KB Girl - Story Time

[KB Girl]

On 11/8/2020 at 8:45 PM, @mu said:

 

I love this. It's beautiful.

 

Backtracking quite a bit, I found the story about your client interesting, the bit where she might or might not be projecting on her husband. If you ever get to know, I'd be curious to know too.

 

That's pretty neat

Will do! I might never find out though.. 

 

On 11/10/2020 at 3:38 PM, sylph said:

Queens Gambit! Hubs and I binged that in about two days. What do you think about it so far?

Ahh if only we didn't have children.. it's very binge worthy! I love it. Watched three episodes so far, and I'm itching for watching the next. 

[KB Girl]

Monday

Meh day. Mondays are often difficult, I just don't do very well on my own these days. But I did a lot of laundry. Went to bed with the kids, so no story time. 

 

Tuesday

Started quite well, was at the gym, did work, then lifted weights. 

• curtsy lunge + strict press with 10kg KB, 5x5/5
• some paused goblet squats, pull-up negatives, assisted dips
• pushups 5x5 (height 6.3, another PR) 
• deadlifts 5x3x75kg, 8x55kg

Then got a call from my dad that my grandpa died. We had seen it coming, he'd been fighting covid and things were looking bleak since last Friday.. and.. well.. I'm sad about the current circumstances that prevented us from seeing him and which meant that he was alone most of the time.. and I'm sad about the past half year, wish he didn't have to live through that.. I think my grandpa would say he's relieved though, I think he would have preferred to go 2 years ago when he had a stroke that put him in a wheelchair... 

Difficult situation now with arranging the funeral with all the restrictions AND the fact that my dad and uncles and aunts (and grandma!) were exposed to the virus and we'll be seeing them.. which.. well, it's worrying.

Had to be at work for a bit in the evening, but gave myself permission to not do anything else productive. 

 

Wednesday

Lots of working from home, had to write a lot of programs and had two hour long phone calls. Also had a nap with the baby. Spend the evening at the gym, which was actually quite nice, mind being busy. Was pretty sore from the day before, so only did a 10 minute snatch set with the 8kg. Approximately 95 reps each arm.

I still really don't want to do story time, so I think I'll excuse myself again and just go to bed. 

[Mike Wazowski]

I'm sorry for your loss - wishing you and your extended family all the best as you figure out the details of the arrangements.

[Scaly Freak]

I'm sorry about your grandfather, and the funeral circumstances are probably not making things any easier. I hope you're able to stay safe with everything that is going on. 

[Elastigirl]

I'm sorry about your grandpa. Glad you were able to have some good time at the gym.Sometimes a good workout is  just the mental and physical break we need

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

It's never easy to lose a loved one, and it's particularly unfair to lose one in times like these when funerals and family support are complicated by a pandemic. Hugs friend.

[sylph]

So sorry to hear about your grandpa. I hope things can get sorted out smoothly despite pandemic stuff

[Ann of Owlshire]

So sorry to hear about your grandpa.  

[@mu]

It's hard to read this Big hugs ❤️

[Sloth the Enduring]

I’m so sorry KBGirl.

[h3r0]

I'm so sorry to hear that. ☹️

[WhiteGhost]

So sorry to hear about your grandpa, especially in these circumstances.  Virtual hugs inbound.

[KB Girl]

On 11/12/2020 at 1:17 AM, Mike Wazowski said:

I'm sorry for your loss - wishing you and your extended family all the best as you figure out the details of the arrangements.

Thank you! It's my dad's generation that are making all of the arrangements, all I have to do is decide what I'm comfortable with, luckily. And probably say a few things at the funeral. 

 

On 11/12/2020 at 1:25 AM, Scaly Freak said:

I'm sorry about your grandfather, and the funeral circumstances are probably not making things any easier. I hope you're able to stay safe with everything that is going on. 

Thank you! They're really not.. it's also really hard under the circumstances to be smart. My sister was hugging people yesterday and not everybody was wearing masks and.. well, it's hard. 

 

On 11/12/2020 at 1:45 AM, Elastigirl said:

I'm sorry about your grandpa. Glad you were able to have some good time at the gym.Sometimes a good workout is  just the mental and physical break we need

Thank you! Yes, I'm definitely processing all this and then just doing my job or lifting some weight is actually really helpful.

 

On 11/12/2020 at 5:00 AM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

It's never easy to lose a loved one, and it's particularly unfair to lose one in times like these when funerals and family support are complicated by a pandemic. Hugs friend.

Thank you! I'm sure you can understand this better than most. I mostly really sad that we couldn't visit while he was sick and that we saw so little of him over the last half year- all in the hope he'd still be there to make up for lost time

 

On 11/12/2020 at 2:40 PM, sylph said:

So sorry to hear about your grandpa. I hope things can get sorted out smoothly despite pandemic stuff

Thank you! 

 

23 hours ago, Ann of Vries said:

So sorry to hear about your grandpa.  

Thank you! 

 

11 hours ago, @mu said:

It's hard to read this Big hugs ❤️

I appreciate hugs! ❤️ wish they could be real. 

 

11 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

I’m so sorry KBGirl.

Thank you.. it's.. well it's a lot like you said, it's hard, but it's life.. the circumstances suck, but it is the normal order of things for people to bury their grandparents at some point 😕

 

5 hours ago, h3r0 said:

I'm so sorry to hear that. ☹️

Thank you. It's even harder than I thought it would be. 

 

5 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

So sorry to hear about your grandpa, especially in these circumstances.  Virtual hugs inbound.

Thanks! I like hugs! 

[KB Girl]

I'm processing things out loud, if you don't wanna feel this weird mixture of sad, no worries, come back later 😘

 

Thursday

Honestly can't remember what we did in the morning, but in the afternoon we went to see my grandpa (his body anyway). I brought the kids because Emma needs to process this as well. She and I talked a lot all day. She was mentioning our dog a lot, because that's her only real experience with death. She was under the impression that our dogs body was still at the vets and got really upset that we were going to bury my grandpa.. that hardened my resolve to bring Emma to the funeral. I explained that you couldn't keep a dead body indefinitely and that somehow lead to us watching videos of rotting things. Yes, I know. She was fascinated though. The contrast of grieving people and then these kids.. it's so innocent. She was singing when we were waiting to see grandpa and she made a drawing for my grandma and happily told everyone who would listen about our dead dog. 

 

Jaap had been a little insensitive the past couple of days, I don't think he quite realised how hard this hit me. Nothing overt, just not quite being there. On Thursday he had to go to work but must have realised around that time so he send me a text apologising and when he got home I got proper long hugs and we talked for a long while, so that was good. We got Chinese takeout. 

 

Friday

Went to work in the morning and did some backsquats, would have liked to do more but I had to go home for baby feeding. Then.. just.. muddled through the day. Short tempered. Part of that is probably explained by the time of the month, but I guess I'm also just grieving. Did a whole bunch of nothing, texting with family, moping etc. But also baked cookies with Emma (oatmeal raisin pecan cookies and chocolate chip cookies- but I suck at those and I can't figure out why) because her birthday is on Monday. As is the funeral. yea.. 

Neither of us felt like cooking, so we got take out again (salads this time). Remember me being happy with our no-take out record? yea. 

All the covid blundering by the government and all the 'its just the flu' people that used to annoy me are now making me angry. 

 

Story Time

 

 

Something the very young and the very old have in common is that people have a hard time taking them seriously and treating them with respect. A child throwing a tantrum is unintentionally ridiculed for feeling these big feelings over something we don't quite understand. People get annoyed.. I saw the same with my grandpa. After his stroke he wasn't quite able to control his emotions as he used to, so he was crying a lot. He also had a lot to be sad about, he couldn't relearn how to walk, he lost all of his independence, he couldn't live in the house he had build and loved any longer. My grandpa was a proud and stubborn man, he just didn't want to give up- he wanted to keep practicing walking even when everyone told him it was impossible. People stopped taking him seriously when he complained "oh, it's just Jan again, he just doesn't quite realise his new reality" or "he cries about everything". These are not bad people, these are people that love him and care for him and I'm exaggerating to make a point. 

During that time my grandpa got on really well with Jaap. Even though Jaap has tattoos and walks around on barefeet- abnormal things I'm sure my grandpa abhorred- Jaap always listened where other people had stopped listening. When grandpa talked about wanting to walk again, others would explain again why this wasn't possible, Jaap would just listen. When grandpa expressed his annoyance with not being allowed to go home, other people would explain again why this wasn't a good idea, Jaap would just listen and sympathise. I think often grandpa was just processing out loud, like kids do. It's not any wonder we stop doing that at some point, isn't it?

Emma and Jaap would visit twice a week. Everybody there would love seeing them. Emma chatted with all the people who lived there. When the lockdown started, I'm sure that's one of the things that Emma missed a lot and had to adjust to a lot- along with having a new baby sister. 
 

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I'm Glad Jaap self-corrected. You have a very compassionate heart and a strong ability to see another's perspective. Both of those are very good things. Please, always nurture that part of yourself.

[Renate]

Virtual hugs from me as well. I am having a hard time formulating how to express my support and empathy so I will just attempt to infuse it with that intention. Like tea, of the type that comforts you. *Infuse infuse infuse* 

 

(Yesss this is how I act silly when I don't know what to say )

[raptron]

Alllll of the hugs for you and your family. Grief and loss is a challenge for everyone and hits in such different ways... Though, it is always so fascinating to see how children learn about and adapt to these things. Love for you all.

[Elastigirl]

You are such a great mom. You did a great job explaining and helping Emma understand. And your story was a great reminder that sometimes what we need to do most with people is listen. I think you are right about the tendency to not listen to older people

[Stronkey Kong]

My condolences. That's a hard week, but it looks like you and you're family are doing the difficult but correct things to pull through.

[KB Girl]

36 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I'm Glad Jaap self-corrected. You have a very compassionate heart and a strong ability to see another's perspective. Both of those are very good things. Please, always nurture that part of yourself.

Me too, he often does lately, I very much appreciate it. 

And thank you! That is so nice of you to say. I will. Though I'll probably occasionally be self absorbed x) 

 

31 minutes ago, Aθena said:

Virtual hugs from me as well. I am having a hard time formulating how to express my support and empathy so I will just attempt to infuse it with that intention. Like tea, of the type that comforts you. *Infuse infuse infuse* 

 

(Yesss this is how I act silly when I don't know what to say )

This works ❤️ 

 

25 minutes ago, raptron said:

Alllll of the hugs for you and your family. Grief and loss is a challenge for everyone and hits in such different ways... Though, it is always so fascinating to see how children learn about and adapt to these things. Love for you all.

Thank you ❤️ I haven't lost very many people yet (yes I am very lucky) so I'm still finding out how this works for me. 

It really is! She also wanted to know how people can die. I remember when finding out about the concept of death when she was like 2 years old she also asked these questions. So I'm explaining "when you're very old or so very sick that they can't make you better" and then she wants more "if you can't breath, or your heart stops, or you fall from a very great height or if you're in a very bad car accident then possibly you could die" and more and more and more. She thought people should just take oxygen tanks under water instead of drowning and that they should bring parachutes before falling from great heights. Solution oriented. 

 

17 minutes ago, Elastigirl said:

You are such a great mom. You did a great job explaining and helping Emma understand. And your story was a great reminder that sometimes what we need to do most with people is listen. I think you are right about the tendency to not listen to older people

Thank you  my aunt said to Emma "yes grandpa Jan is in there sleeping" and I just thought that was so very much the wrong thing to say- it's like giving people bad medical news, just be very blunt and clear. I probably make many mistakes (and occasionally lose my temper) but I do try very very hard. 

 

16 minutes ago, Stronkey Kong said:

My condolences. That's a hard week, but it looks like you and you're family are doing the difficult but correct things to pull through.

Thank you! I guess so. 

[Scaly Freak]

29 minutes ago, KB Girl said:

my aunt said to Emma "yes grandpa Jan is in there sleeping"

 

...and that's how you make children afraid of sleep.

 

Lying to children instead of explaining to them how reality works, always backfires in the end.

[Ann of Owlshire]

I’m getting caught up, and you are an amazing person. ❤️ I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time right now.

[KB Girl]

On 11/13/2020 at 11:02 PM, Scaly Freak said:

 

...and that's how you make children afraid of sleep.

 

Lying to children instead of explaining to them how reality works, always backfires in the end.

Exactly! I am glad that these days I have absolutely no problem cutting in, so I corrected that immediately. 

 

On 11/14/2020 at 10:40 AM, Ann of Vries said:

I’m getting caught up, and you are an amazing person. ❤️ I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time right now.

Hm thank you! 2020 has not been a good year.... 

[KB Girl]

Saturday

ehm? work mostly, a nap.. and in the evening Jaap and I wrapped gifts and decorated the living room and I finished baking all of the cookie dough. (lemon, ginger, oatmeal pecan raisin & chocolate chip - 4 flavours because she'll be 4). I forgot to get something nice for breakfast and was stressing about that, but Jaap reminded me that the only one that cares about that is me and that Emma will simply appreciate candles on the table and a special golden plate. 

 

Sunday

We celebrated Emma's birthday. We got her a new board game and some second hand gifts (tea set and beads). I had to work for a bit while Jaap and Emma went around town in their bakfiets (cargo bike) delivering cookies. They got lucky because everyone was home and some people had even gotten Emma a gift. We had lunch at my brothers place (whose birthday it actually was) and also got him a gift. I think Emma enjoyed it all, she really likes all that social interaction, which is why we came up with this idea in the first place, so she was able to have that while social distancing. 

 

No training on either day, partly because I'm very tired but mostly simply due to scheduling issues. 

No story time because I spend both evenings writing a eulogy with memories from all my grandpas grandchildren (9). It's been quite the experience collecting them all and a good writing exercise I suppose.. and maybe also good for me to think about all of this, process it. I think it's quite good. I'll read it tomorrow at the funeral. Or tell it if I can manage to memorise it. 

[juliebarkley]

I am continually impressed by how well you identify your moods. It seems like it would keep one from wallowing in, say, depression, when you can recognize it for what it is.

 

I am also impressed by how you have dealt with introducing your children to the difficult topic of death when you are yourself dealing with grief. I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

On 10/20/2020 at 5:11 AM, KB Girl said:

Really? May I ask what part? I am happy to be able to inspire emotion! 

I realized I never answered this question. It was the kindness and caring that shone through in your level 80 hopes and dreams. That same kindness and caring show up in a lot of your stories and updates too.