I'm not pick,y but not excited about anything.  I have between 30 min to an hour every morning.  I feel like exterior motivation is really what I need now.  HALP!!!

 

I'm still doing a really good job separating work and home, but that will probably end when plan B starts as my workload will increase.  We are learning about our new "hybrid" teaching style tomorrow, so I guess we will see how that will work.  All I know is they expect me to teach "live" with a headset on to kids in my room and at home at the same time.  Does that make me a movie star?  ha.  They hosted a "town hall" yesterday to answer our questions, but, SHOCKINGLY, their answers were less than satisfactory.  Hopefully when the publish the FAQ of all the questions they "didn't have time for" we will get more clarification.

 

I'm also doing a good job with my Spanish.  Vacuuming needs to happen again, and I missed my meds today, so goals are hit and miss (mostly miss, but I still have time to improve).

 

Meds: 1/7

Move: 0/3

Vacuuming: 0/3

Spanish: 1/3

Wake up early: 0/5

 

 

 

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2 hours ago, Novaurora said:

One parent tried to go to an AP about it, but it was a standard copy/paste from the internet kind of thing, so I don't know what they thought it would accomplish.  I sent screenshots and hopefully it would be handled soon.

If anything the AP will say you were too lenient and force the child to accept more harsh consequences.

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