Jump to content

Countess D'If Doesn't Try This Time, Either


Countess D'If

Recommended Posts

I began the last challenge in a REAL bad place. I was a massive wreck and I needed a ridiculously simple challenge. So I set out to (1) take my vitamins every night and (2) report on any negative self talk here. After the initial meltdown, I didn't really have any brain attacks to report (I did have a massive pity party on Friday because I had to finish some Continuing Legal Education that I signed up for back when I was still in family law, so I had a rush of regret and sadness that I've been kicked out of an entire practice area. Please note, I haven't been kicked out of an entire practice area, I just got fired and landed a job in disability advocacy. That's not exactly the same thing. In fact, it's not the same thing at all. My brain is just real real mean), and I did a surprisingly bang up job taking my pills:

EACF0504-BC9E-4083-A68C-2619F1B24A3A.jpeg 14A5EC0A-F79A-4A9C-BD65-B445158B4BA3.jpeg

 

I started tracking tooth brushing and I couldn't tell you why I stopped. I'm going to assume it was because I just stopped? Because I DO that. But I took my pills 30 out of 35 days of that challenge. Yay me! That's 85.71%. That's a solid B. I'm really proud of myself for finishing that. Which is what I really wanted. I just wanted to FINISH and be proud of myself. And I did. Yay!

 

 

This challenge is going to be more of the same. I am going to take my pills at night (someone please remind me to get more Women's One-A-Day, because I ran out and I keep forgetting to pick it up at the store) and I'm going to add one goal onto that. Much like last time when I was going to have as my challenge "Go to Work 5 times per week" I was going have this challenge be "Go to Spinning 5 times a week." But I'm going to do both of those things anyways. SO this challenge is: 

 

  • Take pills every night;
  • Report negative thoughts here; and 
  • Walk at lunch!

 

I can do that now that California not spewing smoke at Northern Nevada. The weather is beyond gorgeous and I want to go for walks. I have an underlying goal with this walking plan - I want to restart couch to 5k. I figure it might be feasible for the next challenge. Also, there's a side hustle - Plank Challenge to best @Teros once and for all!!!!! I've been crap at this and I keep thinking I'll get back to it. And really, it's the thought that counts.

  • Like 10
Link to comment
7 minutes ago, Tateman said:

Yes, the weather is great here. Getting myself back out there walking too. At least the plan is to do it. And a Plank challenge? tell me more ;) 

Ok, so as we all know, Teros is a BAMF. We were chatting about bench pressing heavy things and he was telling me what his progress was. I said something snotty and self loathing like "Double that and you can bench me!" And he's not here for that kind of BS so he said, "OK. When I can bench 250 lbs, we'll meet up and I'll lift you and it will be epic." Then, after some consideration, Teros decided that I need to be able to hold one hell of a plank to accomplish this. SO I'm supposed to be working on that. But I'm being a weenie (read, had a super crummy life development) and I haven't. But I need to. Because you know he's getting closer and closer. So I need to hold up my end of the deal. 

  • Like 8
Link to comment
20 minutes ago, Countess D'If said:

Ok, so as we all know, Teros is a BAMF. We were chatting about bench pressing heavy things and he was telling me what his progress was. I said something snotty and self loathing like "Double that and you can bench me!" And he's not here for that kind of BS so he said, "OK. When I can bench 250 lbs, we'll meet up and I'll lift you and it will be epic." Then, after some consideration, Teros decided that I need to be able to hold one hell of a plank to accomplish this. SO I'm supposed to be working on that. But I'm being a weenie (read, had a super crummy life development) and I haven't. But I need to. Because you know he's getting closer and closer. So I need to hold up my end of the deal. 

Nice. Planks can be pretty damn tough. Even in my best times I don't know that I could do a super epic one. :)

  • Like 2
Link to comment
22 hours ago, Countess D'If said:

Also, there's a side hustle - Plank Challenge to best @Teros once and for all!!!!! I've been crap at this and I keep thinking I'll get back to it. And really, it's the thought that counts.

 

Coming For You GIFs | Tenor

Glad to see and thanks for texting me so I know you didn't get sucked into a wormhole or anything.

 

WE GOT THIS

  • Like 3
Link to comment
23 hours ago, Countess D'If said:

I started tracking tooth brushing and I couldn't tell you why I stopped. I'm going to assume it was because I just stopped? Because I DO that. But I took my pills 30 out of 35 days of that challenge. Yay me! That's 85.71%. That's a solid B. I'm really proud of myself for finishing that. Which is what I really wanted. I just wanted to FINISH and be proud of myself. And I did. Yay!

I do this too. I start tracking something for a couple of days/weeks and then suddenly I stop. Usually either because it is now habit so I don't need to track it to know I got it done, or I got distracted by something shiny, or I found a shiny new way of tracking things.

 

Like exercises, first I was tracking every detail in my diary, then I started tracking times and speed in my blog, then I jumped over to these forums and just started summarising. 

 

Well done on taking your tablets most days! I usually manage 6/7 days and my 7th (if remembered) is always late.

Link to comment
On 10/19/2020 at 2:25 PM, Countess D'If said:

I started tracking tooth brushing and I couldn't tell you why I stopped. I'm going to assume it was because I just stopped? Because I DO that. But I took my pills 30 out of 35 days of that challenge. Yay me! That's 85.71%. That's a solid B. I'm really proud of myself for finishing that. Which is what I really wanted. I just wanted to FINISH and be proud of myself. And I did. Yay!

 

Woohoo!  Awesome job.  It is ridiculous how good it feels to do one simple thing sometimes. 

 

Did you get more Women's One-a-Day yet?

 

This bench press/ plank epic greatness sounds ah-maze-ing. 

Link to comment
On 10/19/2020 at 6:27 PM, Countess D'If said:

Ok, so as we all know, Teros is a BAMF. We were chatting about bench pressing heavy things and he was telling me what his progress was. I said something snotty and self loathing like "Double that and you can bench me!" And he's not here for that kind of BS so he said, "OK. When I can bench 250 lbs, we'll meet up and I'll lift you and it will be epic." Then, after some consideration, Teros decided that I need to be able to hold one hell of a plank to accomplish this. SO I'm supposed to be working on that. But I'm being a weenie (read, had a super crummy life development) and I haven't. But I need to. Because you know he's getting closer and closer. So I need to hold up my end of the deal. 

 

Now I feel like I missed an opportunity to be benched. 

 

Really glad you have a new challenge up. 

Link to comment

Hugs! Can you get temp cards from the company's website or pull them up on an app? My last two insurance companies had one or both of those options.

  • Like 2

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment
1 hour ago, fleaball said:

Hugs! Can you get temp cards from the company's website or pull them up on an app? My last two insurance companies had one or both of those options.

I'm not sure what's going on with the cards. I have a couple of calls and try to get some information.

 

I watched some dancing with the stars to distract myself. It is extremely distracting

  • Like 4
Link to comment

Hi Countess,

 

Sorry the depression is being a pain. Really hoping that you're able to make headway on the insurance cards so you can get in to see your doctor.

  • Like 1

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time, and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Whisper Game Mode Easy

Spoiler

 

Link to comment

Suggestion: Write those thoughts down and burn the paper with fiery protest: how dare you, thoughts, try to bring me down?! BATTLE CRYYYYY

 

No? I know, it does not (always) work for me without additional help when I have gotten in a deep pit either. Also sending hug energy your way. 

  • Like 1

Level ☆ human [uncategorizable]
STR 2 | DEX 3 | CON 3 | STA 3 | WIS 6 | CHA 6

Link to comment

Unruly neurochemistry is the worst, and it can get to its most annoying when you're not sure if it's you or your brain that threw everything sideways. Still, you've cultivated a great skill in being able to step back from yourself, it doesn't always calm the sea, but it helps to know that you're more than the storms that come and go inside.

 

One thing to remember about seeking shelter, taking down time, is that it's not about quitting  not about giving up. It's about recovery, about regrouping. Even if you've had to just toss things to one side and run away and hide for a while, don't let anything tell you it's because you can't handle it. Once you've got your safety zone, that's your sanctum, that's the foundation you build on. It might be some of your favourite music while you work out, or it might be a 3 hour TV binge after a long day, it might even be a literal blanket fort, but whatever works. That's the stronghold where you plan your comeback. Step by step, stone by stone.

  • Like 3

Connor "Qeidren" Murphy, Aspiring Sky Pirate

St: (4) Pe: (7) En: (4) Ch: (3) In: (7) Ag: (5) Lu: (3)

Bonus Points: 53(53)

Link to comment
23 hours ago, Jupiter said:

*hugs*

Thank you! I appreciate internet hugs so much these days!

 

20 hours ago, Whisper said:

Hi Countess,

Sorry the depression is being a pain. Really hoping that you're able to make headway on the insurance cards so you can get in to see your doctor.

Thanks! I am a long time owner of seasonal affective disorder. I've been trying to get a refund, but no one will take it back. 10/10 do not want. I think I've sorted the insurance info and I should see my cards this week. Either way, I'm going to my primary care doc on the 2nd. 

 

11 hours ago, Aθena said:

Suggestion: Write those thoughts down and burn the paper with fiery protest: how dare you, thoughts, try to bring me down?! BATTLE CRYYYYY

No? I know, it does not (always) work for me without additional help when I have gotten in a deep pit either. Also sending hug energy your way. 

Absolutely yes! I would usually write them here, but they were so so so so so so so stupid. The kind of stupid that you only get with depression : nobody loves you, you don't deserve to be an attorney; you're so dumb. It's kind of like Kaa, but then it oversteps

source.gif?ssl=1

You're all like Yeah, I DO suck and no one loves me and I'm dumb and I don't deserve to be an attorney. Wait, what? Um, excuse me - I worked my ass off to be an attorney so. . . what the fuck? Who is this? Oh, it's Depression. Fuck.

844fde3e893ffeff4c4a7feaa0a34311.gif

 

10 hours ago, Qeidren said:

Unruly neurochemistry is the worst, and it can get to its most annoying when you're not sure if it's you or your brain that threw everything sideways. Still, you've cultivated a great skill in being able to step back from yourself, it doesn't always calm the sea, but it helps to know that you're more than the storms that come and go inside.

 

One thing to remember about seeking shelter, taking down time, is that it's not about quitting  not about giving up. It's about recovery, about regrouping. Even if you've had to just toss things to one side and run away and hide for a while, don't let anything tell you it's because you can't handle it. Once you've got your safety zone, that's your sanctum, that's the foundation you build on. It might be some of your favourite music while you work out, or it might be a 3 hour TV binge after a long day, it might even be a literal blanket fort, but whatever works. That's the stronghold where you plan your comeback. Step by step, stone by stone.

Yep. That was me all weekend. Just a puddle of moosh in a pile of blankets. Bring on the SSRIs ASAP!!! Stupid lazy neurotransmitters.

tenor.gif?itemid=5723045

 

 

 

Last Thursday my knee started to hurt during spinning. Not the "I'm out of shape and my muscles are sore" kind of hurt, but the "get off this bike something is super wrong" kind. I didn't walk on Thursday and I Friday off from physical activities altogether. I went back to spinning this morning. It was 10°F and I thought I was going to pass out between the car and the door. The class went well: no pain, no heat. I'm trying to decide if I want to go tomorrow or do a day-on-day-off this week. I booked the bike, and I'll probably go if my knee doesn't try anything. I accidentally worked through lunch, so I didn't go walkies. Maybe I'll walk around the office park after my 2:00? 

Vitamins fell by the wayside as I didn't get out of bed all weekend. YAY! I did take them last night so good for me!

  • Like 6
Link to comment

I absolutely hate when my brain does that stuff to me too. Lots of stuff that are so bad to think about yourself. The last time I was coming out of something similar, I started to have some really nasty thoughts. Right after I thought that though, I immediately thought "Ok, you are just trying to be mean now, not it off" haha.

 

Hopefully, no more knee flare ups. Maybe you could pull off the walk this afternoon. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
1 hour ago, Tateman said:

I absolutely hate when my brain does that stuff to me too. Lots of stuff that are so bad to think about yourself. The last time I was coming out of something similar, I started to have some really nasty thoughts. Right after I thought that though, I immediately thought "Ok, you are just trying to be mean now, not it off" haha.

 

Hopefully, no more knee flare ups. Maybe you could pull off the walk this afternoon. 

I went for a quick walk around my office. We have an inner courtyard that has a forest and a river in it. Not kidding :

1865-1895-Plumas-St-Reno-NV-Building-Photo-8-LargeHighDefinition.jpg

 

And I got good news! The Marine is taking Midget Mayhem and The 17-Year Old™ to the movies to continue their horror movie-a-thon with Nightmare on Elm Street. So I get the house to myself tonight. WHAT?

  • Like 6
Link to comment
1 hour ago, Countess D'If said:

I went for a quick walk around my office. We have an inner courtyard that has a forest and a river in it. Not kidding :

1865-1895-Plumas-St-Reno-NV-Building-Photo-8-LargeHighDefinition.jpg

 

That is a beautiful place to walk.

 

 

Put together enough small wins over a long enough period of time, and you’ll find yourself in high level gear fighting dragons before you know it.

Whisper Game Mode Easy

Spoiler

 

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Countess D'If said:

I went for a quick walk around my office. We have an inner courtyard that has a forest and a river in it. Not kidding :

1865-1895-Plumas-St-Reno-NV-Building-Photo-8-LargeHighDefinition.jpg

 

And I got good news! The Marine is taking Midget Mayhem and The 17-Year Old™ to the movies to continue their horror movie-a-thon with Nightmare on Elm Street. So I get the house to myself tonight. WHAT?

 

Wow, so pretty! Enjoy your night! :) 

Link to comment

I'm hella jealous of your courtyard!

 

Have you ever tried a light lamp thing for your SAD? The actual name of it escapes me rn. I asked my therapist about them and she said a lot of her clients rave about the Verilux brand. I'm waiting until my stupid job starts to get one.

  • Like 1

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

I haven't been doing so hot this week. I skipped walkies all together yesterday and my calorie intake has been WAY too high. I refused to get out of bed and go to class this morning and I am all together feeling like crap. So that's super fun. I am SO so tired all the time. I'm wondering if the SSRIs will help with that, because I'm about 97% sure it's psychosomatic?

Still doing good on the vitamins at night.

 

Edit: I went for a walk. It was nice.

  • Like 6
Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

New here? Please check out our Privacy Policy and Community Guidelines